Well, my time is near probably, I had some serious discussions with my parents and more particularly myself. I will be 28 soon and I don’t want to be the one marrying in mid-30s. I think thats way too late for my preference. Marriage etc. if it were to happen, it would happen in couple of years or it won’t probably.
White girls aren’t for me for starters so this whole pool of girls is in dump. Dated few, didn’t get what the whole craze is about, they are decent, smart etc. but not for me.
As for Paki girls living in US, I have realized they wouldn’t be comfortable with my parents living with us. I had a rough idea after talking to my parents, my mom, she won’t be able to live alone long term since she is way too attached to us. It is both good and bad but it is what it is. I am the only goddamn son so my luck is fracked. I know islamically and blah blah wife can ask for separate house but it won’t fly by probably. My mom would be upset and it would lead to a lot of bickering b/w them which I could not tolerate.
So that leaves me with one choice … trophy wife imported from Pak? I hate the idea of going back to Pakistan and all the paperwork. I always wanted someone smarter than me or independent living in US but after speaking to few girls that my mom/sister hooked me up with or with I found themselves, they are not comfortable with the idea of parents living with us. And I get that, I think its absurd. But it is what it is.
So I have been thinking going to Pakistan, getting some Allah mian Gain, not super smart, but pretty who is ok with parents living OR just stay single and have fun. I am serious lol Dilemmas, I am really not sure
Re: Mail Order bride?
There are a lot of smart girls back home. For the first time in my career, I am working in the desi community and some of these Indian couples are amazing. The girls are really smart, polished and have good heads on their shoulders. The girl does not have to be dumb, even the smart ones are open to living in joint family. You will have to protect her though from getting abused.
Re: Mail Order bride?
lol of course not dumb. But I doubt a type A ambitious girl even form back home would be okay with my parents living with us.
Re: Mail Order bride?
They are so desperate to get out of there, you might be surprised. They have nothing to lose. If they stay back home they will have to live with inlaws anyway and will have no rights or protection. Girls from back home aren’t as aggressive. You will need to be patient with her while she learns the ways here. I have sold homes to many desis who buy side by side duplex with parents. You can consider that also. You can also look at Indian Muslims. Indians seem to adapt a lot faster.
Re: Mail Order bride?
Part of your dilemma is your stereotyping. There ARE very intelligent girls in Pakistan as well. You say you want someone “smarter” than you but what exactly does that mean? Better educated? More street smart…more tech savvy…less clumsy/klutzy…less likely to trip a kid in a masjid? There’s a thing called emotional intelligence as well…such as knowing how to maintain relationships, to compromise, to have empathy and patience and tact when speaking to others…all skills which are integral to maintaining a marriage more so than the book smarts, I feel.
Re: Mail Order bride?
Did they say moving in with the inlaws is the problem or just living with them full-stop?
There is a difference as obviously the dynamics change a lot depending on where.. I for example would not have agreed to living in someone else’s home but I’d be more ok with the parents coming to live with us.. well later if/when the need arises..
And that’s another point, would it be from the beginning or further down the line?
Re: Mail Order bride?
They don’t want parents living with me. It won’t be my parents house, they don’t have a house yet. I will end up buying a house later this year and they will live with me.
From the beginning pretty much because currently my folks are crashing at my sisters
RV by smarter I mean good job, independent, street smart, relationship smart. Those kind of girls don’t settle for in laws BS.
Re: Mail Order bride?
This is not SIL bashing thread…just what i observed.
We wanted someone from back home for my brothers. Reason being my parents are old fashioned, and they thought by getting kids married back home they will have a link with pakistan as their wives will visit their families thus their kids will be exposed to Pak.
My parents sold their house and gt my brothers house next to eachother so at least in bad times they will be there for eachother.
1 brother’s wife is from rich family. She acts as the everyone is there to serve her. Spends zero times with her kids more on social media. No regards as to where money is coming from. Bro does most of the housework plus his work. She always has headache. Doctors told her to change her lifestyle. She hardly socialises as she think people here are not upto her standards. In her room for 18/ 24 hours. Her laundry room is full of at least months wahsing tobe done.
Other brother gt married to a distance relative. They were repectable family, girl was educated but were poor. We had no issue as had never wanted jehiz or anything.
So when she came over her attitude changed to all I want is everything. Absolute no regards as to where or how someone is earning.
Also spends 18/24 hours in her room. There is no word to explain her mental situation. She is so over eating that doctors told her to start moving and control her diet within 20 weeks of her pregnancy as she is at severe risk for diebetes and blood pressure. Brother does most of the housework and even looks after the child at night. Not interested in going back or even seeing her family. She does her washing and ironing on time.
