I am sick and tired of men.
What the heck.
And then people wonder why I hold Pakistani men in such low esteem. NJMasti -give him what he deserves: zero attention.
Oh lord what is wrong with men.
great, NJMasti, you wouldn't want people talking like this about your husband!
^He is by no means struggling. He is living and PROVIDING us a comfortable life.
However, he does not have a strategy. He does not save any. We have been together for 10 years and the amount that he shows me for in his savings is something I feel that it's a petty change. By no means we can even feel comfortable putting a down payment on a house. Then there would be nothing at all.
I have been very clear to him, that let's sit down and write up a small plan as to how and where the money should go. And how we can save for future. He does not comply. He says you do what you want.
So it's become 10 YEARS now... and yes we are comfortable that we have food and shelter.. but that does not mean that we have any type of equity. That worries me.
I think it's natural to be worried. How can I make him sit down to write up a plan? Obviously his plan is that I should give him all my savings and he will still manage the way he does.
But that does not leave me with anything. I would have nothing to my name.
So even after working my life - I would still be a helpless gal - who in case "lives" a little longer would have to be at the mercy of others. How does that make sense?
I want to be able to KEEP the security I EARNED.
**
i AGREE 100% with you...as i said b4 if he is NOT struggling then u MUST be able to keep ur savings. i'm sure if, God forbid some unforseen things must happen, u'll be the first one to take that money out and spend where its needed. i think u r right he has to smarten up and sit down with u or with u AND a financial advisor to chart up a budget that will see the money going where it should go.
on the lighter note, yes, he need tightening big time ... u CAN do it! iA**
WHY CANT MEN BORROW SOME SENSE FROM THEIR WOMEN?
lolllzzzzz...but, its easier to borrow money for then i guess...u made my day with this one-liner...thank you :)
Re: losing my sleep over an issue
Hoonh.
njm.. u need to have very serious talk to him... ask him why he needs your money and where he wanna spend it?...u May wanna hand him some amount (depending upon how difficult is the situation between u 2 now) but keep fully track on where he is spending it....
remember u must always keep urself ready for the worse case scenario and must keep some decent amount aside and should never let your spouse know about it <--- u r working woman, u can do it... in today's world it is very necessary .. learn the lesson from the ones who r broke by their spouses even after being together sooo many yrs.
Re: losing my sleep over an issue
You tell him exactly what you told us. You earn money because when he dies you'll be left with nothing. He should be happy he has such a smart wife. I've seen widows in our community plunge into poverty and they end up going back to Pakistan to live with brothers.
Re: losing my sleep over an issue
^ ye scary !
I mean we work all our lives and yet at the end it's nothingness.
I can't let that happen to me.
Re: losing my sleep over an issue
NJ
If he hasn't touched your money yet then you shouldn't be much concerned about it....make sure that he doesn't get access to your money, that's all. Arguing with such childish man would lead nowhere.
Re: losing my sleep over an issue
your blood sweat and tears = your money
As a husband it is his job to support the wife, not take away what is rightfully yours,
especially when you do not voluntarily ask to give it
Re: losing my sleep over an issue
I have a feeling ,the more you will keep it away from him, the more you fight him on money, The more he will feel the need to snatch if from you .... I do have a strong feeling though, that Gaia is right .. this might be a case of reverse psychology ... he might be very angry with you about something ....
Re: losing my sleep over an issue
take out all the money from bank and giv it to him."lo sara tum lay lo" tell him from now onwards u won't work and just spend on his earning plus u will save for ur kids. giv urself a break and him time to assess wat hav u done so far. keep ur battle simple and don't argue over same thing again n again. may b things will get better for u. men sometimes act very stubborn and say hurtful things but they really don't mean them.
Also hire urself some help if he is not willing to move his fingers.
Re: losing my sleep over an issue
NJ the more u'll stretch this issue the more it will become serious. money is such a killer thing. if he's not saving or being strategic u save. don't save cash... keep it engaged. save as RESPs for each kid, RRSP for urself and him, pay random amounts over ur mortgage to pay it off faster plus build equity. see if u can put money in some investments or mutual bonds, get bonds under ur kid's names or a rental property, gold coins. believe me there r tons of ways. invest ur money in places where it grows. it won't do u any good just by lying in ur account. it won't grow plus it will be an issue b/w u two.
Re: losing my sleep over an issue
[quote]
take out all the money from bank and giv it to him. "lo sara tum lay lo"
[/quote]
and I stopped reading after that Mabrook.. she should never ever hand out this money to him. Don't you think living 10yrs with that useless thing made her fully aware of his personality and his kinds? My sugestion to MJ is that become a dheet, no matter what he does, screams, pull his hair, break stuff, hangs himself just never budge and completely ignore his pleads. Don't even yell back at him because he gets the satisfaction out of it too.. and never show that you got a headache or getting all stressed out because of him.
