Re: Marriage & Age
yeah soundarya and tammy, i hear you guys.
i think part of it has to do with us living outside of pakistan. just wat i think.
Re: Marriage & Age
I live in the US and I honestly don't know or heard of any girl born and raised in the US that got married before they atleast finished undergraduate studies........ which takes them to age 22. MOST girls I know get married after graduate studies.
Yes there are those guys that get married to a super young girl from the homeland. No comment about that.
And I think it depends on the type of families you want to marry into. Because a Family that is highly educated themselves and really values education.... appreciates a girl that is also as educated as they are and have no problem with her age. They want a girl that is of the same "intellect level" as they are and appreciate the fact that the educational system in the US is bizaarely long as compared to other systems in the world. A girl's age easily gets higher and higher as her parents spend thousands upon thousands of dollars on her and she puts in all the time and effort to gain that degree.
If the guy's sisters are getting a higher education and are not married themselves yet or got married at a later age (which is normal) ... what the hell can they say about their own son/brother wanting to marry a girl that has some solid education behind her as well. Its honestly such a non issue from what I have seen... but it might also have to do with the type of families that we associate with. Most girls here are also marrying a guy of their own choice too as well... huge trend. Not necessarily someone they dated ..but someone that was introduced to them by a girlfriend or someone they met at college or work. So at the end of the day it is the GUYS choice that he want to marry a girl that is "older".
Another point is that education is SUPER expensive here... like sickly expensive. Guy's families are willing to wait for the girl to finish her studies so that her parents can foot that bill. Selfishness of them not wanting their son to take on that burden is common and expected. The guy and girl themselves are usually ok with this idea anyways since they themselves might not be in that financial position to pay for an education right away.
And because there are not a huge muslim population here as Chaachi has correctly pointed out... most families do not really have any objections to who their daughter/son has chosen to marry. Shuker kartain hain that their child chose an educated Pakistani Muslim. What more do you want living in a country like the US where pickens are slim???
Our family friends tend to start getting freaked out once their daughter hits 30 and there is no guy in sight and the girl herself is not open to the idea of traditional "rishtay". Then it becomes stressful.
Re: Marriage & Age
^ I think the key is for a girl to just not be picky and have an open mind always... even during the studies. One can always get engaged or nikkah and then get married after education is complete.
Soundarya - have you voiced your concerns to your mother???? Mabey you should. You are def at the right age where you are evaluating options atleast. My mothers own mentality has always been with me and my sister: That a good guy is hard to come by here since we live in the states. So whichever daughter of mine finds a guy first/gets a legit rishtaa.... she will get engaged/nikkah/married first. So she had no issues with the fact of my younger sister getting married before me.
But that is another common trend here in the US that I have noticed... its not mandatory that the older siblings get married first. Its like whoever finds someone first... should go ahead and seal the deal. I guess again because parents are scared that there are such few people here and they dont want to loose the opportunity.
I have voiced my concerns but they get shot down. The response I get is to worry more about my sister and am I in a rush to get married 
. I’m not in some rush, but I think I’m going to end up being 27 and single too just like my sister. For my 28 year old cousin, it’s not so bad because she has little brothers. The majority still go in order of age. A lot of aunties have come up to me and said, “You’re 24 now, it’s your turn” but then they remember I have an older sister and say, “wait, no, not yet, your sister still has to go first” with a really concerned look. My fears build up. It’s not mandatory to go in order of age, but the one or two times that it has happened in my community when a younger sister got married or say a brother who is young and close in age to a sister went first- most people still find it strange. We can live in the US, but the people are still Pakistani and have that mind set because they’re trying to hold onto traditions.
But then again, my friends have been getting rishtas for years and aren’t hitched yet… most of the rishtas end up being guys on temporary visas who need to get hitched to stay. It makes me wonder if I’m even missing out on anything.
