Marrying a non-muslim who is NOT ready to convert..

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: Marrying a non-muslim who is NOT ready to convert..

If I am not right , then you are not so right either. What about the fact that you are insensitive to his feelings and love for this girl. You want him to break the heart of an innocent girl who loves him dearly. How sensitive is that ?

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Re: Marrying a non-muslim who is NOT ready to convert..

Hi folks,

So I just want to update my GS fellows with the latest proceedings. Following what I'd mentioned in my first post, finally my brother has got engaged with the girl he wanted to. The girl is still a christian catholic by religion. We tried to convince him but as I mentioned, he says he's tried enough and cannot force her to get converted. I dont know how it goes in future.
Now the latest problem that we are facing right now is that as this news is broken in my entire family (khaandaan) and almost everyone has known now, we are given a very hard opposition. Some even recommending us to disown our brother if he isnt listening us. We are really given a tough time in social and family circles.
And the point behind all this is the religious stand that even though the girl is a christian, the modern day christians are no more "ehl-e-kitaab" anymore due to two points:
1) They have made changes in bible
2) They take Jesus Christ as the son of God which is "Shirk" and hence they are all kaafir.
And those who make this point refer to some of the fatwas from some people here whose school of thought is coming from Pakistan, as I've noticed.

Now, I know this is turning to be a topic of religion and might be in the wrong thread, but can someone help me verify if they are saying is true or no? OR whom should I contact in this context??

Thanks again for all yr help.

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Re: Marrying a non-muslim who is NOT ready to convert..

Well, this is a tough call.

Technically, she is of the ehl e kitaab. A muslim man is allowed to marry a christian or jewish woman as long as the kids are raised muslim. And because a mother is primarily the one who teaches her children [not always though], it would be hard for her to teach a religion she herself doesn't practice; hence the encouragement to convert.

Best would be for your family to go visit a scholar, an aalim. Explain the situation and ask for advice.

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Re: Marrying a non-muslim who is NOT ready to convert..

I can't remember exactly what was said in this thread but I think some posters pointed out the same as your relatives already.

Look, he's made his decision. You aren't going to change his mind, so threatening to disown him won't do anything. If you are okay disowning him for real, that's your business. Personally I don't see the point. You don't need to agree with his actions to still have a relationship with him. Or maybe this is more about appeasing the sensibilities of others?

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Re: Marrying a non-muslim who is NOT ready to convert..

^^ I agree that disowning is totally unnecessary. You don't fix a problem by creating another one. By doing that, you'll send a very negative message to the girl.

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Re: Marrying a non-muslim who is NOT ready to convert..

What is girl's take on their kids ?
She wants to raise them Muslim or Christians ?

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Re: Marrying a non-muslim who is NOT ready to convert..

I think you are referring to the text of the “New Testament” New Testament - Wikipedia But it was still written a few hundred years before the appearance of our beloved Prophet and the revelation of the Holy Quran, so if ehle-kitaab included Christians, then it was well known that they believe that Jesus is the “son” of God.

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Re: Marrying a non-muslim who is NOT ready to convert..

It is mentioned in Quran that Christians believe that Jesus was son of God , still Quran permitted Muslim men to marry People of book/faith. So anyone who is saying that this marriage is not allowed are misquoting Quran which is a big sin in itself.
Quran also says the Christian made changes in the book so it is not a new news for Quran , it still permitted these kind of marriages.
So do not worry about your brother’s eman going bust.
As for your friends and family pressurizing you to disown your son, brother they are again disobeying Quran which forbids cutting relationships with your relatives for petty disagreements.
He is not doing anything against Quran and religion so all those folks are wrong on both counts.
Where do those relatives and friends of yours live . I hope not in the caves of Tora Bora. :mad:

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Re: Marrying a non-muslim who is NOT ready to convert..

No there is no way we are going to disown our brother under present conditions. Rather, what we are going to do is to keep on reminding him that he has to NOT STOP his efforts to do the preaching and see if she converts at later some point. Ofcourse for that he’ll have to be a good human being and muslim as well.
And guess what, when I told the same to the people who have the biggest objection on this issue as I mentioned above, they came back saying that not only she’ll not accept Islam but also she’ll take the kids to church.

Not sure how people predict future so confidently but atleast they do enough to demoralize us.

