Re: Marriage b/w western desis and desis
**How dare you say that girls raised here are so selfish and screwed up that they would kick out her own parents? Or sorry are you “joking” again? **](http://www.paklinks.com/gs/showthread.php?t=174696)
Re: Marriage b/w western desis and desis
i agree with u…
the reasons some people give for marrying a girl from back home (in PBH’s case… pita bread vs roti) are pretty silly…
but…i dont see how being in control of another being is a sign of confidence, it maens insecurity to me.. confidence is being able to stand up to someone who is independant, self-sufficent and in control of themselves… trying to keep someone else in control means lack of respect for another.. and some kind of inferiority/superiority comlpex..
Pak Brave saab, western raised girls can make an equally good desi dish as a pakistani bred kukri.. dont bring the cooking crap into it…
Re: Marriage b/w western desis and desis
Okay, my question is…why is it absolutely ** necessary ** for a girl to live with her in laws? I can understand if they’re sick and need to be taken care of, that’s a different story. And on that note what if her own parents are sick? Will you let them move in wiht you as well? Or should she simply just kiss her own parents goodbye becoz hey it’s her “duty to take care of YOUR parents.” There is nothing in Islam that says it’s a sin to want to live alone with your hubby, in fact ur only obligation is to your own parents, nobody else’s, (I definitely would take care of my in laws if they needed to be taken care of) but the way pakis act, it might as well be.
Re: Marriage b/w western desis and desis
oh puhleeezz… dont even start on that..
ive seen a few examples of desi wives come here and ruin families… it has nothign to do with where ur bred… its about the tabeeyat ur own parents give you.. its bout ur own intelligence and nature…
just go to pak and spend.. hmm ok a week in any desi house and see for urself how daughters treat their parents (and i coudnt inlaws as paretns too)
Re: Marriage b/w western desis and desis
and Sara… what is so wrong with ur inlaws living with u… even if they aint sick?? is is it a prequisite for them to be sick or ill (heaven forbid) for them to be allowed under ur roof… as a daughter, would u only let ur parents live with u if they were sick…
the rules apply both ways… his parents, ur parents… they should both be respected equally
Re: Marriage b/w western desis and desis
Oh gosh I am not that cruel. I said that I would take care of my in laws the best I could. There really isn't anything wrong with in-laws per se I guess, and no it's not wrong, its just that I'd rather have the first few months alone with my husband. You always see guys saying they want someone to taek care of their parents, but i have yet to read anything abou ta guy respecting or loving his in laws.
Re: Marriage b/w western desis and desis
i know sadzz but i am talking about the chances...I have been to pakistan and seen the situation there also and I know that it is pretty crappy over there...What I was trying to imply is there is a more chance with western gals...I have seen desi gals destroying households but i have seen many western desi gals not even not even willing to even give a thought on living with the guys family. In any case sadzz I have not been implying that only desi gals "devi's" and I have never said that only western paki gals will be the source of evil for the guy....Thats what i was explaining to PBH that mate don't count on desi gals back home living with ur parents
Re: Marriage b/w western desis and desis
How about you guys just decide to marry whoever you get along with, whose values you share etc? The way things are, there’s no surefire “recipe” for which has better girls, east or west. Just go with whoever u feel comfortable with, and leave these generalisations plz 
Re: Marriage b/w western desis and desis
PBH re post #59. I disagree. I know women that have left US and canada and taken excellent care of their inlaws etc. BTW that is quite selfish dont you think that is why ppl should have 401 K plans so they dont have to rely on their kids when they grow old.
I wouldn't want my kids to take care of me. Let them enjoy their life, thats what its all about.
P.S my sis in law is from canada and I just lost my grandfather. She took excellent care of my grandfather to the point that he when he died he was holding her hand for comfort.
Re: Marriage b/w western desis and desis
verizon bhai i know that it might be selfish that girl take care of in-laws. But take this scenario. I am the only son of my parents. They will be in pakistan when they are old - They donot have 401-K plan - They put all their investments on their children and their family...(yeah typical desi parents) gave a lot of sacrifices for me. I owe everything to them..I know my wife might have a problem with that I would personally want to live with my parents and take care of them in their older days...This is one good thing about india/pakistan...ppls spend their lives taking care of their parents and then children also have a responsibility (according to me) ke because our desi parents do give us a lot of love and care
P.S. in pakistan there is no 401-k plan what shud parents whose investment is their kids do
Re: Marriage b/w western desis and desis
saying this doesnt mean that i wouldnt take care of my wife...obviously I will..i'll do the dishes, cooking, cleaning for everything her.. :)
Re: Marriage b/w western desis and desis
Marriage is tough...even if you are married to the perfect guy for you and have a great understanding with him...it is still tough...so why stack the deck against yourself....
