What would your reaction be if you had been working day and night to gather up a little savings for rainy day. During all that time that you worked and took care of your kids, housework and did not even have time to take care of your own self - at that time hubby says - I do not need your money. You are doing it for yourself. I use to get this a lot.. everytime I would ask hubby to help me a little in the house, he would absolutely refuse and tell me you don’t need to work. Who is asking you to work.. and all that… I would be exhausted while hubby would watch tv or take a nap or go out with friends.
okay to be fair, I must say he did give bath to my kids every once in a while voluntarily… but that was all when it came to volunteering for help. of course I appreciated even that much. There were times when I had to beg him to help out and after hours of begging he might curse me out and do the work.
All that time, hubby still kept on saying for me to stop working and that I should concentrate more on holding on to the broom, the dish washing, and house chores.
now hubby has flipped totally. Yesterday he said that I probably have good savings by now… so I asked him how much he thinks I might have. He blurts out a big number that I can only wish for. He says that that money belongs to him as he LET ME work.
I obviously flipped at what he claims now. After so much hard work, this year was a little lucky for me. After taking out my business expenses I have a fist full of savings - but nothing to boast about.
I take care of my own expense. Clothes, shoes, etc. Ye he pays for the grocery.. but since I have started seeing a little cash (again, after my leave from work 8 years ago for kids) I have taken him to dinners on weekends at least 2 times per month… as time allowed to go out to eat.
I am beyond taken back at his response. He wants all of my hard earned savings. I really had a bad headache yesterday after his arguments on what he claims as his.
I am horrified that a guy can stoop to this level. I don’t even want to call him hubby anymore.
Can you tell me what your reaction would be? (Given that you do contribute to the household expenses as well).
From an Islamic perspective, any money you earn is your own.
From a legal perspective, unless you've put that money into some joint bank account...it's your own. It's your name on that paycheck. Unless they completely changed the laws of this country and Islam while I wasn't looking, it's your money. You can do with it what you wish.
Generally, from my understanding of Islam, so long as there is no interference with family life (which it appears there isn't as you seem to be taking care of all household needs), there really isn't a problem with a woman working.
But I suspect you already know all of this. Your problem is the hubby. My reaction is that this is unfair of him. Having a job doesn't exclude someone - man or woman - from doing the housework. If doing housework wasn't beneath the Prophet (PBUH) who was known to repair/sew his clothes, help with cleanup and other tasks all while SPREADING THE WORD OF GOD, then it's not beneath ANYONE else. Whether or not you have a job, it's not unreasonable to expect your spouse to pick up a little bit of slack around the house because taking care of a house and children is no easy task...and there are no sick days or coffee breaks from it. It never ends.
So that's my reaction. If this had happened to me, I would call for a serious sit-down and discussion with the hubby to resolve this.
I don't know what else to say except I truly hope things get better for you.
njmasti ur prb is exact like mine. i m feelin so numb rite now.. dunno wot to say. i worked my ass off for 2 1/2 yrs becus my hubs cudnt afford to pay the bills. all this time i paid more than half the rent, groceries was 90 percent spent from my money... and yet i always heard big deal women do that.. here lifestyle is like that. many women do it but dun ask for ahsaan! all i ask is ahsaan and thankfulness. acc to him i made him cringe each month while i paid the montly house rent and made him feel inferior. like u i felt my efforts were undermined and not appreciated when others were always praisin that wow u handle everythin house and work. i admit he used to help me alot MA. he always cleaned the house whenever guests wud come... scrub floors and bathrooms and all but in his heart i think he never appreciated wot i was doin for him. as a result i didnt cook much... maybe 2 or max 3 times a week. and he wud taunt me at that and tell my parents i dun cook mch and 90 percent we eat out. its true i m a foodie i love eatin out but this was plain exaggeration. can u even imagine someone wud eat out nearly everyday?? its just plain common sense.
like u he is always interested in my savings. MA i have a v gud amount saved for myself really. its not for him or anyone! and nowdays he dusnt have money for anything he tells me to go and spend money from that.. not only that i m preg with my first baby and he is sayin he dusnt have the money and if i have so mch ghairat i shud probably pay. yeah so my life is rotten hell esp abt money. i dun understand how any man can b so unmanly enuff to worry abt his wife's saving. i worked my ass off to save this money.. AH i managed despite payin the bills and all.. my salary was gud AH. like u even i paid for my shoes, handbags and even clothes in these workin yrs.. his life mst have been so blissful then. and on top of that his MIL once told my mom and then her friend ke yeh toh shouqiya job karti hia. i felt i cud just........... hello, i m not ambitious. i m such a lazy bum and so not career oriented.. i m workin becus ur son is incapable of takin care of the finances. talk abt being unappreciated from everyone! now AH i m not workin since 6 months and everything is on his head. gud... its high time he took the responsibility.