My family’s opinion has changed totally now of getting married back home. We have both examples of rich and poor. Of my visits to pak i have observed the behavior of whole society as of the examples above.
I might be wrong but if someone is housewife they have good amount of time to do and complete their house hold tasks and even rest especially if there are people to help with the child whos is such a sweet, non fussy.
I am not perfect but i work and have 2 kids. I do 100% of the housework. Pick and drop kids. My house is always clean and no washing piled up. My Mil thinks i have zero need of rest or sleep. But its not true. I plan and follow. 30min of cleaning every day keeps everything fine.
At leats girls from where you reside know how you earn, dont or won’t expect you to do all the house work. You will have to do your share but not all. Trust me you will be better off.
In regards to your parents, they will adjust. Keep a balance in relations…things will be fine. You have to understand that anyone from pak will not be better off than local and not necessarily be a good bahu.
Re: Mail Order bride?
I think doing work is considered stigma by many there and their idea of success is laying around, watching tv and eating. I find that Indian girls are very different and they seem to find jobs, do housework and are great company for partners. I remember how people there glorify like look at her she is so lucky woh utth kar paani bhi nahi peetti…and that is considered a great life.
Ohh!!! and I love the headache and tabiyyat theek nahiii hai dramas..
Re: Mail Order bride?
Will be better if explained in advanced what your family expect
Tend to have different expectation when marrying / moving out of the country
Noticed girls nowadays don’t really don’t know much about cooking and too used to someone else doing their work
Too used to kaam wali and if not, it’s mum dadi Nani bhabi etc
More into looking after themselves or own personal activities
Re: Mail Order bride?
Are you Desi?
Re: Mail Order bride?
wow, roshni painted a pretty brutal yet realistic side to this. Last thing I want is a lazy entitled wife
Re: Mail Order bride?
I have relatives who are very rich and also some who are very poor. But they have same take on life. No one is bothered to work or do anything. If u r poor ur kismat not that if u move ur hands u can change ur kismat. If rich and 1 day servent doesn’t come basically u r living in a gutter. No one is willing to move and do something. This really puts me off.
Anyway my point is that grass is not always greener on the other side.
I know some people who did had good experience but not all are lucky.
Re: Mail Order bride?
This is true. Happens in my own family in pak. When i was young and saw my mum alone in the kitchen inwent to help her. Nowadays u see mum in the kitchen u tell her to make fresh juice for you while she is there.
Honestly at times i do feel jealous of this generation. So lucky just gets pampered.
Re: Mail Order bride?
God, I miss PCG here… where art thou!!
Re: Mail Order bride?
How do you know that a trophy wife will not ask for a separate home? I know quite a few trophy wives who have separated from IL’s couple years after marriage. So, instead of assuming that a US born girl wont accept living with parents, how about you get to know her/them before making a final call.
Re: Mail Order bride?
I don’t, but I am just hoping. I have only spoken to girls living here and they all are not okay with it. I thought girls back home will be more accommodating regarding this thing but I don’t know.
Re: Mail Order bride?
Why do your parents need to live under the same roof, why can’t they live close by. Wouldn’t it be weird getting intimate and romantic in front of your parents? Sometimes parents feign this extreme dependence to control and manipulate. This is going to affect your life adversely and you will never be able to get a partner you desire. This is a sad state of affairs where elders put their wants before the happiness of their children. We have decided to never obstruct our children’s path to happiness. Also, I don’t understand why the boy is supposed to look after parents and not the girls. My nephew’s Syrian girlfriend has put a condition that they will take care of her mom, although the mom has a business and is fairly independent. My suggestion is to not limit yourself to any caste, race or religion. This is a new world. Many of my nephews are marrying in all different nationalities.
Re: Mail Order bride?
You mentioned bickering in your first post.. Hope you’re prepared for bickering if your wife lives in a joint family too :S
You may be phsyically closer to your parents but ask yourself if things will be happier and better off as a whole..
Ask friends about their experiences and what has and hasn’t worked for them..
Re: Mail Order bride?
well, this whole thing is putting me off to marriage. My parents never had a great marriage, they used to fight, and they still do. And I think bringing them in will spoil mine too. But I just don’t wanna die alone. I can’t stand my parents tho but I know my mom wouldn’t take it well if I move. All my sisters will give me shizz for the rest of my life that I didn’t take care of them and how horrible of a son I am. Even now, my mom tells me my that and that cousin … how he is working so hard, making so much money, sending his mom to Pakistan/paying for tickets .. and what does he do? He works at Dunkin Donuts. Both him and me came to US at the same time. I went to school … still am .. while he started working at Dunkin. I just get really pissed off when mom tries to rub it in on my face that I am broke. WTF #lifeisa](http://gupshup.org/gs/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=lifeisa) *****