Agree! Its unfair to the girl.
Re: Marrying a younger girl?
my parents have quite a huge difference in age. but look at this girl CURRENTLY. she’s 11 for gosh sake! 
Re: Marrying a younger girl?
^ok ok i confirmed it he told me he's not literally engaged meaning they didn't put a Ring on the girl and had the engagement party and all that they are in Talks that this might happen. ahaha this guy is very loyal man!!! His parents only told him the scenario and he already accepted the girl his wife wow! Where do you find humbleness like that? By the likes of him i'd say he'll treat her pretty well.
It is not that moulvie's fault , he read in books of ahadees about age of Hazrat Aisha Siddiqa(RA) when she got married to our Holy Prophet (SAW) and when her marriage got consummated. Personally I do not believe in those ahadees and outright reject them.
She wasn't 9 years old she was at least 16 years old and they didn't had sexual relations until she became much older. The hadees on this are weak or not supported well so we cant say that she was 9 or 11 but we can speculate that she might have been 15 or 16 to be married like that otherwise prophet wouldn't have married such a young girl.
Re: Marrying a younger girl?
No matter how mature of an 11-year-old this girl might be.......few 11-year-olds understand the concept of exclusive love let alone marriage. Few girls that age even know what they want out of their life. And I wonder if the decision was imposed on her by her parents. If so, it's sad that she doesn't have a say in the matter. Perhaps they're taking advantage of her young age.....thinking she's naive enough not to question her parents' decision and will do as they say because she's just a CHILD.
If this little girl....in the next few years....develops romantic feelings for your molvi friend.....and has no qualms about an early engagement/marriage.....and is completely fine with the fact that her own personal wishes have not been taken into account..........then more power to her. On the other hand.......if this girl does not wish to marry him the future......or if she develops feelings for someone else..........then it can become problematic.
Re: Marrying a younger girl?
^ Judging by the mentality of these parents, the girl will never be given an opportunity to develop feelings for anyone else, and I doubt she will be given a chance to develop feelings for him as well.
And u know what, even if she does get "feelings" how many 14-15-16 year olds' feelings are taken that seriously???
This whole thing is just sick.
Re: Marrying a younger girl?
11 yr old o goddd...with the world changing at the pace it is down the line u think shed marry this guy ever....i doubt!
shes not yet even a teenager she has so much experience in life to go through n committing tie her down will do no one any good...wat i predict is tht the gurl will rebel wen its time fr their marriage n the guy is old n left all alone...the scene is totally bonkers
..its 2009 n ppl still commit their daughter wen they just ELEVEN!!!!!!!!!!!
11 yr old o goddd...with the world changing at the pace it is down the line u think shed marry this guy ever....i doubt! shes not yet even a teenager she has so much experience in life to go through n committing tie her down will do no one any good...wat i predict is tht the gurl will rebel wen its time fr their marriage n the guy is old n left all alone...the scene is totally bonkers ..its 2009 n ppl still commit their daughter wen they just ELEVEN!!!!!!!!!!!
wtf are you saying so what if this never happened and lets say the girl turns 19 and her mom brings a rishta of a 28 year old boy and she agrees then wtf man whats wrong then? I mean most of you girls on Gupshup got arranged marriage like that. I mean you guys really think her parents told her now who will she get married to? Hell no! they'll tell her when she's 18 or 19 then why would she object? I mean girls dont fall in love that easily in Pakistan! Especially if she's from a conservative family.
She wasn't 9 years old she was at least 16 years old and they didn't had sexual relations until she became much older. The hadees on this are weak or not supported well so we cant say that she was 9 or 11 but we can speculate that she might have been 15 or 16 to be married like that otherwise prophet wouldn't have married such a young girl.
Are you sure or you think you know better???
wtf are you saying so what if this never happened and lets say the girl turns 19 and her mom brings a rishta of a 28 year old boy and she agrees then wtf man whats wrong then? I mean most of you girls on Gupshup got arranged marriage like that. I mean you guys really think her parents told her now who will she get married to? Hell no! they'll tell her when she's 18 or 19 then why would she object? I mean girls dont fall in love that easily in Pakistan! Especially if she's from a conservative family.
Pendu, calm down......and think about this a bit. It's not hard to fall in "love". It's not hard for a girl........YES EVEN THE ONES IN PAKISTAN.....to develop a crush for some classmate in school......or some cousin........or some guy in the neighborhood........or some guy who is the sibling of a dear friend. I KNOW that girls in Pakistan can develop feelings for guys similar to desi girls living outside the US.
IF.........IF.........this girl grows up to have no objection to marrying a 28-year-old....then there's nothing wrong with this. BUT......it will become problematic if the girl does not develop feelings for him. It's not impossible for her to like someone else. It's not impossible for her to simply find your molvi friend unattractive or even incompatible.
