COME ON, PENDU!!!!!!!! I think you already KNOW the answer to this question. This is a very subjective topic.
There is NO DEFINITE answer to this question. There's no right or wrong answer....because every situation is different.
I KNOW of a couple who has a 10 years difference in their ages and they've had a ROCKY marriage. Similarly I know of a couple with a 10-year age gap and they hit it off from the beginning and are doing fine.
You can find couples who are closer in age that are happy.........and those that are closer in age and are miserable.
Nobody knows if this rishta will work out in the future. Maybe your molvi friend and this girl will hit it off. Maybe they won't. Maybe they'll have the most compatible marriage. Maybe the age difference will be difficult to overcome. There's no telling how it will turn out.
Parents try to do their best for their children.......but even so........they don't have the liberty to arrange matters which....even in Islam.....require the child's permission in order to be valid.
GODD DAMMITT THE GUY IS NOT A MOLIVE DAMNN MAN HE"S A muslim type of guy HE DOSEN"T PREACH IN THE SERMONS HE's not an offical molvie when i say molvie i meant a really religious dude with beard and stuff and praying 5 times a day!!
COME ON, PENDU!!!!!!!! I think you already KNOW the answer to this question. This is a very subjective topic.
There is NO DEFINITE answer to this question. There's no right or wrong answer....because every situation is different.
I KNOW of a couple who has a 10 years difference in their ages and they've had a ROCKY marriage. Similarly I know of a couple with a 10-year age gap and they hit it off from the beginning and are doing fine.
You can find couples who are closer in age that are happy.........and those that are closer in age and are miserable.
Nobody knows if this rishta will work out in the future. Maybe your molvi friend and this girl will hit it off. Maybe they won't. Maybe they'll have the most compatible marriage. Maybe the age difference will be difficult to overcome. There's no telling how it will turn out.
Parents try to do their best for their children.......but even so........they don't have the liberty to arrange matters which....even in Islam.....require the child's permission in order to be valid.
Ok it might not be a problem but in society would it look silly that the girl is 19 and the guy is 27? Thats all i wanted to know would it looks stupid like "haa haye nii kuri tey inii jawan tey munda inaa bunddaa?" lol :)
Pendu........let's not stereotype molvis, okay? There are molvis that are decent. And there are those that are not. There are molvis who are honest and have respect for their profession and deen. And there are MANY stories you hear in Pakistan of molvis that molest little girls and boys while teaching them Quran or about an Islamic lesson. There are molvis who will settle down with one woman. And there are molvis who would like to have more than 1 wife.
Ok it might not be a problem but in society would it look silly that the girl is 19 and the guy is 27? Thats all i wanted to know would it looks stupid like "haa haye nii kuri tey inii jawan tey munda inaa bunddaa?" lol :)
It depends on culture as well. In the motherland.......such rishtas where there is a huge gap happen often. So.....people in Pak may not frown upon this scenario. They may think that the munda is buddah. They might think....."Kuri di changi kismat vekho. Maa Pyo ne apna faraz poora keeta...kuri vaya chari. Sur ton bojh latha."
Even desi girls living abroad have married guys with a huge age difference. BUT......in western soceity........among goray log.......it would be a bit frowned upon. This is because in Western soceity.......you're still considered a kid at 19....you're not a grown-up until your'e 21 (for some people)........and for others you're not grown until you're done with college and have a job. It's subjective.
^ You do know we are allowed to marry up to 4 women? :) All im asking if this whole thing will work for the guy cause im confused if they girl is too young for him at 19?
McPendo…first of all…you couldn’t have picked a better nick for yourself
Secondly…I answered that already. It depends on the two individuals. It’s possible that at 19…she might not feel compatible or even attracted to your friend. It is just as possible that she will find him compatible. It is even possible that at 19 she may not have a real opinion about guys and will submit to her parents’ wishes without the slightest complaint. It’s EQUALLY possible that the molvi HIMSELF might not like the girl…or he MIGHT like her.
How can we predict a definite answer when anything is possible in this situation.
Plus…why are you SO concerned about whether or not this girl will be too young for him? In fact, YOU seem more concerned about this issue than your molvie friend.
Just curious…but could it be that YOU are the sufi/molvi in this situation? Is Lassi/Lussi a chunky buttermilk drinking 11-year-old? Correct me if I’m wrong. My intention is not to offend. Just curious.
And, yes, I'm aware that men are allowed to marry up to 4 wives. However.....Allah has placed restrictions and HE has even mentioned that it's difficult for men to do the justice between multiple wives.
It depends on culture as well. In the motherland.......such rishtas where there is a huge gap happen often. So.....people in Pak may not frown upon this scenario. They may think that the munda is buddah. They might think....."Kuri di changi kismat vekho. Maa Pyo ne apna faraz poora keeta...kuri vaya chari. Sur ton bojh latha."
