Re: Long distance?
You seem to be putting all the effort in.. he seems to be playing hard to get.. or thinks now that your engaged.. he can do what he likes...
Re: Long distance?
never fight with the man .. he doesnt need a nagging wife/fiance being a b****
always do as he want n desires n then watch ur life be filled with joy ..
if he doesnt want to talk to u then put down the phone n do something else
it is a pakistani n muslim woman's job to see to it that her fiance/husbands every whim is sar ankon par
if she disobeys this n goes against this then he will find someone else .. reality bites baby .. stop digging ur own grave
cause if u dont stop this behaviour right now u'll be sitting crying about lots more than him 'ignoring' u
learn to appreciate what u have n become a proper n mature fiance/wife .. Islam tells us women exactly what to do n how to treat our significant others .. u can even find this on the net
inshallah sab teek hojaiga if u amal on what iv wrote here
Re: Long distance?
in essence shut up and be submissive. kudos! 
Re: Long distance?
England is amazing, mate.
why everyone's so called are in England????
Re: Long distance?
.
Never fight with him? What if he wants a boxing match? You’d be a bad wife if you didn’t surrender to this whim of his.
Re: Long distance?
I am in a long distance relationship. He is studying at England and I am in Canada. We talk over the phone everyday, even if it's just for five minutes, but we end our conversation with an argument almost everyday. It is mainly because little things that he does, or doesn't do, annoy the living hell out of me. For instance every time I call he would say, 'paanch minute main call karta hoon', and then I would wait and wait and he would either never call back or call back after hours. Everytime I call at night he tells me he can't talk kiyoonki his roommate goes to sleep early and he doesn't like disturbing his roommate. I understand that lekin jab his friends call at the same time tab he doesn't care about disturbing his roommate, reason kiyoonki mujh say tou roz baat hoti hai lekin dost say kabhi kabhi. He would tell me that he wants to talk to me, lekin roommate ki wajah say baat nahi karta tou he makes me leave everything and stay on msn for him and then he would either just fall asleep in the middle of our conversation or his 'net' starts acting up. When I am on the phone with him he keeps putting me on hold. Kabhi tou he would start talking to someone else while I am still talking or every 2 minutes he would say, 'ik min hold karna'. I HATE it when all this happens. Aaj bhi hamara isi baat pay argument hua. I am seriously tired of this. I have told him so many times but he would just react with, 'aren't you my baby?', or 'I am sorry, you know how much I love you', or ' Tum choti choti baat pay lara mat karo' ... GRRRR, he has ruined my entire night for me because I was looking forward to sharing my day with him and he first told me 'paanch min main call karta hoon', phir 45 mins later I called again and he said, 'abhi main msn pay 10 min main aata hoon', and then he just left because his net was acting up. Can someone pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee tell me how to deal with this????
lol why are you two together again? he isnt into you.
Re: Long distance?
why do these emotionally torturing men exist? they say men are really logical creatures but all this drama some of them create just to mess with a gal's feelings. hurt her and then say all this: 'aren't you my baby?', or 'I am sorry, you know how much I love you', or ' Tum choti choti baat pay lara mat karo'
it's just messed up
Spoko, it seems like he's taken you for granted. He knows he can talk to you whenever he wants that's why he doesn't seem to care about your feelings and the precious time you wasted on waiting for him to call back.
try to keep some distance from him, definitely not saying break up with him since this is your life but make yourself unavailable to him for some time so he'll miss you a bit and he'll see that you have a good life even without him and that you're not needy for him.
pamper yourself be around family and friends that love you lots so you don't feel lonely for him. then he'll start paying attention to you, i'm hoping and how good he had it before.
if still keeps doing the same emotional torturing, then i think you know that this man isn't good for you but it's up to you to do what would make you happy
i guess the guys in the thread explained why he's doing that pretty well.
Re: Long distance?
i think maybe you should back off and let him chase you. you need him to miss you. it maybe hard for you, but then he will realise how much he feels for you.
Re: Long distance?
saimab has perfect advice follow it and you will slowly see him change. TRUSt me
and even if ure not clingy and needy you sure are coming across that way, dont be sitting there waiting for him! hold your own live your life. value ureself and he will value you.
also dont nag, men switch off and just see you as some emotional wreck! chatter to ure girls or ure mum.
