Re: Marrying someone raised in a different country
well technically i suppose most ppl would label my husband as a fob but he is well educated, open minded and yes well groomed and hygene conscious; it is easy to think of all 'fobs' as tight jeans wearing, greasy haired, closed minded, dominating men but the truth is, in educated circles, there are a lot of decent guys in pakistan; it comes down to the nature of your upbringing and your maturity and willingness to see past small differences to make a crucial relationship like marriage work
Re: Marrying someone raised in a different country
^There are plenty of men who are goodlooking, well educated and very sophisticated. It's only a matter of finding the right person. It depends on how they have been brought up, what they have been exposed to, etc etc. It's such a huge stereotype that paki men do not gel with girls born and raised here. It's purely based on your compatibility with the person.
Re: Marrying someone raised in a different country
well technically i suppose most ppl would label my husband as a fob but he is well educated, open minded and yes well groomed and hygene conscious; it is easy to think of all 'fobs' as tight jeans wearing, greasy haired, closed minded, dominating men but the truth is, in educated circles, there are a lot of decent guys in pakistan; it comes down to the nature of your upbringing and your maturity and willingness to see past small differences to make a crucial relationship like marriage work
Ditto I totally agree. It all comes down to compatibility of 2 individuals, regardless of where they come from. So many factors as mentioned in above posts count, like personality, upbringing, values, thoughts, goals, education, morals, likes/dislikes, so many things. I also married someone who may be termed as a 'FOB' but mashallah se he is amazing and not the 'FOB' description people have. There are all sorts of people everywhere. There are hardcore paindoos that were born and raised in the US and very down to earth guys in PAK. I know for the most part, even in my family, most of the guys back home are well educated, good religous/cultural upbringing/open minded...etc...and speak very good english. As for my hubby he is educated, very open minded, we just click and we strike a great balance, and I believe we are doing a good job raising our son. I think its the best of both worlds, we even learn from each other, and compromise where needed. At the same time, he would never force anything on me, and respects my thoughts/beliefs.
Re: Marrying someone raised in a different country
^ Afro, idk wat ur circumstances were, but if it was arranged..when the rishta came, did u ever have those typical thoughts, that he'd be a fob etc? for some reason this reminds me of that post in wedding forum..lol
Re: Marrying someone raised in a different country
hey guess what i was a fob once.. so were my parents.. and ur parents OR grand parents.. whoever.. we were all fobs once.. at least we were fobs.. u are not one!
as for the topic. who cares who u get married with. it all depends on how much u love her/him for the sake of Allah.. if you do that inshAllah everything will work out in this world and akhira.
Re: Marrying someone raised in a different country
I know many married couples from entirely two different corners of the planet. I ones I know are like this Chinese married to Bangladeshi, Chinese married to Pakistani, Egyptian married to Pakistani, Jordanian married to Pakistani, and very happy , Punjabi married to bihari . It all depends on individuals , their upbringing and their own mindset.
May be an arranged and forced marriage of this type creates a mental barriers to accept something like it. A girl or boy born and raised in USA/UK marrying a newly arrived desi out of their own free will and as a result of a love affair will compromise but something like it arranged by parents might not be acceptable to them .
Re: Marrying someone raised in a different country
i was born and raised in canada, and i am marrying someone from pak. he speaks good english (with an accent but that is not a big deal), does not smell bad, and is very open minded. i find him more charming and attractive than i did many canadian born desi guys. i even knew a few canadian paki guys who had really greasy hair, and perfect shaped really thick brows, and used to wear tight capris.
as people have said before me, it all really depends on their upbringing. i have a few cousins who are so rich and studied abroad, but have very paindo mentalities.
as far as open mindedness goes, what does generalizing and making an assumption that all paki guys are fobs make you? if you want your partner to be open minded, then u should also be open minded.