Re: Marriage & Age
i dont think age has anything to do with it.....i'm 24 now and thankfully my family is not the sort to push me.....my parents want to me find a boy but do not care when i get married.....lol.....the problem with my situation is that my older sister and her husband have known each other since the were 16 and were together for 8 yrs before they got married so they knew each other very well...but they have had some serious problems with their marriage including having a baby too early before they were settled. thats left my parents worried because they think that even if uve known the guy for 8 yrs such problems exist so i shud start looking for guys now and get to know them before i get married.....they dont want me in a situation where i'm 30 or older and i just marry some random guy so that i dont have to stay single.....
i understand their feelings because i know several girls who started looking frantically for guys after they turned 29 and then once they found a viable option married them within 4 or 5 mnths of meeting them.....and this wasnt because they were madly in love in fact in both cases the girls feel like theyve settled in a way....both of them are really pretty, very accomplished women who were both in long term relationships but then both got dumped by the men they liked and after that remained single for a while.....i think because they were both very hurt....and then they realised they needed to marry quickly......in both cases they married men younger than them.....the problem was that the men older than them were looking for brides in their mid 20's as is the case with pakistani men.....they are both content but not as happy as they were in their relationships.
i think one of the problems is that women also start worrying abt children and childbirth.....my mom whose a doctor has always told us and others to have our first babies before we turn 30 because its safer.....my mom got married when she was 28 which was a big deal for that generation and my father was 34.....she was finsihing up her education. my extended khandaan are not very big on education for their daughters but the women who are studying or have careers are very well supported. lol....my own grandparents are in no hurry to see me married....i have actually neevr heard them say once to get married or look at rishtas even though i am now the same age that my sister got married.
i believe that more important that age or children is that we marry men who we can actually spend the rest of our lives with and raise children with.....i mean whats the use of marrying young if you and ure husband dont have a foundation?
i hope this helps..... :) i ahve loads more examples of women who've married young and those who've married late and this has led me to believe that its far more important to marry someone you have a connection with.....
Umm.. not really, Its just friendly advice, People can take it or leave it. Not the end of the world. I think its nice to open your mind at the age of 19 to get the idea of how these rishta things work and never know might come across someone you really like :) However there is the other option of finding the perfect guy yourself! :D
I've read some of your posts, and I have to say that your thinking is highly immature. You don't know what Allah's got planned for you and your life, and it's highly illogical to wait the whole of your life for a guy so you can just sit at home and become a housewife. As someone else mentioned, people die. Divorces happen. And families aren't always keen on supporting you and any potential children you may have after a mishap like that. Then what do you have to look forward to without any real life skills, besides roti pakana? Sure maybe it's not the right thing to sit at home if you have professional degree and not do anything with it, but at least these women have some skills to fall back on if God forbid something bad happens in their lives. As well, these days, the income of 1 bread earner isn't enough to support an entire family and so women DO have to go out into the work field to support their families. So if you're going to just sit around by the time you hit 16, wait for a guy to sweep you off your feet and that's it then I'm sorry you're in the wrong. And trust me, I've seen plenty of girls like these who are now basically "whoring" themselves because what they expected to happen at the age of 16 didn't happen and are not hitting the dreaded 25.
To find a soulmate at the age of 19 is settling. I'm sorry but that's the truth. And your life partner can be found at any stage in your life, you never know. My cousin wasn't able to find a rishta, and she wasn't being picky at all either. Her other two sisters got married at a "timely" fashion. Instead of her just sitting around and waiting for a right guy to come along, she did her PhD, went overseas and there found a guy and now is happily married. Sure she didn't get married at the right age and ofcourse people talked, but instead of settling she made something of herself and Allah had something planned for her that she didn't know when she was 21.
There needs to be a balance between career and the house-life skills. Like Sara said, when the right guy comes along, people will do things that they never thought they ever would do just because they were at a different stage in life. If something works for you, if you have learnt your lessons by looking at someone else's life, then good for you. But do not expect the same notion to work for you and don't "advice" people to do the same thing because it may not suit their life and their experiences.
