Re: Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?
Did you do your own research or did he tell you what you know about Vedic Hindus ?
.....
Since you are saying that you are Muslim and will stay Muslim even after you have married him . I hope being Muslim you believe that Allah will question you on this action of yours which is clearly against the guidance provided by Allah , what kind of answer or logic you have prepared for that day ?
He hasn't said anything about Vedic Hindus etc. Another (muslim) friend told me..Why not give them the benefit of the doubt??
I am a religious/spiritual person, emphatically not an atheist. But we're looking at this from completely different angles. To me, I pray my way, he prays his way- in the end, if it really is one God, I don't see why it should matter what we called HIM or the little rituals.
BF is kind, caring, respects my opinion..(did I mention the looking after my parents bit?) ..he's a good human being..
So that's what I shall say on the big day - that I married a good human being..and what's wrong with that..?
Re: Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?
^ farimasait, I think you can shut-up all of us (including myself) by saying that you dont need religious prospective, you are just looking the ways to break the story to parents and thats it. (sort of thank you, come again) :)
Putting it in casual way such as "i pray my way, he prays his way .if its only one god, I dont see why should it matter....etc etc" will not cut it and we will keep coming back at you :D because this casual definition of yours is in contradiction with the teachings of Islam.
In other words dont try to justify it religiously (when it cant be), just tell us that you are looking beyond religion. We are very very chipko type guppies :D
Re: Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?
As for his religion not forbidding him to marry muslims, if he held to the letter of his beliefs, he shouldn't be marrying out of caste, should he? All non-hindus would be considered outcaste..? It's never been an issue in his mind.. so he's willing to look behind the words to the spirit of what belief in God means..
Re: Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?
Well fari. It seems you have made up your mind and would be willing to fight for this. Would like to wish you best in your future.
My opinion:
When you asked for our opinion here and as majority of Muslims whether being practicing or not hold and share fundemntal beliefs. And one of them is not marrying mushriks. Same goes for men. My men folks think that Ahl e kitaab means any woman from Christian or Jews religion is acceptable. And what my men folks forget that these women have to belive in ONE God and don't associate any partners with Allah then it is acceptable to marry them. Khair, since i am not religious person so i would like to wish you best. Sooner or later, you are going to have to tell your parents and there is no other way. Just tell them straight up.
Re: Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?
:)
Yes, I was really hoping to hear from someone who had been through this and could tell me how to disarm the initial hostility.
Also, I'm really surprised that people have decided I'm almost half-way Hindu by now. Respect is a two-way street, so I listen to his beliefs with as open a mind as I'd expect him to listen to mine...
My mother taught Sanskrit for 12 yrs, didn't make her a Hindu...
Re: Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?
I think the main thing you need to consider is how religious you are. I'm a bit confused, but obviously it's your call. If you feel like religion is something very important to you then I would go to a TRUSTED scholar, lay out your problem and get proper advice, unless anyone here is a scholar his opinion and a GS members opinion could be very different.
Still it seems like there isn't much way around in religiously.
If however you feel that religion does not come first (because with religion you either take all of it or leave it, picking and choosing can lead to such a mess) then I would tell the parents as soon as possible. The more time they have to deal with it the better, obviously they'll be heart broken, their beliefs still dictate that you marrying him equates to hell fire, so you should try and sympathise, it has to be hard for any parent to go through with that decision.
I understand what you mean about never being able to marry an atheist but being ok with this guy, I've met so many non-muslims who's actions and hearts are more 'muslim' than muslims, but then again I obviously can't condone an action I believe is wrong.
I hope whatever's best for you happens, good luck :D
Re: Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?
I could be mistaken and have no problem with others correcting me if my assumption is incorrect. But I thought if your marriage was not recognized by Allah as being valid, then in the eyes of that same Allah, your children will be born out of wedlock - does that bother you?
Re: Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?
@fari. In my humble opinion, i do not think anybody is being hostile to you. Rather they are giving you something to think about. And they are all practical reasons that everybody mentioned about you marrying hindu. I think everybody respects your opinion. But it is us and our deeds that we are answerable to Allah alone on a big day.
Re: Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?
I could be mistaken and have no problem with others correcting me if my assumption is incorrect. But I thought if your marriage was not recognized by Allah as being valid, then in the eyes of that same Allah, your children will be born out of wedlock - does that bother you?
Mankind has been on earth for more than a million yrs. For most of that time, there was no such thing as wedlock. It's a relatively recent social phenomenon. Are all the folks that came before going to hell?
Re: Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?
I could be mistaken and have no problem with others correcting me if my assumption is incorrect. But I thought if your marriage was not recognized by Allah as being valid, then in the eyes of that same Allah, your children will be born out of wedlock - does that bother you?
are kids born out of wedlock treated differently from other kids by Allah? this whole think of your unborn kids, think of your husband burning etc is funny. the real issues are going to be her neighbours, family, in laws.
Re: Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?
Also, wouldn't language/cultural practices/food matter more in everyday life? Wouldn't punjabi hindu/punjabi muslim get along easier day-to-day than say punju muslim and umm.. pathan muslim?
Re: Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?
Mankind has been on earth for more than a million yrs. For most of that time, there was no such thing as wedlock. It's a relatively recent social phenomenon. Are all the folks that came before going to hell?
Your answers do not align with your belief system - that's all I will tell you. Everyone's just telling you how every action of yours is Islamically a sin and even your line of thinking.. That's not me saying it.
AGAIN, my only request is DO NOT MAKE A MOVE UNLESS HE HAS TALKED TO HIS PARENTS AND THEY HAVE ACCEPTED YOU...
Re: Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?
Mankind has been on earth for more than a million yrs. For most of that time, there was no such thing as wedlock. It's a relatively recent social phenomenon. Are all the folks that came before going to hell?
So if speed limit (traffic law) on a highway changes to 60 from 80, will everyone going on 80 yesterday gets a Ticket?
Re: Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?
I acknowledge that the wedlock issue is a cultural issue. What Allah deems acceptable and what is or is not a sin, will always be up for debate and I don't profess to know the answer to that question.
Unfortunately, the intersection between what other's perceive to be Allah's decree on this matter is a social construct and will impact whether OTHERS accept your marriage as valid in the eyes of Allah and how they treat you. Religion, culture and social relationships colliding.
Honestly, most people won't care, but our community is the worst when it comes to talking about others - we are pros at gheebat. Be prepared to be judged for your actions by those who have no right to judge you.
Re: Love match - What’s the best way of breaking it to the parents?
Ok. Ok. I’ll admit - I’m an a-la-carte religion type o’gal. I leave out the bits that I don’t find to my liking..
You’re right, I will not make a move till he does his part.. and I’m really nervous about meeting his mom..I’ve heard umpteen ‘we need to respect parents’ type sermons from him to understand that I’ll have to suck up to his mom
Like all desis - he’s a bit of a mamma’s boy…not a spineless mama’s boy though
He **is **more conservative than I am, that too I’ll put on record..I’ve always thought of hindus as being more liberal… lotsa assumptions out the door
