Re: Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?
how old are you pal? how old is your boyfrand? has he broken anything about you to his parents? have they broken any of his limbs? i say, get him to do this side of the dirtywork before you start working your parental units. think it through well, or you'll be left without support from either party, lots of guilt, a cousin who appears suddenly etc etc.
Re: Love match - What’s the best way of breaking it to the parents?
Thank you all for responses. Now for some context.
I live in NYC, work here. I wasn’t born here but spent some of my teens and graduate school here. Parents live here as well. SO is an Indian - so am I. He came over for graduate school and stayed to work as did I. I know him from undergrad.
Reln with God - I posted this in Life rather than religion so I could just concentrate on the practical aspect. (Ok, I’ve also seen some of the threads on Religion and wouldn’t dare post there!). I would consider myself religious in that I certainly believe in God, pray, keep roza etc. Yes, I am aware that it isn’t the best thing I could be doing - however,I’m unwilling to think of it as something of a crime. My BF is one of the nicest ppl I’ve known. He’s everything I could have wished for. So he chooses to worship God in a different way -that’s all. Is that so bad? (Rhetorical question, please don’t pull the trigger!)
It’s curious because I would never have considered marrying an atheist.
As for ‘pyar kiya tho darna kya’ - I want to clarify that neither of us is afraid or is likely to balk. We just want to cause as little hurt as possible to the 'rents so we can have a unbroken reln with them.
SO’s religious belief - He is a practicing Hindu and curiously sees nothing objectionable in a different way of worship.
He explained this as Vedic belief - Ekam sat - viprah bahudi vendanti (Truth is one, the wise call it by many names) . Heh! I actually remembered that! It makes it easier for me that he’s an Arya Samaaji - they aren’t into too much into idol worship/temple going, more of a monotheist, vedic oreintation, less imagery. He IS a staunch vegetarian though!
He wouldn’t convert and I wouldn’t ask him - he could, and would turn, around and ask the same thing of me.
Pretending to convert - we probably will have to pretend to door ke relatives/acquaintances on both sides esp where his sister’s marriage is concerned, but we wouldn’t want to lie to parents..
Parents - I’m pretty confident of bringing mom around, not least because dad’s newfound conservatism is driving her up the wall. His parents live in Bombay. They’ll be visiting for Navratri/Diwali this year. Asked him to bring his closest friends home. He’s told them that would be his childhood chum and me. He said they all exchanged looks among themselves but said nothing..
So we’ll see how that goes .. brrrr…nervous. His youngest sister kinda knows and I think has the perception that Muslims are very judgemental re: religion and that I’d come home and declaim, denounce and pronounce judgement on their way of life..Wonder where they could have got that impression from. Rolling eyes.
Children - They will grow up both hindu and muslim - …that’s the idea.. runs for cover
Funerals (!!!) - umm…I suppose I would be buried and he would be burnt.. why would this be a problem?
Food! - Food at home would be vegetarian. No compromise. I’d need to fulfill my cravings when I eat out. He doesn’t smoke or drink. Arya Samaajis believe alcohol is evil. Chalk up one more in his favour. 
Last but not least - like I said, I’m an only child, and have always promised myself that I would only choose someone who would allow me to support my parents in old age financially and emotionally..not least because dad is not very “clever” when it comes to money - I can’t count the number of times he’s been taken for a ride by fast-talking investment advisors!
BF is completely understanding of how I would want to be there for them just as he would want to.
Misc - I know of at least two acquaintances back in the desh who had similar marriages - one was a hindu-gal - muslim boy, and another vice-versa. Good news is - both marriages are going strong. Bad news is - in both cases the girl’s parents cut off all relationship with the couple. It’s the one thing I want to avoid!
Re: Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?
^ why did you asked the question in first place when you have answer for everything only that some of those answers does not seem right (to me) :)
Re: Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?
Is he going to be converting? If not, then according to Islamic rules.....that marriage is not valid. So even if your parents were to give their consent...that's something to think about. I have friends and colleagues who married someone of the same religion but of a different culture/country....and even this difference had its challenges. You may have a simplified view of how things will run after marriage.....but as you grow older and kids enter the picture....your priorities/beliefs may not be the same or as simple as they are now...and the difference in religion could end up being a bigger source of conflict than you might have imagined at first....and you'll have to work around these things.....to compromise with your spouse...and to deal with pressure from both your families for a variety of issues throughout your life (celebrations, naming of kids, etc). I don't even know how to word it....but you'll have you work cut out for you.
The whole rejecting rishtas as a way of giving ur parents a hint....I don't agree with it. They're going to feel frustrated with you for turning the rishtas down one after another.....in the event tht the rishtas come to your home....it's a waste of the rishta's time and your family's time....the rejections can create bad vibes between people. And when your parents find out that you did all of this because you already have a guy in mind.....they're going to be turned off by your deception....which is going to close off their minds even more toward your wishes.
Re: Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?
if i read that right, you are saying he hasn't told his family about you two being a couple, or intent to marry? given all that you say, it does sound like he should have an easier time than you with breaking this to the parents. and until that is done, i'd seriously recommend you doing nothing. i have seen a few such couples, some of them doing very well married, but some fell apart so fast when it came to being decisive about things.
Re: Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?
