Re: Marrying someone raised in a different country
Shay there is another set of reasons why these women cant work The specific lot of people ur talking about, basically the business-minded or elites you are talking of, they are actually rare now. Almost everyone works!
I am specifically talking about the elite class and honestly, they are not rare. Men have other reasons for not letting their wives work but having alot of money is one of the main reasons. Many women themselves don't want to work anyway besides going out to salons, shopping, having 'kitty' parties and what not. I see many such wives in Karachi, some in my extented family even, and I think that's who pinklove meant to begin with. And personally, I don't see anything wrong with that. If that's what suits their lifestyles then go for it.
Re: Marrying someone raised in a different country
Almost, all the boys i know personally or just acquaintance.. in family, in extended family,outside family, they all study or earn. There is not a single one who just spends what his father has earned. Atleast now, lots of boys are aware how important it is for them to educate themselves and work too..
Umm, I am not even talking about boys hun.
Yes the issue of girls working still persists in a lot of families and that is not just specific to Pakistani families in Pakistan. Many families of desis and the the Pakistanis abroad both have mentalities of not letting girls work.Jo bahir work karteen hain, they have seen it in the culture of the west, they have developed their mentality that way and believe in it. The same way, people who have seen the desi culture, lived here, developed their thinking here, have developed their mentality likewise. You cant just criticise them for what they are, cuz they have a right to their opininion and lifestyle like everyone else does.
I don't think these girls work PURELY because the 'west' has influenced them. It also has a lot to do with one's ambitions and what they want to do in life. A girl who's an engineer or architect or doctor isn't going to sit at home and not do anything, obviously most of them will because they have the education that they want to put at good use. And noone is criticizing anyone for their lifestyle- PL simply said that it was a lifestyle she did not want for herself and I don't see anything wrong with that.
Re: Marrying someone raised in a different country
A girl who's an engineer or architect or doctor isn't going to sit at home and not do anything, obviously most of them will because they have the education that they want to put at good use.
That is exactly my point Shay, they have had education that has taught and developed their thinking. Most Pakistani people havent even had any exposure to be able to think that way. Not just abroad, even here a girl whose an engineer or architect or doctor also wants to put it in good use.
I personally believe that education really enhances your personality.These boys who work in factories etc. mostly never even got a chance to get educated and to think in a new direction. From their childhood, they have seen that their mothers stayed at home and they choose to do that for their wives too. These mentality transformations do not change overnight, they will take their time.
The same way that you dislike their thinking of narrow-mindedness, they might dislike your thinking of open-mindedness in their view.Its mainly individual to individual.
I think you've misunderstood a part of my comment. I am just saying that if you dislike that type of a hubby for u,don't marry them but don't insult that type of people(a few earlier comments will clearly tell you what i mean by insult here) for what they are, on public forums, because there are a lot many reasons for their mentality to be that way.
Re: Marrying someone raised in a different country
I am just saying that if you dislike that type of a hubby for u,don't marry them but don't insult that type of people(a few earlier comments will clearly tell you what i mean by insult here) for what they are, on public forums, because there are a lot many reasons for their mentality to be that way.
Well, I was not 'insulting' those kind of husband, I was explaining why someone didn't want a lifestyle similar to that. I am planning on being a housewife myself and even though I am doing it out of my own will, I don't see anything wrong if my husband expressed that's what he wanted me to do.
Re: Marrying someone raised in a different country
As for Pakistani-men living abroad who allow their wives to work, there are many points for that too 1.they are open minded/educated enough to understand how important it is 2.it is difficult to survive without having both the partners working mostly cuz of the mortgage, transport cost, etc. 3.the women fight for their rights and also have govt. support that gives them confidence to fight if the hubby doesn't agree. 4.others
Its just my view, but you all shouldn't compare yourselves with the 'desis'. Cultures we have lived in, the upbringing and of course the struggle has been different on both sides. So it just narrows down to individuals, how compatible they are with each other.
Re: Marrying someone raised in a different country
And when the wife saw me wash and fold my hubbys underwear she told me that she makes her hubby wash his own, socks too. Cause its just too gross for her to deal with lol!! I CANT beging to imagine being married to someone who grossed me out that much.
I had room mates who were like that...born and raised here...not desi...
i dont think that now guys 4rom paksitan mind their wife working here. now in pakistan people think that that is what 'modern girls' do or rich girls or even girls who are nrps(non-resident paksitanis). i find that they would actually like it so that they can show off how their 'bahr ki bahu'(look she's not only going 2 get us visa for bahar ka mulk laiken also kama ke bhi dehgi!) and also because they r ExTrEmElY greedy.
but anywayzz.......
1stly, if u r gonna marry a guy 4rom pak nd it doesnt matter whether he's related 2 u or not... make sure ke woh shareef family heh! its really important . a lot of nrp families overlook that aspet bcs they r like oh, tehy r our rleatives we know them...woh tho apne heh!
BIG Mistake...apnons mehi hi sabse ziyada fmaily politics chalrei heh and also hidden jealousy.
2ndly, make sure u know what is their aim for doing the guyz marriage 2 u. is it bcs they want the entire family 2 b setteld in canada/us/uk or whatever, or is it bcs just the guy wants 2 get higher education here and settle here by himself? i know its hard bcs u cant ask htese qs directly espcly if theyr really chalak and start lying 2 u just 2 not tell u what u don t want 2 hear. but ull b able to figure this out by looking at their activites, listening to them speak about their future plans and hearinf about them from other relatives or acquaintances.
3rdly, obviously the guys personlaity, age and maturity level should be found out. again either by asking around or by staying iwth them for a while if theyr ur relatives.
this is a message to all nrp girlz here in north america. pleezs b careful. im talking 4rom experience here. dont b naive!
Some of the above comments that i have been referring to have been doing that.