Marrying a non-muslim who is NOT ready to convert..

[yourfriend]

Re: Marrying a non-muslim who is NOT ready to convert..

what about this girl's family? do they know about your brother and are ready on this relationship?
when they are planning to get married? and what would be their living arrangements.. did u ask him?

[Holy_Lota]

Re: Marrying a non-muslim who is NOT ready to convert..

what about this girl's family? do they know about your brother and are ready on this relationship? when they are planning to get married? and what would be their living arrangements.. did u ask him?

Yes, his girl's family is a conservative christian catholics. They are ok with their girl marrying a muslim but dont want her to change her religion so that may be one of the reasons why is she adamant not to get converted. They want to get engaged now and get married in a year or so. And ofcourse she wont be living with us rather they'll be living somewhere else but my brother still insists that he'll keep close ties with all of us.

But this is all talk right now.. Only time will prove how close he'll be with us if this happens!

[yourfriend]

Re: Marrying a non-muslim who is NOT ready to convert..

if he is not very practicing muslim then i think they will do just fine. ...we have seen couples like these and when it comes to kids, they have their kids going to chruch and to mosque.
the only thing probably u can do is to have him to talk to few guys/girls of broken mixed marriages and see if that changes his mind. in order to do it u probably need to hold onto marriage counselor

[Deeba1234]

Re: Marrying a non-muslim who is NOT ready to convert..

if he is not very practicing muslim then i think they will do just fine. ...we have seen couples like these and when it comes to kids, they have their kids going to chruch and to mosque. the only thing probably u can do is to have him to talk to few guys/girls of broken mixed marriages and see if that changes his mind. in order to do it u probably need to hold onto marriage counselor

No point being biased tho when her brother could prob point to examples where they can and do sometimes work.. Obviously it's harder but not impossible.. I doubt a marriage counsellor would agree to show just the negative side anyway, unless he/she is totally unethical.. more likely they'd show both sides of the story then say if you want to go ahead I can help + guide you..

[Deeba1234]

Re: Marrying a non-muslim who is NOT ready to convert..

@ZareenKhan

Each to their own but i don’t understand why people liking making things more difficult for them?! Marriage itself is a hard task on top of it most are hell bent on making it more difficult for theirself.

They don’t ‘like’ it..

@hareem01

It’s not important for saas and bahu to speak and understand the same language, it’s not like they’re going to marry each other. And your side can teach the kids Urdu, it’s not that hard. You should be happy for your brother, it’s not like he’s a teenager or something and he’s definitely not going to be the first person marrying outside his race and religion. Be nice to your bro’s wife and you can win her heart and she might convert to Islam in future.

@stoppit

Nikkah with a believing Christian woman is valid.** But the children must be bought up in Islam and it will be your brother’s responsibility. He will be answerable to this. IMO this is the major thing they need to discuss right now. **She will have to accept this fact and agree that she will allow it and not try to pull the children in the other direction. If your brother doesn’t care/mind what the children are bought up as, or if she says they should be free to choose and your brother accepts that - then that’s his business. You should make him aware of what his religious obligations are and then it’s up to him to decide what he feels more strongly for. The other issues are her family, since they are conservative Christians. I’m sure they will want to be a part of her life and her family and even if she agrees now that the children will be bought up muslim, she may change her mind if her family say it’s not right etc. So that can be the cause of conflict later in life. Everything else comes down to her character and personality (whether or not she will fit into your family), which we cannot comment on. If your brother accepts that he wants them bought up in an Islamic environment, he will need to be prepared to make sure that environment exists and that can be pretty hard unless he has a lot of support from your family. If they will live far away after marriage, it will be quite difficult. So these issues really need to be discussed and ironed out now if they are important to him.

@BlueBells

If he has made up his mind, then there is nothing you can do to stop him. However, make sure you as a family stay close to him and his wife and don’t shun them out of your lives. Allah swt guides whomever He pleases whenever He wishes to do so, maybe interacting with you guys and staying active in the Muslim community will bring her closer to Allah swt. And of course when the children are born, you guys will have to be extra cautious in making sure they know about the ways of Islam.

:k:

[rolla_coaster]

Re: Marrying a non-muslim who is NOT ready to convert..

faith wise muslim man can marry a christian i guess but then his marriage isnt going to be all abt him. i mean the major concern i can see in this scenario is that the kids will be confused creatures .You can ask him why does he want to marry her while there are women out there who share the same religious grounds as him.why her?

[yourfriend]

Re: Marrying a non-muslim who is NOT ready to convert..