Re: Marriage & Age
I'll be 27 when i'll be getting married in november...... (**** 27!?!?!!?) but yes.. this is the time when i'm actually ready to start a new life... I wasnt ready for marriage or any commitment 3 years ago or two. This feels so right now.. and my fiance is of the opinion that the guy and girl shud be of the same age.. :)
Re: Marriage & Age
Well im 20 and if i get married and then God forbid divorce i have things to fall back on. I have a career i can fall back on and it didnt take me 5-6 years to achieve. And thankfully to my parents if that did ever happen i have things to fall back on to as well. IMO when your 25+ people do brush you off to the side, All im saying is it will take along time to find the right rishta, And it made me even more aware of it when i found out my cousin whos the most nicest amazing good looking well educated woman and her engagment broke off. I was shocked. And even her mum said to me i regret not looking for her when she was 18+ Coz now its gonna take another 2-3 years to look again. And its a real real shame because were all choudhary jutt and stupidly her dad only wants her to marry that caste so whenever a really nice rishta come around they brush it off coz of 'caste'.
Also i hate the fact that a girl who is 2-3 years younger than the older sister is ready for marriage yet cant get married. I can sort of understand because people will 100% brush off the older sister in that case. However theres been so many girls posting in here 24+ saying how they cant find anyone etc etc. Im in no way saying girls should get married young because of the pakistani culture/religion nothing like that. Even if i was a non muslim i would wanna get married by 21 because thats me. And thats what i want. I have a career. So im not getting married simply to be a 'housewife' I've discussed this with my future hubby and its not a issue wether a work or not. And my thinking and his thinking is marriage is for life. So even if i didnt have a career i would stick it out no matter what.
MixedBeauty... I understand where you're coming from. You're young but you are ready for marriage. It seems like you know what you're getting into so it is the right time for you. I know a lot of people start looking around for a future husband or wife at a younger age now and it's reasonable if there is maturity. I also agree with Khumar, that you need something to fall back on. One thing is, for those of us who live in the US, we normally don't get done with school until around 22- that's if we only go for a bachelor's. Add grad school, and it's more time. Some believe that a girl shouldn't get married until she has fully completed her education and has something to fall back on- especially necessary these days. That's what my parents did with my sister and are most probably doing with me (I'm in grad school). The search does get tougher when you hit 27. But now that I think of it, if my parents started looking for me at 19, I would have been completely anti-marriage, immature, and disrespectful to the prospectives.
I live in the US and I honestly don't know or heard of any girl born and raised in the US that got married before they atleast finished undergraduate studies........ which takes them to age 22. MOST girls I know get married after graduate studies.
Yes there are those guys that get married to a super young girl from the homeland. No comment about that.
And I think it depends on the type of families you want to marry into. Because a Family that is highly educated themselves and really values education.... appreciates a girl that is also as educated as they are and have no problem with her age. They want a girl that is of the same "intellect level" as they are and appreciate the fact that the educational system in the US is bizaarely long as compared to other systems in the world. A girl's age easily gets higher and higher as her parents spend thousands upon thousands of dollars on her and she puts in all the time and effort to gain that degree.
If the guy's sisters are getting a higher education and are not married themselves yet or got married at a later age (which is normal) ... what the hell can they say about their own son/brother wanting to marry a girl that has some solid education behind her as well. Its honestly such a non issue from what I have seen... but it might also have to do with the type of families that we associate with. Most girls here are also marrying a guy of their own choice too as well... huge trend. Not necessarily someone they dated ..but someone that was introduced to them by a girlfriend or someone they met at college or work. So at the end of the day it is the GUYS choice that he want to marry a girl that is "older".
Another point is that education is SUPER expensive here... like sickly expensive. Guy's families are willing to wait for the girl to finish her studies so that her parents can foot that bill. Selfishness of them not wanting their son to take on that burden is common and expected. The guy and girl themselves are usually ok with this idea anyways since they themselves might not be in that financial position to pay for an education right away.
And because there are not a huge muslim population here as Chaachi has correctly pointed out... most families do not really have any objections to who their daughter/son has chosen to marry. Shuker kartain hain that their child chose an educated Pakistani Muslim. What more do you want living in a country like the US where pickens are slim???
Our family friends tend to start getting freaked out once their daughter hits 30 and there is no guy in sight and the girl herself is not open to the idea of traditional "rishtay". Then it becomes stressful.
