Re: marrying your cousin when your parents are first cousins..
hmmm well everyone's feedback is great.. definitely food for thought :) i guess it's just best to sit back and let things happen.. whatever is meant to happen, just will! ... in its due time!
well no, my parents are totally kewlll.. im under no pressure from no side.. im uhhhh mangni-shuda, just issues with the in-laws n my parents ... n the cousin's parents keep on smooth-talkin my folks n other adults in the family...
a whole mishmash of family issues..
i think id rather take a break, sit on the bench n watch the show...!
Re: marrying your cousin when your parents are first cousins..
Hey the thing is to weigh the good against the bad and see what you're left with...is it something you want to do no matter what? are you willing to accept the risks etc. HECK with everyone else, just do whats best for YOU.
Aside from all that...I have to tell you that my son, the one with "issues" is just the sunshine of our lives. He may end up being a carpenter rather than a physicist but he's got the happiest disposition of any person I've ever met. He brings sunshine to every person he meets. I dont think I'd change him if given the chance, he's just a gem.
You have to think about having a "special needs" child when contemplating cousin-marriage, for sure. But your God/Allah will give you in life what He sees fit to give you yeah? Whether you marry a cousin or not.
I am so thankful for what I've been given....my sons are the sunshine of my life and have taught me endlessly about life.
If you love your partner, and your partner is just that - a partner - it makes ALL the difference.
yes, astaghfirullah, i totally detest myself for carrying these superficial notions for having perfect children.. or perhaps having children at all! like u said Allah will give me in life what He thinks im deserving of.
it's just that u have to find reasons to justify the rollercoasters runnin in ur mind for what you should do.... esp when ur parents are neutral.. the choice is urs!
like everyone's saying here... i cud marry a stranger n never hav kids.. or i cud marry a stranger n he cud die.. or i cud marry a cousin n hav a perfect life.. i should just have faith in Allah for whatever happens, happens for the best.
thanks everyone!!
Re: marrying your cousin when your parents are first cousins..
my parents really really realllllllllllllllly want me to marry a cousin. its so very convenient you see. he'd be good to me. he'd never divorce me. its the safest bet...
Re: marrying your cousin when your parents are first cousins..
^ Its a marraige, not a freakin grocery store that it has to be “convenient”…and wat if he divorces u but the guy whos not ur cousin WONT divorce u? Dont get this mentality sometimes…
Re: marrying your cousin when your parents are first cousins..
how much of a health risk is this (as in for your kids, post marrying into the same blood) .. since this is not forbidden in islam, how many times should this cycle be repeated until it's halted...
like ur parents are first cousins... u marry ur first cousin.. n then ur kids marry into their first cousins.... what are your views?
It only raises the possibility of genetic abnormalities by 3% (out of 100%).
Personally, I think it's better to marry other people, because it brings in new blood, and new ties with other groups of people.
Re: marrying your cousin when your parents are first cousins..
It only raises the possibility of genetic abnormalities by 3% (out of 100%).
Personally, I think it's better to marry other people, because it brings in new blood, and new ties with other groups of people.
that 3% is it the first time a perosn marries their cousin, or is it after generation after generation of inter marriage?
someone gave an example of ashknazi jews and their medical problems as an example.
Re: marrying your cousin when your parents are first cousins..
X2, the best thing to do is consult with a geneticist when you're contemplating either a cousin marriage, a marriage where inherited disease may be a concern or a pregnancy that occurs after age 30. They're pretty amazing actually - in the 90 minutes you spend with them, they map out your family tree, disease that goes on each branch etc etc. And they can give you the exact probability of any problem you can think of. Although I worked in the field of infertility/miscarriage for a while and I do know that inter-marriage can cause problems esp when there's a family history of doing this, I cant say for sure what the actual risks and percentages are, I just know that the more inter-breeding, the more chance of troubles. Does that mean by one percentage point or 20? I dont know....but the geneticists are amazing with these things for sure.
As a bit of an aside, I was the one that mentioned the Ashkanazis, its very sad what they face. They were a small community to begin with and after HUNDREDS of years of inter-breeding, they are all but infertile. It took them a very long time to get to that point though.
Re: marrying your cousin when your parents are first cousins..
Blahblahblabh. Everyone should jsut get on with their lives. I agree with the balding Pir (fraudia)< thats a term I coined just then, thank me later.
However, these "funny ideas" that parents get are usually more grounded in reality than the "ideas" that the modern day Romeos acquire from some magazine or other, fueled by vague Lothario-esque romanticisms.
edit: Umer sahib, if we as a people invested as much energy into science tech or philosophy, in the stead of ten children stapled to our passport, dated shaadi-kai-joorai and a room full of over-fed relatives we'd have worthwhile credentials accredited to our collective name.
Re: marrying your cousin when your parents are first cousins..
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Personally, I dont think the cousin marriage is a great idea.... it has alot of drawbacks... God forbid it doesnt work out and you end up getting divorced, you'll lose your relatives in the process. Safest bet is to go with a non-relative. (speaking from experience here, trust me family matters get iffy when you go from a neice to a DIL.. its more complicated then you can imagine!) I dont mean to discourage you though... after all you know your family best! Just take all factors into consideration and if you feel its right, go for it!
All the best... follow your heart, you should be just fine! :)
I think Sabriya is right (such a wonderul and honest advice)
there is a risk, if you get married to ur cousin, what is u guys dont 'get along or something else happends (god forbid), then u can loose ur relatives as well, or the ralationship wouldn't be the same as before. In the other hand, after marriage if you turned out the be a great couple (inshahAllah), its wonderful wonderful for the whole family ....
Re: marrying your cousin when your parents are first cousins..
Health wise:
"Children of non-related couples have a 2-3% risk of birth defects, as opposed to first cousins having a 4-6% risk. Genetic counseling is available for those couples that may be at a special risk for birth defects (e.g. You have a defect that runs in your family) In plain terms first cousins have at a 94 percent + chance of having healthy children. Check the links section for more information on genetic counselors. The National Society of Genetic Counselors estimated the increased risk for first cousins is between 1.7 to 2.8 percent, or about the same a any woman over 40 years of age.
Current studies indicate that cousin couples have a lower ratio of miscarriages – perhaps because body chemistry of cousins is more similar."
hey, my parents were cousins and their parents too, i think i am intelligent this is just a myth that cousin marriage kids are dumn or something. http://www.nysun.com/article/36394
I didn’t know this but did u know that Franklin Roosevelt, the longest serving US president in history married his cousin (not a first cousin, however they shared the same last name)
Re: marrying your cousin when your parents are first cousins..
aiesha
lets put this in context
first time it happens there are certain odds
second time it happens odds increase
if generation after generation marries within family, the odds keep on increasing
the case of ashkanazi jews was presented, who are not only have fertility problems, but have other illnesses at a significantly higher level than others.
Dont get this mentality sometimes…
dont roll eyes when you are in agreement. gives the opposite impression
this is just a myth that cousin marriage kids are dumn or something.