History predicts future, you have to rely on your experiences and observations and statistics. Taking a chance on someone adjusting here and being productive is a total gamble I know scores of people from back home who are not able to adjust even after 15 yrs. In the west you can’t thrive without both parties contributing. Kids here get jobs at 14 and study and work at the same time. My boy was washing dishes at 15 and he told me he did several hundred in an hour. My 16 yr old is paying for his own car. The mindset and attitude here is different.
things are changing here too my husband and I both work and contribute towards our home …so are a lot of other people…don’t marriages break in the west???
From what I read things have gone from bad to worse for women back home in areas of rights, freedoms and equality, Institution of marriage is in serious trouble here. Women have a disproportionate amount of powers in domestic laws here and have the capacity of destroying partners life in case of a breakup and hence the need to be extra cautious in marriage. There seems to be a very high amount of divorce rate in mail order brides situations also.The best way here is to date for a couple of years and get to know the person intimately before you marry.
Marrying someone from Pakistan is not the same thing as getting a mail-order-bride. A very high rate, what is very high rate? Can you please state a number and share the link to a study that backs it up. And please share something that’s specific to Pakistani men marrying Pakistani women, not white men ordering Russian or Asian brides over the internet.
As for dating for years before marriage being the best way to go about things, do you have numbers to back that up? Or is that just an opinion.
I am not sure if people keep track of the nos this is anecdotal observations, for specific examples my previous friend Jaffer although really fit and good looking but a bit older married a hottie from Pak, she gave him lots of attitude and then ran away after she got her papers, accused him of abuse, got him arrested also said he was impotent then she made many boyfriends. Many come here for immigration and this is so serious that immigration authorities warn against it.Another mailorder bride was doing really good untill MIL arrived from Punjab, the boy got arrested, had kids taken away the girl ended up in a shelter. The boy smartened up and sent his mom back to Punjab. Third one older widower marries a very young relative he also got arrested lost his job house everything. Now the young girl lives in his house with her brother.
Or when you make love a transaction just be prepared for the transaction to sour. There is a huge cultural difference between the two societies and marrying a stranger under the best circumstances is not a great idea. For me a small thing like saying stuff that you don’t mean is a big thing. People say no when they mean yes and yes when they mean no.
Sometimes if you over marry and treat your partner like you are over married she might stay. This older dulha would treat the young bride as if she was a dog. He flung tea at her and missed and got charged with assault with a weapon. Also these hot heads should familiarize themselves with domestic laws. Like uttering threats or even raising a hand without striking is a criminal offence.
Why would you fling tea/stuff at anyone? No wonder he got into **** with the law. Why not separate if things are that bad? It ain’t ideal but it’s better than throwing stuff at someone.
I think he was happy with her he was from a generation where they think you can bark at your wife or slap her around. The lady confided with my wife that she would have stayed if he didnt abuse her. Over marry is when your partner is way hotter or accomplished. This short ugly unemployed Ismaili guy was married to tall beautiful girl who made 6 figures and would still hit her. She left him and got a good looking guy. Westerners are pragmatic and if they over marry they kiss behind.
We do now, we just socialize with the parents of other athletes and they seem to be amazing people who enrich our lives and bring positive influences. It is really important to keep children away from toxic people.
Essentially if every girl refuses to marry you here and you have to go to a country where there is poverty, social malice, extreme gender disparity, lack of freedoms, safety and security issues then how can you be sure that the girl is saying yes to you or to an opportunity to get out of there. Would you not want to marry a girl who loves you for who you are and not the Visa. Sometimes the fate of these poor ladies is to be an unpaid and unappreciated family servant who is also supposed to provide physical gratification to the master. Frankly, the whole idea repulses me when I think people want to choose women they think aren’t strong enough to defend themselves
Most of the people frequenting this forum are either Pakistani or Muslim or both. So most people on here wouldn’t wanna date\marry **every **girl\guy here(North America). Pew Research Center estimated that there were about 3.3 million Muslims of all ages living in the United States in 2015. Compare that to Pakistan where over 90% of the population is Muslim. The odds do seem better in Pakistan. Things get trickier when you further limit yourself to the Pakistani diaspora out here.