No point being biased tho when her brother could prob point to examples where they can and do sometimes work.. Obviously it's harder but not impossible.. I doubt a marriage counsellor would agree to show just the negative side anyway, unless he/she is totally unethical.. more likely they'd show both sides of the story then say if you want to go ahead I can help + guide you..

its not just about the negative side, its about showing him the real people with real problems.. its about giving him the pointers to look for and what to keep in his mind before entering into this relationships and how probably he can prevent some issues between them in future. .... since u and me are not in the situation we can merely guess ..
if not one on one basis (i m not sure) but marriage counselor do allow sittings when they tend to have group meetings. ..... sometimes just listening to others gives you measures to think about different things.
and like i said, i myself have seen couples mixed marriages going very well because the muslim involved in it is just muslim by name. ....... and who knows she may change later. ....

[Nisha25]

Re: Marrying a non-muslim who is NOT ready to convert..

nonmuslims have intense love for their beliefs/religions too just like muslims do for islam.

i'm sorry but i just see it as a bit selfish to get the nonmuslim to convert or hope that she converts b/c she fell in love with a muslim person or b/c an inter-religious marriage will cause issues when raising the kids.......

i'm pretty sure the guy would never ever give up allah for her, he loves his religion too much to do that. why should she be expected to do so with her beliefs.

[blessed2006]

Re: Marrying a non-muslim who is NOT ready to convert..

According to islam a muslim men can marry a woman who is a follower of one the books (created by god) and in this case the girl is a Christian-follower of bible...so islam wise he has a right to marry her and she doesnot have to convert to islam even after marriage.

however when they will have kids they will follow their father's religion that is islam and it will be his duty.

i think u should tell your bro and try to make him realise that it will be hard for his kids since the girl would like them to follow her religion and he would like them to follow islam.

however if the girl is easy going and does not mind if the kids follow islam then i think there should not be any problem.

i am assuming he probably knows all this stuff any way so its not that he will hear it and quickly change his opinion...though u must do your duty and try to explain him everything...if he agrees good otherwise pray for him that he leads a successful and happy marriage life. ameen

[Kinzz]

Re: Marrying a non-muslim who is NOT ready to convert..

What if after marriage girl want to raise her kids on her religion?? If a girl don't want to convert in Islam how will she be ok when her kids will fallow Islam???

[Niksik]

Re: Marrying a non-muslim who is NOT ready to convert..

Well in that case she should not marry a Muslim.

[system]

Re: Marrying a non-muslim who is NOT ready to convert..

**
If your brother is not so religious then he won't be happy with incompatible indiviual. I think he feels the urge to marry this girl who he feels compatibility/connection with... You can't control your brother's mentality. Some of my friends are Non-practicing Muslims and they have married Non-Muslim ladies, in addition to that, they tend to be living a great life due to their traditional American lifestyle. My chachi is Romanian, hard-working, speaks urdu, keeps her house clean, takes care of her mother-in-law, gets along with everybody, and converted to Islam. My chachi is willing to do everything for her husband and they are superbly happy MASHALLAH as she is the perfect package for him.... You won't find couple like them frequently, they are made in heaven. You should respect your brother's decision so he doesn't blame your family in future. It's good that you have provided him with the cons of marrying a Non-Muslim... Is he a liberal Muslim?**

[rizla86]

Re: Marrying a non-muslim who is NOT ready to convert..

I don't think it's possible to raise kids as good muslims when the mother with whom the kids spend the most time isn't muslim herself, and the father himself isn't the best muslim either. They can talk all they want about how they will raise their kids as muslims but the chances of that happening aren't so good.

[Nisha25]

Re: Marrying a non-muslim who is NOT ready to convert..

hopefully they realize it's puppy love and go their separate ways, it's best, and hopefully the girl gives more importance to her beliefs and stays strong. she shouldn't have to lose herself and change into a totally different person for this so called imaginary "love" that she thinks she's in, that isn't love she's receiving if she has to sacrifice her whole self, 'love" is a concept that hollywood made up so they can sell their movies.

[holy_moly]

Re: Marrying a non-muslim who is NOT ready to convert..

HM, can u plz let me know about yourself more? May be your example can help me determine the way out. You can PM me if you want. Thanks.

Well, in my case, both my parents are very cool minded and accepting. Which is hard to say about the new generation. I don;t know how stubburn and narrow minded/open minded your bro, your family, the girl and the girl's family is.

In my parent's case, they both try to understand each others background problems. we, 4 siblings were raised up in total Islamic environment in Hong Kong. my mother tolerates a lot from my father's side, and my father tries to compensate it when dealing with my mom's side of family.

My mother have no problem with us praying Namaz and reciting Holly Quran, and we don;t mind accompanying her to temples on special occasions, and my father drives us there. My mom respects our religion and we respect hers.

So, it;s more of a mutual understanding, respect, tolerance and a bit of sacrifice.

[Jazz89]

Re: Marrying a non-muslim who is NOT ready to convert..

Salam GS, this is my first opened thread in life1 and I really need your advice on this. Understanding my problem without making fun is appreciated.

So this is something going on in my own family. We all immigrated to US almost a couple of decade ago and were raised here. Still we have strong connections with our culture and religion and by now we have not compromised on anything maintaining our social and religious and integrity and still enjoy the joint family system.