NJ remember this is YOUR money and he has NO rite on it ok. give islamic references also. my hubs KNOWS he has no business in my money yet he emotionally and psychologically makes me cry for e verythin i want in the house.. even b it groceries! just hang in there and do not at any cost give him the money... can u not leave this job.. give him a dose of his own med..? let him see the difference. when ull b at home doin all the housework and 0 income comin, iwud like to see how happy he is with this. when he keeps on tellin u not to work he indirectly is unthankful for ur job and puttin the blame on u. so seriously cant u leave the job or are u too career oriented?
I can understand what you feel and can totally relate to that except for hubby hasn't yet asked for any money though i contribute to groceries,and I cannot recall much where he got me or my son ANYTHING..my clothes,shoes,my son's toys,clothes,etc are my responsibility and a 'waste of money' for him. Eating out, getting gifts for his or my family is my responsibility. I dont have a clue about his earnings and where does he spend that.
I would just suggest you to ignore what he says and get on with your work and kids. According to islam or laws, he has no right over your earnings..instead he is the one responsible for providing you with your needs,even 'cooked food' which is addressed as naan nafqa in the nikah bond.
*Well clearly he's mad about something, and this is his way of taking it out. Every man knows his wifes Islamic rights, they just don't acknowledge them like dumb asses. From what i can tell, something is missing in his life since u started working, maybe he doesn't like the change. And he's using reverse psychology to piss u off. *
*So have a heart to heart, putting aside what he said, asked him what is bothering him. He might be insecure, of u being able to take care of yourself. *
*And please people get ur hubbies more involved with the family stuff, if its through guilt, persuasion, or pain doesn't matter, because last time i checked he's responsible for 50%. So he needs to stop being such a girl and man up and grow some! *
protype thaz the thing... they dun spend money on u they take it for granted that u can spend money incase they cant. its ridiculous really .. ur child's expenses are not ur prb and r deffo NOT waste of money!!!! i swear how many sick men are out there like our hubs really? many times i paid the bills for eating out too.. and i also paid on gifts for his relatives or children. this is indirect torture cus they cant take the money so they MAKE u spend on things that are their responsibility. its so sad that so many men are like that in todays world. i really feel bad honestly.
You're right mall but I dont make an issue out of it anymore because I feel I have a good tolerance level. Things could've been worse !
its really gud u have gud tolerance level but in the long run this encourages men to continue to behave this way. trust me as long as u work he will not spend a penny on u or ur children and when u finally leave job, he will not let u have it easy either. i dun want to instigate u against him or anything.. just tellin u the facts. things cudve been either worse or better... u jst have to change his thinkin a lil bit so atleast he realises.
**islamically, the money is YOURS to keep and spend the way u please. He has no right whatsoever to claim that money to be his except what u happily and voluntarily want to spend. however, given today's economic norms, ALL the monies that come in the house belongs to the family and is considered family income so u can NOT hold on to ur money [no matter how hardly u earned] while the hubby is struggling to make the ends meet. i think a nice hubby would and should NOT take his wife's money if he doesn't need.
^He is by no means struggling. He is living and PROVIDING us a comfortable life.
However, he does not have a strategy. He does not save any. We have been together for 10 years and the amount that he shows me for in his savings is something I feel that it's a petty change. By no means we can even feel comfortable putting a down payment on a house. Then there would be nothing at all.
I have been very clear to him, that let's sit down and write up a small plan as to how and where the money should go. And how we can save for future. He does not comply. He says you do what you want.
So it's become 10 YEARS now... and yes we are comfortable that we have food and shelter.. but that does not mean that we have any type of equity. That worries me.
I think it's natural to be worried. How can I make him sit down to write up a plan? Obviously his plan is that I should give him all my savings and he will still manage the way he does.
But that does not leave me with anything. I would have nothing to my name.
So even after working my life - I would still be a helpless gal - who in case "lives" a little longer would have to be at the mercy of others. How does that make sense?
wow, i have no words other than key dont these guys have and “GHAIRAT” i would never ask my wife for money until its extremely necessary and that too would be a loan. But i am taken aback by guys imposing their right not only on their wife but their MONEY, Khair NJM i am not sure as to what to suggest and what the right thing would be but see if you can talk to him str8 and tell him the reason you have it saved for probably use the “Ï HAVE SAVED IT FOR OUR KIDS” card. May Allah help you and show these men the right path :k:
