A family friend of ours wants to marry this guy who is going to convert. However her parents are strongly against it. He is white and she is Pakistani and her parents are convinced that he will go back to his “kafir” ways and that if she marries him she will drag her parents to hell with her and him.
The guy has met her parents and her father told him straight up to his face that he is a kafir even though this guy seems to be more knowledgable about Islam then her parents.
I really feel bad for her and him I have known her since highschool and she has been with this guy for over 4 years and he wants to accept Islam and marry her but her parents are convinced that he is a kafir and are extremely paranoid of what their family and friends will say. He is well educated, good looking and so on. Very knowledgable in Islam I mean he has done his research, I spoke to her yesterday and she was in tears
As a parent...i wud be alil scared too. But seeing his knowledge on Islam might change my mind abt him. But...after marriage...he might wanna go back to his kafir ways of living...i dont know. But at the same time...there are alot of born muslims...who dont prray & do wat they have to do as muslims...so they are as good as kafirs....they r muslim only by name.
So.. its really difficult to tell...it depends on every individual. Its risky but there is risk in everything...so if the guy is convincing enough...if he can assure her folks...then why not. He might prove to be a better muslim than the born muslims.
:)
Maybe its me but is that not a bit ignorant of us as Muslims to label somebody as a kafir if he says that he wishes to accept Islam??
I think her parents are more concerned with people and family more then anything else because they are all like HAWWWWW LOG KYA KAHENGE????? HUM MOO KYA DEKHAYENGE LOGON KO???
Like jeez give me a break. People in her family are not exactly saints people in her family drink and so on...I think she has one uncle that married to a white lady but I mean she didn't even convert but her parents say he's a man and he is allowed to which is such a gay reason but whatever I mean are people not going to go all HAWWWWWWWW about that???
peopel are going to find out that this goirl has gone behind her parents back and was "seeing" this boy
The shame of it...
her parents dont want people to know that there daughter is a hussy, they cant even cover the fact with a lie by saying we knew his parents and we arranged the marriage
and they cant tell people that he is a long lost cousin!
They are also a little frightened that in a situation like this if the marriage did fail that they wouldnt be able to persuade the two parties to get back together...
teh man and his culture is alien... Parents know that in order to have a good marriage teh two parties must be compatible..
they dont see anything in him that ties him to them...its ignorance which may be changed depending upon how bloody minded the parents are
I agree with Miss Daisy. "seeing" someone for 4 yrs is a disregard of Islamic teachings in the first place. The girl should take it a step further and marry the guy. My cousin did it and she is a very happy girl..even though some relatives are expecting/wanting a divorce anytime now.
Yeah I agree with that part I mean I know it is wrong of her to be seeing or dating or whatever you want to call it for 4 years and she does want to marry him however its hard for her to convince her parents that he wants to accept Islam.
I guess him being white makes it harder also but if he converts I dont see it being an issue you know?
how can a pakistani girl adjust in a white mahoal when she has trouble adjusting in different sub cultures like sindhi, pathan or punjabi when she is from a different one?
Her parents are so wrapped up with society and what will people say that you couldnt find a paki you had to marry a white guy?? and that he is a kafir. I dunno but personally I dont think her parents have a right to judge if he is a kafir or not. Let Allah be the judge of that.
Pakis are stupid, they dont think about their own or children's happiness rather thing what other people will be happy about & others dont give a *%#$.
If I'd be her, I'll ask the guy to convert & will go for nikah, but the only problem is that woman's father (wali) must agree according to islam rules, for her marriage (if u know the concept of wali).
The girl should have known that her parents are so messed up that they wouldnt accept the guy even if he's willing to convert for the girls sake. Thats a really big thing and if he can do that for her it means he's pretty serious. But its strange that the girl coming from this type of culturally bound family would have a BF for 4 years. Thats a really long time that she has been lying to her parents. Ppl will judge her and her family for her actions and cuz the parents care so much abt how they are perceived by their community it is a huge blow for them. Obviously the girl dosnt share her parents consideration of "other" ppl's view so maybe she shud just go ahead marry the dude and live happyliy ever after despite her parents objections. Perhaps sum day her parents will accept the guy and they will all be happy again :)
Okay why are we assuming that they were dating in the western sense (li.e., lots of physical intimacy, lying,sneaking around? Im sure lots of you have dated, had sex, and are "friends" with girls or guys, or might have someone in mind that you want to marry.. the guy must not be a typical gora if he's willing to accept Islam..
I can c the parents concern.. ure not supposed to convert for a spouse, but rather for yourself.. Do you think things would be different for the girl, if he had converted before?
Hmm I cant see anyone assuming there was sex involved? But yes she lied to her parents thats a fact. Lying in this sense has been not telling about the guy much earlier.
Sara do you REALLY actually honestly think that the parents concern is about him not converting for the "correct" reasons as u say? This is no way a religious thing, its just cultural. And who are anyone to judge or even doubt a individuals motives for converting? Ok so if he is doing it for her sake and not because he has seen the "light" then y wud that be a bad thing? Her parents are worried because its a stain on their image in their community, so its just a cultural thing.
I can understand the Parent's concern as well. However, I agree that he should be converting for himself, not for her. The fact that he's converting for her is a sign that he will most likely go back to his previous lifestyle, and then end up dragging her along with it. I've seen it far too many times.
my bhabi (half spanish, and half british) convereted to islam 8 years ago, and she converted for herself. she met my brother 3 years after she converted and my parents were happy to embrace her into our family because she was a far better muslim then any of us.
i think the only time marrying a convert should be an issue is when the person is converting for someone else, other then that i think it kind of becomes other muslims responsibility to welcome converts into our culture and lifes, because form my experience i've noticed that for the most part convert muslims are alienated from their families.
Islamically speaking, a muslim girls cannot marry kafir...but sadz, you haven't mentioned if the guy converted...if he converted, then I think its okay to marry him..but if he isnt, then i understand the parents concern..wat if he doesnt convert after marriage..
