Re: Marriage: Before and After!
every marriage is different and not the same... some happy some not... wether its arranged or love.......its up to the individuals in the marriage love can last forever......
i had 2 girl friends who were forced to marry cousins back home, without even having been allowed to talk to them.. we would talk and even though i would tell them to be positive, in my heart i used to think, no way is this working! but they both have been married for 5+ yrs and mashallah, looking at them, u would think it wasnt forced but a love marriage... so much respect, care and consideration... BUT, i think the key was, they both went into their marriages with the belief that they will make it work. they got over the i am being wronged and this is gonna be hell and we shall hate it every day and began their marraiges with the idea, lets be friends and we'll go from there... i think it was a great tactic to use when u already know uve lost the war and try to make most of it... and its cuz of this mentality that their marriages have worked (aside from the fact that their husbands are cupcakes and sugar plums :D )
I can relate to that. I had a forced marriage. Forced by my side of the family obviously not his side.
Within a few months I was head over heels. And it still continues to this day. We are like a couple of newlyweds. His family are really good to me too. I got married very young at 17. We have children now.
(I'm in no way saying that forced marriages are right. I do not agree with them at all.)
We made it work and thats what you have to do in any marriage.
Re: Marriage: Before and After!
two cousins of mine got married (arrange) 1 yr from now, they are brothers and when their brides came from Pk, they seemed to live very happily. And both got sons.
but then a couple months ago, the wife of the older brother started to fight with him and at last they got divorced. the other couple are living a very happy life. So my point is that it's just a matter of luck, i mean if the ex.wife wanted to "build her house" with love nd peace, this wouldnt happen but i think she just didnt want to settle down, so an arrange marriage can be very successed and can also not be.
^ my question is
why it is thought that girl never wanted to seatle down n "build her house". Why it is assumed that women has to compromise no matter what and when she does take a divorce its all because she never worked hard enough to have a happy married life?
Life's too confusing!
Re: Marriage: Before and After!
^ I hate that mentality so much!
PS u mean gal's not compromizing or gal's gettin blamed for her mess up life
Re: Marriage: Before and After!
I meant gal's getting blamed for "ghar nahin banana" and divorce. It takes two to tango. This goes right along with that whole thing of looking down on a woman if she has only girls for kids and not boys. Complete ignorant mentality.
Re: Marriage: Before and After!
totally
we need to be more educated
I meant gal's getting blamed for "ghar nahin banana" and divorce. It takes two to tango. This goes right along with that whole thing of looking down on a woman if she has only girls for kids and not boys. Complete ignorant mentality.
True. I always say it takes two to make a relationship and two to break a relationship.
Re: Marriage: Before and After!
I guess my issue is finding out whether chemistry can be developed...by chemistry I mean physical attraction and intimacy.
Re: Marriage: Before and After!
yep PSquared.....as i have already said......now to clear things more for you i'll qoute "nikah ke boloon main esi takat hai ke jab ek larka aur larki ke darmeyan yeh ristah kayam hota hai tu Allah kud bakud dono ke dillon main pyar daal dehta hai" eventhough they dont know each other....
hmmmm so its happily ever after once the nikah is done? :halo:
Re: Marriage: Before and After!
worked for me, i dont love easy takes me fair bit of time ,years! but somehow worked wid my husband and yea i was pretty depressed before my wedding but was in for a surprise.i think my low expectations made up for most of it though
erm it is said that Allah helps u if u try sincerely not to say dot for dot and no chance of ever being unhappy but if u r a straight kind of person i’ve read Allah bestows regard for each other in hearts.in my case i think that was the only thing going for me
mine was an arranged marriage.. so the love indeed started after nikkah..MashaAllah i am blessed with a gr8 husband and all i can say is I Love Him 
erm it is said that Allah helps u if u try sincerely not to say dot for dot and no chance of ever being unhappy but if u r a straight kind of person i've read Allah bestows regard for each other in hearts.in my case i think that was the only thing going for me
i dont have any doubt that Allah puts the love there... but i think we as humans need to do our part in keeping that love alive or letting it evolve..
u cant expect two people to get married and then hope Allah fixes everything... people ought to do something about it too
i dont have any doubt that Allah puts the love there... but i think we as humans need to do our part in keeping that love alive or letting it evolve..
u cant expect two people to get married and then hope Allah fixes everything... people ought to do something about it too
so what is your mater plan?
we should go out start dating (like true non-muslims) untill we fell in love? What are the chances that we will find true love WITHOUT getting hurt?
I know love marriages are allowed in islam but i dont think dating!
Re: Marriage: Before and After!
^I think Sadzzz is saying that once you're married, ofcourse the love is placed in yours and spouse's heart by Allah swt, however it's upto a couple to keep it going. They need to work hard to make their marriage work and be successful.
Re: Marriage: Before and After!
^ we're jumping the gun a bit... im not even talking about dating
im saying when ur in a marriage, u cant just sit there and wait for Allah to do things... i see so many people say "Allah ki marzi thi.... jori nahin bani.."
Yes, Allah does create a path for you, but as humans (with brains I hope) we ought to do something ourselves too.. we have such a tendency to blame everything on Allah when things go wrong..