losing my sleep over an issue

[zobia]

Re: losing my sleep over an issue

money is not the issue here, instead him calling it his is the issue. otherwise, what i have seen in Pakistani wives is they literally have give away their jewellery (an asset which embellishes femininity) just to support their family.

[Reha]

Re: losing my sleep over an issue

Please dont give in and forfeit your money...all that does is encourage this type of behavior.

Dont talk about money. If he brings it up, ignore him.

[Masi_Museebtay]

Re: losing my sleep over an issue

I agree with NJgal and niksik's comments..

btw did he say what he needed the money for?

[kaun]

@NJMasti

I totally agree, dual income is a necessity. I am willing to sit down and write up a plan on how much we can TOGETHER save per month… and how we can together work out the bill payments and all… but he is willing to have me contribute financially but he does not want to contribute his help to me in household chores such as / kids / school / clean up / laundry / dishes /cooking / taking kids out for play or for Sunday school…etc I mean the list is pretty long that I DO and on top of that I am willing to contribute money as well…

so don’t you think a guy should be supportive in household work as well ?

well if the guy assumes you equally responsible for the household expenses as himself then i suppose he should be equally responsible for the household duties as well. Well its only fair if you look at it that way and i stand by it :k:

[mall]

kaun, ive been following ur posts and MA must say how sensible and mature u r. ur posts are such a fresh breath of air really. i m sure ur wife will b lucky to b married to a ghairat man and a mature guy like u. pls always b this way... btw how old r u??

[Decent_6Chora]

Re: losing my sleep over an issue

NJ, were you saving money towards some common/family goal like buying a house or whatever?

[kaun]

@mall

kaun, ive been following ur posts and MA must say how sensible and mature u r. ur posts are such a fresh breath of air really. i m sure ur wife will b lucky to b married to a ghairat man and a mature guy like u. pls always b this way… btw how old r u??

NOW THAT is a good question, well i am 26 calender years old but ppl generally say I am 12 , But thanks for the ( i will take it as one ) compliment

[GreenBeret]

@PyariCgudia

…

Yes.

It’s called Islam.

All our Islamic rights. Go look it up.

And you know what we women do that you CANNOT pay us back for, and hence why it is YOUR responsibility to provide even if wife is working and making an income (even if that income is MORE than yours)?

Because we give birth. We spend 9 months with each of your child in our bellies, and then we go through up to 24-48 hrs of labor delivering a child, and then we go through at least a few years of nursing and rearing a child dependent on “amma”.

We do that a few times, for the most part, because most families don’t have only one child.

We give you morons someone to pass your name down to. Someone to teach your skills to. Someone to take care of you in your old age.

We give you your food, even though we don’t have to - all prepared, properly spiced, to your liking. We clean your clothes, we change your bedsheets, and we keep your home nice and tidy and neat-smelling.

We defend you when people are after you, we take care of you when you are sick.

We bleed each month, go through the emotional roller coster of PMS, get maligned for our behavioral issues and blamed with all kinds of prejudices, so we can, at the end of the day, give you a child.

I think, good sir, that all this is QUITE ENOUGH, and moreover, you can spend your entire life working to provide for your family and it will STILL NOT COVER the EXPENSES we put in as women to invest in our families.

[mall]

@kaun

NOW THAT is a good question, well i am 26 calender years old but ppl generally say I am 12 , But thanks for the ( i will take it as one ) compliment

DUH… it was a compliment dude!!

[Decent_6Chora]

@kaun

NOW THAT is a good question, well i am 26 calender years old but ppl generally say I am 12 , But thanks for the ( i will take it as one ) compliment

Earth calendar or mars calendar?

[kaun]

@mall

DUH… it was a compliment dude!!

i was kidding

however i did go over some of your posts as well, and i did see that you got quiet an interesting and mature writing style as well as i did see myself responding to a few of your posts.

On a more serious note, i do say what i believe in and i hope that my thought process stay the same as a lot of girls might come up with the argument that all men change over time.