I agree with the first post and Verizon, if you are from "here" (wherever that is) marry there.... I think you will be happier..... I grew up all over the world, and I married someone who came from a similar background... I am not saying that has made our marraige work.... but it has certainly made a difference...
S.
Re: Marriage b/w western desis and desis
a simple answer: NO! there have been too many horror stories out there, about for example a cousin, who was born and raised in say england, and then married his cousin who was in pakistan. and what happened? he ditched the girl for his girlfriend. on their wedding night! so no! i really believe that (and please don't shoot the messenger) girls, no matter what circumstances they come from, can make a marriage work...granted they want it to work out. but for some reason, and i am not making this stuff up, the guys have a hard time.
and im not saying that there are not those couples out there that are going along perfectly well, mashallah, but like i said, there have been too many tragedies, and therefore one really should not take such a risk.
btw, i guess this is slightly off topic, but i think that those that have not been born in the walait, but have been raised there, and therefore have different ideals, values and expectations, such rishtays should not occur either. same reasons as above.
Re: Marriage b/w western desis and desis
Well, people think differently and hear things differently, so it is kind of natural that people are biased about desi society just as desis are biased on the western society, both in my opinonen er false.
As it comes to marriage i dont think it plays a big role, marriage is either it goes well or doesnt, this is building on many things. One can be married 20years without actually being married if the couple are not having a good communication within themselves, then problem starts.
My personal and unbaised opinion is that all People are different!
The key for a successfull marrige is COOPERATION NOT COLLISION!!!
Er det vilje finns det muligheter. (Where there is a will, there is a way.)
Redlips
Re: Marriage b/w western desis and desis
My opinion is: There is lots of difference about the way of thinking,
Like a girl is friends with a guy a pakistani guy from pakistan will think there
is more between them then friendship. Also about marriage going to school or
have a job, Some Desi man's from Pakistan or India whatever dont want that there
wife have a job or going to school again. And some of them are not like that.
Thank God my hubby is not like that i can have a job or go to school but in some way
he is still a desi and there is differnce between us.
Re: Marriage b/w western desis and desis
this thread is almost as funny as chachu Heff's 4 wives thread.
If hes rich enough i dont really care wheres he's from, the marriage will work for me :)
Re: Marriage b/w western desis and desis
Yeah they work but you usually need to bring kids into the equation to give you something to focus on, otherwise if divorce is a no no, then you will both be pretty miserable.
Similar Educational backgrounds do help.
I have seen cases where Graduate girls have been lumbered off with guys who dont even speak a word of english and have **** for brains, literally. And because they are "good western raised paki girls" they go along with it to protect the family honour. Now that is sick, I mean really sick.
Why educate them if you are gonna lumber em off to the first ass you know?
No matter how hard you try you just cant get through to some people. Some people are not willing to listen or understand.
Re: Marriage b/w western desis and desis
Oh boy here we go again. The more I read the opinions of desi girls on this board the more I believe that the two cultures should stay separate. It is clear that the desi person will have to compromise on a lot of issues in such a union and his loss will be far greater. From a man’s perspective, I think the well educated Pakistani born and raised women have a far superior intellect than the western born desi girls. While the western born and raised desis spend their youth searching for an identity, the Pakistani born and raised girls spend their energies into achieving much higher goals.
What people here don’t realize is the failed experiences they are talking about are not really due to culture difference but rather a class difference. A girl born and raised in a well to do family in Lahore will probably have compatibility issues if married off to a small time farmer in Narowal. A village guy from interior Punjab is culture shocked when he comes to Lahore or Islamabad; don’t expect him not to when he lands in London from a direct flight from Mirpur.
The real question is why are your parents forcing you in such a union? Supposedly they have been in the west for longer than you have. I will be skeptical when a person is selling his car at a lower than market value. So is something wrong with the goods? Hmmmm. Go blame your parents rather than dissing Pakistani born guys just because there are not enough of them on this board to reply.
A Pakistani raised and born person may not have a cup of starbucks in their life, but FYI coffee is not a foreign concept to them.
Thankfully not all the western born and raised desi women (and men) have such insecurities as you people of gupshup exhibit. You know who you are 
Re: Marriage b/w western desis and desis
^ you really have it in for western born and raised desi chicks don't ya?
they are just labels, ABCD's, BBCD's, FOB's..whatever, don't mean anything. think of the individual first and then how and where they have been raised.
and im no princess...My dad says im Queen of the world!! :p
Re: Marriage b/w western desis and desis
^ there are such labels..believe it or not.
An abcd girl doesn’t believe that an fob could be a human..(his demands, expectations and all)
and an fob guy doesn’t believe that abcd girls are actually humans too..(her life style and err demands and all)
I don’t really blame them for that 
Why force the issue..I don’t get it.