Re: Marrying someone raised in a different country
ahh yeh we all know too well actuallyvery well thru the 100 updates thread u opened a million times and now the blog entries too bt thanx again for reminding abt ur i am stuck in marriage with a so called fob nt do not hve the courage to get out of it
newayz marrying someone raised in a different country and fobs r two different things in some wayz as ppl from russia would be quite alien to the culture in the uk lets say for example and their language , style would all be different wouldnt it ..
and personal hygiene doesnt mke nebody a FOB , there r many non fobs out there who dont tke care of their hygiene
Re: Marrying someone raised in a different country
I am sorry to say but i am so offended by the comments above. There is a wide range of personalities found in pakistan, not every single guy/girl is the type you all have referred. The circumstances you all and us ‘Desis’ have lived in are totally different. We were not lucky enough to get super high quality education from abroad, be a part of the West culture or learn the so called mannerisms of these countries. Yes! we live in pakistan and living in a developing country sure is difficult but for whatever reasons we do no bash a type of people around. We do not insult different types of Pakistanis living with us and even if we find faults in the migrated Pakistanis we still do not bash them. But it is amazing what kind of a mentality has been developed. If you do not want to marry a person, tell your parents. It is unwise to take a few Pakistanis as the general/whole Pakistani people to be. Each of us is different, our circumstances were different, we are living in a struggling country .. struggling to survive. Many of these people cant even afford perfumes. There was a time when your own family members were unable to afford anything and that is why,mostly,they shifted. These so called bad-smell people were probably those unlucky people who coudnt afford or who were never taught to use.
TO BE LAZY? i work here 11 hours a day 11 a.m to 10.pm and 2 hours of travel other than this,My father is of age 65 and even now he works some 10 hours a day,my brother works 12 hours and someimes even more. We do not live a highly luxurious life that has made us lazy. Likewise,there are a zillion Pakistanis who work in scorching heat in the farms to just earn a few rupees, there are a zillion more who work day and night on the roads or in shops yet again to earn a bit. None of them are living a ‘comfortable’ life.
Yet again, the circumstances are different, many of the women here are house wives that is why they have become LAZY, many of the women are so poor that they work in other’s houses and clean them maybe that makes them LAZY. We do not live a very comfortable life,it may seem because when a family from abroad comes everyone takes a few days off or takes time out to enjoy with you all just to provide you alll the attention and fun .. they are not lazy.
I didnt mean to offend anyone, but my point is if you dislike a certain type of people, talk to ur parents about it and not discuss and insult them on public forums cuz we dont do that either for anyone. It is just another stereo type we all keep facing now and then!
Just dont generalize your views cuz of 2-3 specific persons.
Re: Marrying someone raised in a different country
I know many married couples from entirely two different corners of the planet. I ones I know are like this Chinese married to Bangladeshi, Chinese married to Pakistani, Egyptian married to Pakistani, Jordanian married to Pakistani, and very happy , Punjabi married to bihari . It all depends on individuals , their upbringing and their own mindset.
Thank You! You've put it all right in 3 lines.. :biggthumb
Re: Marrying someone raised in a different country
^ Afro, idk wat ur circumstances were, but if it was arranged..when the rishta came, did u ever have those typical thoughts, that he'd be a fob etc? for some reason this reminds me of that post in wedding forum..lol
Lol I need to check out that post in wedding forum, which one is it? :)
Well ours was semi-arranged, and I have known him all my life. My Phupho is married into their family. We are not cousins however our families have known each other through my phupho and some family gatherings..etc. I have hung out with him while in pak, and got to meet him and talk etc, before saying yes to rishtha. I think i might have joked about him being a FOB once or twice, but not really. I knew what I was getting into, I knew how he is and his family. As for typical thoughts, I think i had typical thoughts in general about starting a new married life, normal wedding jitters. He was leaving EVERYTHING for me, so was concerned about him getting a good job, adjusting to the lifestyle here....but Alhumdulillah so far so good. It all depends on the person and how adaptable they are, and whether the 2 people in the couple mesh.
