marrying some one ur parents dont like

Lifestyle Relationships
1

hi guys,
i was just wondering have any of u convinced ur parents to let u marry some one they were not fond of. pls share any stories or advice
thanks

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Re: marrying some one ur parents dont like

desichick-

is it really worth it in the end to fight for someone?

i have and it wasnt.....you have to set yourself aside and think about everyone who would be affected...okay so I sound like an aunty probably right about now, but I've been through it....i fought and fought and fought and just when my father said, "okay fine, marry him" he left.....

what is the reason that they are not fond of him?

3

Re: marrying some one ur parents dont like

you're planning a wedding, right?
so i'd say focus on that and remember why you made the decision to marry him in the first place. in other words, you've made your decision, stick to it.

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Re: marrying some one ur parents dont like

I wish I was planning a wedding. I first have to convince the guy to like me b4 I can convince my parents and I know that sounds unrealistic but I love him so much! My parents don't like him becasue they think he is spoiled but they have never even talked to him so I don't know how they randomly formed this opinion!

5

Re: marrying some one ur parents dont like

give them time if the guy is decent then they will def start likin him

6

Re: marrying some one ur parents dont like

lol you have to find a guy that your parents don't like and then convince your parents lol sorry i just found this funny lol

how about this approach.. find a guy that you knw your parents will like. ??

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Re: marrying some one ur parents dont like

NOT a good idea.
99.99% parents could see things more clearly. So listen to them.

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Re: marrying some one ur parents dont like

parents ki dua has SO MUCH MORE power then ur own.....

and this is a FACT.......girls need their parents more after they get married then before they get married....and boys need their parents more before they get married then after they get married....

mums are always there to HELP...and to give u advice and lisun to u cry and sob wen ur going thru a rough patch....

disobeying them isnt the way to go about it.....

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Re: marrying some one ur parents dont like

On the contrary, I married someone whom my mom was not too fond of but I fought and now I'm happily married and it will be a year in August. It was very hard to convince her but I knew that I wouldn't be happy with anyone else. And my mom knows I'm happy and she knows I'm fine and that my husband and in laws are taking care of me. My mom and my sisters are perfectly fine with everything, MashaAllah it's all going well.

But with your situation, you said that you have to get the guy to like you first, i mean me and my husband were both in this together, shouldn't the guy know that you want to marry him?

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Re: marrying some one ur parents dont like

Parents want your happiness. If they truly believe that someone will make their child happy, they wouldnt have a problem with him/her. They know you better than anyone else ever can and they have the benefit of looking at the person in question without the rose-tinted glasses of love.

If they dont like the guy for specific reasons, there must be a basis for those reasons.

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Re: marrying some one ur parents dont like

okay, so they havent met him yet or do they know about him through family connections...how exactly did they come to the conclusion that he's not the right person for you?

i guess what i'm trying to get at is that if they have a strong negative feeling towards him or you marrying him and they have a reason for it, they're right...

sometimes a guy has portions of qualities and characteristics that you absolutely love....that doesnt mean that he's it for you. find the one that has everything in him AND your parents approve...

i hate to admit it but parents are usually so right about guys.....usually...

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Re: marrying some one ur parents dont like

Parents usually have more foresight! It is always beneficial to respect their opinion!

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Re: marrying some one ur parents dont like

same for me! AH things are going very well, my parents love him and respect him once they've gotten to know him, and have seen that not only are he and i happy together but MA he's also able to provide a happy and stable home for us, which is a huge thing for parents in general but especially desi parents. it'll be a year for us in august too iA :)

and you're very right OD- it will never work out unless you're both in it together and both committed to seeing it through regardless of who says what. parental pressure is a powerful thing and it absolutely ****s with your head, so you have to both be REALLY ready and willing to take this on.

and yes, i agree parents have foresight sometimes however that doesn't automatically make them right... its important to recognize they're also human beings and just as prone to making mistakes as you or i. in the end, you have to spend your life with this guy, so make sure its the right call for you.

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Re: marrying some one ur parents dont like

What do you mean you still have to convince him to like you?

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Re: marrying some one ur parents dont like

You have to be too lucky to end up with a 'good' guy to fight for him. And there are very rare cases of that kind. Like there was a poster whose 10+ pages discussed her issue who is planning her wedding now.