For many, the idea isn’t to find someone weak. The idea is to find someone who shares the same culture and values as you do. And for some its easier to do that back home.
People would find someone here if going back wasn’t an option.
I am assuming that there would be an equal number of boys and girls in the American Muslim population. Coming here would be a culture shock for the spouse. When I went back to visit over 20 years ago I was like a fish out of the water, no one showing up on time, getting lied and cheated to on every corner, people with lower social status getting abused swore at and cursed at. Hatred for people of different caste, ethnicity, and religion. extreme gender inequality etc. I would beg to differ on the similar culture bit. I am thinking the main draw would be to land a better looking girl than one deserves or to find someone fairly submissive but then they don’t realize that those girls learn to dial 911 in a hurry.
Equal number does not make up for the sparsity of the diaspora in question. Mate selection is kinda like a chemical reaction; not quite but this is the simplest analogy I could think of. Increasing the concentration of reactants consequently increases the rate of reaction. Decrease the reactants or single males & females in our case and the rate at which they pair would decrease. We could uses catalysts to help with the situation but not everyone has access to these catalysts.
My options when living in area where my diaspora is not represented well are:
Waiting to bump into a fellow diaspora member who I’m compatible with and **** working out(this might take forever where I live currently)
Looking for a spouse back home(comes with its own set of complications)
Or not limit myself to my diaspora(this has its drawbacks as well)
These options play out differently for everyone because everyone is different. Number 1 might be perfect for someone who lives in an area with a strong desi presence. Number 2 might work better for someone grew up back home. Number 3 if you’re a coconut.
**When I went back to visit over 20 years ago I was like a fish out of the water, no one showing up on time, getting lied and cheated to on every corner, people with lower social status getting abused swore at and cursed at. Hatred for people of different caste, ethnicity, and religion. extreme gender inequality etc. I would beg to differ on the similar culture bit.
**There’s more to culture then you’re rant about the things that don’t work in Pakistan. And people from outside aren’t the only ones who notice such things. There are people living in the country who’re just as mad about these things as you are, only they don’t have the luxury to leave or better yet they stay to try to bring about change. I’d suggest starting a thread on what constitutes Pakistani culture if you want more details.
**
I am thinking the main draw would be to land a better looking girl than one deserves or to find someone fairly submissive but then they don’t realize that those girls learn to dial 911 in a hurry.
**Not how I see things but then again I didn’t grow up over here. So maybe you’re right, maybe guys of Pakistani descent who were raised over here go back for these very reasons.
Wherever there are misfortunes there is an opportunity to exploit like Saudi pervs doing mutta with children in India and Indonesia etc and also purchasing young Syrian girls. I have seen a few disgusting old guys go back home to bring back young wives. If you have the right intentions and are willing and able to provide her with rights, freedoms, gender equality and if she is able to adjust then go for it. But it is a pure gamble. If things don’t workout I have never seen them walk away there is always accusations of abuse and claiming the guy is impotent.
For my boys I increased their odds by blessing a partner from any race or religion.
I don’t disagree with what you wrote but I don’t think those kinda guys frequent these kinda forums.
**
If you have the right intentions and are willing and able to provide her with rights, freedoms, gender equality and if she is able to adjust then go for it.
**I don’t provide those things, the society does. Besides, the girls I went to school with, back home, knew their rights and all. Adjusting here isn’t rocket science either.
**
But it is a pure gamble. If things don’t workout I have never seen them walk away there is always accusations of abuse and claiming the guy is impotent.
**
It’s always a gamble. You can take steps to minimize risk but you can never eliminate risk altogether.
**
For my boys I increased their odds by blessing a partner from any race or religion.
**
Hallelujah
You can get killed driving anyways doesn’t mean you can drive drunk or recklessly when you know a person for a long time you are bound to have a better understanding. What could have been a nightmare date ends up being a nightmare life. The ghettos sprawling all over Europe with thousands of people on welfare does prove that adjusting could be a challenge. UK had to change their immigration laws to combat that. I had an Indian mortgage broker sit in my show home today, she was driving a BMW, tall gorgeous in a skirt blouse but overlooked to use deodorant and stunk up the joint. People educated here have a better understanding of these basic things.