Re: Marrying someone raised in a different country
HappyGoLucky,
What pinklove said was specifically about a husband who's rich, can afford an army of naukars and his wife/kids will live very comfortably and in style. I don't think she was generalizing but speaking about one specific section which even I have witnessed myself. My aunt does not need to do anything because her husband mA makes alot of money and she stays home while the servants take care of everything. Of course she supervises them and all but her life is easy going, alhum. And despite of what you said, there are MANY couples like that in Pakistan who live a very luxurious life where they go out, partying or wherever. They do not have a ton of responsibilites because most of them are taken care of by others who they give a salary to. Yes there are many who work since they are career minded or those who are poor and work around the clock to earn for their families but the group that pinklove is talking about is not rare at all.
Re: Marrying someone raised in a different country
Well my point of view is different. I think variety is color of life. The only common factor i would look for in a spouse is Islam. Other than that its just rules and regulations and traditions. We would choose the best of two cultures and will implement it over our family.
Btw being FOB is not a big deal. As long as person is willing to learn with time, than its all good. But as every one has different personality so its not polite to judge whole lot on u'r previous experiences. Try to find similarities and it will make the life easier for both.
Re: Marrying someone raised in a different country
HappyGoLucky,
What pinklove said was specifically about a husband who's rich, can afford an army of naukars and his wife/kids will live very comfortably and in style. I don't think she was generalizing but speaking about one specific section which even I have witnessed myself. My aunt does not need to do anything because her husband mA makes alot of money and she stays home while the servants take care of everything. Of course she supervises them and all but her life is easy going, alhum. And despite of what you said, there are MANY couples like that in Pakistan who live a very luxurious life where they go out, partying or wherever. They do not have a ton of responsibilites because most of them are taken care of by others who they give a salary to. Yes there are many who work since they are career minded or those who are poor and work around the clock to earn for their families but the group that pinklove is talking about is not rare at all.
Shay there is another set of reasons why these women cant work 1.Their husbands dont allow 2.their in-laws create a scene on it 3.They are raising kids at home 4.There is the husband's thinking that if we have enough money why do u want to work .. these are the women we are talking about.
Almost, all the boys i know personally or just acquaintance.. in family, in extended family,outside family, they all study or earn. There is not a single one who just spends what his father has earned. Atleast now, lots of boys are aware how important it is for them to educate themselves and work too. The specific lot of people ur talking about, basically the business-minded or elites you are talking of, they are actually rare now. Almost everyone works!
Yes the issue of girls working still persists in a lot of families and that is not just specific to Pakistani families in Pakistan. Many families of desis and the the Pakistanis abroad both have mentalities of not letting girls work. Jo bahir work karteen hain, they have seen it in the culture of the west, they have developed their mentality that way and believe in it. The same way, people who have seen the desi culture, lived here, developed their thinking here, have developed their mentality likewise. You cant just criticise them for what they are, cuz they have a right to their opininion and lifestyle like everyone else does.
Re: Marrying someone raised in a different country
Depends on the two people. Sometimes, people in Pakistan are a lot more advanced than people in the west ... you shouldn't assume the worst. It can be good or bad ... it can be good or bad even if you marry someone from the west. It all depends on the individuals involved and how much they are willing to compromise/adjust to each other.
If you are talking about mentality differences, sure, there will be some. But again, it comes down to how much you are willing to adjust and compromise with each other. I've seen guys in Canada, born and raised there, who are so backwards in their thinking .... I mean it all comes down to your upbringing. You can have a good upbringing in Pak or Canada ... don't just write someone off cause they are from Pakistan.
Ditto!!
My cousin from Pakistan got engaged to a guy a in Canada....but she ended it a few months later...cuz she thought the guys was too narrow minded for her....
Re: Marrying someone raised in a different country
I agree ^ aslo...a small example - while I was working I knew an Indian guy and a Desi guy. The desi guy I couldnt place - his accent was a bit different but I couldnt place it. He was so western in his views and lifestyle that I assumed he spent his life in western society. The Indian guy had a very thick indian accent and made all the typical errors in speech. Ate all indian foods and was extremely ethnic in his views and lifestyle, lived in an all-Indian community. (Not that thats a bad thing here). ANYway, the indian guy was born and raised in USA. Desi guy born and raised in Pak, came over for college and stayed.
Different strokes for different folks. Location doesnt matter.
