Has anyone been in a marriage where they weren’t into their spouse in the beginning but fell in love with them later?
How did it happen?
Share your stories please!
Has anyone been in a marriage where they weren't into their spouse in the beginning but fell in love with them later?
How did it happen?
Share your stories please!
janab.... unfortunately in most cases shadi se pehle pyar, baad mein takraar! :D seriously, very few ppl i know are genuinely happy and beginning to love the guy after marriage. some of them are lovey dovey before marriage and after marriage, literally the marriage is in risk (take mine for example). it can b really v tough.... becus u know each other so well... u know each other's past and stuff, rather than being nice and tolerant... the couple can take that against each other.. very sad but true.
Re: Marriage: Before and After!
^ lame.
if you* loved each other before, how does a piece of paper change that after? if anything, the amount of commitment required to follow through on your relationship and solidify it into a marriage, should only make you a stronger couple. unless the before state was just lust and you weren't looking past each other's eyes to really get a sense of the other person and their mind. in which case, you have only you to blame.
*i mean you in a general sense, not you specifically :)
Re: Marriage: Before and After!
mall: i think that happens only in cases where both had some high expectations from the other and once married realized, oh no, they arent what i thought they would be... should always fall in love with your heart but keep ure head close to u aswell.. the scenerio you have explained is only true for unrational couples who just dont use their heads.. bollywoodish mentality at high levels i think.
i had 2 girl friends who were forced to marry cousins back home, without even having been allowed to talk to them.. we would talk and even though i would tell them to be positive, in my heart i used to think, no way is this working! but they both have been married for 5+ yrs and mashallah, looking at them, u would think it wasnt forced but a love marriage... so much respect, care and consideration... BUT, i think the key was, they both went into their marriages with the belief that they will make it work. they got over the i am being wronged and this is gonna be hell and we shall hate it every day and began their marraiges with the idea, lets be friends and we'll go from there... i think it was a great tactic to use when u already know uve lost the war and try to make most of it... and its cuz of this mentality that their marriages have worked (aside from the fact that their husbands are cupcakes and sugar plums :D )
Re: Marriage: Before and After!
my wife tells me, she hates me more and more with every day passes :( .... not cause of me. because the people and things she had to go through only because she is married to me! and i always say treat me on the merits i treat you not cause of other people, ignore the others as we cant change the others. but she accuses me for everything!!
am i right?
Re: Marriage: Before and After!
does she mean u dont stand up for her?
from what ure saying, no she isnt right. but there must be more to it.. why does she say so?
mall: i think that happens only in cases where both had some high expectations from the other and once married realized, oh no, they arent what i thought they would be... should always fall in love with your heart but keep ure head close to u aswell.. the scenerio you have explained is only true for unrational couples who just dont use their heads.. bollywoodish mentality at high levels i think.
i had 2 girl friends who were forced to marry cousins back home, without even having been allowed to talk to them.. we would talk and even though i would tell them to be positive, in my heart i used to think, no way is this working! but they both have been married for 5+ yrs and mashallah, looking at them, u would think it wasnt forced but a love marriage... so much respect, care and consideration... BUT, i think the key was, they both went into their marriages with the belief that they will make it work. they got over the i am being wronged and this is gonna be hell and we shall hate it every day and began their marraiges with the idea, lets be friends and we'll go from there... i think it was a great tactic to use when u already know uve lost the war and try to make most of it... and its cuz of this mentality that their marriages have worked (aside from the fact that their husbands are cupcakes and sugar plums :D )
i m sorry... but i found that a bit too blunt! i get your point... but in no way do we have the bollywoodish kinda mentality. that was a pretty offensive thing to say. yeah... maybe we had way too many expectations... all i m sayin is its all about majority... and go and knock on the doors of majority of paki women (in pakistan purely) and u will find almost all of them are unhappy... i dun wanna argue. just stating the facts.
