Your MIL has a maid and your SIL has a maid for her children?! Hypocrisy. With **6 sister-in-laws, **you should be getting all the help even if they don't all live with you. When they were all sitting together laughing, why didn't they involve you? Why aren't they helping you or at least looking after your baby while you take a shower or catch up on some sleep for an hour? So MIL gets her beauty sleep but if you sleep for long she gets in a mood? Sounds self-centered and callous. MIL has no rights to burden your husband complaining to him all day about you. That is such a malicious thing to do. What does she get out of back-biting about you all day? Why are some Husband's their Mother's string-puppet?! This is so maddening to hear.
How is your relationship with your FIL like? Could you take him aside and talk to him in confidence?
Your husband should be supporting you in all this. This isn't fair on you. Also you aren't married to your in-laws and you shouldn't have to ask their permission for things. Not been able to go to sleep for as long as you want, feeling so lonely and not getting any support. Maybe you could consider moving into your own home with your Husband. That would give you so much independence. Or wouldn't Hubby consider that? You need to have another serious talk with your Husband. Or perhaps you could go to stay with your parents for a few days so you can get Mom's help.
If your MIL and SIL have their own maids, then you have rights to have your own maid as well. If your Husband won't support you then its time to make some changes and it is not a crime to have a Maid. Remain polite to all of them, smile but be strong, put your foot down, start living your own life and hire a maid. If anyone says anything just listen and ignore. Or you could hire a little girl to help, if you live in Pakistan. Don't let your inlaws dictate your life as it is only making you miserable.
^ Woohoo , GO IGGLE! And those are some pretty clever tips, MABROOK :)
When I read some of these toxic in-laws stories....I feel like slapping them. It would accomplish nothing, I know. But it's disgusting how some MILS forget themselves how difficult it is to be a mother/wife/DIL....and instead of showing kindness....they only inflict zulm and choose to shorten another person's life by robbing them of sakoon. Pathetic.
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Gullible*, here's an idea that just came to mind. I'm not married so I don't know how effective this will be. Maybe **Iggle* and Mabs can give some feedback. When your husband wants to be physically intimate........what if you tell him that you're tired from doing all the housework and taking care of the baby.....the whole "not tonight, honey....I'm exhausted."..........would that perhaps motivate him in getting a maid......or at least helping you around the house??? I had read a similar suggestion on an ancient thread here......but once again I'm not sure how effective this will be.
^ Woohoo , GO IGGLE! And those are some pretty clever tips, MABROOK :)
When I read some of these toxic in-laws stories....I feel like slapping them. It would accomplish nothing, I know. But it's disgusting how some MILS forget themselves how difficult it is to be a mother/wife/DIL....and instead of showing kindness....they only inflict zulm and choose to shorten another person's life by robbing them of sakoon. Pathetic.
Gullible, here's an idea that just came to mind. I'm not married so I don't know how effective this will be. Maybe Iggle and Mabs can give some feedback. When your husband wants to be physically intimate........what if you tell him that you're tired from doing all the housework and taking care of the baby.....the whole "not tonight, honey....I'm exhausted."..........would that perhaps motivate him in getting a maid......or at least helping you around the house???
^ Woohoo , GO IGGLE! And those are some pretty clever tips, MABROOK :)
When I read some of these toxic in-laws stories....I feel like slapping them. It would accomplish nothing, I know. But it's disgusting how some MILS forget themselves how difficult it is to be a mother/wife/DIL....and instead of showing kindness....they only inflict zulm and choose to shorten another person's life by robbing them of sakoon. Pathetic.
Ohhhh I know the feeling esp' when hearing about these Husband's who are string puppets!!!!
^ It would torture him indeed, lol. And I'm not suggesting that Gullible use the "I'm too exhausted honey" excuse all the time. But if she uses it often enough.....would that perhaps make him reconsider the maid issue?? It baffles me as to why a husband would make such a big deal over getting help for his wife....who is ALSO the mother of his child.
Obedience toward one's mom is good......but blind obedience is not a virtue....especially when it blocks common sense.
RV i don't think saying"no not today i'm exhausted" will motivate him to get a maid. it will only drift them apart. My mom used to say a husband no matter how good can't take a tired wife for long. So a husband should be satisfied at all costs.
He might not help around the house coz Mil won't like it but he can def b convinced to take care of the baby or even massage her when she's tired. i got a strain neck after my recent delivery n my hubby without realizing massaged my neck n shoulders infront of my mil. oh the look she had. unforgettable lol.
make it a fun massage where u massage him, he massages u then he gets his reward.
Sorry to Iggle. No offense but Gullible never make the mistake of saying anything to FIL. they r one joint n u cannot fight an army alone esp when ur own hubby is leaning towards them. Fil will never b loyal or symphatetic to u but his wife n even if he does take ur side mil will eventually take revenge.