You said, "I mean you guys really think her parents told her now who will she get married to?" There's a problem with such a mentality, Pendu. And I hope that you do not support such views. Kids don't like being tricked. I'm telling you this as a teacher. Adults are supposed to model decent behavior for children.....and provide them with choices. I'll give you an example besides the marriage example. Let's say that a boy is 11-years-old. From a young age, he has a passion for building things. He dreams of being an architect one day. But his parents.....without asking him.....decide that he will run the family store in the future. And they decide to spring this news on him a few years down the road. And his heart is not into it......but he decides to join the business due to family pressure.
I know the case of a guy who never had an interest in medicine. He wanted to pursue another field. BUT his father pressured him to become a doctor.....and so he became one. BUT.......as a result his relationship with his father is not the best.
If parents want to spring surprises on children........they can try a surprise birthday party or something. BUT IT'S WRONG to spring a surprise rishta on a child. It is messed up on so many levels to tell your kid........"Hey by the way....you may not remember, but we got you engaged at 11 to a 20-year-old. Ha ha...you probably thought it was some party. But in reality it was an engagement. And now you'll be marrying the guy." That's playing dirty. Such parents are the kind who give their kids little choice in matters. They think that they know best about everything. They think that just because they feed and clothe and educate and pay for their kids' expenses.........that they also have the right to decide who the kid will marry.
You say that many girls have had arranged marriages. But.....Pendu....that's a weak argument on your part. Many girls on GS....were introduced to rishta candidates. They had the time to get to know the suitor.......before saying yes or no to the rishta. And if they liked the rishta.......the GIRL agrees to an engagement. In the whole process.......CHOICE was given. But in your molvi friend's scenario..........choice was NOT given. That is the difference. Your friend's marriage is ARRANGED in the LITERAL SENSE. Actually it's more like a forced marriage......especially if she's pressured to marry him in the future.
You know what this whole situation makes me think of? It makes me think of a person who is tricked into signing important documents that he doesn't even fully understand. Trust me.........few 11-year-olds (and I've taught them) have an understanding of engagements. It's like her parents have signed her into a deal she doesn't even fully understand yet and has little choice about.
You seem to place all your hopes on this girl accepting the rishta as she grows older. BUT........there's always the chance she might not. The thing that you FAIL to understand is that it's silly to get her engaged at 11. The parents always had the option of presenting your molvi friend's rishta to her when she turns 19. At 19 she'll be more sensible to understand the concept of marriage.....and that would have been a more suitable time to discuss an "engagement".
Why couldn't your molvi friend have waited for the girl to turn 19 to get engaged? He would have been 28, which is NOT an old age for a guy to get married? Why did he have no problems putting an 11-year-old girl (who probably still plays with barbies) through an engagement. WHY DIDN'T YOUR MOLVE FRIEND TELL THE GIRL'S PARENTS THAT HE WOULD MUCH RATER PREFER TO DO THE ENGAGEMENT WHEN SHE TURNS 19 AND HAS A GREATER UNDERSTANDING OF MARRIAGE? WHY DIDN'T YOUR MOLVI FRIEND CONSIDER THE POSSIBILITY THAT THIS LITTLE GIRL/CHILD MIGHT NOT EVEN LIKE HIM IN THE
FUTURE??????????????????
Why didn't your molvi friend consider all these things? You know what I think? I wouldn't be surprised if your molvi friend believes that women don't deserve a choice in who they marry. I wouldn't be surprised if your molvi friend would marry his OWN daughter in the future without seeking her permission.
Your molve friend was probably given the choice to marry this girl because he has a better understanding of marriage at 20.........but that naive 11-year-old girl was not given a choice. And this is where it becomes unfair. And if your friend can't see this...........then I'd be wary of his views about women.
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The parents always had the option of presenting your molvi friend's rishta to her when she turns 19
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Redvelvet maybe you didn't read my other posts, i said engaged because thats how i could describe it now, the thing is his parents told him that there is a girl but when she turns 18 or 19 then they'll marry her to him im sure at that time even if the girl decides to turn away from the marriage she can she has all the right too! I am sorry if i wrote engaged as in literal term. I meant to say was That there is a girl who is 11 years old now and the guy is 20 years old but they'll get married when the girl turns 18 or 19 and that time the guy will be 27 or 28 and i was wondering if the whole age difference was ok and could it work out! Even if she does develop feelings for someone else in her muhallah or school thats perfectly fine but it is also debatable because girls usually at time are only crushing on guys and are not perusing serious relationships. Dont get this wrong but i've seen women shift from their opinions very quickly in only days! Again, if this girl isn't serious obviously she'll tell her parents and they'll tell my molvie friends besides there isn't shortage of women for marriage! My question still stands [Is this age difference going to be a problem?] Simple! And oh he didn't put any ring on her finger or anything there was no party no nothing only a talk that there is a girl for him in pakistan but she's little now but she'll grow up and they'll get married! If other obstacles arise such as the girl taking medicine and threating to take her life for some dude she saw on the rooftop flying kabootars then i think the parents will change their minds.
Its very common in Pakistan. bachpan ki mangani, parents giving words to each other Rubbish.