But this week, my youngest brother announced something which created a stir in the family. He has his friend for last few years that we all know as well, who is christian and Caucasian girl. He has declared that he's going to marry the girl and the feeling is mutual but the girl is NOT going to convert to islam. So basically he'll stick to his faith as a muslim while the girl will remain be a christian of which he explains that she and her family is quite conservative in it.

Now my mom, myself and others are really worried. The only good thing is that he's offered that if anyone has any concern, he can talk about that but that should be very logical.

Now, since I've great concerns, I really want to discuss things with him but before that I want to know what are the pros and cons of having one person married with a non-muslim girl who'll be a part of pure desi family? What can be short and long-term effect on my brother's family which'll grow ofcourse someday and there'll be kids? What'll be the effect on kids' state when their mother'll be a church-going and father a muslim? And then where'll we all stand with someone who is the only non-muslim while we still are practicing muslims in this western world?

This is a very serious issue for myself and my family. Your serious responses are appreciated.

My mom is christian and caucasian and dad is muslim and pakistani. In our family that has never been a problem. My dads family accepted my mom, and moms family accepted my dad. My mom isnt religious but she belongs to church and her parents(my grandparents) are religious. My dad is religious and so was his parents.

We havent never had any big problem because of two different cultures or religions. And us children has been raised in Islam because my dad is religious and mom is not. Everyone in my dads family gets along with my mom and mom comes all events, including religious events like eid.
In christmas we spend usually in my moms parents house. And for them christmas is important because its religious meaning, but we just spend christmas as like family gathering.

Even though my mom isnt muslim, she doesnt eat pork. And when we go to eat to my grandparents house, they knows also that we dont eat pork and respects that.
Mom and dad might have sometimes arguments about small stuff like how long we can be out and is shirt too reveling. but those are really small things.
And like of course my dad wants us marry someone who is muslim and he likes arranged marriage tradition. Mom just says that she wants us to be happy, so it doesnt matter if its arrange marriage or not.

But like point is that we haven't had big problems with two religion or two culture. And my dad calls my moms parents "mom and dad" and they are really close, like my mom is with my dads siblings.
I think if ur bro is happy with that girl, they should be together. And it might be that when she learns about Islam she wants to convert. And I think its not right to convert just because ur bro is muslim, that girl should want to convert because she believes in Allah and Islam.

[Holy_Lota]

Re: Marrying a non-muslim who is NOT ready to convert..

Well, some of the posts and self-examples are really helpful but my mind still doesnt get out of the biggest threats that this whole proposal is bringing:
Our family can be disintegrated as a result of this marriage as there is a huge cultural difference between us and my brother's choice. The thing that could keep us close was the big events that we really celebrate together like Ramazan, Eids, . But here, she'll not even try to take interest in there cuz she's already announced her disapproval of Islam.

My brother calls himself as a person of faith but nonreligious person. I've a very strong doubt that with a practicing christian wife, he'll slowly drift away further from Islam, both conceptually and practically. Under these circumstances, how'll he be able to raise muslim children when he'll be not practicing it himself???!!

When we were children, my mom used to sit with us and recite kalma, then Quran Sharif and then asking us to read Namaz. Their children will never get this privilege cuz their mom will be catholic while dad, a "non-religious" muslim who'd be buisy ofcourse in earning bread & butter.

As some of you suggested to be very close with them after their marriage and we are so ready to do that, but still its hard to believe that a practicing christian will allow her children to be with us, a desi muslim orthodox family.

No matter how positive we try to be, but what I see here is a huge gulf and differences no matter even if we embrace this whole deal. And like everyone else, I luv my brother and just dont want his life or after-life getting screwed!! :(

[system]

Re: Marrying a non-muslim who is NOT ready to convert..

Your brother is already screwed.... Im sorry man, he is gonna do whatever he wants now. You cant push him because he wants to make his own decisions as he already informed ur family about his choice. He is his own person now only due to his environment, upbringing, and experience..... I wish your brother goodluck. Time is the only factor to estimate the consequences.

[partyslims]

Re: Marrying a non-muslim who is NOT ready to convert..

And here's a contrarian opinion to everything else. Ok, first of all like you said your brother is old enough to be making his own decisions. as worried as you are please don't feel guilty as you have tried your best and explained to him what's what. The rest is up to him.

Ok, now here's where we put a spin on things.. suppose your brother marries her, has kids, and the kids are Christian or actually maybe not even religious, who knows. But your brother and his wife raise with all the love in the world, teach them to be good human beings, and they do become that. Those kids grow up to make a difference in someone else's life, or maybe many people's lives as they grow up. They have a positive influence on many people and live life in a way that shows kindness onto others.

What then? Still destined for hell you think? Food for thought eh.

[system]

Re: Marrying a non-muslim who is NOT ready to convert..

the sooner you accept his decision, the better it will be for you guys to be stressfree