Re: Marrying a Convert
ehhhh So a gori wouldnt have a past?
Re: Marrying a Convert
as far as i know.. (from a an ahmadi i knew and what ive read).. ismailis dont convert... and if an ismaili marries someone out of their sect, they're not considered part of their "community" anymore..
having said that... do u think the person would then leave the entire community and their sect for u? or would u do the same for them? sometimes love makes us do strange things... but it doesnt make us see the bigger picture...
Re: Marrying a Convert
True I knew an ahmadi girl who ran away from home and married this sunni guy and her mother in law treats her like crap. I mean she converted and stuff and obviously she isnt a part of her jammat anymore but her mother in law is a witch.
Re: Marrying a Convert
^ yeah... i mean that doesnt happen in all circumstances.. but what if it does happen to ur friend? will she be accepted by his family even if her parents accept him?
honestly, its very hard.... all u want after u get married if for everyone to accept u and make the transition from being single to married.. all happy and easy... but if u start with big headaches... how is it going to be later?
b/w why is it children who always want their parents to accept their decisions but they're not willing to budge? parents can be right... ok not all the time... but they can be and we really ought to respect them... no?
Re: Marrying a Convert
All this talk about him converting. Your friend and this guy have been going out/talking to each other for Four yrs. Four years was enough time to convert and begin practicing Islam. Stop with the talking and let's see him convert in front of the girl’s parent’s a.s.a.p if he genuinely want to convert.
Then he should show your friend’s parents and his own parent’s that he is a practicing Muslim for a period of time.
This might help persuade your friend’s parent’s to agree to a marriage :)
Another thing to keep in mind, inter-sect marriages are very hard and the girl needs to be prepared to put up a battle if the guy goes back to his ways and wants to raise his children that way and not her way. If your friend’s khandaan are all 'white' and drink, it's pretty much irrelevant. God is watching your friend and her khandaan and they will have to pay for their sins ... and your friend shouldn't be following their example.
Just out of curiosity has your friend met his family?
What does the guy’s family think of him converting?
Re: Marrying a Convert
Btw has the girl met the guys family? Have they accepted her?
Re: Marrying a Convert
Answering some of the concerns raised (from parents point of view)
Rule of thumb says:
- People don't change (unless something tragic happens in their life) hence past matters
- Loves wears out after marrige (eventually)
- Birds of a feather, flock together. Meaning Cultural differences aren't easy to overcome
- We live in a different society than our parents. If they care wat people say, is for a reason. Its not about right or wrong, its a difference of opinion. Accept it, compensate for it.
Re: Marrying a Convert
^
very well said. my sister was married to a convert (was sikh but converted to islam b4 marriage). marriage lasted for only 3years. he didn't change any of his habits. was very rude to her whenever she used to read quran or watch islamic programs. used to beat her a lot. at first she didn't said anything to anyone but when he threatened to kill her, she left home and came back to us. just recently got divorced and is now living with us. my parents were not ok with this marriage but went ahead bcoz of her happiness. he was only interested in getting canadian citizenship and that he got through her. end of story.
Re: Marrying a Convert
There are many people inter-cultural and love marriages that last. Just because someone marries a white person or has a "love marriage" doesnt mean it will fail. I think she loves him, she wants to marry him, its her life, let her.
Re: Marrying a Convert
^ jahil parents ofcourse. zalim samaj baan rahay hein 2 pyar-bharay dilon ke dermian. 
Allah inko poochay 
Re: Marrying a Convert
Barfee, it's one thing to have an inter-cultural marriage where both are Muslim adn remain Muslim. It's another thing to have a marriage where the girl is Muslim and the guy becomes Muslim and then goes back to whatever he was before. Yeah, it can work if the person genuinely converts ... but the fact is, it can go either way. I know people who married non-Muslims who went through the motions of converting to appease the parents and the 'community' but eventaully went back to their ways. Can you guys what their kids are? They certainly aren't Muslim. Some grew up to become Scientologists while others are Jehovas Witnesses. That is the type of thing you need to be prepared for .... fortunately, it doesn't happen in ever instance, but it certainly does happen. Just be ready for it to go either way, whatever your friend decides to do Sadz.
Re: Marrying a Convert
But even muslims convert into other religions, there are many muslims who are athiest, quite a few on this site actually. You can never be sure of the future. The only person who can make a good informed decision in this situation is the girl herself.
Re: Marrying a Convert
but who can see into others hearts? only God knows wht their intensions are when they convert to islan or to some other religion. situational decisions are just that, situational. but situation and circumstances don't stay the same and same can be said abt the people. if some1 decides to be a jack ass / ***** after 5years of marriage then when will you do especially if u have kids then.
Re: Marrying a Convert
^ thats wat I mean, unfortunately there are no gurantees. I just dont think that this girl should give up her right to marry whoever she wants because her parents THINK the guy might go back to his ways. Like I said, the girl knows him for the past four years she should know whether he is sincere or not, shes the only one who can make an informed decision.
Re: Marrying a Convert
Apparently his parents have met her and are aware of him converting and have told him that he can pretty much do whatever he wants. They are not going to disown him or anything but they arent thrilled about him converting to Islam either.
I told her that maybe she should let him convert first and see how dedicated he is to his deen and then make a decision from their.
According to her he doenst drink or smoke and he wasn't exactly a praciticing christian so I dont know if that has any weight.
I just told her to ask Allah for help and pray nafls for his hidayat and make istikhara.
Re: Marrying a Convert
Mashallah 
Re: Marrying a Convert
very wise:)
BUT everything should be examined carefully:halo:
people sometimes change…but FOR themselves…not others:D
love can be fed…but marriage should be based on more than love (ie, a common life project)
they care about honor and what people say because of cast system:D
Re: Marrying a Convert
yeah, thats a good idea... ask ur friend to keep praying and make dua... Inshallah things will work out...
sometimes, converts can be the most amazing people. I've seen a few myself..
the only thing that is a concern is, if they've been together for so long, shouldnt he have thought about converting a bit earlier?
Re: Marrying a Convert
Well when he met her their was no talk of converting but I guess as time passed he became interested. One doesn't convert over night and im just assuming but maybe she was giving him dawa but I guess now he has made up his mind to convert.
He seems to be very knowledgable about Islam and yes as many of you have pointed out that if he knows so much why date or whatever you want to call it for 4 years? Well I seriously doubt those who are pointing fingers are innocent themselves. Anywhooz bhar mai jaayen vo log.
Please remember her in your duas if possible :D since Dua as per my experiences are extremely powerful.
Re: Marrying a Convert
^ 4 years is not overnight...
i know someone who has been dating a guy for almost 4-5 years as well.. and she reckons her guy will convert too, they've been to mosques and met a few imans but still there has been no progress...
being knowledgeable about Islam.. and being a muslim are two different things... its not the same... my religous teacher claimed she knew a lot about Islam.. but she was no muslim... not one bit..
also, just cus the whole world is doing something bad or worst, doesnt mean Allah Mian will excuse us... we are all dealt with individually... its our acitons thats count, not anyone else's