Re: Long distance?
Oh, he's definitely into me queer.
It is not about being clingy at all and I am not pissed because he isn't talking to me 24/7. I am not always calling him or running after him. I have work that keeps me busy five days a week. I also have friends who I always hang out with over the weekends. There is plenty to keep me busy all the time. I am just annoyed because I have always put him before anything else but I am not getting the same treatment from him. He can call me four in the morning and I would always be available to talk, whereas he would never ruin his sleep for me, or for anyone else for that matter (his mom always complains too). I never ask him to call me back or come online. He is the one who always tells me to wait for his call or wait online for him, and he never calls back and just goes to sleep or forgets or gets busy somewhere else :@
TBH, his mother is always complaining to me too. Lekin she apparently doesn't care as much. She just calls me and asks me how he is doing, and she is content with that. It's just me who gets really bothered by his attitude.
Well, the good thing is, I have not made a single phone call to him for two days now. The bad news is that I don't think he has even noticed that I have stopped calling him. He still calls me regularly, and he still tells me to 'HOLD' every two minutes and he still calls and after talking a few minutes tells me k paanch min main call karta hoon and never calls back! I think I should start ignoring his calls for a bit but for some reason I wouldn't feel comfortable doing that ...
Re: Long distance?
never fight with the man .. he doesnt need a nagging wife/fiance being a b****
always do as he want n desires n then watch ur life be filled with joy ..
if he doesnt want to talk to u then put down the phone n do something else
it is a pakistani n muslim woman's job to see to it that her fiance/husbands every whim is sar ankon par
if she disobeys this n goes against this then he will find someone else .. reality bites baby .. stop digging ur own grave
cause if u dont stop this behaviour right now u'll be sitting crying about lots more than him 'ignoring' u
learn to appreciate what u have n become a proper n mature fiance/wife .. Islam tells us women exactly what to do n how to treat our significant others .. u can even find this on the net
inshallah sab teek hojaiga if u amal on what iv wrote here
Eh? You being serious?
Re: Long distance?
1) I have always put him before anything else but I am not getting the same treatment from him. He can call me four in the morning and I would always be available to talk, whereas he would never ruin his sleep for me, or for anyone else for that matter (his mom always complains too). I never ask him to call me back or come online. He is the one who always tells me to wait for his call or wait online for him, and he never calls back and just goes to sleep or forgets or gets busy somewhere else :@
2) Well, the good thing is, I have not made a single phone call to him for two days now. The bad news is that I don't think he has even noticed that I have stopped calling him. He still calls me regularly, and he still tells me to 'HOLD' every two minutes and he still calls and after talking a few minutes tells me k paanch min main call karta hoon and never calls back! I think I should start ignoring his calls for a bit but for some reason I wouldn't feel comfortable doing that ...
Okay.......look at the highlighted comments from your previous post, Spoko. I would not be surprised...if in the BEGINNING of your relationship.....he made more of an effort to talk to you and also if he talked to you for a longer period of time with fewer disruptions. This is because a person is perceived as more of a challenge or mystery in the beginning. He didn't know how things would turn out. He also didn't know if he had "gotten" or "attained" you. So, he had to put more effort into getting you. NOW....he knows that has "gotten" you.......he knows that he has 100% hold over you......and you unknowingly give him this impression by always being there for him....by putting things on hold for him, etc.
It's human nature. When something is always there........we tend to take it for granted. And this is not only confined to romantic relationships. We can also take our friends and parents for granted. Even married couples need some space/distance every now and then to keep the relationship going.
When you put him "before" everything else and when you become too "available"........you also risk becoming too predictable. And while predictability is comforting....it can also sometimes lead to boredom. And most people WOULD LOVE it someone else did all the work. Think about it. If someone else is WILLINGLY doing all the work for you........why should they lift a finger? Why should they even bother meeting you half way....when you're doing all the work in the relationship. You don't get the same treatment from him because he doesn't need to try hard...you're doing it all. Moreover, you shouldn't put someone before anything else. It's not like he's an immediate family member. You may not agree with this.....but when you put him before everything else, it's like you're putting your life on hold. The time that you spend stressing out over him and waiting from him to call you back can be spent in other ways. You could pray, read Quran, watch a movie, exercise, read a book, hang out with family and friends, take a bath, catch up on sleep, cook, clean, go out, pursue a hobby, etc. Pursuing your own interests makes one interesting....they have more to share/discuss. Whereas waiting for a guy and putting him before everything gets in the way of that. I think a break would be healthy....because it will give you BOTH time to assess the relationship and help put things in perspective and help you decide what needs to done.
