My question for hte ladies–how often do you see your parents? How far away are they from you? and when you visit…what do you do when you go there?
Do they visit your home? if so, how often and what kind of visits (like when you host family davats, they pop in unexpectedly every couple of days/weeks etc)?
I guess this is kind of a weird question, since I’ve never seen it talked about here…I mean I know in our culture, a girl going back home is supposed to be like a mini vacation and all good stuff (before going back to evil in laws…jk jk) and at least in some areas, parents won’t eat or drink from a girls home (that saying…that escapes me for the moment). but…yeah. just wondering.
My parents (as well as in-laws) live in Canada, and we live in the States. But we are only a 5 hour drive from them. If we go back to Canada together (me and my husband together) then I stay with him at my in-laws, but if I go alone, then I stay at my parents house. I have only been married 1.5 years, but in these 1.5 years, I have stayed at their place (my parents) twice for 2 weeks each time, and twice for 1 or 2 nights.
My parents have not come to stay with us in the States. My MIL has only come once for a weekend, my FIL hasnt come, but my SIL's have come about 3 times.
My parents only go to my in-laws when they are invited, but once they went uninvited to see my MIL cause she was unwell.
But I guess this question doesnt really pertain to me as I dont live with my in-laws.
Oh man Sara, I love you for opening this thread! I’ve noticed in Pakistan married women in Pakistan have there “haftay ki baari” (like specific days in the week when they go “back to their parents house” and it is like set in stone! When I came back to home after my first extended visit to Karachi post shaadi, I brought this up to my husband, and he just gave me a weird look and said “you see your mom whenever you want, what’s the big deal?” and it was true…I lived like 6 miles away from my mom’s house. For those of us that have been raised outside Pakistan, and still live in the same city as our parents, I don’t think it’s an issue. I think it’s probably different when you’re living in a joint family system, and not alone as is the norm here.
I saw my Ammi all the time. I’d pop in whenever I wanted, she’d call me every other day or so to come pick up something she cooked for my husband (never for me of course ) or she’d come over to my house every few days or so just to make sure I was keeping my house clean enough, lol! After my first son was born, oh man, jeezus, she was over 24/7
With my papa, it was every sunday. After Zuhr namaz, he’d come over for lunch and stay until dinner. Set in stone. Sundays were Papa days.
My husband had one weird quirk though…he would not care how often I went over to my mom’s or how long I stayed over there with one exception..he wanted me to be home before he got home from work. He hates coming home to an empty house. So as soon as 5:00pm would hit, I’d leave my mom’s house and she’d be like “kyoon jaarahi ho, usko yahin bulaalo..” Nope. I had to be home (especially after the kids were born!) I would have to be home before him. Kind of cute, haina?
I never really spent the night over at my mom’s house, until I started having all the health problems/surgeries/concieving issues. Then it was a god send. I miss my ammi’s house. :hinna:
Actually, the question is for all married women...living with in laws or not. I know the dynamics in each situation changes...
For me, my parents moved to Pakistan after I got married.. so when I went to visit, it was a trip to Pakistan...so not only did I spend time with them, I got to meet other family members, ate out, shopped, wnet to weddings etc. so thats what happened there and it was fun.
But now they've moved back here...and I still go see them every few days. When I go to them, we eat the food i've missed :D, talk to them about whats happened since last time we met...and....that's it? sometimes relatives will come over, but not always. Parents come over too but don't stay for too long. The other day my mom asked me.. "dil nahi laga?" I wasn't sure what to say :(
cool head prevailed. I know many girls on and off this forum who would make issue out of this.
My in-laws are in Pakistan so wife goes there to stay with them every 2-3 years. We used to go every year when we did not have kids but its hard to go every year now. Alternately in between her trips to Pakistan, we have my MIL & FIL visit us and stay here for a month or two.
Here is another “big issue” for some girls. Whose place do you land to (or go to “first”) when you go back home? (if your in-laws and parents are in same city).
My dad lives in a different country, 8 hr flight to get there. The last time I saw him was beginning of last year. I speak to him on the phone at least once a week.
My sister is a 6 hr drive from my home and we see each other a couple of times a year. My husband has a large family here ... I kind of think of them as my own family so I don't feel as lonely. But sometimes I miss mi familia :( :(
My dad lives in a different country, 8 hr flight to get there. The last time I saw him was beginning of last year. I speak to him on the phone at least once a week.
