Re: Maid or a Good wife!
The way to a man's heart is through his tummy. A woman said that.
Re: Maid or a Good wife!
I agree with spiral ... completely agree with her because u kno just like saying sorry to someone does not make you a smaller person ... cooking for your husband and kids doesn't make you a maid either ... i think all of us are old and mature enough to know that relationships are not just based on cooking skills but it does not make anyone a maid if their husband expects that from them just like spiral said that it doesn't make the husband a slave if he works hard to provide for the family ... its this garbage self loathing mentality that makes relationships hard ... i mean a high skool/college grl will do the same cleaning and cookin at mcds for 8 bucks an hour and be happy with it and at the same time expects that if her future husbands expects a meal at the end of the day then hes making a maid out of her ...
Re: Maid or a Good wife!
The concept of a "maids" is only prevelant in cultures where they have seen maids and outside help.
It surprises me that the constant whinning over food, cooking and housework doesn't exist in my friends that grow up in cultures that everyone does their share of housework.
I think it's actually poison to the girl's mind if you base her ability to hold a meaningful relationship in her marriage whether she can cook or not.
Constantly drilling in girl's head that COOKING is a skill that is going to give her HIGHER MERIT in her relationship with her husband or future household
Since we don't live in 1950s anymore - how about giving our girls a bit more - then COOKING SKILLS - shall we?
I don't know anyone who's like this. Well, except my MIL.
At the end of the day, who's going to be the main breadwinner? My husband. Doesn't matter how much I study or what career I have, I will give it up to have children and while my children are young. So yes, it's important that I can cook and personally I'd like to cook well.
Don't underestimate the power of good food. We all love our mum's cooking and dinner time was always a sit down at the table family affair. We'd always much rather come home to eat than eat out. In contrast, my cousin's (phupoos) kids hate their mum's cooking. They did anything to avoid being home at meal times. There is no closeness in that family between parents and children and between siblings. Ok, it's down to much more than that but meal times were and are definitely a bonding time in our family.
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I will still be doing my PhD (normal work hours in the lab) and coming home to make dinner for me and hubby (commencing in about a month), while he's more or less going to be at home all day studying for plab exams. I don't give a crap if he helps our or not, just as long as he doesn't complain if we're eating stuff I prepared on the weekend or if dinner is late (or making my life more difficult by being inconsiderate).
At the end of the day, when he starts working it's gonna be crazy for him and further in the future when we decide to have a family, I'm going to do that full time. It's all about the bigger picture. What's the point of me going psycho and telling him he should learn how to cook and cook for us now, since I'm the one out all day and bringing in the money? It's only going to be for about a year that he would be able to do that anyway. And given how hard he's studied the past few years and how hard he will have to work once he gets a job, I can give him that.
I don't know anyone who's like this. Well, except my MIL.
you don't? go see how many life1 threads are about cooking. cleaning and whinning.
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Don't underestimate the power of good food. We all love our mum's cooking and dinner time was always a sit down at the table family affair. We'd always much rather come home to eat than eat out. In contrast, my cousin's (phupoos) kids hate their mum's cooking. They did anything to avoid being home at meal times. There is no closeness in that family between parents and children and between siblings. Ok, it's down to much more than that but meal times were and are definitely a bonding time in our family.
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I think you answered you own question. Closeness in family is related to eating meals together as a family. Whether it's pasta or murg masalam I think that doesn't matter.
I have seen good food on the table, children sit in silence, got up not even put their plate in dishwasher and sink and on to their rooms. It's not the food - it's the environment.
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At the end of the day, when he starts working it's gonna be crazy for him and further in the future when we decide to have a family, I'm going to do that full time. It's all about the bigger picture. What's the point of me going psycho and telling him he should learn how to cook and cook for us now, since I'm the one out all day and bringing in the money? It's only going to be for about a year that he would be able to do that anyway. And given how hard he's studied the past few years and how hard he will have to work once he gets a job, I can give him that.
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The point is that everyone should be able to help themselves. If you weren't around, he wouldn't strave would he?
In the future when you decide to have a family, you'll have 10 million + plus 1 things to do for your children. Believe me you might thank me later - if he learns his way around in the kitchen now.
Re: Maid or a Good wife!
washing the car, now thats mean. Husband shud wash the car
Re: Maid or a Good wife!
Sorry, life1 doesn't count for me.
Yes, environment, and for me and my family, good food is part of a nice environment. It shows you care, you know?
No, he wouldn't starve, I hope he will able to cope on his own. But he's a doctor. Whatever million and one things I have to do for my children, I wouldn't want him to chip in after a long shift at the hospital.
I'm the eldest of 6, I've looked after them as much as my mother has and shared all household duties with her plus being given countless responsibilities (financial etc) from my father that she doesn't do. Just because I'm not a mother yet, it doesn't mean I don't know what motherhood entails. I also know what my husband's job will entail.
As I said before, it's all about the bigger picture.
Re: Maid or a Good wife!
LOL! Funny how people don't understand the simplest things.
It ain't about husband finding their way to the kitchen or washing dishes or setting up table.