Now, when the girl met my mom in private prior to the engagement, she said she’ve absolutely no objection on kids being muslims. She even said she’s ready to embrace them as muslims but she’d not let anyone snatch them from her. My mom in return ofcourse assured her that nobody will take her kids away from her.

Ok, this is some good information. I was really looking for something like that.

Hm. This is really soothing and giving me some breathe. Well, all those who are bringing these have one thing in common. i.e. Their school of thought is coming from Pakistan. For example even if they are referrring to some fatwa or some alim, that is also coming from Pakistan.
Now dont take me wrong cuz ofcourse my origin is also from there, but the impression i’m getting is that the religious stand of Pakistanis is way too strict than anywhere else.

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Re: Marrying a non-muslim who is NOT ready to convert..

let him live his life and stay away

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Re: Marrying a non-muslim who is NOT ready to convert..

You brother is in USA , his wife to be is in USA , they will get married and live happily ever after in USA , why are you worried about some random relatives who live in Pakistan ?
I am sure your friends and family in USA have no issues with this marriage. Even if they do they will get over it as soon as they get the wedding invitation. Most Desi in USA are suckers for wedding invitations or any kind of invitation for that matter.
Now go back to Pakistan , yes for some reasons , unknown to me , some scholars of Islam from Pakistan and India have made Islam very difficult to follow.

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Re: Marrying a non-muslim who is NOT ready to convert..

Sorry for the confusion but what I meant was that, we are dealing with the relatives who live in US but when they refer to some fatwa or some Imaam, that source is coming from Pakistan. You know wut I mean? Like my khala's and mamu's, who do live here and are very close to us, are bringing all these.
I'm mostly worried about my mom who is under very severe stress due to all whatever is going on, especially the feedback we are recieving. Partially responsible is my bro too whose act is causing all that.

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Re: Marrying a non-muslim who is NOT ready to convert..

They will quote whatever matches their thinking. I quoted you things from Quran. Nothing can be more authentic than Quran.
You brother is not doing anything wrong , he is adult he can make his own decision , your mom needs to understand this , once she does she will find her peace.
Letting go of the kids is very difficult for desi parents. It is part of the parenting but desi parents are never ready for this big step of parenting.

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Re: Marrying a non-muslim who is NOT ready to convert..

So what is all that drama for, you and every body else in the thread ????
What is your problem ???

Too narrow a$#ed ppl are you!!

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Re: Marrying a non-muslim who is NOT ready to convert..

let your rishtay dar know that they can directly ask their concerns from your brother.

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Re: Marrying a non-muslim who is NOT ready to convert..

one opinion about this…with references from the Quran

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Re: Marrying a non-muslim who is NOT ready to convert..

This is real-life episode Mr. Monk. I think its too easy for you to say what you just said above but those going through it, is really painful. Not sure totally why are you jumping up and down.

Read my first post and the one today earlier. I'm not going to renarrate if that's not going thru yr mind.

WOW!! You can be as much judgemental and abusive as you can be. I wont stop you. But yes, a lot many ppl have given a considerable response and valuable suggestions. I owe them one cuz now I'm feeling much better esp some of the references have helped me in discussing it with the parties involved in this case.

Please Mr. Monk, continue your last statement. Ground is all yrs!

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Re: Marrying a non-muslim who is NOT ready to convert..

This is a tricky situation but I can empathise with you and your family except your brother. He knowingly has chosen to marry a girl that would cause issues/problems within the family and the greater good. He knew this would happen. Therefore, it looks like there is nothing much you can do and best speak to an Imam about it but it seems set in stone.

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Re: Marrying a non-muslim who is NOT ready to convert..

The worst thing you could do right now is to disown your brother. I don't think you need to 'support' per say, but at least respect that he is an adult who has made a decision on how to live his life.

Relatives always find something to talk about, how long do the actually talk about it for.

You may push your brother away if you disown him and that may lead to something a lot worse than him marrying a non-muslim.

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Re: Marrying a non-muslim who is NOT ready to convert..

Yes, Its really complicated for the family but truely you are not alone in this situation, I'm hearing a lot many such cases these days and unfortunately not many of them end up in good. Now the problem is, if you contact one Imam, the other one may come up with a different opinion or reference.

Nevertheless, one thing is for sure that you cant do much in this situation. No matter what your brother is going to marry her. So when you have so less tools in your pocket, just let it go the way it is going. I think time will decide itself.