Re: Marriage: Before and After!
im sorry if i hurt ure feelings. i take it back.
but the point behind it stands. u were talking bout love marriages that go sour immediately afterwards like yours.
majority of households in pakistan that you are talkin bout dont have love marriages.. its either forced or arranged. yes in such marriages, things can get better or worse...
but love marriages, one hopes, will only go from great to excellent. thats what my argument was about.
does she mean u dont stand up for her?
from what ure saying, no she isnt right. but there must be more to it.. why does she say so?
well without going into too much details, if she hear one of my sister back biting her on the phone to my other sister/mum or anyone. that is horrible for and its cause of me she have to see such people in life! I know my sister she has tendency to do it against me as well :) wife assume my sisters and mum always trying to get rid of her, but i know its not the case.
overall she cant take even a constructive criticism of any kind from me or anyone apart from her own family. if i say the exactly the same thing she will take an offence, in a way i cant talk freely or discuss things openly cause she has the tendency to think i am pointing finger at her even i m not, in plain words I cant talk to my wife free as I can discuss with any of my friend or family for example.
anyway lot has been learnt in last few years by both of us in a positive way.
and this was a arranged and near to forced marriage. and was arranged by mum and sister and they always want it to be succeeded but mrs think otherwise, has this feeling that i can leave her if my family say so cause I married her when they asked me to..
well apart from this, the things I like in my other half are, she doesnt lie, simple and sincere, not into family politics at all
Re: Marriage: Before and After!
i think when u criticize her, do it in a postive manner.. she will understand you better and wont even realize ure telling her to do something in a diff way...
when she tells you what she has heard from ure mom or sis, backbiting bout her, support her and say u understand where she is coming from.. sometimes thats all that matters. your become her support system and show her that she can count on u and that even though you may be a son and brother, u are her husband too, and very much her own.
jub thak apniyat nahi hogi, dooriya rehengi :)
but its great that there have been positive changes... just keep working on it.. good luck!
im sorry if i hurt ure feelings. i take it back.
but the point behind it stands. u were talking bout love marriages that go sour immediately afterwards like yours.
majority of households in pakistan that you are talkin bout dont have love marriages.. its either forced or arranged. yes in such marriages, things can get better or worse...
but love marriages, one hopes, will only go from great to excellent. thats what my argument was about.
well, i have seen even love marriages going wrong too.... one is just darn lucky if they get a gr8 life partner... but the paki, desi mentality that men have is, she is not my equal and shud blindly listen to whatever i say. its everywhere and not just in my marriage. pakistani men can be the worst hubby's if you compare with our western counterparts. i myself have seen men changin their colors after love marriage. so its somethin we, women, can do nothin abt except fret and cry.. but men wudnt change. i m not sayin all marriages are like that but majority are.
Re: Marriage: Before and After!
Is it possible to fall ridiculously in love after you marry a man even though you never thought it would happen?
Re: Marriage: Before and After!
^ Of course it is possible. It all depends on your thinking and if you are willing to give it all you can.
It's definitely possible...
I had a friend in that situation...She used to be in tears all the time even after her nikkah...mainly because she never got to know her cousin beforehand...and things worked out well for her mashaAllah...now she has a baby boy after 2 years of her happily married life ....
Is it possible to fall ridiculously in love after you marry a man even though you never thought it would happen?
Certainly!
PSquared, I think its very much possible. Seen it happen a few times.
On a general note, what do you guys think is the correlation between a love marriage, and its success / longevity?
Re: Marriage: Before and After!
Love marriages can last a long time but both partners have to walk in with the intention of making it work. I also think there shouldnt be unreasonable expectations from either side.
Re: Marriage: Before and After!
What about chemistry...can that be established? Or is simply "either you have it or you dont" type of deal?
hey PS happy 
sorry about derailing ur thread 
Re: Marriage: Before and After!
love or arranged...both work by applying the same rules!
i never met my husband before the haan (as grown ups).....i knew him as a kid....my dad and his dad are childhood friends...before the rishta pakka...we got to talk on the phone..and just clicked :) so yes chemistry is one of the biggest building block in a marriage.