Maid or a Good wife!

Lifestyle Relationships
41

See, if both husband and wife work then I totally agree. Even if wife is still handling kitchen, it would be very selfish for the hubby to expect fresh food everyday.

I mentioned somewhere that when Niks and I both used to work and she used to come home one hour after I used to reach home, I took over the dinner cooking part. That was perfectly fine for both of us. I used to cook, once she was home, we used to eat and then she used to take over cleaning the kitchen part.

Once she left her job, she took over the kitchen completely. She likes it that way. Kitchen is her kingdom, she does not want me to intrude in her kingdom. Just like I dont want her to go through my tools in the garage, she does not want me to mishandle her spices.

42

Very well said CB! Call me “old fashioned” but I totally agree with Spiral. I just graduated from Law School and I plan on having a career… even after marriage. But just like how I expect him to be the main provider for the family - I do not see anything wrong with him expecting me to be the main person to look after the house. The way I view it is that it is a bonus that I help him out by earning a living. Just like it will be a bonus that he helps me out around the house. And just like how its a non-issue that I will definitely work… it is a non-issue that he will definitely help me out with my household tasks. But in regards to where the main responsibility lies… he is the main provider and I am the main person to look after the house. And I definitely do not think that means that he is wanting to make me his “maid”. Or that I consider myself a “maid”. :snooty:

I am probably going to have jootay thrown in my direction for saying this: but I think it is important for a wife to cook for her family after marriage (and again: GREAT if hubby wants to pitch in or even completely take over). And by “cooking” … that doesn’t necessary mean biryaani and keema type stuff every day. But even making a good batch of pasta requires some culinary skills. One does not have to cook extremely hard dishes every single day.. or even cook every day. But having the ability (and the desire) to whip something up (whether it is desi, italian, chinese, thai, american, etc.) is definitely good because it showcases the nurturing side of a woman. It is completely normal if a dad and husband expects these qualities of a girl post-marriage or if a girl possesses them. Nothing is wrong with anyone … no one is a “maid”.

43

^ :biggthumb:

44

Re: Maid or a Good wife!

Ladies, listen to spiral. She has some good insights on how to keep her hubby happy.

would any of you be interested in ...
45

Re: Maid or a Good wife!

We both work and usually eat fresh food everyday. It's not a feast but simple things that our kids and we both like.

The heavy duty mirch masala cooking is left for the weekend.

46

You keep going off topic.. I think an ideal thread for your replies would be "should husband help wife in daily house work"

Many other guppans and I are trying to say is that should wife be considered a maid if s he cooks??

You mentioned that your mom cooks and have cooked meals.. my question is .. do you consider her as a maid?? I am sure not.. neither does your dad so why should we consider other's wives, daughers, a maid when she does the same thing? Your dad helped her.. awesome.. but now thats a totally different topic..

47

and you are missing my point totally... that reponse was TLK thread about describing his situation.

You intial thread was written in an awkward way...

"time someone mentions that they want a wife who should know how to cook decent food .. .

When a father inquires about the consequences (pro or con) of his daughter not knowing how to cook but doing well in her career/education... sincerly worried if she will make a good wife without knowing how to cook... "

48

Re: Maid or a Good wife!

Allah has given all the best quality to women. She can handle home, children and work at the same time but whenever she feels she is neglecting her kids cuz of work den its her responsibility to focus on kids. Other then that.. Marriage needs to be balanced on both ends. It shudnt be burdened on the women only. she shudnt be forced to Quit her career while the husband is pursuing his dreams. but aisa hota kahan hai.

Time Pass - May
49

If only life were this perfect!

I have to respectfully disagree with you.

If "understanding, forgiveness and respect" were the only things listed on a guy's resume I definitely would not be inclined to pursue a relationship with him. These are admirable qualities in any human being and definitely need to be part of of the fundamental foundation but surely more information needs to be shared when deciding who to spend the rest of my life with.