Even desi girls living abroad have married guys with a huge age difference. BUT......in western soceity........among goray log.......it would be a bit frowned upon. This is because in Western soceity.......you're still considered a kid at 19....you're not a grown-up until your'e 21 (for some people)........and for others you're not grown until you're done with college and have a job. It's subjective.
NO its not me and lassi is 20 right now. I am concerned because i’ve never seen this, usually people get married with their same age partners when he told me it got me thinking that how would this work that the girl would be too young and this guy would be old so here i am discussing it with you! Velevet stop using the lion ate the boy mentality on me in my previous threads i mentioned my friend who happened to be me but its not all the time i do have friends who are in situations like that and when i say im serious i am serious! Its not me! I would never want my wife to have this huge difference i mean i’d look at her as a lil kid and not as my wife.
Ok since you're more sensible than others :) i wanna know your opinion, do you think through a Pakistani woman's eye would you frown upon this rishta because it seems weird to me but i think hey a 19 year old girl is a grown woman and as they progress their lives they wont look old or young they'll look about the same age.
I will tell you, first, that there ARE women out there who don't have any qualms about marrying a guy that is 10 years older.
I will also tell you that there ARE parents who feel that such a match would be good because the an older guy will make for a stronger guide and leader and provider for their daughter. Some mothers even think that a benefit of a guy marrying a girl who is MUCH younger is that the girl will age slowly and her beauty will last longer.....and her husband will be more attracted to her youth as opposed to straying.
I will tell you that there ARE also some parents who prefer their daughters to get married to a guy that is closer to their daugthers in age (1-5 years max in age difference).
And NOW I will tell you MY personal and individual opinion.....since that's what you want. I personally am NOT keen on a 10-year age difference.....especially for a 19-year-old girl. I know that when I was 19.....I was still a kid. I didn't have the ability to reason that I have now. And I STILL think I'm a big kid at times. If I had a daughter......I would not encourage such a match. But at the same time.......my upbringing was different. I was brought up in a mixed culture.....partly desi....partly western. A girl who is brought up in Pakistan might.....mature faster than a girl raised in a western environment.....and she might be able to handle the responsibilities of a marriage. Everyone is different. I have a friend who married at 16-18.......and although she is still married........she once told me that she wished she had waited a few years so that she could understand herself as an individual. I think childhood....even your teen/college years is a journey....not a race......and it should be enjoyed........before one decides to bog themselves down with the responsibilities of marriage and children.
^ Yep thats the answer i wanted to hear. The age difference is a huge thing for me. When i heard him say this i was not only shocked but i was amazed at the humbleness of this guy. This guy who lives here studies here can get any girl he wants yet still he agrees to his parents wishes. Where do you find people like that anymore? After coming back from the mosque i asked my mom the same question and she said the same thing you said, that she'll age slowly and that guys never get old :) lol and she gave an example of Hugh Hefner but still i wasn't sure if our society here would accept this and people would say that he's old and she's young. But ah well whatever rolls up his alley! Thanks a lot for your opinion velvet!
You realize this NOW? After defending your molvi friend in his decisions......after trying to weakly justify the parents' views. NOW....you realize this?
I guess the saying is true: " Dair se aaye...duroost aaye."
You realize this NOW? After defending your molvi friend in his decisions......after trying to weakly justify the parents' views. NOW....you realize this?
I guess the saying is true: " Dair se aaye...duroost aaye."
Lets just say i haven't read your posts then! You made good points but i was justifying my friend because of his loyalty to this! He is very confident so i hope every thing works out for him.
The guy tells me that they got all the time to know each other besides there aren't a lot of opportunities for girls in Pakistan who are from a middle class family. I mean what would be best for their daughter to marry a molvie type dude in USA? I mean thats like hot cakes in Siberia!
MC, what is there to know exactly (i know there is always a need of background and credit check but then that can be happened even behind the back, no?)...as it is a famous saying "duur k dhool sohanay" so why not have things left for later to be explored.
another thing is no matter what marriage is another word for saying "compromise".
beside if this dating thing is so working, then why divorce rate is still high in western countries?
ps. middle class have more values than any other class in Pakistan and that is why marriages rate is pretty successful of this class.
at eleven year of age time starts when one has to understand the world, the decision of getting committed at this age can never be of her. and till 19 years of age her life will be totally changed, her way of behaving, way of thinking, and lifestyle will be changed. at that age the decision of marring to the same older person can be changed partially or totally. differences between boy and girl can increased by the time. because this age of 11 yr is the age when life starts changing and changed greatly in next 10-12 years, after that starts stablizing. after stability one should think of marriage. because at this time similarities between boy and girl become stable. and I think those similarities are necessarily required for a happy married life.
so decision of getting committed to an 11 years old girl is totally wrong. may be, age difference does not affect as much as this 11 year age.