D6C yaara , well as far as your question goes well i was talking about VENUS CALENDER

[Decent_6Chora]

Re: losing my sleep over an issue

^ ok thank you first nation :)

[kaun]

@Decent_6Chora

^ ok thank you first nation

you welcome i guess

[ManiaX]

I think you sound a little more worried about hugging onto your money rather than speaking with your husband and attempting to workout a sensible mutually beneficial solution. I would encourage you to speak directly with your husband, and not listen to some of the 'bitter desi' ladies around who seem to think the majority of desi men are creeps -- those are more than likely the same ladies who have broken homes and no one to come home to at night.

I hope you or anyone else doesent end up like that. At the end of the day, everyones financial status is different...some husbands let their wives work because they need the additional income for the future...ie buying a home, kid's education, unforseen medical issues, etc...some husbands have a good enough job to cover those bases and dont need their wives to work....however if you start saying 'this is mine' and 'this is yours' - then you wont stay married for very long.

[AmorAmor]

Re: losing my sleep over an issue

It seems like this has been brewing inside him for a while and now it has all erupted.

Sorry to say this, but he is being very immature and disrespectful to you. The money belongs to him because he let you work? Now he wants that money? It seems that he has insecurities about you working.

I can imagine that you must feel so hurt right now. In fact if that was my husband he would be cooking and cleaning for himself and sleeping on the sofa if he gave me that kind of treatment!

It is probably best to sit down and talk it out. There is no point in him being angry and you being hurt and upset. Explain to him that you have kept that money aside for a rainy day/the children's future and that although he may feel comfortable spending most of his earnings you are not of the same thinking. It is an issue that won't go away, so there is no point burying your head in the sand and hoping that things will calm down.

Just to add I agree with ManiaX about the whole 'that's yours and this is mine' thing. Why not try clubbing your income together (for example for the next few months put your earnings in to a joint account) and taking all expenditure from that, with allowances for treats for the both of you. Whatever is left at the end of the month is taken out and goes in to a savings account. Aim for a goal - for e.g. to buy a house or a car. Once savings account reaches that goal you have both reached a new stage in your lives and you have worked hard for it together.

[sheyn]

Re: losing my sleep over an issue

***Money is the crux of this whole arguement.

Once things get to this point , the relationship is spiralling in the wrong direction ,as every other arguement will now ALWAYS lead back to this one issue...MONEY !

You have 2 choices NJMasti......Either Nip it in the bud now , DO NOT bring Money into every conversation . Yes U are the one who saves for a rainy day , and he seems to be taking zero responsibility for the future but , this is something U always knew and learnt to deal with by going back to a job and keeping savings aside. So , Don't start making it an issue because he said something in anger,probably because he resents the fact that he is lacking in an important area of your relationship.

The other Choice is to make it into a make and break situation and then its going to be headed towards a showdown , which will definitely turn ugly.

You seem to have handled this aspect of his personality all these years so just keep doing what you think is best and do not bring money into every conversation.

---

[mancunian]

Re: losing my sleep over an issue

i never took a penny off my mrs her money was hers and mine was hers i also never asked how much she earned and how much she has in her bank account - they way i c it its the man who should be providing but these days no harm in both partners working if the the mrs wants to. I pray n hope inshallah ur maritial problems r solved - coz i these days i c sooo many divorces in muslims its not good, and av also been divorced.

Be happy keep others happpy..

[mancunian]

i never took a penny off my mrs her money was hers and mine was hers i also never asked how much she earned and how much she has in her bank account - they way i c it its the man who should be providing but these days no harm in both partners working if the the mrs wants to. I pray n hope inshallah ur maritial problems r solved - coz i these days i c sooo many divorces in muslims its not good, and av also been divorced.

Be happy keep others happpy..

[Orpheus]

Re: losing my sleep over an issue

wear your high heels and kick him in the lower groin meat. No good deed shall go un-punished.

[PyariCgudia]

Re: losing my sleep over an issue

I wish I could have married Orpheus.