Re: marriage for females...isnt it a bit overrated?
i agree with Gemini, its such a warm special feeling to know that there is someone who will be there for and only for you and will care and love you, you become so relieved of any stress which you may be experiencing whether its family issues-may be i dont know in law issues-responsbilities getting you down or something that im familiar with....coursework issues :D...of course marriage is about responsibilities but even if you are single you have resposibiilities its just that with marriage you gain another family which you must pay care and attention too and its not if you dont get any thing in return, if you treat them with respect and love thats how you will be treated too InshAllah so its all about achieveing a good balance! its all good at the end of the day and depends on who the person is and what they want.
Re: marriage for females...isnt it a bit overrated?
Yaar irem I say Aunty Uncle have spoiled you, ALOT!! :p
I have totally opposite views than you do: In my case my responibilities are greater in my single life. At my parents house, everyone has chores to do and if you dont do them you are in trouble. We dont live in pak where we can have maids etc to come and clean. But my fiancee has promised me, we are not doing anything "alone". Its going to be both our responsibilities to take care of things, together, InshaAllah. I am really looking forward to that :)
Rest DTAllah summed it much better then I ever could!
[quote=“Ira”]
We dont live in pak where we can have maids etc to come and clean. But my fiancee has promised me, we are not doing anything “alone”. Its going to be both our responsibilities to take care of things, together, InshaAllah. I am really looking forward to that
QUOTE]
Well, responsibilities increast for both: men and women. They just have to handle them and deal with them maturily. I don’t think I’ll change after I get married. Not that my room is messy now or my food plate stays on the table or anything, but still. I am a neat freak. Everything is organized in my room and I put (and expect the borrowers to put) everything back at the same spot they picked it up from. I don’t sleep at weird hours and don’t go out much.
As far as coming to gupshup is concerened, I think I’ll continue that. I’ll even register my wife on gupshup and her nick will be one of the following:
Mrs. Sohail, Shikri, or Mrs. Shikra
and then my kids can register:
Shikra Jr.
And they might read this post Hey you! Go do your homework instead of reading your daddy’s posts!
Re: marriage for females...isnt it a bit overrated?
is life really all study study study and study? or work work and work?
to me life is where family is.. having someone to care for and having someone who cares for you. .. getting married early in life doesn't mean that your life just stops.. i mean you can still do your grad studies and work if you want and have the motivation.. really it all depends on the larka and larki..
I am also looking forward to those days where i will have someone to share my boring stories with or watch movies with on weekends.. make breakfast for her and many other thins :D
so i guess Irem it all depends on the person itself.. i just don't want to be 28 when i get married.. coz really life is fun between 20 to 28 (just a personal opinion) and this is when either we make it or break it.. and i would love to have someone to share this (and rest of my life) with
Re: marriage for females...isnt it a bit overrated?
It's only overrated because our society has made it as such. For instance, my female cousins and friends are starting to get engaged and married. One of them is a year younger than I am. At the time when she got engaged, one of my aunt's mother in-law wondered how come my cousin got engaged before I did. As if God forbid there's something wrong with me or the sole fact that she is younger and got engaged before I did.
It's all our culture. It's deeply ingrained in our roots. If our parents aren't like that, their friends and relatives would to an extent compel them to think in such a manner.
I totally agree with you about the freedom and the laidback environment many of us find at our parents' place.
The only thing that worries me about marriage is one's husband turning out not as one had thought/imagined and not getting along with in-laws, God forbid.
Re: marriage for females...isnt it a bit overrated?
I guess it goes both ways.
However, it could get more difficult, stressing and depressing for females as it is them who have to leave their parents and live with husband and in-laws.
Yes, a guy may be worried about not getting along with his in-laws, but how often do you see a guy living his in-laws.
Re: marriage for females...isnt it a bit overrated?
I agree with you Sadiyah that it is a two way street BUT a little more stress on girls since they have to leave their parents and OUR SOCIETY has some expectations..
I believe that it is GUY's responsibility to make his wife feel like comfy and he should share the burdun nothing wrong with him going alone and getting the grocery :)
Re: marriage for females...isnt it a bit overrated?
