Looking at Nilu’s last posting. I began wondering…Should a desi guy/girl born and raised in western countries (usa, canada, uk, europe, aust etc.) marry a desi guy/girl born and raised in desiland (i.e. pakistan,india, bangladesh etc). I know it depends on thinking but I have seen many of these marriages failing when I was in US. Some of my friends who were born and raised even in Dubai came to US to marry their cousins (greencard ofcourse) and at the end there were compatibility issue and then eventually divorce…I personally think they shouldn’t there are a lot of cultural and mentality differences. But it also depends on how these people have been raised (no matter in west or in desiland)
Re: Marriage b/w western desis and desis
it all depends on level of understanding and maturity b/w the couple. doesnt matter where he is from or where she was born. a love marriage has a same chance of ending up in divorce as arrange marriages. it all boils down to how much effort u r willing to put into a relationship and how much u respect and care for each other.
Re: Marriage b/w western desis and desis
No. Loud and clear. Maturity, thinking, compromise, respect
and care all sounds nice in theory but in reality it's a two way
street. Marriage is a two way street. Marrying the wrong person
and divorcing both are traumatic and tragic situations which
makes a person loose a part of themselves they can never
regain. And at the end no level of maturity, thinking, compromise, respect,
care which a Pakistan-raised person might show is worth the risk
marrying them comes with.
Re: Marriage b/w western desis and desis
^ agree with suroor..
it depends on the level of understanding, communication between the two and maturity..
every marriage requires work... and if the two people are willing to put in their best.. it can work, be it an arranged or love marriage
Re: Marriage b/w western desis and desis
alhan:marraige is a risk,period. u never know what surprises life may bring for u. u can evaluated it before hand as much as u want, disect the person's personality before u get married. it still doesnt matter. the person who is a phd or a big hot shot with charming personality can turn out to be a parha likha jahil who likes to beat up his wife. remember, wife beating happens in western society at the same amount as in eastern society, the only difference is here, u can actually report such incident and in east u just keep quiet.
Re: Marriage b/w western desis and desis
Hmmmm…
From what I’ve seen in my own family, and of others, I’ve come to the opinion that it’s easier for a guy raised in the West to marry a girl from “back home” simply coz the culture of “listen to your husband” is there. They are taught from a young age that the hoem they live in is not really their own, their husband’s home is their “home.” Obviously, that culture does not exist in the US/UK etc.
It would be a lot more difficult for a girl raised here to get along wtih a guy from back home. There’s always going to be cultural differences. I’m not saying the marriage would disintegrate in that situation: every marrriage has its arguments and its ups and downs, and yeah ti depends on the maturity levels and understanding the two people have between each other. And no, I’m not saying all pak-raised guys are idiots.
That said, I personally am giong back to pak after i graduate so… :halo:
Re: Marriage b/w western desis and desis
Depends on why the need for such an overseas marriage. If it's for the wrong reasons like a foreign residency then obviously that's not a good start. If it's because the guy/girl haath se nikal raha hai so take em to Pak real fast to get married, that's not good either. But it is possible with the right intentions and maturity present in both parties.
Re: Marriage b/w western desis and desis
There is obviously a difference in the way people think in both worlds hence the expectations are different..midset is different. Since the other word for marriage is compromise…people shouldn’t push it beyond limits. I’d recommend people to stick to their respective worlds.
Re: Marriage b/w western desis and desis
sometimes.... its simply cus u fall i love with somenoe back there..
Re: Marriage b/w western desis and desis
sadzz and suroor I agree with you that it depends on level of understanding but as fayz said, these are two different worlds out there. many problems i that have seen are that pakistani guys (not everyone but generally) from back home donot like their wives to have male friendships and ideally want their wives to do all the howsehold chores. Western paki girls find it difficult to accet because they have been raised in an environment where having male just as a friend is not a big deal. They believe that household jobs should be shared equally. Other issues are work, education, freedom. So the two people from different cultures have to be understanding on many different issues and its not that easy...
Re: Marriage b/w western desis and desis
i dunno homer.. i gotta disagree with that..
i dont think only desi males who grow up in pakistan, dislike their wives having male friends and aquaintances... desi males from supposedly western socieities, dont appreciate that either.. its the same way, females dont like their men chit-chatting with other females...
as for household chores, not all desi men raised in pakland want their wives to on the floor mopping...
take this for example, most of the females in my fam back home hardly do any chores.. their life is spent going to bazaars and eating.. whereas over here, the females in my fam, do everything on our own.. maybe i guess this independancy we have is somewhat of a threat...
i hate this generlarisation, that all guys/gals in pak share the same mentality.. cus they dont.. just like how all of us raised in countries other than pak/india dont either
Re: Marriage b/w western desis and desis
I honestly believe that any marriage can work, if both parties have sensible minds, love and respect for each other, basic intelligence and a determination to make the relationship work.
I have seen many relationships where the two had nothing in common when they met (different cultures, different origins, different religions, different professions) and they liked each other and made it work. Some others, you see people who grew up in the same mohalla, breaking up within a year.
So, there is no hard and fast rule that a western-raised desi can not function with a desiland-raised desi.
Re: Marriage b/w western desis and desis
^ yeah happened with me… happened with my bro too..
as long as ur mature abou things (lets hope i am :halo: ).. it can work
Re: Marriage b/w western desis and desis
Great answer. totally agree. end of discussion.
Re: Marriage b/w western desis and desis
Actually I agree with Homers starting statement, Desis brought up here should marry here. So far I have not heard a single sucess story, mostly workout in the end but sacrifices are huge. This is specially true from a female brought up here and married to a desi. The men from back home are way too over protective of their spouses. Just my two cents.
Good thread Homer:k:, nothing better to do down under.
Re: Marriage b/w western desis and desis
Homer, i just realised ur from OZ... g'day!
Re: Marriage b/w western desis and desis
Faisal 
totally agree again.
Guess I have to be tired more often, I have never been more agreeable in my life than I was today.
Re: Marriage b/w western desis and desis
I think you just met some great people today. Thats why.
Re: Marriage b/w western desis and desis
If you are a traditional kind of pakistani guy who lives outside of pakistan, then you should get married to a tradtiional girl who lives in pakistan.
Most of the "westernized" desis girls are sluts. Marriage is ones in a life thing, so you should not gamble on it by marrying a former slut from new york. As far as I know most of the marriages with "westernized" desis end in divorce, or your children will become christian, or you will end up in a senior citizen's housing when you are old and your daugher will run away with a black guy.
So if you want a normal happy family then marry a traditional girl from some good family in pakistan.
Re: Marriage b/w western desis and desis
^ Oh my gosh i hope ur kidding there…
How can you even say something liek that? Most desi girls from here are sluts? Sheesh…talk bout stereotypes…you are a true idiot man…