I would want to see the following:

Not necessarily in this order......
- education/qualifications (and how it relates to their career aspirations)
- career ambitions with a rough outline of the path that they intend to take to accomplish them
- financial statement (however brief)
- religious stance (liberal, conservative or orthodox)
- position on having a family (i.e. how many kids does he want and when)
- health (current state and any underlying issues that may be of concern)
- skills/experience with respect to financial responsibility
- interests, activities and hobbies

If I was submitting a resume it would contain the following:

Again, not necessarily in this order.......
- education/qualifications (and how they relate to my career aspirations)
- religious stance (liberal, conservative or orthodox)
- position on having a family (i.e. how many kids does he want and when)
- health (current state and any underlying issues that may be of concern)
- skills with respect to household chores including cooking and housekeeping (this would include cleaning, sewing/mending)
- skills/experience with respect to child-minding
- interests, activities and hobbies

The resumes are pretty similar except where I have distinct expectations when it comes to financial responsibility and managing the household stuff.

Maybe I'm just a different kind of animal.....but gone are the times when everything else sorted itself out; the days when women did not aspire to be CEOs or Biochemical Engineers and men did not prefer to stay home and watch the kids while the woman brought home sustenance.

Nowadays we tend to have expectations and if the guy is up front about wanting to have a wife that can cook a 6 course gourmet meal then good for him for telling us ahead of time.

50

Re: Maid or a Good wife!

imo, labelling a girl a maid is basically looking down the nose on her contribution and responsibilities, however big or small, as if she belongs in the stone ages and its so not cool in this day and age :rolleyes:

i have never understood why cooking is made into such an issue, doesn’t the girl eat too? slave gives the connotation of a highly degrading forced act, has it come to that?

:k:

51

And here lies the problem. Who says you don’t earn sawab from doing a job especially if you are helping people and helping put food on the table for your kids. Does it say somewhere that work doesn’t count?

Furthermore, it’s pretty established that islamically you have no requirement to dothe cooking and cleaning and can request a housemaid.

How many of you ladies have naukranis or get served by naukranis in Pakistan? Where does your sawab argument go then?

52

indeed one can request a housemaid, and then reality has to be measured and the husband can say sure..i get a maid, I pay her $XX/month and that means reduction in your spending limits, vacations, desi 'designer' clothes...and you better drive the car until it falls apart.... and no trading it in just because its 5 years old ...right? :)

PS: i have a hunch that in those situations, cooking and cleaning would cease to be a problem all of a sudden

53

Re: Maid or a Good wife!

...so, muzna..do you know how to make 6 course meals especially of the mediterranean genre. :)

PS: should I ask for your picture or pictures of the food :D

54

Re: Maid or a Good wife!

^ interesting perspective ..

what if marriage can be treated as a business contract and we start charging our spouse for every service we provide and vise versa. It does not need to be a monetary compensation, but more of a barter system. It could be either cash or a service to pay for a service.

Wow, life would be so difficult. Dang.

55

Re: Maid or a Good wife!

TLK I am serious in the sense that with expense comes

so if some lady demands that her husband gets her a maid, that changes the finances, and expenses must be reduced.. and some of it may be her expenses of clothes, salons and stuff.

unless now we will hear that oh no, get her a maid and u cant ask her to trade down her lexus to a used kia, and move from a 400 sq foot home to a 1200 sq foot condo...but have to get a second job to pay for the maid's salary :D

56

That man's sex life would suck.

57

Re: Maid or a Good wife!

I have a feeling that some ladies here who are working before marriage but really just want to be happily married and spending hubby's money will change their tunes later.

In that case, they will have no choice but to do all the household chores if the husband is the sole breadwinner. Then they will be crying for appreciation and wanting validation that their their job as a homemaker is just as important as when they were working.

58

or the maid would..

seriously though, are you saying that desi women that out of touch with reality that first they have an issue with contributing towards running a home, and when their demands are met but that means expenses must be reduced then they will use sex as a weapon?

...but since its coming from PCG, its not likely :)

59

Ofcourse we can request a housemaid , but sorry we dont , because , out of sheer love and a sense of responsibility , me and women like me wouldnt want to waste our husbands hard earned money when we can do the task in a much better way ourselves .

60

Re: Maid or a Good wife!

Are you talking about me? Jeez. You are one obsessed housewife.