Maid issue

Lifestyle Relationships
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Asalamoaleikum! I’m not a new member but made a new I.D so that I could share personal problems. I’m a married girl n a mom of a 1 year old baby. The issue is, my in laws don’t agree to hire a maid for my baby. Although we can afford her here in Pakistan. I get really, awfully tired carrying my year old, 11kg baby all day long. On top of that I have to do cooking n stuff too. My parents have also asked them to hire a maid n they will pay for it. But my in laws r makin lame excuses. My husband do listen me but act on wat my mother in law says. Even a few days back my sister in law insulted my parents on this issue. Since then, the environment of our home has been badly effected. M really depressed. Plz help me out! Please!

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Re: Maid issue

Thread moved to Life1.

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Re: Maid issue

hiring a maid indeed isnt much preferable because a mother's love is only what a mother can offer. mostly maids doesnt really care of what they r appointed to. but only how much they will get after a month.

I dont know what exactly is hard in caring a beloved child.

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Re: Maid issue

tell your hubby to cook and wash dishes.

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easiest solution, stop doing all other work .. that will teach them. If your family can afford to hire you some help, they should. This is ridiculous.

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There is no logical solution of "saas baho ka jhagra" It is centuries old problem. There is a spiritual solution for your problem though.

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I don't think this girl is looking to hire a second mom for her child, she's just looking for extra help, that's all.. nothing wrong about that. Alot of moms hire maids/nannies to help them with their kids, that doesn't mean they don't like their children or lack anything as mothers. Gullible, you need to tell your husband how serious this is. It sounds weird that your inlaws would make such a fuss over this. Backoff from doing housework and stressing yourself out, if you're not allowed to hire a maid, spend all your time with your kid with minimal involvement in anything else and everyone will sort themselves out soon.

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Gullible if they don't like u to hav a maid then don't make an issue. yehi choti baatain baad main bara masla banti hain. respect their wishes n forget the maid. u can survive without one believe me.now i'm a mother too so my first question is y do u hav to carry ur baby all the time? u can hand her over to mil, fil, sil, bil etc whoever is available. just nurse her, change her n let her play n spend time with the rest of the family. as for housework don't overdo things. keep urself limited to few tasks eg cooking, dishes. her kaam ka burden mat lo. make baby an excuse to take small nap with her in the afternoon. just stay relax n stay quiet. i think ur family coming fwd n saying we'll hire a maid for her is a slap to ur inlaws izzat.
i hav been to same situation n i decided to giv up on maid. but i did giv the baby to mil n fil a lot. even leave her home n go run ur errands or hav some time out with ur huuby. mil n fil k hotay hovay u need no other nanny for ur kid :)

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It is easier said than done. If she could do that she would not open a thread here . Give her some practical advice please.
She is a rabbit being surrounded and hounded by a group of .............. you know what .
I am at a loss as her husband is not co-operative either. They have no respect for her parents she is in such a rabbit hole. May Alllah help her and make her life easy. Ameen.

Timepass - October 2013
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Re: Maid issue

Do you want a nanny or a maid? Their roles ARE NOT the same.

Why do you have to carry your child all the time?

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i agree with Mabrooks advice 100%. try not to make this small thing a big issue. if they have a zid against not hiring a maid, then you show them that your the bigger person and deal with it. all of mabrooks advice above is very reasonable and doable. ........also, i might add...that here in the US (and other parts of the world) no one has maids to do things. we wives do everything in the house. cook, clean, take care of baby, laundry, run errands, etc. SOME ppl might have cleaning services hired...but the majority of ppl dont and manage everything themselves. so, i'm telling you that it IS possible to do it yourself. just dont take on too tooo much... :)

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yes Anjana we know that don't we? living in West makes u so much independent. if we can survive without maids so can u Gullible

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hire a maid to do the cooking?!

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One word of caution though .. if you are doing it just because its a status symbol, not to carry your child in your arms and have a maid follow you in parties and weddings with your child in her arms or Stroller .. then dont do it for that reason.

I am sorry to point that out but I've seen it a lot in Karachi that now you are wearing 20K suit to a wedding, how could you not have a maid carry your child and have him spoil the suit ..

Jis ne kiye sharam
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yea TLK, sadly i've seen a lot of this in Islamabad as well.

Wht r u doing ?
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wat r prams/strollers for?

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It is practical advice.. you just have to know how to do it ;)

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can i just say that i totally agree with mabrook. Its not that difficult with a little child and taking care of cooking and cleaning. My mother used to live with my aunt and uncle before they moved out and she would go to work, come home, look after me, my older brother and my 2 cousins whilst cooking and cleaning and my aunty and uncle were the most difficult people to live with. Those are extreme conditions and i wouldnt personally put up with that but ive seen plenty of mothers who work, take care of chilDREN not one child but a few and cook and clean the house. You can always try little tricks like make a bottle for the baby and give it to MIL or hubby to feed whilst you do something else.. unless they are making u cook 3 times a day and clean after everything they do then i think that is ridiculous on their part... then u have a problem otherwise try and make you ur home by forgetting the maid... not everybody gets what they want. By not creating a problem out of the matter you wil grow love in the heart of ur hubby and his family. Just bond with baby and do what you can around the house,

And i agree being in the west does make a woman so much more independent.

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There is no harm, if you can afford it, to hire a maid to help you with your chores. I live in UK and I have a maid. She washes the clothes, does the ironing, washes dishes, cleans kitchen, chops vegetables, vacumms etc. I get to spend that entire extra time with my daughter and I love it. I have never regretted hiring a Maid to help me. It's been a blessing and if you have the money and opportunity to do so, then why not?

Your SIL has no right to insult your parents. Seriously, she needs a good beating!

Maybe in-laws are worried that the Maid might steal something or that there won't be privacy in the home etc. Tell in-laws that they themselves can interview any potential maids, that she will just come for a few hours daily and that it is just temporary. (Once the maid comes, even your MIL won't want her to go!)

But if it is really causing a hurricane in your home, then be strong and learn to juggle looking after your baby and doing chores. You have to live with your in-laws and your Hubby can't take sides. Tell your SIL to start helping with housework and with cooking etc as well.

So that your baby doesn’t get ignored you could involve your little one in all your activities e.g. if you are cooking then bring the pan to table and help your baby to put 1 tsp salt into the salaan mixture, explaining each step to baby, then help them put 1 tsp coriander powder in etc. Keep talking and explaining every little thing so that baby keeps learning new words etc. When washing clothes, teach your baby the different colours of all the clothes and help baby to pour the powder in the machine. When making atta, give your baby his own atta to play with and whilst kneading the dough recite the alphabets, months of year etc. This way you can do your chores without upsetting MIL and your baby will get attention as well. It will keep you busy and baby too and all that time baby will be learning constantly.

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Re: Maid issue

All the girls in Pakistan are like that :hmmm: … scary thought …