My sister is a 6 hr drive from my home and we see each other a couple of times a year. My husband has a large family here ... I kind of think of them as my own family so I don't feel as lonely. But sometimes I miss mi familia :( :(
ur maika is very very door and u meet them after long time. ur husband is vry lucky
Well I m in Dubai n my parents n inlaws are both in Pakistan, this topic is very emotional for me I just meet my parents once a year or sometimes twice in these 4 years of our wedding but its just the one time when I stayed wth my parents after wedding last year, my mil is of the view tht once married whether you are coming alone or wth huby you have to stay at in laws do last year luckily circumstances made my mil stay here in Dubai n I went to pak and I was able to stay at my parents home.
When I m in pak, after every 2 or 3 days I go to my parents for 2 to 3 hrs n come back to in laws.
Here is another "big issue" for some girls. Whose place do you land to (or go to "first") when you go back home? (if your in-laws and parents are in same city). :)
Only time I didn't land at my MIL's house in Khi first was after Papa moved back to Pakistan and got diagnosed with cancer. Since I was going specifically for him, husband talked to his mom ahead of time and told her not to expect me to stay with her since I needed to be with my dad. In the 2 months I was there, I probably went to my MIL's only twice, a d just during the day.
I always go to in laws just once I went to my parents last year whn both my nani n Dadi died on same day n i was my in laws who decided this n dropped me at in laws
Only time I didn't land at my MIL's house in Khi first was after Papa moved back to Pakistan and got diagnosed with cancer. Since I was going specifically for him, husband talked to his mom ahead of time and told her not to expect me to stay with her since I needed to be with my dad. In the 2 months I was there, I probably went to my MIL's only twice, a d just during the day.
Other than that, MiL's is always gone base.
Your family's so drama free. Are you sure you have the right forum?
I guess this is kind of a weird question, since I've never seen it talked about here...I mean I know in our culture, a girl going back home is supposed to be like a mini vacation and all good stuff (before going back to evil in laws...jk jk) and at least in some areas, parents won't eat or drink from a girls home (that saying...that escapes me for the moment). but...yeah. just wondering.
I’m curious, so was he also like this when you were working? that you had to be home before him? or only when you weren’t working? What about overnight trips/spending the night at parents/friends etc?
If I’m not mistaken, your parents don’t live with you do they? how are you able to meet them then?
I’m sorry but that really sucks. Does she live wiht you in Dubai?
What’s the reason to keep you wiht her at all times?
Yes I agree wth Sara even my grandmother whenever she used to visit my phupo, my ousts n phupo n even her husband keep insisting her n she would not take anything not even water. Ont know it exists now or not but yes I think our grandparents used to o this
If I'm not mistaken, your parents don't live with you do they? how are you able to meet them then?
Its the same thing as my wife's parents. We visit Pakistan every 2-3 years and alternatively they visit us in b/w. In fact every 2nd year its either my parents or her parents visiting us. So life is good!
I'm curious, so was he also like this when you were working? that you had to be home before him? or only when you weren't working? What about overnight trips/spending the night at parents/friends etc?
If I was working late, held up with a client etc, of course it was different. He wouldn't expect me to be home first if it was work rrelated or I had errands to run that would keep me from getting home before him, I meant more when I was a SAHM. He's always been cool with overnight trips, I've taken girl's only vacays with my sisters/cousins/friends. And he travels without me as well. It's all about balance. I make sure that my house, husband and kids are first priority, and as long as those are taken care of, it's all good!
In the 3 years of my married life, I've been to my parents place only twice. They live in the US too, just a different state. My issue with not visiting them is, my husband has a super busy schedule and he doens't even know how to make chai. I ask my family to come visit me instead. We are all happy this way. My husband wants me to visit them every now and them but I know its going to be tough for him to cook, work, research etc. My family visits me every few months.. someone from my family would come stay with me. I do plan to visit my family this year though..
) or she’d come over to my house every few days or so just to make sure I was keeping my house clean enough, lol! After my first son was born, oh man, jeezus, she was over 24/7 
I’m sorry but that really sucks. Does she live wiht you in Dubai?