So I’m going to be 23 this november and still unmarried.. The traditional norm with my parents and most desi families here is that a girl’s prime age to get married is 18-23. After 23 you’re considered a little bit ‘older’. And I do have prospects in mind, but I’m not going for anything official until I’ve finished my bachelors in May of 2011, when I’ll be 23 going on 24. I’m just kind of worried because it looks like I probably won’t have any nikah business happening until I turn 24 or close to it. And don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing stopping a 23 or 24 (or 25,26 etc) girl from getting married. But I can’t stand the “oh she’s one of those older ones” subtext that will probably be coming up more often in the near future. Especially with the increasing pressure from my family and seeing everyone around me getting married off at 20-22, it’s becoming really unnerving.. Any thoughts or advice?
I really don't think 24 is old at all. I don't get this obsession with a young age and marriage. When the right person comes along, that should be the right time to get married. Thats more important. Get married for the right reasons.
For me, marriage has nothign to do with age. I am getting married next month and I'll be turning 24 end of this year. Many of my friends got married much earlier and my mom was always trying to hook me up too. But I didn't want to settle with someone just because I was getting "older". I think the best age to get married is when you find someone perfect for you. In the end what matters is how well your marriage works, no one gives a crap at what age you got married.
I never took it seriously either! And I used to think girls here were nuts to get married right out of high school. Even some friends of mine who have just moved here from pakistan/india/bangladesh are shocked at how young girls get married here. It's not like I detest anyone for getting married young or in the middle of school though, it's just that I don't understand why there has to be a negative connotation with being 24 and single. I feel like every year the pressure just multiplies and sometimes I'm almost convinced that I really am old for an unmarried girl.
I'm going to be 24 when I marry in November, and personally thats perfect for me!! I feel I am mentally prepared for the responsibility that marriage will bring.
I never took it seriously either! And I used to think girls here were nuts to get married right out of high school. Even some friends of mine who have just moved here from pakistan/india/bangladesh are shocked at how young girls get married here. It's not like I detest anyone for getting married young or in the middle of school though, it's just that I don't understand why there has to be a negative connotation with being 24 and single. I feel like every year the pressure just multiplies and sometimes I'm almost convinced that I really am old for an unmarried girl.
I know what you mean and I had to go through that too. Most of my friends got married around 19-21. I was the only one single till last year (thats when I got engaged). My mom kept bringing rishtas but I really didn't want an arranged thing like that. Then I met my this guy out of nowhere who was just perfect for me. We got engaged within few months and now we are getting married soon. I would never just settle for someone because I am getting older or because I am at a certain age. For me , it's all about being with the right person. If I would have met him at 21, I would have gotten married then. If I were to meet him when I am 31, then thats when I would get married. I have some cousins who got married much later on like 27-33 and they found perfect husbands and are very happy. Getting married early doesn't necessarily mean you will have a great married life. I am not at all against early marriages, but I would never rush into something like marriage for the sake of 'age'.
I wouldn't worry until you hit 26-27, and still have no prospective hubby in sight!
I have been with my hubby-to-be for 4 years, so never felt like I was hitting the "sell-by-date" - In fact I have enjoyed the courting, and now looking forward to marriage life now that we are both maturer and wiser. Marriage is a huge committment, and not something that should be be rushed.
My mom's youngest sister (my khala) got married at 32. She has 2 beautiful daughters and shes really happy with her married life. But yeah I know it's tough to be single for so long especially in desi community but in the end what matter is WHO you marry, not when you marry.
You're completely right, tammy. Marriage is a huge deal and if anything, I should be worrying about how to make sure it's right when it happens, instead of when it'll happen. Thanks for knocking me back into my senses! And thanks a lot, Posho. You both made things a lot clearer for me. :)
I totally agree with tammy and posho. I got engaged last year when I was 24 and up until that point I had no idea when and if I was ever going to get married/engaged and it happened all in the few weeks after I finished my studies. Most of my mates from college and university are married, I think I am the only unmarried desi girl in my circle of friends but it never matter to me. We havent set the date for the wedding yet but I think it will be in year or two and I will probably be 26-27 by then I dont find it problem at all. For now just concentrate on your studies and career until the right guy comes along.
Yea don't worry about it Farisha and dont let what people say get to you. Everyone's situation and circumstances are different and that is what people fail to understand when they start "talking".
I wanted to finish up with my studies before I got engaged (happened a little over 2 months ago). I am 25 years old and will be turning 26 in another 2 months. By the time I get married I will be 27-28. Which is not a problem at all.