But lets face in Pakistan girls be it 11 or 20 years of age usually does not have much of a choice in this matter. Its always parents who decide these matters.
Re: Marrying a younger girl?
^No its changing now these days girls threaten to take their lives. They will slit their writs (super emo) or take sleeping pills or not eat for days on end! Eventually parents give up and marry the girl to her choice and in the long run the girl ends up having a lot troubles with him most of the time.
Re: Marrying a younger girl?
Pendu..........................okay, let's assume that a formal engagement has not yet been done. It is STILL not right for parents to so confidently pin their hopes on their 11-year-old girl marrying a particular guy in the future. There are some valid questions to consider.
1) WHY the HELL are the parents in such a hurry??? Do they have to start assigning/setting up their daughter to some guy when she's only 11? Where is the common sense of the parents here? Why can't they wait to discuss the topic of this rishta when their daughter turns 19? Or if they can't wait that long......they can even discuss this rishta when she turns 16? WHY NOW? The girl is still probably playing hopscotch and they so confidently assume that she'll be on the same page as her parents when she's older. Sometimes it's not wise to make bold assumptions.
2) WHY can't your molvi friend look for a girl that is closer to his age? He's 20.........so why can't he get engaged to a girl who is also 20 or perhaps 18??? In such a scenario.......he can daydream about a potential fiance who is mature enough to understand marriage. The idea of him daydreaming about a little girl......who is not even a woman........who is a child...................whose personality hasn't even developed fully.........who he doesn't even know very well...............is DISTURBING. "Hey guys....lemme show you a pic of my future fiance. Here is a photo of her playing with barbies. Here'a s picture of her jumping rope. Oh and this is her playing hopscotch. Aaaaw doesn't she look soooo cute in her beribboned pigtails and missing incisors?"
*3) * When your friend turns 28.........would it kill him to consider a girl who is 25? Or 24? Or 22? Or does it HAVE to have a girl who is 10 years younger?
4) Why didn't the molvi's parents tell the girl's parents, "Look....guys.......please don't start setting up rishtas in your mind right now. We'll see how things go in the future. She's only an 11-year-old girl. Let the kid enjoy her childhood. There's no telling how she's going to feel about this when she's older. So.........let's not decide her fate right now. We don't need to do any formal or informal betrothals or engagements right now. Let's talk about this matter when the girl is more sensible and mature and OLDER."
Re: Marrying a younger girl?
^ Hey its her parents they can decided that she's their daughter! And that guy was just saying that he didn't show me her picture or anything come on velvet thats sick! When she's old enough her parents will discuss her marriage with her and the molvie guy is not a daydreaming person! But i dont think day dreams about her!!! thats freakin' disturbing. Hey his parents told him he'll get married with her and he agreed he dosen't go out and hunts for girls! Wtf is he suppose to do? By the time he'll finish studying he'll have a girl to get married to and a 19 year old is very sensible and knows what she'll be getting in to and like i said even if she disagrees to this marriage then he'll get married with someone who is 23 or 25 but the ONLY THING I ASKED WAS IS THE AGE DIFFERENCE A PROBLEMMMMMMM?!!!!!!! ???????? VELVET!! IS IT A PROBLEM YES OR NO?
Re: Marrying a younger girl?
Not only is there a possibility that the girl might not like molvi-man in the future............IT IS EQUALLY POSSIBLE.................that molvi-munda might not like the girl when she turns 19. It's possible that he might find her unattractive or incompatible when she's older.
This whole thing is happening WAY TOO SOON. That's why it's ridiculous. Imagine the parents of the girl setting their hopes on their daugther to marry this guy. And then at the age 25....Molvi......finds a girl who is closer to his age that he likes. That would be a complete bummer for the girl's parents.
The whole issue is just tooooo early to even discuss.
Re: Marrying a younger girl?
Why make a strong committment like that now, thats what confuses me!
In the next 7 years who knows what will happen!
Why couldnt they wait for her atleast to be 16-17 to see how she has developed as a person, will she suit this man or not etc etc?
Also islam allows one to have a full say in who they get married to, this girl is kind of being forced into it, because if she says no then thats it all breaks lose and families fight.
This might work out who knows....but its unfair on the girl.
And mirch and RV are right, just because he is a maulvi now doesnt mean that he will be in 7 years, and what if this girl turns out to be a complete mismatch if he stays maulvi.
My friend was in this situation and it just turned out to be a big mess.
This might work though who knows!
The main issue the age of the girl NOW, she has a right to choice.
Re: Marrying a younger girl?
ahahahahaha^ Seriously velvet you dont hang around with molvies do you? Seriously yaar if he's accepting her right now why would he object in the future? Its not like he's gonna go look for girls. As you know molvies dont look for girls nor they want to have a relationship with girls without getting married. And you're thinking from a perspective of a western pakistani girl not a eastern Pakistani girl! Ok answer this? if they do get married is the age difference going to be a problem regardless of anything Regardless of the girl turning in to a Dodo Bird and flying away regardless of molvie turning in to Batman!!!! is the age difference a problem?