Re: losing my sleep over an issue
MC sometimes compromises bring u better results than fighting. i'm sure wo lay ga nahin aur liya bhi tu kiya.... their money is mutual once they r married. if u bring Islam n legal rights or logics in it will make their situation worse. i hav been married long enuf now n know wat triggers wat. aaj day do kul he'll return. he's not a bad man as i can see from her posts just sees life from a diff perspective. Logical talking doesn't change him. Some men don't believe in savings but is it worth to break ur relation on such a silly thing? U hav all the money in the world but no hubby or a strained relation wat's the point? Sara paisa yehan duniya main he reh jana hai.
PS: how can u call someone's husband useless? who r u to judge?
and I stopped reading after that Mabrook.. she should never ever hand out this money to him. Don't you think living 10yrs with that useless thing made her fully aware of his personality and his kinds? My sugestion to MJ is that become a dheet, no matter what he does, screams, pull his hair, break stuff, hangs himself just never budge and completely ignore his pleads. Don't even yell back at him because he gets the satisfaction out of it too.. and never show that you got a headache or getting all stressed out because of him.
but wot if a man is genuinely always in debt each month. as in the house rent is expensive and he is unable to save a single penny and he keeps tellin his wife paisay nahi hai and all that.. and he knows the wife has alot of money in savings??? i am goin thru the same **** rite now.. i m sick and tired of hearin his prbs and m tired of being told to spend money from my acct if i m so desperate abt our finances. wot to do with a man who thinks i will take money to my kabar?? its not easy.. its just not that easy/ ppl mite say just help him out every now and then but no it will encourage him to continue askin and askin cus as it is his financial prbs will never come to an end. i can for sure give him loan too but he will never b able to pay it back either considerin how difficult it is each money to meet our expenses. its a no win situation trust me
Perhaps he keeps his real savings stashed away in another account. Some men might do that. Especially, when they find out that they have married a money grabbing female who will clean him up later.
Maybe thats not the case here. People who did a lot of sound planning, lost a lot of money in stocks, real estate etc. some are homeless and some are bankrupt. The original poster thinks she knows a lot about finance but clearly she is clueless like most desi women obvious from her poor understanding of what equity really means.
I find it quite amusing to see some people saying stuff like 'your own money' 'your own hard work and tears' etc.
On the one hand, some NA desi girls want to be considered gora types...ie living like a Hollywood wife...with as much independence and marzi as they want...and on the other hand, they also want the husband to 'earn the money' as 'its his job'. Total hypocrisy.
So basically...some of you want to be able to live your 'own lives', make your 'own money', yet also have the husband 'pay for the household stuff...educate the kids etc etc'...and use the money you make yourselves to go to the beauty parlor? Nice !
LOL. I think some of you should stick to marrying goras. Us Pakistani guys could do without the headache!
:k:
Good approach
I find it quite amusing to see some people saying stuff like 'your own money' 'your own hard work and tears' etc.
On the one hand, some NA desi girls want to be considered gora types...ie living like a Hollywood wife...with as much independence and marzi as they want...and on the other hand, they also want the husband to 'earn the money' as 'its his job'. Total hypocrisy.
So basically...some of you want to be able to live your 'own lives', make your 'own money', yet also have the husband 'pay for the household stuff...educate the kids etc etc'...and use the money you make yourselves to go to the beauty parlor? Nice !
LOL. I think some of you should stick to marrying goras. Us Pakistani guys could do without the headache!
...
Yes.
It's called Islam.
All our Islamic rights. Go look it up.
And you know what we women do that you CANNOT pay us back for, and hence why it is YOUR responsibility to provide even if wife is working and making an income (even if that income is MORE than yours)?
Because we give birth. We spend 9 months with each of your child in our bellies, and then we go through up to 24-48 hrs of labor delivering a child, and then we go through at least a few years of nursing and rearing a child dependent on "amma".
We do that a few times, for the most part, because most families don't have only one child.
We give you morons someone to pass your name down to. Someone to teach your skills to. Someone to take care of you in your old age.
We give you your food, even though we don't have to - all prepared, properly spiced, to your liking. We clean your clothes, we change your bedsheets, and we keep your home nice and tidy and neat-smelling.
We defend you when people are after you, we take care of you when you are sick.
We bleed each month, go through the emotional roller coster of PMS, get maligned for our behavioral issues and blamed with all kinds of prejudices, so we can, at the end of the day, give you a child.
I think, good sir, that all this is QUITE ENOUGH, and moreover, you can spend your entire life working to provide for your family and it will STILL NOT COVER the EXPENSES we put in as women to invest in our families.
Re: losing my sleep over an issue
i havent read any replies but how can you guys not know each others financial status?