Gullible u need to take care of health first. take multi-vitamins regularly. don't ignore urself at all. do watever it takes but keep looking after ur health seriously.
RV i don't think saying"no not today i'm exhausted" will motivate him to get a maid. it will only drift them apart. My mom used to say a husband no matter how good can't take a tired wife for long. So a husband should be satisfied at all costs.
He might not help around the house coz Mil won't like it but he can def b convinced to take care of the baby or even massage her when she's tired. i got a strain neck after my recent delivery n my hubby without realizing massaged my neck n shoulders infront of my mil. oh the look she had. unforgettable lol.
make it a fun massage where u massage him, he massages u then he gets his reward.
Sorry to Iggle. No offense but Gullible never make the mistake of saying anything to FIL. they r one joint n u cannot fight an army alone esp when ur own hubby is leaning towards them. Fil will never b loyal or symphatetic to u but his wife n even if he does take ur side mil will eventually take revenge.
Gullible u need to take care of health first. take multi-vitamins regularly. don't ignore urself at all. do watever it takes but keep looking after ur health seriously.
Aww, your Husband sounds so sweet Mashallah! Wow, he did that infront of his Mum? Lol! But then Husband's are meant to relieve us of stress and do these things and we vise-versa.
I was just suggesting that she could take her FIL aside and talk to him tenderly. Perhaps she could use some charm and get her FIL to think from her point of view and then her FIL could encourage his wife to get her a Maid. Or if not a maid, he could ask his six daughters to contribute around the home! I love going to my FIL for guidance and help, so that's why I suggested it. Of course every DIL has a different relationship with her FIL.
I was just trying to create new options for her. :)
Ummmm..some people need to stop hating on the woman if she wants to hire a maid.
Also, islamically it's her right.
"A woman thus has the right to continue living the kind of life she had before the marriage; if she lived a life of luxury than she should not be expected to marry a street-sweeper. Islam says that it is the responsibility of the man to hire a wet- nurse and even a maid. The mistress of the house is not forced to do the daily housekeeping, as the children are her sole responsibility; the rest is done by the servants. Islam says that it is the man who pays"
You know, you need to listen to Mabrook.
The best way to deal with such in-laws is to pull yourself back a bit.Slowly decrease the amount of work you do around the house, but don't make it obvious. If you're going to be running around trying to do everything and getting it all done, they obviously would'nt see the need for a maid.
Start spending more time in your room, and if theyre knocking down the doors, ignore, and say, oh I was in the wash-room, or if your praying, delay the time you spend by yourself, focus on your son.
Always keep smiling, don't let it show how much the situation bothers you, go to your parents , enjoy, and always act as if nothing has happened.
Try to keep your hubby close to you, some men can turn a blind-eye to what their wife is going through, but keep him on your side.
Good luck, just know that this shall pass too, keep regular with your prayers, and you'll get the reward for sabr i'A.
Iggle i once did that mistake of talking to Fil thinking him the buzurg of the house, thinking he would handle things wisely.i was extremely wrong. he made such a huge mess. first he told everything to Mil as is. She got mad, everyone in n around family was informed. i can’t go into details but this is the lesson i learnt. if ur own husband can’t support u in something don’t expect any good from his dad.
now even when he says"u r my beti, koi baat ho bila-jhijag mujhay batana" i smile n say"aap ko nahin bataya tu kis ho bata-on gee sub se pehlay aap he ko bataon gee
May b Gullibles fil is diff but i would never take a chance.
^ It would torture him indeed, lol. And I'm not suggesting that Gullible use the "I'm too exhausted honey" excuse all the time. But if she uses it often enough.....would that perhaps make him reconsider the maid issue?? It baffles me as to why a husband would make such a big deal over getting help for his wife....who is ALSO the mother of his child.
Obedience toward one's mom is good......but blind obedience is not a virtue....especially when it blocks common sense.
If a husband doesn't support you at all and listens to others back-biting about you continuously, then that torture is perfect for him! Lol! Of course it won't necessary solve the problem sadly, but he needs to start realizing that he has to take care of his wife and baby as well and put a stop to others talking so rudely about his wife.
Gullible - Why can't your Husband help you take care of your baby? Does he work long hours or something? You could ask him to look after little one while you take a nap for an hour or so. It would make life so much easier for you if he did this. Again, he could look after baby while you have a shower, without you having to rush yourself or you could go out and pamper yourself with a facial at the beauty parlor. Ask him to help you out so that you can feel healthy and happy.
Thank u iggle n everyone else:) I hope these tips would work.
You are not serious, are you? I have not read all the replies but honestly I would not want to resolve my issue with in laws by being cunning and a smart mouth. This dramabazi won't help and will make things worse.