Majority of the cases I have seen is parents see their child son or daughter being manipulated by the person of opposite sex for marrying him/her for different personal interests and not because they are honest with them. Parents know their child's worth and that they deserve happiness. So if their child wants to throw him/herself in a pit of hell, they have every excuse / right to save their child.

So, do not disregards your parents' sincere advice. If they like/do not like a guy/girl for you, there is a reason. Try to find that reason on your own. If you're confused, seek help from God. He will never turn you away.

Sometimes parents do make a mistake of thinking that their child is immature. See if that is really the case and if you are really immature and naive, easy to be exploited? If yes, never ever make a mistake of rejecting your parents' advice.

Again, there are rare cases where the new couples do honestly care about each other but have to fight resistance for whatever reasons. If you're one of those couples, nothing wrong with fighting your case and if the two are honest and true to each other, even God helps. Otherwise it's all nightmare. So be very careful in deciding and take up any advice you can get.

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Re: marrying some one ur parents dont like

desichick thr is no point thinking of convincing ur parents in marrying a guy wen u dnt even know tht the guy is interested in u....
first b sure tht the guy likes u .... and he is worth ur love .... and tht he is good enough tht u convince ur parents.....

and if you r positive tht he is a good match for u thn ... tell ur parents his qualities and make him communicate with ur parents ....

in my case .... me and my (now)fiance worked towards it gradually and finally succeeded mashallah....

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Re: marrying some one ur parents dont like

Yeah, I have a stable home and my in-laws live right downstairs but I mean I like it that way cuz then I can go see them whenever I want and my MIL always has something cooked when I get home from work, she's the greatest. =)......not to mention I'm only 3 mins from where my mom lives and if she's home by herself sometimes, then I go str8 there from work and spend a couple of hours with her. So it all works out.

And yeah, I mean it can't be only one-sided where only one person is fighting to get married and the other doesn't care, then what's the point? Me and my husband knew that we wouldn't get married to anyone else and so we fought and argued with both of our parents and eventually my mom came around and said ok and we got married with a short amount of time to prepare everything but MashaAllah everything went well and now here we are. I mean it took about 2 years for my mom and his parents to come around, we were just exhausted and stressed. Congrats to you too! I think we both got married around the same time, lol.

I agree with you too, parents do know best but that's most of the time, not all of the time. I know my mom knows me well but I couldn't see myself with someone else and then getting to know them after marriage, I guess it was too big of a risk for meself personally.

For desichick, I'd talk with the guy first and see where he's at and if he's willing to marry and fight for you, it can't be one sided. You can't just be the only one in love and he doesn't love you back. There's no point in putting your parents thru all of that. Both you and the guy have to be in it together willingly and knowingly or else in this case, your parents are right.

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Re: marrying some one ur parents dont like

I have been thinking alot about this topic lately as my friend is in a situation where her family has found out that she would like to marry this guy she has known for about 5 years. The feelings between the two are mutual and they are both willing to fit for each for each. However, it's all well fighting for that person if some good is going to come out of the situation. I personally think my friend's parents will nto come round to the idea. In trying to reason with her, sometimes we forget what is important in life. Our mothers give birth to us, and our parents attempt to do right by us when we are most vulnerable and have no one else. Surely we can repay them by atleast listening to why they see things from a different persective. Sometimes it may be more worthwhile to see where they are coming for. The only thing which parents want is for their children to be happy, during their lifetime and when they are gone.

Try and see it from your parents perspective, It can be the case that we are blind to a person's bad qualities or we just want to see what we would like to see and what is not really there.

However, as others have mentioned, before you do anything you need to know whther this person is genuinely worth the anguish. Love cannot be one-sided...

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Re: marrying some one ur parents dont like

Girl u'r question is very immature and i think u should consider NOT getting married at all, at least for now. :biggthumb

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Re: marrying some one ur parents dont like

Personally, I am 99.9% sure that my parents would approve of the person I would want to marry because I would keep them in mind (the things they consider important as well...not just whats important to me) when picking my partner.

But if I ended up liking someone they for some reason didnt like...i would try my best to convince them.

However....In the end, I know I wouldnt marry someone they didnt approve of because I know they have my best interest in mind. There must be something they see that I dont.

Love makes a person blind at times....so it's best to hear what others have to say and not just ignore them instead consider their views and judgement and not just own.