Totally agree.. I can't even remember the last time we went to a wedding where the bride was under 23.. When they hear of a girl, the first thing the boys' parents tend to ask is 'what does she do?' as in 'has she finished her degree', this tends to come before anything else.. the vast majority we know are getting married between 24-27 and that's how the professional parents prefer it.. When I was 21/22 mine would say 'no way' to me getting married, even tho my mum is pretty religious and conservative. My brother's fiancee is 24 and doing her legal training and even then my mum asked them both to wait till she had finished to tie the knot but they said no..
Re: Marriage & Age
^ Where I live, I'd say a lot of Pakistani girls might be engaged by 23. Get married around 24-26. That's a good time because by then a career is established too. Arab guys and girls here tend to get married very young. The majority that I know, engaged right outta high school and married under 21 (both guy and girl). Parents fear pre-marital relations. There have been a few Pakistani guys and girls that I know of who got married between 18-23... professional parents... some of the guys aren't working and are still in school. Oh well, everyone is different.
Re: Marriage & Age
^ Yeah, I agree it's fairly common to be married 24-26ish.. I guess whatever suits the couple but when ppl say 'oh u must get married by such and such age' it really riles me.. Arabs do tend to marry earlier, here in the UK as well, wherebouts do u live? I have a few Lebanese mates who married before 21.. They don't usually live with inlaws tho so prob not so much pressure to stop study or work the way a lot of desi elders ask/tell their dils to..
Well im 20 and if i get married and then God forbid divorce i have things to fall back on. I have a career i can fall back on and it didnt take me 5-6 years to achieve. And thankfully to my parents if that did ever happen i have things to fall back on to as well. IMO when your 25+ people do brush you off to the side, All im saying is it will take along time to find the right rishta, And it made me even more aware of it when i found out my cousin whos the most nicest amazing good looking well educated woman and her engagment broke off. I was shocked. And even her mum said to me i regret not looking for her when she was 18+ Coz now its gonna take another 2-3 years to look again. And its a real real shame because were all choudhary jutt and stupidly her dad only wants her to marry that caste so whenever a really nice rishta come around they brush it off coz of 'caste'..
I thought you were just planning on starting your training to become a hair stylist or something???? If you have just begun your training... well that doesn't mean that you have a "career" yet. And thats great that its not going to take you 5-6 years to achieve... but there is a whole lot of girls out there that aspire to become doctors, lawyers, have phD's, get their masters and get their MBA's .... and it is their parents dream as well to see their little girl become this educated. It does take us many years to achieve these goals and we are quite proud to do so. There are plenty of guys and families out there that respect and appreciate these goals and achievements. So they WILL understand that a girl's age is "25 or older" due to what she has become --> the are NOT going to hold this against her.
In the US - every single person that becomes a doctor is 26 years old at MINIMUM. 4 years of undergrad ... 4 years of medical school. And what do you think??? Girls that are 26 year old doctors are having a hard time finding rishtay and getting married??? I think not at all actually.
As Deeba said .. people usually ask "what does the girl do" .. first question. People from super educated families (usually) truly want a girl that is on their level and just as educated as them... they want the girl to be a doctor... lawyer... etc. She doesn't have to work if she does't want to... but they still prefer her to be educated.
And again - I think the real problem in your family is pickiness. If your cousin is gorgeous, educated, nicest, and most amazing girl.... she probabably wouldn't have a heard time finding another rishta at all .. but yes - if her dad wants her to marry in the same freaking CASTE ... well that does limit your options severely doesn't it??? They should only be looking for a nice, amazing, educated guy. And thats it. If you open up the options to "all castes"... their search would go much faster and your aunt wouldn't be saying that they should have started looking when she was 18-19. I literally seriously do not know anyone here whose mom started looking at 18-19 ... no matter how traditional and conservative the family is.