Ofcourse life gets more complicated. Marriage is just another step in life. It should be a choice, not just an expectation. If you as a woman are ready to make that step and handle all the responsibilities that come along with it then go for it. But every family, husband is different. I think for many girls in our culture the actual Shaadi day is a really big deal. Plus the ceremonies, the gifts, the attention, the parties all seem so fun and glamorous. Most girls wonder, when will that happen for me and how should I plan such and such event? It's a big build up and then when you're no longer the 'new dhulan' and reality hits you have to deal with life. That is the real issue. Girls often romantisize the notion of marriage.
If you've been pampered and spoiled your whole life, then it would make sense to find a husband who can do the same for you. Some wives become women of leisure. But the majority of us have been trained practically from our teen years how to cook, clean and take on responsibility. The fact of the matter is that you can buy frozen dinners, you can hire a nanny, you can have a maid. It's your choice. Being a wife is not a life sentence of servitude and martyrdom. But as a wife you decide what are your priorities. Do your kids come before your need to have a career? Can your husband split the housework?
Here in NYC I am often asked if I have a nanny and given puzzled looks when I say no I'm a stay-at-home mom and have never had a babysitter for our 3 yo daughter. Many women here- whether they work or not- have a nanny and use their free time to shop, have their hair done and lunch with friends. Marriage is just another status thing. It's like they acquired a good husband, a good diamond ring, cute kids, nice apartment. Being the wife of Mr.So and So is also important in our culture.
Saima, you’re so very right. Thanks for putting things into perspective :k: Not every girl is ready for marriage at a young age, and we’re never quite told about those responsibilities. I always wonder how women work, raise children and look after their husbands at the same time. Those are superwomen, and I dont think I could handle all 3 simultaneously. I suppose its important to have an understanding partner.
Re: marriage for females...isnt it a bit overrated?
I totally agree with saima ...:)
you have resposibilities in every role ....be it a student ....a career woman ....a daughter or a wife .....
question is : how you handle your responsibilities ...???
choice is your own .....you can be a very active .....helpful daughter at your parents place /.....n you can be a lazy wife ....spending whole day in front of telly ....depending wholly on outside help ....
.but its always wise to check your priorities n forsee the ultimate results as the consequences of your actions.....
i wish our daughters get married not just for the sake of it .....
<<Here in NYC I am often asked if I have a nanny and given puzzled looks when I say no I’m a stay-at-home mom and have never had a babysitter for our 3 yo daughter. Many women here- whether they work or not- have a nanny and use their free time to shop, have their hair done and lunch with friends. Marriage is just another status thing. It’s like they acquired a good husband, a good diamond ring, cute kids, nice apartment. Being the wife of Mr.So and So is also important in our culture.>>
Saiman, your husband is a doctor in training right? Can I ask what your background is educationally and professionally? DId you get married because of a status thing? or were you his equal interms of education and professional pedigree? Did he want to marry a nanny or a wet nurse? many desis do…many doctors who can then spend time hanging with the interns and residents and not to mention nurses while the kids are fed and their asses kept dry at home. Mashallah…I am happy for your husbnad.
Was your marriage arranged, meaning your parents found a doctor because it is a good status symbol and you won’t have to work, because our ammi didn;t work. Are you a doctor too?
I would expect my wife to work, shop, get her nails done, have lunch with friends and enjoy her life…it doesn’t mean that kids are less loved, it means their mothers are more in-tune with life and enjoy doing things, have a sense of independence and can instill those qualities in their offspring. The alternative is to raise kids to be fatasses like their stay at home moms. Now that we are generalizing. It should be ok. :k:
Re: marriage for females...isnt it a bit overrated?
Tell me about it Matsui. All the doctors-in-training at my place are looking for girls who they can keep at home. Its really sick. If they see a girl who is working her arse off, they at the most will acknowledge it with a "wow, she's hardworking"...but we're certainly not the top picks for those jerks.
Nope. They want the girls who majored in History of Fashion.
Hey you! Go do your homework instead of reading your daddy’s posts! 
would read later.