InshAllah you will get the life YOU want. We want comfortable lives as well but a whole lot of us as well of our parents want to ensure that we can have this comfy life despite having a husband or not. So god forbid if something happens to our marriage or hubbys… we are not going to feel a crimp in our lifestyle and not worried about our kids upbringing. If we are educated and making good money ourselves.. then who cares. And as I said … most families dont even care if the girl works or not. They just want her be educated for the “what if” reasons.
Plus its good to have the option to work and earn really good money in today’s day and age because it usually takes two incomes to live a REAL cushy lifestyle where one lives in a huge house, sends their kids to private schools and goes on holidays whenever and wherever they want to. Their is nothing wrong with wanting this.
lol i think it's just different for everyone! I know a couple where the girl was married right after high school graduation at 18 years old, and now she's a stay at home mother of two. And she is incredibly happy! I also know an auntie who was very headstrong about getting an extensive education before thinking about marriage. She got two MBA's and finally married in her late 20s. She didn't have such a great time adjusting to marriage because she had grown up and developed her individuality so independently. She basically said it was just really hard having to adapt to living and sharing your life and ideas with someone else when you're older, because your own personality has become so deep rooted through all that time you spent on your own. I also have a friend who married while in the middle of her bachelors at age 21, to a guy who JUST finished his bachelors at 23. With only a BS in engineering and in the state of the economy, he has moved out of state to work at the possible the only legitimate job he could get. And she's staying here and continuing school. They are happily married, but she constantly complains about how hard it is to be away from him all the time. I also know of a couple who both went to med school together, same graduating class. They married after residency, yes it was late. But it worked out perfectly for them, they are the definition of the perfect couple.
It honestly is different for everyone according to their ideals, preferences, and circumstances. In my perfect world, I would love to just finish my degree and get married and never have to work a single day again. ^like mixedbeauty said, hehe. It would be nice, but as others mentioned, my family is really big on a proper education. It's a different level of respect for my dad when someone has a degree or two compared to another that doesn't. regardless of how successful they might be. I actually had a rishta last year from a REALLY amazing guy, with amazing everything. family, values, amazing job, great personality. mA i was thinking it doesnt get better than this. my mom absolutely adored him too. BUT he had no degree whatsoever. My dad brushed it off within a two minnutes of briefing him about the rishta.. :/ it sucks, but I still respect my dad's values and respect his decision. Even if that sounds closed minded or arrogant, I know he's honestly looking out for the best for me. I trust him.
lol i think it's just different for everyone! I know a couple where the girl was married right after high school graduation at 18 years old, and now she's a stay at home mother of two. And she is incredibly happy! I also know an auntie who was very headstrong about getting an extensive education before thinking about marriage. She got two MBA's and finally married in her late 20s. She didn't have such a great time adjusting to marriage because she had grown up and developed her individuality so independently. She basically said it was just really hard having to adapt to living and sharing your life and ideas with someone else when you're older, because your own personality has become so deep rooted through all that time you spent on your own.
as an aside- i don't understand that thinking- just because you've gotten an education and you are living independently, how does that make it harder for you to adjust to married life? i mean, if anything, by that point you should know yourself well enough to know the kind of person you are and the kind of person you want to marry. and you should be mature enough to recognize marriage for what it is- a lot of compromise, amongst other things.
This is what she described her experience as and as a benefit of marrying young. She said that when you marry young, you grow together and share life experiences, thus learning together. This way, as you develop into individual adults, you do so in a way that you compliment your other half--versus a marriage between two older, matured people who have already grown up independently. They tend to become pickier and more opinionated so it is harder for them to find the person that perfectly compliments them. It becomes more complicated for a person has already experienced so much on their own when they start looking for the person who can completely understand them for who/what they are. This is just her point of view so of course it's not always the case. Like I said, it's different for everyone. :)
^ its true, we're all different but in my experience, this thinking seems to be the prevalent mentality and the number one reason why girls are married off so young in pakistani culture- so they don't become independent and God forbid, learn to think for themselves. and its frustrating as all hell, not to mention seriously insulting, to those of us who waited longer - for whatever reason - before we chose to marry.
marriage is a difficult thing, no matter if you marry at 20 or 29 or 32 or whenever. it doesn't matter if you're marrying someone you've date previously or if its a completely arranged gig. you're still learning and growing and adapting and compromising, and experiencing life, and figuring things out, and each other, and how you're going to make a happy life for yourselves together. and in my experience, the girls who've married young are the ones who suffer more because they're not sure of who they are or what they want and they end up becoming passive molds for their husband's and in-law's expectations. and maybe those expectations of bringing home a nice, moldable girl are what make life difficult for the more educated, older girl- she is no longer content to be a door mat for her husband's and her in law's sake. she'd rather be an active participant in her married life. again, this has been what i've observed personally, so i apologize if i've given offense.
This is what she described her experience as and as a benefit of marrying young. She said that when you marry young, you grow together and share life experiences, thus learning together. This way, as you develop into individual adults, you do so in a way that you compliment your other half--versus a marriage between two older, matured people who have already grown up independently. They tend to become pickier and more opinionated so it is harder for them to find the person that perfectly compliments them. It becomes more complicated for a person has already experienced so much on their own when they start looking for the person who can completely understand them for who/what they are. This is just her point of view so of course it's not always the case. Like I said, it's different for everyone. :)
I agree with what SGC has said completely. I also agree with you that it is different for everyone. But I want to point out to you that most of the time when girls marry young, they don't necessarily marry "young" guys that are the same age as them. Parents want established and educated sons for their daughters security.. which makes sense completely. But to do this, it is natural to find guys that a couple years older than the girl. So in regards to this... you are technically not "growing together".. as the guy has "grown" already.
I believe that married life is like no other and no matter what the age, the couple shares life experiences and learn together no matter what. There is a constant process of understanding each other, compromising, and maturing together as a couple. So one isn't missing out on this if they marry at an older age versus if they married at a younger age.
oh don't get me wrong I completely understand what both of you guys are saying! When I got engaged at 19 I was soo not ready for it but the guy was 26 so everytime I would tell him I'm not ready or I don't want this, he'd just shut me up with "oh you're still a baby so you won't understand these things" or "just trust me, I'm older I know what I'm talking about. You'll be happy with me I promise. You may not realize it now but you will later so just MARRY ME." -those are pretty exact quotes! And this auntie was a family friend who was trying to help my parents convince me to go ahead and go through with it. My point was just that she came from a completely different point of view because of the way things turned out for her. --Everyone's different so there isn't really a rule of thumb to this kind of stuff.