Rather than looking at age- focus more on your career and finding that perfect guy for you. One should never feel pressure or settle just because of their own age. You are young in my opinion actually!!!
At the end of the day it is YOU who will be living your own life... not the desi community. So you have to make decisions based on what YOU think is best for yourself. Not what the community thinks is best for you.....
I got married late according to Pakistani standards...never cared a bit for it. My extended family would make comments all the time..."itna picky hona achi baat nahin hai" and blah blah blah. But its not about being picky, its about wanting whats right for you.
Always be the woman that aged gracefully...anything else just looks bad.
Always be the woman that aged gracefully...anything else just looks bad.
agreed!!!
i was 28 when i got married and i'm going to be 31 soon iA and haven't yet started on having babies. so i got the age subtext for both marriage, and now, for babies, and i hear where you're coming from, but as others have stated- its not when you marry, its who you marry that counts. you wouldn't want to just marry the first guy who walked in just cos you're going to be 24, right? so screw the subtext and live your life and kudos, btw, on doing your Masters. that's a great achievement! also, 24 is YOUNG, my friend! you have so much time ahead of you and insha'Allah when you do marry, it'll be the right time for YOU and for your future husband, and everyone else can suck it.
honestly, pakistan is like a little bubble of weirdness. everyone is so concerned with age and babies and marriage and just caught up in this little world where nothing else of significance ever happens and education and careers for women are STILL secondary issues and its 2010, for God's sake! i know this isn't everyone and i know there are always exceptions, but i'm speaking generally. i just got back from karachi and it was like a refresher course in backward thinking and it made me SO glad to God that i only spent 5 years there and AH have the fortune to live in a country where there is so much more to life and living and marriages and having families than just a head-on race against time.
I got married late according to Pakistani standards...never cared a bit for it. My extended family would make comments all the time..."itna picky hona achi baat nahin hai" and blah blah blah. But its not about being picky, its about wanting whats right for you.
Always be the woman that aged gracefully...anything else just looks bad.
haha my mom says the same thing! I don't think I'm picky at all though. I just feel like I can't be bothered about choosing a LIFE PARTNER when I still have school and my career to establish. And honestly I doubt I'm mentally ready to take on the role of a wife + daughter inlaw + homemaker anytime soon. I always tell them I'll know when it's time and things will workout naturally. Hopefully it'll work out alright for me like it has for all of you! iA.
you know this is all nice and politically correct and cute and stuff when in theory...but in reality, if a good rishta comes along that u think is good enough...go for it....education, work, all that stuff can be done after marriage as well.
you dont want to be old and unmarried and unable to find a dude and ending up having to settle for less.
It all depends on if you wanna get married and if you feel ready, and most importantly when you feel like finishing your studies. I have cousins 25+ who dont feel like marriage is for them atm, While my best friend is 20 and getting hitched. Myself i wanna be 21-22 when i get married, Hopefully 21 because thats what i want. Never feel your 'too old' because theres girls in their 30's getting married, I know what you mean by what the typical thinking, But these days more people are open to knowing girls wanna have a life before they get married. Dont worry and dont stress oh and one more thing if you do get a good rishta please dont say no simply because of your studies i've seen this happen so many times and they do live to regret it. So be wise when making choices :)
^MixedBeauty, I know what you mean! My main concern is regretting this saying no thing because I have met a lot of girls who are single, working and just lonely because they were too picky or proud when the guys came around before. It's obviously much harder to find a spouse when you're hitting 27-28. So I'm just being careful that I don't make that mistake and at the same time, don't regret jumping into a marriage with the wrong guy for the wrong reasons. And I REALLY don't want it to affect school. What I mean by that is when the guy wants to relocate somewhere else because of his job or wants me to stay with his inlaws or start a family asap, then I'd have to transfer or just change my career plans for it. When I move in with my husband and start my life as a wife, I want to be completely prepared for it and have nothing in the way (including school).
@Mrs Saieen, I completely understand your point and it's exactly why I brought myself to reach out for other perspectives. The last thing I want to do is be this modern, feminist, western-washed girl who is completely blind to what she's actually making of her future. I am far from that type of girl. That's why I'm worried in the first place, because I don't want to be old and single. My parents don't consider me old, I'm still 22 and in school. But they just don't want it to get to that point, and I totally understand them. InshAllah when something good comes my way, I will be ready to embrace it.
i am 25 and STILL unmarried:smack: