Re: Marital Rape......
There is always a flip-side. People are quoting the hadith of the angels cursing the woman who refuses to have sex with her husband, however there is also the hadith where the Prophet SAWS has said:
"Not one of you should fall upon your wife like an animal. But let there first be a messenger between you two. Upon asking who/what the messenger was, Rasool SAWS said that the messenger was kisses and words." (Daylami)
1-Yes, I am aware that if the husband treats the wife with respect and approaches her in the manner prescribed in the above hadith and she still denies him without valid reason, she's being unjust. However, nowhere is it stated in the above hadith that if she's being unjust that he then has the right to force himself upon her as an animal.
2-Before some of the Guppies on here get upset, let me first say and emphasize that it's a TWO-WAY street. The wife has an obligation toward her husband and vice versa.
3- A couple is not going to have sex everyday. However they will have to interact with each other in daily affairs and the quality of those interactions affects their children if they have any. A guy can force himself on his wife and act out his pent up sexual frustration for the next 5-10 minutes, but will he not feel like crap afterwards for forcing himself upon her? Is it worth it? If a guy feels rejected when his wife refuses sex, will his self-esteem be in better shape after he gets what he wants from her by force? If the marriage is already strained due to lack of sex, will it not become more strained after the deed is done?
4-There are many animalistic instincts/emotions we have within us. One of them, for example, is anger. It may feel great to get that pent-up anger out of your system by unleashing its fury on the cause of its ire, be it your wife or sibling or friend etc. You may feel lighter at first, but soon afterward what tends to happen? You feel like crap for your loss of control, for letting this instinct overwhelm you to the point that you stoop to the behavior of an animal. It is merely the loss of control over such a small organ; your tongue. But it damages an already strained relationship.
5-Let me make it clear that I am not saying that it's okay for a wife to hurt her husband with invalid refusals and that, too, frequently. The point that I am trying to make is that if the refusal is cruel, so is the imposition/zabardasti. BOTH attitudes and actions hurt a marriage. A few of the guys on here who are okay with the idea of a husband forcing himself upon his wife should also consider the after-effects of such a step not only upon their own conscience/zameer but upon their spouse and marriage.
6- I can understand the idea that a guy may get so carried away during sex that it takes a while for him to "stop" after his wife has said. She should try to keep this in mind as opposed to rushing to accuse him of raping her especially if has no history of abuse. At the same time, courtesy demands that he try his utmost to "stop" is she's feeling discomfort.
7- There was a poster who received some flak for placing a guy's "sister" in this situation. Perhaps the poster could have avoided the graphic details. However, if some of the Guppies on here found the "sister" example so distasteful........then this sentiment is a testament to the fact that your conscience/zameer finds the idea of falling forcefully upon your wife to be disturbing. You may not want to call it rape. That's fine, but the fact remains that you find it disturbing and no better ....if not worse.....than a wife's deliberate refusal. And therefore, trying to validate is more an indication of a wounded ego and not of logic or ethics or mardaangi.