marriage for females...isnt it a bit overrated?

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: marriage for females...isnt it a bit overrated?

[QUOTE]
All the doctors-in-training at my place are looking for girls who they can keep at home. Its really sick.
[/QUOTE]

Why is it sick?

And don't tell me you don't have certain pre-concieved notions about the type of guy are going to marry?

First Impression Of The Person Above You!
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Re: marriage for females...isnt it a bit overrated?

Its not the HAVING of pre-conceived notions that is bad. It is the HAVING of the WRONG pre-conceived notions that is bad.

been a year since i joined gupshup
43

Re: marriage for females…isnt it a bit overrated?

What’s wrong with majoring in history of fashion :snooty:

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Re: marriage for females...isnt it a bit overrated?

Matsui,

Yes, my husband will complete his surgical residency as of May. No, I'm not a doctor, I'm an artist. I have only a BA in Fine Arts, so you could say I'm not his 'equal.' I've never imagined myself being a working mother. I believe strongly in raising my kids myself and exposing them to many activities and family. I travel alot. My husband also thinks being with the kids is best for them.

"Was your marriage arranged, meaning your parents found a doctor because it is a good status symbol and you won't have to work, because our ammi didn;t work. Are you a doctor too?"

  • No my parents didn't find him, he found me. He knew that he wanted an artist wife. I liked his humble personality, his sense of humour and told him that even if he was a car mechanic I'd marry him. I myself come from a blue-collar family. My father was a professional field hockey player in Pakistan and became a airplane mechanic, then worked at a ship drydock for 30years. My mother also worked since my grade school days. Status means nothing to me. I know who i am in my heart. It was through my dad's sacrifices and hard work that I could have an education and my brothers could become doctors and scientists. I understand the meaning of giving everything you have for your kids because you love them so much and want a good future for them*

"I would expect my wife to work, shop, get her nails done, have lunch with friends and enjoy her life...it doesn't mean that kids are less loved, it means their mothers are more in-tune with life and enjoy doing things, have a sense of independence and can instill those qualities in their offspring. The alternative is to raise kids to be fatasses like their stay at home moms. Now that we are generalizing. It should be ok."

I don't think it has to be so extreme. A SAHM can be a friend, a teacher and disciplinarian. I see so many nanny raised kids that have 'something missing', like a hollowness or blankness to them. So many people remark on how confident and bright our daughter is Mashallah. And I think the security she got from having me with her, taking her to museums, playdates, parks and flying to visit family has helped to enrich her. I enjoy doing things too, with and apart from my child. I still have a sense of independence and I hope my daughter has all her needs fulfilled so she can succesfully move on to become independent herself.

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Re: marriage for females…isnt it a bit overrated?

As a resident/ doctor you barely get to see your kids, so wouldn’t it make sense that atleast one parent should be there? I couldn’t imagine leaving my child. That’s my personal choice.

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Re: marriage for females...isnt it a bit overrated?

If a woman wants to stay at home and raise the kids, all the more to her. Not every woman wants a career, some people are happy with one person working while the other takes on the other job - staying home with the young kids. And I dont believe in leaving kdis with a nanny. :o

I dont think marriage is overrated. Its just that from a more desi view point, women are expected to be married off before they hit 30. But not all of them do, and not all of them want to.

been a year since i joined gupshup
47

Re: marriage for females...isnt it a bit overrated?

Irem, I have to say that I agree with you on alot of what you wrote in your original post.. I really dont get the fixation with marriage and how that seems to be all that alot of girls are thinking about... Its sad, I dont know where teh blame even begins.. I just wish these people would spend more time developing who they are, understanding themselves and what their own limitations are... I think that will make married life easier and probably more rewarding for everyone...

Yeah, believe me there is NO RELAXATION like being at your parents house...Ive been married for almost 2 yrs now..and still every time I go back to my familys place, I can just kick back and relax...not worry about anything....it is the BEST feeling in the world....