My friends older sister got married at 34. This is an extreme story I am telling you.. I know this is not the norm. But my point is - she got married late NOT because she didn't have any rishtay coming her way... but because she didn't want to settle. She is mashAllah BEAUTIFUL gorgeous nice girl from an amazing family... she is highly educated and has a great job. Due to these qualities, there was never the fear that rishtay are going to stop coming. That girl got tons and tons of rishtay. SHe almost got engaged twice but unfortunately things would fall thru when something was realized about the guy/his family. She didn't become depressed or sad. She continued working on her goals and made something of herself. Her beauty kept guys interested regardless of her age.
Sure once she hit 30 her parents become a bit worried and stressed..but they still never pushed marriage on her... they knew she would get married when she met the right person and that is exactly what happened. She is very very happily married. She had a strong faith in Allah that he knows best and has something better for her planned. Which is true.
MixedBeauty... I understand where you're coming from. You're young but you are ready for marriage. It seems like you know what you're getting into so it is the right time for you. I know a lot of people start looking around for a future husband or wife at a younger age now and it's reasonable if there is maturity. I also agree with Khumar, that you need something to fall back on. One thing is, for those of us who live in the US, we normally don't get done with school until around 22- that's if we only go for a bachelor's. Add grad school, and it's more time. Some believe that a girl shouldn't get married until she has fully completed her education and has something to fall back on- especially necessary these days. That's what my parents did with my sister and are most probably doing with me (I'm in grad school). The search does get tougher when you hit 27. But now that I think of it, if my parents started looking for me at 19, I would have been completely anti-marriage, immature, and disrespectful to the prospectives.
It all depends on the person. I was 17 when i had my first proper rishta and i said yes then no then yes. How immature its pathetic. Everyone is different and i honestly believe if i wasnt in a relationship i wud be immature about marriage too. Its made me realise what 'give and take' actually means. And compromise boy do you have to compromise in a relationship. I've stopped things hes stopped things. And i've realised you have to take it. If i didnt have a relationship the way my dad treats me i would still be a immature little baby trust me. As im getting older i'm realising things, And im glad i didnt hit 25+ to get 'mature'
^ Where I live, I'd say a lot of Pakistani girls might be engaged by 23. Get married around 24-26. That's a good time because by then a career is established too. Arab guys and girls here tend to get married very young. The majority that I know, engaged right outta high school and married under 21 (both guy and girl). Parents fear pre-marital relations. There have been a few Pakistani guys and girls that I know of who got married between 18-23... professional parents... some of the guys aren't working and are still in school. Oh well, everyone is different.
I've seen that too.
I thought you were just planning on starting your training to become a hair stylist or something???? If you have just begun your training... well that doesn't mean that you have a "career" yet. And thats great that its not going to take you 5-6 years to achieve... but there is a whole lot of girls out there that aspire to become doctors, lawyers, have phD's, get their masters and get their MBA's .... and it is their parents dream as well to see their little girl become this educated. It does take us many years to achieve these goals and we are quite proud to do so. There are plenty of guys and families out there that respect and appreciate these goals and achievements. So they WILL understand that a girl's age is "25 or older" due to what she has become --> the are NOT going to hold this against her.
In the US - every single person that becomes a doctor is 26 years old at MINIMUM. 4 years of undergrad ... 4 years of medical school. And what do you think??? Girls that are 26 year old doctors are having a hard time finding rishtay and getting married??? I think not at all actually.
As Deeba said .. people usually ask "what does the girl do" .. first question. People from super educated families (usually) truly want a girl that is on their level and just as educated as them... they want the girl to be a doctor... lawyer... etc. She doesn't have to work if she does't want to... but they still prefer her to be educated.
And again - I think the real problem in your family is pickiness. If your cousin is gorgeous, educated, nicest, and most amazing girl.... she probabably wouldn't have a heard time finding another rishta at all .. but yes - if her dad wants her to marry in the same freaking CASTE ... well that does limit your options severely doesn't it??? They should only be looking for a nice, amazing, educated guy. And thats it. If you open up the options to "all castes"... their search would go much faster and your aunt wouldn't be saying that they should have started looking when she was 18-19. I literally seriously do not know anyone here whose mom started looking at 18-19 ... no matter how traditional and conservative the family is.
My friends older sister got married at 34. This is an extreme story I am telling you.. I know this is not the norm. But my point is - she got married late NOT because she didn't have any rishtay coming her way... but because she didn't want to settle. She is mashAllah BEAUTIFUL gorgeous nice girl from an amazing family... she is highly educated and has a great job. Due to these qualities, there was never the fear that rishtay are going to stop coming. That girl got tons and tons of rishtay. SHe almost got engaged twice but unfortunately things would fall thru when something was realized about the guy/his family. She didn't become depressed or sad. She continued working on her goals and made something of herself. Her beauty kept guys interested regardless of her age.
Sure once she hit 30 her parents become a bit worried and stressed..but they still never pushed marriage on her... they knew she would get married when she met the right person and that is exactly what happened. She is very very happily married. She had a strong faith in Allah that he knows best and has something better for her planned. Which is true.
PR-: Career meaning i have qualified being a beauty therapist. Training to do hair is different. Im not qualified in hair yet. I understand in American/canada its something like 18 until you finish school. Here in UK you leave when your 15/16. So things do work kinda quicker here i guess.
My cousin i remember her telling me 2 years ago a rishta came who she absoloutly loved but her dad said no coz of 'caste' I know its absoloutly pathetic and i feel for her so much, But what can you do? Her mums put her foot down but no one listens. No offence to anyone but All the people in our castes are bloody inbred and look the same. So yes the rishta process will continue!
As for the parents will be proud to see their little girl this educated. Yes parents will be proud however people do *brush off 25+ Im sorry but its true. My mums best friends oldest daughter is a doctor and she is 26 and because she has 4 sisters their all looking at the 20/22 Year old. Its just the sad truth tbh.
You can be young and achieve everything too. You dont have to have 'degree's' To be successful, My potential BIL got married at 21 and his wife was 20 Mashallah they live a very cosy life indeed. The main thing people really look at is if the guy can provide for the girl.
Oh and his wife went to college to train as a teacher after marriage too. (she didnt have any degree's etc etc when she married) So im pretty sure they will accept me for being a beauty therapist/ Trainee hairdresser. Oh and my parents are very very proud of me, I really dont need to graduate or anything for my parents to be proud of me. Or my Inlaws.. They pretty much adore me as it is... For not being *THAT educated. Nevermind eh?!
PR-: Career meaning i have qualified being a beauty therapist. Training to do hair is different. Im not qualified in hair yet. I understand in American/canada its something like 18 until you finish school. Here in UK you leave when your 15/16. So things do work kinda quicker here i guess. My cousin i remember her telling me 2 years ago a rishta came who she absoloutly loved but her dad said no coz of 'caste' I know its absoloutly pathetic and i feel for her so much, But what can you do? Her mums put her foot down but no one listens. No offence to anyone but All the people in our castes are bloody inbred and look the same. So yes the rishta process will continue! As for the parents will be proud to see their little girl this educated. Yes parents will be proud however people *do *brush off 25+ Im sorry but its true. My mums best friends oldest daughter is a doctor and she is 26 and because she has 4 sisters their all looking at the 20/22 Year old. Its just the sad truth tbh. *You can be young and achieve everything too. You dont have to have 'degree's' **To be successful, My potential BIL got married at 21 and his wife was 20 Mashallah they live a very cosy life indeed. The main thing people really look at is if the guy can provide for the girl. Oh and his wife went to college to train as a teacher after marriage too. (she didnt have any degree's etc etc when she married) So im pretty sure they will accept me for being a beauty therapist/ Trainee hairdresser. Oh and my parents are very very proud of me, I really dont need to graduate or anything for my parents to be proud of me. Or my Inlaws.. They pretty much adore me as it is... For not being *THAT educated. Nevermind eh?!
My point as always has nothing to do with your OWN personal situation. I always have to remind you about this. That is GREAT that its working out for you... but I am just reminding you taht not every girl is in your exact position or situation. This is not an argument about that.
This is me pointing out that the educational process is a long one for some girls and it is something their parents desire for them to have and potential ristaas as well.
