Re: Marital Problems
Lets get the future vision clear, whether you want to move in the direction of divorce or revival of relationship. These two have totally different paths so let us not confuse them. Our attitude should be according to what we are aiming for. (In both cases, "consistant" sincere prayers from Allah (swt) would help you a lot, as Allah would create the circumstances which are best for you, no matter if it is in the form of divorce, his learning through a harsh incident or any other blessing in disguise)
If you have divorce on mind
If you think it is impossible for you to live with him even one more second, go ahead and finish the relationship. Get your parents involved and do the necessary things.
If you have revival of relationshio on mind
Remember one rule
NEVER reply agression with "similar" agression if you want to revive a relationship. Reply agression with agression only when you have divorce on mind. Be firm, be calm and take steps which you should take, without compromising on your self respect and dignity. Agression should be expressed with Hikmah (wisdom) i.e. within moral values. Everyone feels tempted to reply agression with "similar" agression (including me) but that has two disadvantages:
Either we control our attitude or it controls us. We do / say things in flow of emotions that degrades us as a human (infront of our own eyes) and hurt our moral character because our opponent is able to succeed in lowering us to his level (so then there remains no difference between that person and me)
If you want to win a person's heart, it should be through the ways our ideal taught us. Did our ideal ever used any morally low way (shortcut) to achieve his purpose, NO! Instead he kept practicing good morals, but remained firm on his stance.
The last option to try before you completely finish the relationship
Tell him politely (but firmly) that you have had enough of his bad manners. You are going to live separetely with your parents for few months (and go for job from your parent's house). During these few months absolutely NO communication between you two. No phone calls, no meeting, no use of your money by him, nothing....
No matter how many times he comes to your home or call you, just don't come infront of him, and don't listen to him even if he tries to tell you that he is dying....
After few months if he realize your importance in his life and that he shouldn't have taken all your kindness and help for granted, GOOD, otherwise it is better to finish the relationship.
BUT when you start your life from a new beginning, NEVER let the situation reach THIS stage. The moment he uses an abusive word or misbehaves, firmly tell him that you won't help him in thisway and again start living with your parents..........in other words.. Nip the evil in the bud !!
BUT while you live with him, do practice the ways of our ideal, to make your place in his heart, like frequent exchange of small gifts, sharing good knowledge about Islam, puting "luqma" in his mouth while eating,......etc. If he orders you to practice anything Islamic, firmly tell him that you would inshAllah do them but NOT as an obedience of his orders, BUT as an obedience to the ORDERS OF ALLAH (SWT). That would kill his intentions of using Islam as a source of showing his dominancy over you. Besides that Tell him to KEEP a BEARD as it is ISLAMIC. And tell him to do all the orders which he doen't practice and Islam tells him to do (politely BUT FIRMLY)
Finally, At EVERY improvement in him (or in your life) frequently Thank Allah (swt) with "Sadaqa" and "nafil" as Allah promises in the Quran, that he gives more and more to those who thank Allah for HIS blessings.