Marriages talks have ended *help me get over heartbreak*

Lifestyle Relationships
41

Re: Marriages talks have ended help me get over heartbreak

^ what did you do/say to him that was the dealbreaker?

42

Re: Marriages talks have ended help me get over heartbreak

put some music on and dance .. ull feel better

43

Re: Marriages talks have ended help me get over heartbreak

I basically critiqued him in an uncomfortable manner, when he is really soft-spoken and well-mannered. I hurt his feelings and didn't give him time to speak and counter the things I had to say. I ended off our conversation by saying "so should we call it off" and he responded "yes". So I'm the one who suggested the idea to end things, and he is a man of his word, and learned to be mentally accepting of this fact that things are over.

It's a deal breaker for him to have a wife who is not good at resolving conflicts, and to him, what I did was immature, overwhelming, and bad for his esteem. It's understandable.

44

Re: Marriages talks have ended help me get over heartbreak

THere is such a thing as nazar but in this situation...no.

You admitted to doing something he found unacceptable. There is no room to blame your friend's nazar for this.

One more thing...being educated has very little to do with your success in personal relationships in my experience. You can be a PhD but still be dim as a doorknob when it comes to dealing with people. I've seen some very well educated people not know how to so much as speak to people in a way they find acceptable.

Its got to do with your maturity level, respect for him, etc and in this case...by your own admittance...you haven't shown any.

45

Re: Marriages talks have ended help me get over heartbreak

No one is gonna help you get over this, but yourself.
Get off the computer and do something else. Pick up a hobby. Start reading "The hunger games". Learn a new surah.
Seriously, if you keep discussing this and bringing it up you will never get over it.

46

Re: Marriages talks have ended help me get over heartbreak

The reason I say nazar is because my mindset about him changed drastically after exposing this information with my friend. And it was very atypical for me to react that way. Ahh, I feel a big loss in my life. I liked him, and even if I had to critique him and voice my concerns, the way that I did it was very wrong. sigh What should I do?

47

Re: Marriages talks have ended help me get over heartbreak

It's ok, that is a learning experience for you. we all say things that we regret later and sometimes, it costs us a lot too. but you have to remember that what is meant to be is far greater than communication issues, misunderstandings, manners etc. if Allah swt wills smtng, it happens regardless.

But I also dont appreciate those who give no second chances, considering it is so easy to make a communication mistake. Long time ago, I did smtng similar and had to face similar consequences as yourself. I felt like I was the worst person when I knew deep down in my heart, I always always wished well for the other person involved, always prayed for their well being and just bc i made a silly communication mistake, it was held against me. Was that fair?..I dont know but what I do know is who you are in your heart is FAR FAR bigger than your words, communication, and other things ppl place so much emphasis on these days. If you have a good heart and this person felt you were worth getting to know, then I feel he needs to forgive you.

If this person is hurt still, maybe you should consider giving him some time, i dunno. but dont beat yourself over it.

48

Re: Marriages talks have ended help me get over heartbreak

Just pray that whatever happens is for your and his better.

49

Re: Marriages talks have ended help me get over heartbreak

It takes humility and maturity to accept responsibility, even if it's partial, so good for you. Just use this as a lesson and move on.

50

Re: Marriages talks have ended help me get over heartbreak

I respectfully disagree. Depending on what you are educating yourself in, education can have a HUGE impact on your relationships as it shapes your thoughts as well as HOW you interact with people. I would have never become a social person if it wasn't for my education. It taught me how to deal with conflicts, how to talk in different ways with different kinds of people and above all that, it gave me the ability to recognize different kinds of people.

51

Re: Marriages talks have ended help me get over heartbreak

Hulaa, just asking out of curiosity what did you study in college? I mean what subjects?

52

Re: Marriages talks have ended help me get over heartbreak

the guy escaped narrowly. no one deserves an immature partner. it isnt a matter of self esteem, he is looking for a spouse, not a child to rear. some people just cannot see the error in their ways, thanks to their over-inflated ego and princess complex.

53

Re: Marriages talks have ended help me get over heartbreak

Hula, with all due respect...education teaches you about people...it does not teach you how to deal with feelings or add to someone's maturity level.

Those things come with time and experience.

54

Re: Marriages talks have ended help me get over heartbreak

the easiest way to make a man lose interest is through talking to him about commitment. I am afraid you have done just that and you have seen the result.
now let time heal it.

55

Re: Marriages talks have ended help me get over heartbreak

So I have realized that I have actually done nothing wrong. I misinterpreted the situation. The truth of the reality is the guy was very low in emotional intelligence, so my need to be connected with him made him think I'm not compatible because he doesn't have that ability to be empathetic. And queer, as your name suggests, you have made such a gay comment.

Anyway, you are not in the position to judge my maturity level....also, I don't think I'm a princess at all. I don't think I'm better than anybody.

56

Re: Marriages talks have ended help me get over heartbreak

So I discovered that I didn't really hurt his feelings, because he's kind of emotionless. He just needs a wife who doesn't have a need to emotionally connect on a large scale. I clearly am not compatible with a guy like that.

57

Re: Marriages talks have ended help me get over heartbreak

Thanks Hoolahook and Ghost for your thought-out comments. :) And Jaanan I disagree. In this particular situation, the talks were about marriage, so obviously the need for attachment and commitment is a given.

58

Re: Marriages talks have ended help me get over heartbreak

clearly the guy has been all sorts of things, and you have been nothing but noble even when you threw a tantrum and he said pass.

59

Re: Marriages talks have ended help me get over heartbreak

^No. I don't know why you're blinded to the fact that I admit many times that I did something wrong and it's time to move on. I feel that I could have handled the situation better, but sometimes I let go of that idea and think it was something of just mere incompatibility.

The truth is, it was probably a combination of both. Although our personalities conflicted (when dealing with emotions), I handled the situation in not such a great manner, and as a result he couldn't deal with a woman who had a need to connect on emotional grounds as well as one who confronted him about such issues in an unpleasant manner.

It's all said and done. But there are lessons to be learned.

60

Re: Marriages talks have ended help me get over heartbreak

there is no man in this universe who wishes to connect emotionally with a whiny woman.

his IQ must be over 150, and probably has a couple of phds judging by how quickly he pulled out. i would like to start a thread to analyze how his cerebral cortex works.