Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?

Re: Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?

My question about the burning of your dead husband was rhetorical. You answered negatively to this. In light of this, if you died before your husband, would he be able to watch you be buried? In Islam, men are expected to go to the graveyard to bury their loved ones and those which they are mahram to. Oh, and what about the prayers - would there be a janazaa? Or something that Hindu's do? Or a mixture of both?

You don't need to answer those questions, but it's definitely something you have to be prepared for. And I don't want to say this, but I feel I have to, and iA nothing like this will ever happen, but it's life and it happens. What if your child dies? Cremation or burial? Sorry to be so blunt.

It's things like this which would end such a marriage because there are just too many issues. Forget your parents for a second and think of things like this. There are just too many differences for such marriages to be a success.

Re: Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?

Jesus H Christ! (See, I'm Christian now !:p) No offence.
I just posted an explanation as to why bf didn't feel uncomfortable with different Gods - or different ways of worshipping God as he puts it..it does NOT make me a hindu...I'm not more into SO's religion.. but yes, I do not find it actually offensive/repulsive..
If I had to shut my ears to every hindu phrase I heard, I would have to go around India with earplugs on.

Re: Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?

exactly, islam means to submit a will to creator.

Re: Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?

It is amazing that people continue to discuss the burial arrangements. That, I believe, is the least of your problems.

Re: Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?

matter is not about phrases. you claim yourself religious, it will hurt your future relation with hindu husband.

I am completely agree with DP. you have to have consider all those funeral, death, birth rituals. would you be able to fast for your husband(varath), what if your hindu guy decide to live permanently in India.

in-laws problems/issues exist in indian culture more than paki culture.

Re: Love match - What’s the best way of breaking it to the parents?

Except for Judaism, where traditionaly, the mother MUST be Jewish in order for the child to be considered of the faith…there are some variances of course (converts, father is practicing etc…), but for the most part "According to the Mishnah, the oldest codified normative definition used by Jews for self-identification, a person is matrilineally a Jew by birth, or becomes one through conversion to Judaism

OP…I’m not going interject anymore religious doctrinehere, because obviously you are an educated adult, and are capable of making decisions in your own best interest…I will, however, caution you that “the grass is not always greener on the other side”…it’s very easy to neatly plan out what course your marriage will take when it comes to child rearing, holidays etc, however, it doesn’t always work out that way…for instance, I am first generation born and raised here in the US (may parents came in the early '70’s), we are a moderate thinking, practicing Muslim family, however, in the “early days” as we like to call them, my parents and their limited circle of friends from back home never really distinguished between eating *zabiha *meat only, we all grew up eating McDonalds, going out for steaks, Chic Fil A, etc…now my husband came to the US at age 17 in 1990…he has never eaten any chicken, beef etc out that was not zabiha, and is very strict on the matter. Ours was a “love marriage”, so I made the decision to stop eating non-zabiha meat, as I knew he wanted to raise the kids in that matter and it would only confuse them…fast forward 13 years, I know work full time, run my own business, have 3 kids under the age of 8 and sometimes, it’s just easier to go through the drive thru and get them some damn chicken nuggets instead of having to cook at home virtually every single day…I don’t see harm in it occasionaly,for convenience sake, however my husband is standing firm, so now it’s starting to create some tension…my 8 yr old cries when he sees his cousins eating KFC or a cheeseburger, and he can’t have it, and when I try to explain to him zabiha vs non zabiha, he says “well they are Muslim too…”

So,my point is, even staying within the faith, there are sooo many different schools of though, it’s tough to make those compromises…by going into the Hindu/Muslim territory, that’s a whole different can or worms…what seems practical and easy now, may not be 10 years down the road…you may not mind hearing the Gayatri Mantra now, but what happens in the future when Ramadan & Ganesh Chaturthi fall in the same time again…are you going to be able to handle bhajans while you’re praying Fajr??? I’m not judging you by any means, or trying to make you feel guilty by any means, but you have to think from you head, not from your heart…

Good luck, I wish you well in whatever you decide…

Re: Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?

Can we not talk about funerals for a sec? In any case, I don't see how it would impact the marriage while we're alive and no one is going to come back from the dead to question burial arrangement!
As for vraths - maybe I'd fast, but pray to Allah instead..

I've no problem living in India.. I've lived there - in Bombay, most of my life...

For in-law issues.. you;d be surprised how similar they are :)

Re: Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?

ok.

Re: Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?

Look, I agree with what khattichic said - I'm not really fooling myself into believing it's easy..there's going to be tons of little things..

There's just one perspective/position of BFs that I can't get my head around..it's the only time we had a serious religious type argument. It was in reln to the whole sania mirza and triple talaaq business . He expressed his complete dissapproval and opposition to talaaq in general.. and it took off into a marriage is a sacral vs legal bond type argument.

It's not like we don't argue..I'm just saying...

Re: Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?

well since you two sound like gujus to me, here's a couple of things you should ask him about - what are his views on narendra modi?

Re: Love match - What’s the best way of breaking it to the parents?

Agree with khattichic :k:

One of my distant male cousins is married to a Hindu girl and whilst in religious terms it might be invalid in practical terms they’re doing just fine.. As much as ppl would like to believe it can’t work it can and does work in some situations.. obviously whether it’s right or wrong is an entirely different thing..

Farimasait, how long have you known him? Do you know if his family approve or disapprove of the two of you being together?

Re: Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?

umm.. Funnily enough, there are cousins of mine who back Modi and claim it's all a conspiracy to keep Gujarat down. How's that for weird?

Re: Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?

This I absolutely agree with! Hindu law is undeniably the sexist of all laws. If your hubby-to-be takes you to India, you will have to follow the culture and all customs. If any problems arise, know that Hindu law is part of their land constitution and since your husband is a Hindu, this will apply to you. This is very serious! Don't move to India in any case if you do marry him.

Re: Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?

Not in America.

Re: Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?

-_-

there is nothing particularly sexist about Hindu personal law in the indian constitution. drafted by socialists and nehruvians, one may even say it is better than the corresponding muslim personal law from the indian constitution (drafted to appease the religious right) - the former makes it polygamy illegal, and divorce by the man more difficult than the latter. there is a big push from educated indian muslims for a unified civil code instead of the split personal laws, and to outlaw triple talaq.

not that this has much to do with in-law issues..

Re: Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?

I know why you are asking , but I have no answer.

Re: Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?

While I agree that there's a big push from education Indians to amend the law, the courts are still ruling in men and their family's favor especially in in-law/bahu cases. I read about such cases all the time and how hypocrite this system is. Calling a law secular doesn't mean anything when they are not practicing it.

Obviously my knowledge is very limited in this regard or maybe I have only heard bad stories about their court rulings..

Re: Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?


i said **'mostly'**** and i imp0lied *muslim *families.**

Re: Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?

Theorist, I do believe this is not true. I am not aware of any 'hindu' law that exists.. there is just common law and then Muslims have their own shariah compliant law specifically for them.
The common law is for everyone else and is not modelled on religion to the best of my knowledge.

Re: Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?

nah, in india personal law like marriage, divorce, inheritance, adoption etc is separated by religion (really lame, but if you know india, you know how much paperwork is involved in doing any fking thing). common law is only for other issues. out of these, christian law has always been fairly up to date as it was primarily meant for anglo-indians, hindu law was reformed and modernized in the 50s to be on par with christian law, muslim personal law is still pretty much what it was in the 1800s. afaik, even dowry is legal for muslims in india as per the law of the land. this when islam prohibits it, and everyone else has it illegal in india. thats how messed up things are.

i'm guessing you flunked your social studies classes pal. :p