Hi all,
My folks are thinking of finding rishtas for me. It’s a topic that’s been cropping up a lot in conversation lately. What’s the best way of breaking it to the parents that I’ve already found my partner? Would it be best to tell them straight away? Some of my friends have suggesred turning down a number of rishtas so they kind of get a hint and ask me themselves - and then I could tell them.
Would they be more receptive that way? It doesn’t seem fair to potential rishtas to deal insincerely with them.
..
..
P.S The situation is futher complicated by the fact that the man I love is from a different religion. I want to do this just right so there’s as little stress as possible for everyone concerned.
I’m more worried about how dad might react than I am about mom…
Do you know anyone who’s done this? How did they convince their parents?
Re: Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?
Hi all,
My folks are thinking of finding rishtas for me. It's a topic that's been cropping up a lot in conversation lately. What's the best way of breaking it to the parents that I've already found my partner? Would it be best to tell them straight away? Some of my friends have suggesred turning down a number of rishtas so they kind of get a hint and ask me themselves - and then I could tell them.
Would they be more receptive that way? It doesn't seem fair to potential rishtas to deal insincerely with them.
..
..
P.S The situation is futher complicated by the fact that the man I love is from a different religion. I want to do this just right so there's as little stress as possible for everyone concerned.
I'm more worried about how dad might react than I am about mom...
Do you know anyone who's done this? How did they convince their parents?
Appreciate any inputs...:)
Are your parents
Uber-Conservative
Very Conservative
Conservative
Almost Maadran
Maadran
Very Maadran?
I ask because everything depends on their mindset. At the two extremes, their are some parents who would kill their daughter if she wanted a love marriage and that too with a Non-Muslim (I assume you are Muslim?) and some who wouldn't bat an eyelid.
Re: Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?
Hi all,
My folks are thinking of finding rishtas for me. It's a topic that's been cropping up a lot in conversation lately. What's the best way of breaking it to the parents that I've already found my partner? Would it be best to tell them straight away? Some of my friends have suggesred turning down a number of rishtas so they kind of get a hint and ask me themselves - and then I could tell them.
Would they be more receptive that way? It doesn't seem fair to potential rishtas to deal insincerely with them.
..
..
P.S The situation is futher complicated by the fact that the man I love is from a different religion. I want to do this just right so there's as little stress as possible for everyone concerned.
I'm more worried about how dad might react than I am about mom...
Do you know anyone who's done this? How did they convince their parents?
Appreciate any inputs...:)
MashaAllah you are on a right track. I think breaking this news a few hours before your Nikah will be a great boost for your parents.
Re: Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?
First: Whoever your partner is, I'm assuming you have evaluated the situation to the best of your abilities and are sure that this is whom you would like to be married to. The reason I say this is because inter-racial marriages do work, however they require work as well. But I don't want to get into this, because I'm hoping that you are already well aware of this :)
Second: Please, be fair to your partner, yourself, your parents AND whomever it is that is presenting these rishtas for you. Don't delay the "talk" with your parents, the more you delay it, the worse it will get. If you feel that your mother is more accepting of the issue than your father, perhaps discuss it with her first. You both can then talk to your father about it. But the best thing would be to bring it up right away. Especially if they are interested in getting you married now. It will save everyone from a lot of heartbreak !
Re: Love match - What’s the best way of breaking it to the parents?
Well, both of them used to be quite ‘Maadran’, but dad has been trending towards ‘Very Conservative’ lately…
Yep, I’m muslim and my significant other is Hindu.
Re: Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?
First: Whoever your partner is, I'm assuming you have evaluated the situation to the best of your abilities and are sure that this is whom you would like to be married to. The reason I say this is because inter-racial marriages do work, however they require work as well. But I don't want to get into this, because I'm hoping that you are already well aware of this :)
.....
Best of luck hon :)
Re: Love match - What’s the best way of breaking it to the parents?
hmmm… That will be a problem. I think you should get started on this right now. I suppose you know what buttons to push with your mom, lol, so start with her; explain the situation and tell her that’s the only way you can ever be happy. From my own experience, parents are easily manipulated, people just don’t really try…
Also, be prepared for a showdown. You will have Quranic verses and hadith thrown at you like bullets from a machine gun. Stand firm and chip away at the resistance
Re: Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?
Does a brother or sister or anyone in your family already know about this guy? Would be easier if you went into this with a bit of support, esp if your dad is veering more to the conservative side..
Re: Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?
Does a brother or sister or anyone in your family already know about this guy? Would be easier if you went into this with a bit of support, esp if your dad is veering more to the conservative side..
No one knows -I'm an only child. And, no, he isn't willing to convert.
Re: Love match - What’s the best way of breaking it to the parents?
He is not your significant other yet. If you are Muslim and he is Hindu then you cannot marry him unless you denounce your religion. The religion clearly states that a Muslim woman cannot marry a non Muslim man.
There is no easy way to deal with what you are up to and I will not be a party to encourage you to quit your religion for your worldly temptations. So I am out of this thread.
All I can say is May Allah guide you to right path. Ameen.
Re: Love match - What’s the best way of breaking it to the parents?
^That’s a horrible comparison
She has known her parents all her life, Allah is not her personal friend that she grew up knowing. Allah doesn’t whisper in her ears and tell her what she can or cannot do. In terms of religion, it all comes from a book, ahadees, and maulvies/scholars. When did she truly meet Allah to think of it as something bigger than her parents? there’s no personal bond between man and God. Some might feel closer to God while others feel IT doesn’t exist.
Re: Love match - What’s the best way of breaking it to the parents?
please enlighten me but all my life I thought and felt that Allah is with me always even when my parents are not.
I do not want to derail the thread but that very concept (that Allah is dearer to person than anyone else) is the key factor as far as religion is concerned i.e Allah (and his commands) comes before anyone else even before Parents.
Re: Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?
Is he a practicing Hindu? If not, then I suggest you just tell your parents that he converted. Maybe even give him a psuedo muslim middle name. That's of course assuming you are not reall religious yourself. You wouldnt have been with this guy if you were religious to begin with
My sister is married to a white american guy. My mom was initially sad to find out about it but was still supportive. My sisters and her husband wanted to make my mom and my grandmother happy.Since the guy was an atheist to begin with, he didn't have a problem going to a mosque and go through the conversion "ritual". It at least made my mom very HAPPY. They are truly happy and my Mom and Dadi can't stop saying how well mannered and understanding he is. :) He even speaks a little bit of urdu, lol.
BUT he wouldn't tell his own mother about it because she will be sadenned by it. So no harm done! both parties are happy and his mother doesn't need to know.. the only way this was possible was to not care about religion...they were more concerned about making each other's parents happy. Is he a muslim? NO..he is still an atheist.. :p
Re: Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?
please enlighten me but all my life I thought and felt that Allah is with me always even when my parents are not.
I do not want to derail the thread but that very concept (that Allah is dearer to person than anyone else) is the key factor as far as religion is concerned i.e Allah (and his commands) comes before anyone else even before Parents.
tu maira na banta, na ban, apna tu bun....
I was given the same Quran to read and same ahadees, sunnat to follow. Why did I never feel close to Allah? My life has been great and I did not go through any hardships to lose faith in GOD...i just never really felt he was there :p
Not everyone feels Allah is their personal phriend.
there’s no personal bond between man and God. Some might feel closer to God while others feel IT doesn’t exist.