I was given the same Quran to read and same ahadees, sunnat to follow. Why did I never feel close to Allah? My life has been great and I did not go through any hardships to lose faith in GOD...i just never really felt he was there :p
.
haan haan baba you are right and 3 billion Muslims/Christians/Jews who believe in one God are wrong.
Khush.
Re: Love match - What’s the best way of breaking it to the parents?
Wow.. if only life was THIS simple! I’m sorry, it isnt! .. Interracial (or whatever you call em) marriages are not a bed of roses! .. Your post is screaming “I AM IN LOVEEEE!!! YEEEHAAA” … Good luck! ****
Re: Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?
If the guy hasn't told his family about wanting to marry you let alone dating you.....then it would make me question his intentions/sincerity toward you. There are so many threads here about guys/girls who themselves are open-minded during a relationship....but chicken out when it comes to opposition from the parents. If that happens...where would it leave you? You're planning on turning down rishtas...but in the end if it turns out he either isn't interested/or is too scared to marry you.....you may have turned down good opportunities. Before you go ahead with making sacrifices on your part and taking your parents for a ride.....find out what his plans are. And don't go just by his words...look to see if the actions match up. It can save you time...reduce the discomfort. The more time/emotional energy you invest in something that doesn't end up going anywere....the greater the heartache.
Re: Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?
I was given the same Quran to read and same ahadees, sunnat to follow. Why did I never feel close to Allah? My life has been great and I did not go through any hardships to lose faith in GOD...i just never really felt he was there :p
Not everyone feels Allah is their personal phriend.
Did you announce it to your husband , that you are an atheist , does he share your beliefs ? I am just wondering if you are living in a closet or out of the closet ? If you tell me no then I have more questions if you say yes then I have nothing more to ask. And all that for my own education , not to judge you or point fingers at you.
Re: Love match - What’s the best way of breaking it to the parents?
if i m thirsty that does not make you thirsty unless you feel it.
ab bolo kaisi rahi analogy. 
Re: Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?
if i read that right, you are saying he hasn't told his family about you two being a couple, or intent to marry? given all that you say, it does sound like he should have an easier time than you with breaking this to the parents. and until that is done, i'd seriously recommend you doing nothing. i have seen a few such couples, some of them doing very well married, but some fell apart so fast when it came to being decisive about things.
So what did the successful couples do? He was planning to break it to his 'rents right after I meet them in Oct.
Re: Love match - What’s the best way of breaking it to the parents?
Wow, I missed out on all the fun; I knew I should have got myself a bf when I had the chance too - my life has been utterly boring I tell you!
OP, your kids will have a life as follows - (gone to meet the grandparents (your parents) - ‘namahs…uh…salahm (whisper mummy did we say that right, or were we meant to say namaste)??’
Oh, and if you die first, your next of kin is your husband - sooooo he will burn you…sorry to be the bearer of bad news. Unless of course you leave a will, but what are the chances that it will be read before burial…err…sorry, I meant burning.
As for your Dad; well done to him, may Allah keep showing him the right path and strengthen him in his belief. I pray you find yourself a nice muslim boy to marry, iA.
Re: Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?
Did you announce it to your husband , that you are an atheist , does he share your beliefs ? I am just wondering if you are living in a closet or out of the closet ? If you tell me no then I have more questions if you say yes then I have nothing more to ask. And all that for my own education , not to judge you or point fingers at you.
He knows and understands. Apparently, he is no longer a muslim but believes there's a God.
Re: Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?
So what did the successful couples do? He was planning to break it to his 'rents right after I meet them in Oct.
Why the delay?
Re: Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?
So what did the successful couples do? He was planning to break it to his 'rents right after I meet them in Oct.
until that happens, do not make a move! It will damage your rep more than it hurts him..
Re: Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?
It's probaably going to come down to your mom reluctantly agreeing. This will probably cause a strain on your parents relationship too if they have different views on this.
Re: Love match - What’s the best way of breaking it to the parents?
It’s not the end of the world to be namaste’d. Lots of ppl have said namaste to my parents! I should hope my children would be able to handle two greetings.. after all we greet ppl differently in everyday life.
Why would my hubby burn me when he knows my wishes in the matter?
I can’t believe I’m already discussing my funeral arrangements ..!!
Earlier in the thread, someone said the marriage wouldn’t be valid. I’ve seen this on other threads as well. What do you mean? It shouldn’t be a problem here in America. Nobody asks for your religion.
In India, I believe there is a special marriages act for such cases…
Re: Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?
It's not the end of the world to be namaste'd. Lots of ppl have said namaste to my parents! I should hope my children would be able to handle two greetings.. after all we greet ppl differently in everyday life.
Why would my hubby burn me when he knows my wishes in the matter? I can't believe I'm already discussing my funeral arrangements ..!!
Earlier in the thread, someone said the marriage wouldn't be valid. I've seen this on other threads as well. What do you mean? It shouldn't be a problem here in America. Nobody asks for your religion. In India, I believe there is a special marriages act for such cases...
Islamically, it's not valid. It's ok I am in an invalid marriage too and I am doing great!
don't do anything until you are sure from his side...it's very important
Re: Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?
Why the delay?
They're in Bombay.
Re: Love match - What's the best way of breaking it to the parents?
^Bombay mein phone nahin hota?