But at the same time, for all the tension and responsibilities I have now... I wouldnt give up Kasi....its just too comforting to wake up with him and then of course...there is the SEX!! I think it would be impossible to give that up!!! hahahaha sorry I dont want to disturb anyones sensibilities....but its the truth for me...!!!

S

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Re: marriage for females...isnt it a bit overrated?

with that logic all the girls who want to have careers in medicine would have to marry car mechanics?

Are you saying women with less stressful careers are more suited to marry men with higher stress careers? What makes you assume that the girls who are taking up high stress careers don't plan on adjusting their schedules for their kids?

If your husband wanted to marry an artist becuase it would be interesting to have a wife who does something different, that's one thing. My beef is with those premed boys and medical school boys who are deliberately avoiding fellow med girls BECAUSE they have a bias that these women wont make good moms. There is a difference between the two character types.

49

Re: marriage for females…isnt it a bit overrated?

whats the ‘logic’ pcg, muqaddar ki batain logic sai nahin hua karteen…:flower2:

been a year since i joined gupshup
50

Re: marriage for females...isnt it a bit overrated?

Who said anything about love shove ghulail?

Now love - that's something that IS overrated.

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Re: marriage for females…isnt it a bit overrated?

Well, atleast there’s something to look forward to. :halo:

SuN SeA SaNd n Me!!!!
SuN SeA SaNd n Me!!!!
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Re: marriage for females…isnt it a bit overrated?

ya i know my smartass bio girl doesnt talk abt love…thats why i never mentioned it…u r reading it the way u like it…overrated maybe, understated deifintitely…:flower1:

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Re: marriage for females…isnt it a bit overrated?

“my smartass bio girl” :hehe:

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Re: marriage for females...isnt it a bit overrated?

GummyBear is my kind of woman. It's all about the sex, baby.

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Re: marriage for females…isnt it a bit overrated?

I’m not making any rules for other people. But what works for us is our own personal parenting styles. We’re both believers in attachement parenting.

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Re: marriage for females...isnt it a bit overrated?

I'm sure most people with hearts are. You guys aren't the exception couple.

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Re: marriage for females...isnt it a bit overrated?

Saima, I am glad you are there for your kids. One parent should be there

Marriage for guys is a bit over-rated too....but every girl you meet wants to get married first and talk later.

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Re: marriage for females...isnt it a bit overrated?

^ hahaha!! thats not truuueeeeee.

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Re: marriage for females...isnt it a bit overrated?

I don't think it has to be so extreme. A SAHM can be a friend, a teacher and disciplinarian. I see so many nanny raised kids that have 'something missing', like a hollowness or blankness to them. So many people remark on how confident and bright our daughter is Mashallah. And I think the security she got from having me with her, taking her to museums, playdates, parks and flying to visit family has helped to enrich her. I enjoy doing things too, with and apart from my child. I still have a sense of independence and I hope my daughter has all her needs fulfilled so she can succesfully move on to become independent herself.>>

Saiman, the converse is true as well. I cna find you a multitude of children whose parents work who are smarter and more confident that a lot of kids with SAHM, like yourself. It means nothing. I took exception to your paiting a picture that women in Manhattan live to shop, get their nails done at the cost of caring for your children. I can understand, most fobby desis have this misguided concept.

Problem with a lot of desis is that the men offload the care for the child to their nannies, I mean, wives. They want a girl from so called "traditional values" who keeps her mouth shut, cooks and takes care of the babies while they are in theri residency or in b-school or what have you. How did you husband find you? SO the converse of the equation is their kids really have no daddies. Raising a child takes two...all I find odd that most women on this website think a mother who is working is neglecting a child, while a dad that sees the kid once every other day is doing the right thing.

I have found that kids of desi doctors seem to have something lacking..could be because their fathers didn;t spend a lot time with them when they were in their residency. :(

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Re: marriage for females...isnt it a bit overrated?

Matsui,

I can see you are very defensive about working moms. So i'll just leave my opinion to myself and hope you find happiness in your way of parenting. I think there's alot of generalizing going on here and perhaps you're taking some things too personally.

grown ups only