Re: Long distance?
hahaha…I like it. 
Re: Long distance?
I don't see how guys who are like this before getting married are suddenly going to change afterwards. He's taking you for granted now and he will probably continue to do so later.
Re: Long distance?
lol I should start making out with a stuffed elephant on my bed :p
Thank you all for the wonderful support. Restless, he is not the shy kind. X2, as Restless said, I have tried communicating this hundreds of times with him. I have tried explaining calmly, argued and even gotten really really mad at him but he just says sorry and everything goes back to the way it was.
Redvelvet, you have sort of made me see this entire scenario from afar and I understand the problem, I was just having trouble dealing with this issue the proper way. I am not comfortable ignoring him because that just seems childish. I like how you said that I could tell him to just call me back when he has the time to talk to me properly without disruptions. This way I am not fighting or refusing to talk, and at the same time telling him that I will not talk to him if he keeps putting me on hold like that. Let's see if this makes him change his ways a little.
Re: Long distance?
^cool, good luck with that, duh that sounds perfect, this way you aren’t hurting him back but taking the mature route. let us know if he’s a changed man, it just might work and remain so permanently 
Re: Long distance?
I don't see how guys who are like this before getting married are suddenly going to change afterwards. He's taking you for granted now and he will probably continue to do so later.
THAT!
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^^^i’ll have to agree with stoppit, 
but hey maybe spoko’s guy might really love her enough to change
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He quit smoking for me even though he was really addicted. I am keeping my fingers crossed and hoping that he would change himself once again.
Re: Long distance?
I am in a long distance relationship too....he use to be like that b4...he would not call when he says he will, he would not come to chat when he says he would...so after about 2-3 months of that...it was time for me to turn the tables around!
I did not call him, I did not wait for him, after 2 weeks of being like that...he WOKE UP!!!! coz he realised that if you love some1 you better show it..or else..she is gone! I made him run after me like the way he did at the beginning...actually I made it even more difficult for him this time...I told him I didn't wnt to be with him anymore...but he wntd one more chance..and I gave it to him..but I also made sure that I was NOT going to be the one to run after him...if he wntd me so badly in his life..he would have to show me that.
And now....he is amazing...he calls me all the time, he comes to chat with me for hours on the week-ends(coz otherwise am working), he txts..and now he is the one who makes a fuss if I can't give him the time he thinks is ONLY HIS. NOw am happy that I decided to give him one more chance. I also explained to him that a relationship was not I give and he takes..it is give and take...and both parties need to work hard to keep a relationship working (and even more for a long distance one).
Re: Long distance?
nice !! i think this will work 
Re: Long distance?
I don't see how guys who are like this before getting married are suddenly going to change afterwards. He's taking you for granted now and he will probably continue to do so later.
agree with stoppit !
I don't think the he respect you and his loyalties are more with friends and stuff. He is obviously taking you for granted because you are always available to him and all your time belongs to him and he knows he will never hear NO from you.
I know you are not going to listen to this advise but I will still tell you to "dump him". He won't change and he is not worth your time and attention.
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Um, quick question. Is talking everyday the norm? It would drive me crazy.
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It's long distance, so unless you have bugged his every move you're just trusting he has quit (smoking). Hmmm.
Alright, we were long distance for 5 years before getting married and my experience was positive. We set aside time for each other everyday and we made each other a priority (aside from family). We would always do each other the courtesy of letting the other know well in advance if plans would change i.e. going out with friends. Both our time is/was precious and we would never have so little respect for the other to keep them waiting on the other end of the phone/internet because someone else called or something came up - I mean if you know you'll probably end up spending 30mins talking to your friend, then say bye first and let your SO get on with other stuff not "brb"!
My cousin's fiance (they were also long distance) did the same sorts of things as yours. She tried the being less available thing and it worked for the remaining time before marriage but since they have been married it's back to the same. He'd rather spend time with his friends than with her and takes everything she does for granted.
Proceed with caution.
el-topo - Yeh, it can get tedious, especially if you are the kind of person who likes their own space but that's what commitment is about. You're already not that involved in each others lives so the only way to feel connected is to at the very least share the mundane day to day stuff. Whether you talk for 15mins or 2hours it's about making the other person part of your day.
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Thanks, stoppit. That makes sense.
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Post his phone number here - that will teach him a lesson
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LOL TLK, I am sure it will.