Also, all relationships have boundaries. AND....you teach people how to treat you. In other words, we play a role in how others treat us. When we consistently put up with behavior that we don't like....we give the other person the message that it's okay to do that with us. He continues to disrupt you over the phone every two minutes and he never calls when he says he will.....yet you continue to be there for him. So, it's like you've unintentionally sent the message that it's okay for him to do this. The next time he tells you to hold on after two minutes of talking or tells you he'll call back after five minutes....simply tell him "I'm going to be busy and can't spend 5 minutes waiting for a phone call that may not even take place. I also believe that it's hard to have a healthy conversation with frequent disruptions. I have things to get done....so you can call me when you have more time." There, that's it. You've left the ball in his court. You sounded mature as opposed to defensive and whiny. And you just continue living your life. No need to call him back. LET HIM do it....because you've told him your expectations and if you call him back ...that once again sends the message you're willing to "put up" with his wishy washy behavior. So, don't call...let him call you when he has time. Also, if you have things go get done (such as sleeping, etc)....by all means go and sleep as opposed to calling him. Or cut the conversation short and go tend to your activities. It's important to do that.
Re: Long distance?
Could it b that he is feeling shy? No one ever paid him as much attention as you, and he doesn't know how to react to it.
Or maybe u r too high maintenance, and he is afraid that he wont be able to impress you with his wit or humor so he hides away.
Or may be he got accustomed to singlehood/bachelorhood, and now he finds it hard to make someone a permanent part of his life. Baqol atif aslam k .. Ab to Adat c hai mujh ko aise Jeene mein !
But keep giving him love and attention, he'll slowly get addicted to it and he'll never let you go away ever. Kion k Ishq dawa hai her aik Dard ki !!
But also keep the spice in mating game, dont just serve him everything on the plate !
[IMO]
Re: Long distance?
or its too easy to go there .. :| ..
England is amazing, mate.
Re: Long distance?
Start making out with your pillow again, and see how quickly you'll forget him
Re: Long distance?
i agree with saima b, just relax a little bit and dont make yourself " too available". you dont want him to take you for granted. guys unfortunately no matter how nice they are tend to do that early on in a relationship specially. from what ive learnt, a girl needs to keep his man a little hungry a little thirsty for her:) call once or twice a week, when you really have something to talk about, conversation tends to get a bit boring if its done everyday...
Re: Long distance?
He still calls me regularly, and he still tells me to 'HOLD' every two minutes and he still calls and after talking a few minutes tells me k paanch min main call karta hoon and never calls back! I think I should start ignoring his calls for a bit but for some reason I wouldn't feel comfortable doing that ...
try this and see if he gets a clue that something's wrong in the way he's treating you, hopefully he cares enough to find out after a couple days of ignoring him that he should ask what's wrong or tries to correct his careless ways.
Re: Long distance?
[QUOTE]
why do these emotionally torturing men exist? they say men are really logical creatures but all this drama some of them create just to mess with a gal's feelings. hurt her and then say all this: 'aren't you my baby?', or 'I am sorry, you know how much I love you', or ' Tum choti choti baat pay lara mat karo'
[/QUOTE]
Because women always fall for these kind of scumbags... so men have stopped being gentlemen.
Re: Long distance?
how about communication rather than experimentation?
I do think you guys are way too much in contact. I am happily married to the love of my life and before we were married sometimes we would talk for hours, and many days we will not talk at all. It can not be a routine chore, 30 minutes every day at 8 pm, or checkpoint of 10 minute everyday between 7 and 9 pm.
Everyone is on the guy's behavior without understanding his reason and style, maybe thats how he is, if he did not care, he would not be calling, so maybe he just has bad phone habits. tell him hey look, i know you are busy and I am too, so when we talk can we just carve time out to talk and not have interruptions unless critical.
talk to the dude..
Re: Long distance?
x2, the girl said she told him many times, but he does not address the issue. She has already tested the communication route. We are evaluating the guy's behavior because he didnt give any reason or xplanation for his strange, rather painful behavior.