Its nice when both help each other out, however putting a maid label on a girl who cooks and takes care of her family is a bit too weird to me.
washing the car, now thats mean. Husband shud wash the car
whats mean about it? I wash cars.
Love it:k:
I think it's actually poison to the girl's mind if you base her ability to hold a meaningful relationship in her marriage whether she can cook or not.
Constantly drilling in girl's head that COOKING is a skill that is going to give her HIGHER MERIT in her relationship with her husband or future household
Since we don't live in 1950s anymore - how about giving our girls a bit more - then COOKING SKILLS - shall we?
Cooking may not be a skill that is going to give her high merit but not knowing how to cook at all is also not going to help. It will look bad on the girl and her mother, believe it or not.
Re: Maid or a Good wife!
If you were to create a resume for the purpose of seeking a partner in life, what would that resume look like?
How would the men's and women's resumes differ?
Sorry, life1 doesn't count for me.
Yes, environment, and for me and my family, good food is part of a nice environment. It shows you care, you know?
I know. Having 2 rugrats myself I wish having a nice environment at home just entailed food. It's hard work. I wish parents gave emaphsis on that part of life as well and not just cooking.
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No, he wouldn't starve, I hope he will able to cope on his own. But he's a doctor. Whatever million and one things I have to do for my children, I wouldn't want him to chip in after a long shift at the hospital. \QUOTE]
Couple of my cousins are docs. They come home and make salad before the meal. I think it's a nice way to relax, bond with your spouse and the kids. Studies show that families that COOK TOGETHER as well as EAT TOGETHER are closer.
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I'm the eldest of 6, I've looked after them as much as my mother has and shared all household duties with her plus being given countless responsibilities (financial etc) from my father that she doesn't do. Just because I'm not a mother yet, it doesn't mean I don't know what motherhood entails. I also know what my husband's job will entail.
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My mom was the same way. She still is. But my dad always pitched in. I think it took off some constant pressure off of her.
Me too.. The sprit is great…
Just to although I would love that my childern would have same sense of obligation.
If you were to create a resume for the purpose of seeking a partner in life, what would that resume look like?
How would the men's and women's resumes differ?
There are few traits that are expected. No girl puts forward a condition that her future hubby must know how to hang a picture frame or change a light bulb but those things are somehow expected from a guy. Not knowing them is not going to make him any less of a man but still, it will compliment his manliness. Same with the girls. Knowing her household is an addition to her charms.
Cooking may not be a skill that is going to give her high merit but not knowing how to cook at all is also not going to help. It will look bad on the girl and her mother, believe it or not.
um I don't agree TLK - speaking from personal experience. Depends on how the guy was raised.
I know. Having 2 rugrats myself I wish having a nice environment at home just entailed food. It's hard work. I wish parents gave emaphsis on that part of life as well and not just cooking.
[QUOTE]
No, he wouldn't starve, I hope he will able to cope on his own. But he's a doctor. Whatever million and one things I have to do for my children, I wouldn't want him to chip in after a long shift at the hospital. \QUOTE]
Couple of my cousins are docs. They come home and make salad before the meal. I think it's a nice way to relax, bond with your spouse and the kids. Studies show that families that COOK TOGETHER as well as EAT TOGETHER are closer.
My mom was the same way. She still is. But my dad always pitched in. I think it took off some constant pressure off of her.
Lol.. well that's cute (cutting salad) but I wouldn't class that as helping with cooking the meal. That's always the chore given to one of the younger members of my family as soon as they can cut stuff :)
But yea, I would be pissed if daddy went and slumped in front of the tv instead doing something with me and/or the kids. But he's not that type anyway.
My dad was too busy working 16hour shifts to pitch in. That was left to me and now my other siblings. BUT, when she was pregnant, he never fobbed us off to relatives. He looked after us himself and cooked etc before I was old enough to do it. I do hope hubby is the same.
I think that's off topic though. In normal family routine, I don't expect my husband to come home and do proper household chores. And I wouldn't feel like a maid doing all that despite everything I have achieved and the fact that I'm earning the money at the moment.
um I don't agree TLK - speaking from personal experience. Depends on how the guy was raised.
Someone needs to know how to cook in a household. Carrying out, ordering pizza or eating omelet everyday is not going to cut it for long. 98% of the times, its the woman of the house who picks up that responsibilty. She can learn after marriage, or if husband being the cook is more convenient for the family then so be it. Nevertheless, home cooked food may not look much but a very essential ingredient of a happy family.
If you were to create a resume for the purpose of seeking a partner in life, what would that resume look like?
How would the men's and women's resumes differ?
I think both of our resume would say the same thing.
Understanding, Forgiveness and Respect.
The fundamentals need to be there the rest sorts it self out.
Someone needs to know how to cook in a household. Carrying out, ordering pizza or eating omelet everyday is not going to cut it for long. 98% of the times, its the woman of the house who picks up that responsibilty. She can learn after marriage, or if husband being the cook is more convenient for the family then so be it. Nevertheless, home cooked food may not look much but a very essential ingredient of a happy family.
eww at omelet eveyday- I think BOTH should be able to manage in the kitchen if the other one is pre-occupied with other things.