Stoppit, we have not always been long distance and just recently I was in England for an entire month and in person he has always been more attentive towards me than anyone else. He has gone as far as to make excuses just so he gets to go out to the zoo with me to see the penguins being fed rather than spending time with his best friend (he hates animals). As I said in one of my earlier posts, he is like that with his mother too. The poor lady is always asking me how he is doing because he either 'forgets' to call her or decides k 'fursat main call karoon ga'. At least he calls me every single day, even if it's just for a few minutes. As everyone else here said, he is taking me for granted because I am always there. I have never told him that I couldn't talk to him because I was busy. No matter what time of day it is, he can call me and I'll be there for him, and that is why he does this. It's like watching a movie on DVD that you are really interested in and not caring about interrupting it to do other things because you know that if you miss a scene you could always go back to it and watch it again without having to buy more tickets. I am that movie on DVD. He is very interested in me, but at the same time he knows that he has the DVD, and even if he misses a few scenes now he can always replay it and watch it whenever he wants to ... ummm, I hope the example wasn't as bad ...
Re: Long distance?
Um, quick question. Is talking everyday the norm? It would drive me crazy.
Don't worry topster, I won't call you everyday.
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My cousin's fiance (they were also long distance) did the same sorts of things as yours. She tried the being less available thing and it worked for the remaining time before marriage but since they have been married it's back to the same. He'd rather spend time with his friends than with her and takes everything she does for granted.
Proceed with caution.
what's it like now for them? are they on the verge of a divorce, how is she coping with her husband treating her like that?
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Ok, I don't know if I did something stupid but I was totally pushed over the edge today. I had been calling him a hundred times since morning because his cousin had asked me to ask him to call and he just wouldn't pick up. Excuse:' I was in the tube tou signals nahi aa rahay thay'. Later I called again for something and he was with someone so he said 'main unko ghar drop kar k tumhay call karta hoon'. I was waiting and waiting and waiting and then finally I called him back saying k abhi tak drop nahi kiya? He said 'Oh yes, sorry I am going to movies.' I told him that I had to talk to him about something important so could he please call me after his movie was done. He said he would but he never did and when I called after hours he said, 'I am in the tube station, ghar pohanch k call karta hoon'. I told him that it's important so he must not 'forget' to give me a call and he was like, 'haan haan kar raha hoon call ghar pohanch k'. Then he reached home and went straight on facebook, commenting on everyone's status/photos, changing his profile pic/status and when I messaged him saying that 'call karnay ka time nahi mila?' He responded back by typing songs from the indian movie that he watched today. It really really pissed me off. I had to discuss something very important with him but he acted in an extremely immature and hurtful manner. I simply told him that I needed a break. His response, 'take your time :D'. Since he was not taking me seriously at all, I told him that I need a permanent break. He said, 'permanent? and what does that mean?'. So I told him what it meant and I tried explaining everything to him in a very calm manner, but all he said was 'sahi, enjoy your permanent break, Allah Hafiz', and he just left!
Maybe stoppit is right, he really isn't going to change. He is the perfect man for me in every other way. My mom is so excited about planning the entire shaadi and his mom and his sisters are even more excited than my mom. His mom loves me and my mom loves him. Everything is simply perfect but it's just this one thing that is ruining everything. I really don't know whether I should stick to my words of 'permanent break', or at least go through with a temporary one just to see whether he will care enough to change? I am really starting to get confused now ...
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You’re partly to blame. I would have called once…and left it at that…especially with his track record.
So take your “permanent break”…don’t call him. They say that when you administer a consequence or say you’ll do something…but then you go back on your words…the other person sees you as a joke…they don’t take you seriously cuz you can’t even stick by your own words. And again, you end up giving the impression that they can treat you however they want. He’s behaving like a jerk. He made no effort in communicating with you…or having a serious discussion with you. So, screw him. I wouldn’t call him. Considering how you called him a “hundred times 
” I wouldn’t be surprised if he expects you to call…and I wouldn’t be surprised if you surrender yet again. You’re setting yourself up to be treated this way.
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I only called him because it was an important family matter. He doesn't even have an answering machine and he was not calling back. I will not call him again. I am just going to ask my brother to switch phones with me. He is going to Ottawa for his trip for a week, and this way I won't have his number to give him a call or won't have my phone with me in case he gives me a call. I am also going to start coming home a little late from work so I won't have to deal with my mom's lectures in case he calls her. I don't want to end this relationship but I really hope it will make him realize the seriousness of what he's been doing ...