Re: Love n life
doesnt always happen like that. I personally know many people that have fallen in love with someone but ended up marrying someone else. They ended up being happy and content. Once again....love marriage doesnt always work out.
Re: Love n life
First of all, yes it is very much likely that the guy might resent his fiancee through no fault of hers. It did happen in my uncle's case, it took him a long long time to overcome his first love and get on well with his wife. Around 5 years to be precise. Did the wife stay, yes, was she happy, no.
However, All too often, I have seen people who get into arranged marriages, discover a new life and dismiss their relationships before marriage as Bachpana. Those relatiopnships hold no meaning for them after they get married. Perhaps its because of the social conditioning , but its very common in our society and a major reason why most of us don't know the true meaning of a relationship is (go out with desis at your own peril). I have seen many cousins, friends both girls and guys who before getting married confessed to me that they would die without their beloved, and after getting married just laughed it off. Infact, I can quote examples of very close relatives but then again I wouldn't do it here coz some people just get personal rather then being objective.
So, it works bothways. Depends on how headstrong a person is.
i agree with ALL that you said. Thats what i attempted to convey as well.
you worded it very well. :)
Re: Love n life
But before you start throwing stones, let me tell you that he never was in a relationship with the lady he loves though she is aware of his feelings. The guy doesnot connect very well with the fiancee who is a nice girl(and he never tries to badmouth her or anything) but he still wants the girl he loves. What should he do, be honest and break the news to the family and his fiancee and face the wrath, or go along with their wishes and get into a marriage that might or might not work out. What would you do if you were in a similar situation.
Marriage is a long term decision, rather life-long decision. My belief is that, for such decisions (like marriage and career etc.) one should always prioritise his/her personal interest/willingness/love etc. That way, there are more chances of you enjoying your career or family life, and more chances of continuing it longer. As marriage is believed to be 'gambling', and in gambling probability has much importance; so he should take decision keeping that in mind as well. Talking specifically of marriage, the guy MUST know that after marriage there are lots of rights of other partner that he has to fulfil 24/7//. In case of forced/imposed marriages, there are more chances of you ignoring other partner and thus ignoring the rights and getting more GUNNAHs. It could turn out to be a mess or may be a success.
I personally am not in favour of imposed/forced/compromise marriages AT ALL. We have to do lots of things in our life that we don't like to do, but those are for short-term and time passes and then we are back to normal. But this would not work in life-long issues because it won't pass away, it'd be always there - and thus life-long frustration. Even if the guy would have no love with any other girl, i would not suggest him to do marriage where he is not willing to. That's why Nikah without willingness is not valid.
For the guy i would suggest to quit his engagement, it is not too late. Breaking an engagement is not that worst as having a divorce, and having divorce after kids is the superlative worst case. His fiance would definitely get hurt, but it is nothing in comparison to the frustration they would go through after marriage.
As far as parents are concerned, at first hand it is their fault that they didn't figure out that their son is NOT willing for this engagement, or forced him even knowing that. They do have rights to take decisions for their kids, but they don't have right to ruin someone's life. So if they'd get shocked, it is their mistake (partly) too.
Re: Love n life
true, i am a child and will allways be, adults are cowards, they have no dreams, no hopes, no ideals, all they think about is sex and money, disgusting:snooty:
Re: Love n life
So theres hope for me !! 
Very very true.. that’s why i could never date period.. too much risk involved. 
Re: Love n life
you got it all wrong.. still single buddy 
at one point almost seemed as if it was going to go forward but NOPE i didnt love the guy so backed out before entering in the jungle.
I guess i am one of those girls who believe in true love and arrange marriage crap doesnt work for nia
Re: Love n life
^^ Ditto :)
Re: Love n life
One reasonable, comprehensive post 
Re: Love n life
If you have a heart to feel love, love will find a home in you wherever you are, whoever you are:in your life time.. (love does not have any particular name, color, size and shape: be it arranged marriage or love marriage.)
Re: Love n life
I agree. There's no point in putting his fiance through the heartache later.
Re: Love n life
...quick, quick, get CuR10u$ a seat on Oprah. :D
Re: Love n life
how do you know he will give her heartache later? it all depends on the person. It is in his control whether or not he will cause great heartache.
Re: Love n life
I think most girls in particular…would prefer a love marriage as oppose to and arranged marriage. I on the other hand…am open to both. It’s hard enought to find a decent guy to marry as it is…then you are limiting yourself even more by not allowing your parents to help you. We all know that parents are quite resourceful.
Re: Love n life
parents know their child more than the child him/herslef. In most cases if not all parents advice can make a real difference in this life long process.
Re: Love n life
thx guys 
Re: Love n life
My parents get all the respect in the world for me.
But when it comes to shadi I realized its my life i need to spend next 60 years with someone. I can’t live a parallel life like many other girls with a guy.
I can’t lie to myself for lifetime.
love after marriage is with condition. and in my dictionary its a compromised love. Love without any condition is the pure love 
I don’t ever want to feel 20 years down the line what if i would have chose someone on my own my l ife would have been better… Sorry :~)
Re: Love n life
that is true in some cases...but there are some parents that have their own selfish motives when picking out a spouse for their child.
Re: Love n life
But when it comes to shadi I realized its my life i need to spend next 60 years with someone. I can't live a parallel life like many other girls with a guy.
I can't lie to myself for lifetime.
love after marriage is with condition. and in my dictionary its a compromised love. Love without any condition is the pure love :)
I don't ever want to feel 20 years down the line what if i would have chose someone on my own my l ife would have been better... Sorry :~)
nia but you can also grow out of love with the person you had a love marriage with? just take a look at western society and their high divorce rates. Dont they marry out of love?
Re: Love n life
I am not even talking about western love :~)
but yes sadly most of them marry out of LUST. And it stays for some time and then boom they fall out of love again.
If Divorce was not such a taboo issue i bet you Pakistan would have the HIGHEST divorce rate.
I am sure if you go around in circle in your family and friends you will see many couples living with each other becuase they have too
not because they want too.. there is heck of a difference there
Muhabat ek behad paak jazba hai is ko koi ilzaam na do
Re: Love n life
Sadly this is very true. In our society so many marriages just go on and on because they are expected to. Children are the victims in such marriages where they act like glue to keep everything together. When they go abroad or move out, everything collapses like a house of cards.
People always point to the high divorce rates in the West. Well they are still better off because they have the OPTION to divorce. In our society it’s out of the question. And I will stand by my opinion that divorce is a much better option than a miserable marriage, for ALL parties involved.
These problems can be solved if only we have a little more spine and are more capable of making decisions for ourselves rather than pure reliance on parents. How many times have you seen people just marry for the sake of marrying or cave in to family pressure. Sometimes people marry with indifference, whoever Ammi Abu pick out is fine. That’s the easy way out, it’s only later down the road when they realize the consequences of such casual decisions.
From an Islamic point of view this is totally wrong. There are countless examples and hadith where Muslims are encouraged to take very active role in their marriage. Forced, compromised and conditional marriages have no place in Islam. Both man and woman are well within their rights to reject proposals for any reason including looks. But in our case, we often don’t excercise our own rights because it’s much easier placing the blame on some other party.