I do not think people "brush off" 25+ girls at all. Mabey in your community they do but not anywhere have I heard thus. They may brush off girl for a number of OTHER reasons combined... but on age alone? No way. Gupshup itself is FULL FULL FULL of examples also of girls that are happily married and got married at 25 or older. Girls that are "too old" in your opinion and are not married... are not married not because they are getting brushed off and NO RISHTAY are coming their way. They are not getting married because the RIGHT GUY.. the RIGHT RISHTA has not come their way. Or they are in a situation like Soundraya ..where they are waiting for older siblings to get married.
There is not this age limit like ok... u are going to get rishtay till age 25. After that it is a lost cause because "everyone will brush you off" due to her age.
My cousin lives in Pakistan and is 25 years old .... she isnt married yet and keeps getting a lot of rishtaa... they just havn't found the perfect match for her. Are we really that worried or concerned that she is going to end up single for the rest of her life??? Um no. Absolutely not.
My own mother got married at 25 ... and that was BACK IN THE DAY. She had her masters degree... my dad is a doctor and wanted a girl who was educated and did not care that she was "old". He didn't "brush her off". I doubt that my dad was the only guy that thought this way back then..and I sure as hell dont believe that there are not guys with his mentality and understanding families in todays day and age.... is is the year 2010 after all.
I have nothing against the girls that choose not to get educated. Its your personal decision. And yes - some people are naturally talented and become successful at a young age without "degrees"... but for the majority of the world out there... getting a degree is very important in order to become successful. High paying jobs and high positions are there for those people that hold the degrees to qualify them for it. And just like there are a lot of girls and their families out there who are looking for guys that are "successful" (and what do u think they mean by this???) ... there are guys out there that want "successful" girls as well. And their families as well. That is all I am saying. I simply saying that THIS DOES EXIST. And girls that are getting a bit "older" and are educated shouldnt think that all is a lost cause for them due to this.
MB, that '25/26yr-old doctor is too old' mentality might be prevalent in your community but in certain others the absolute polar opposite is true, all the families we know will literally only consider a girl who's finished her uni education or owns and runs her own successful business (ie with a comparable salary or more to a graduate). As PunjabiRose pointed out already a lot of our parents value education and achievement to that extent.. when their kid gets a proposal other things are secondary to those basic requirements..
Re: Marriage & Age
Lol ok, This could go on forever..........
At your side they dont mind wether your 25+ aslong as you have a degree.
At my side they dont care wether you wanna educate after marriage as long as your below 25. Simple as. Lets move on :)
You know what your right, People dont take my advice, I’ve always wanted a comfortable life were i could shop till i drop, I know total airhead thinking, But i love it, My hubby will be giving me that comfortable life, I’ve always been brought up like that. I’ve never wanted to work after marriage everyone knows what kinda life i want when i marry. Sorry guys Inshallah you will all get to work after marriage with no worries. I keep thinking people would actually like the life i plan out to them…
Re: Marriage & Age
The only reason girls like Deeba and I are pointing this out to you MB is because one shouldn't give advice to other girls just based on your own personal experiences if you yourself havn't gone through what that girl is going thru. If someone is saying they are getting educated and are concerned about their studies/rishtaa balance. Well it makes more sense for girls like me and Deeba to advise .. since we are going thru the same thing/have gone thru the same thing?? Right?. It makes sense.
I always say: thats great that your family thinks a certain way and your boyfriends family has a great understanding about everything... but not everyone is in the same boat as this. You guys have gone against the grain with some of the normal pakistani cultural norms.. .which is something I am not saying is good or bad. I have no comment about it. But the rest of our families are more on the traditional side and know the "normal average values" that are quite common in our culture.
And one of the more common things with Pakistanis is that a girl should become educated. It is really important no matter how traditional or conservative one is. As deeba said, I dont even know anyone that would consider a girl that has only completed basic highschool studies. Even in pakistan. Girls are not getting married at 16 when their education ends. They continue on to get a higher education. It has become the norm and with this, guy's mentalities and their own families mentalities has changed as well since THEY do have females in their families as well obviously.
Re: Marriage & Age
whatever lame mentalities do exist, isnt it proper to change them0 little by little? rather than conforming.