I am in a long distance relationship. He is studying at England and I am in Canada. We talk over the phone everyday, even if it’s just for five minutes, but we end our conversation with an argument almost everyday. It is mainly because little things that he does, or doesn’t do, annoy the living hell out of me. For instance every time I call he would say, ‘paanch minute main call karta hoon’, and then I would wait and wait and he would either never call back or call back after hours. Everytime I call at night he tells me he can’t talk kiyoonki his roommate goes to sleep early and he doesn’t like disturbing his roommate. I understand that lekin jab his friends call at the same time tab he doesn’t care about disturbing his roommate, reason kiyoonki mujh say tou roz baat hoti hai lekin dost say kabhi kabhi. He would tell me that he wants to talk to me, lekin roommate ki wajah say baat nahi karta tou he makes me leave everything and stay on msn for him and then he would either just fall asleep in the middle of our conversation or his ‘net’ starts acting up. When I am on the phone with him he keeps putting me on hold. Kabhi tou he would start talking to someone else while I am still talking or every 2 minutes he would say, ‘ik min hold karna’. I HATE it when all this happens. Aaj bhi hamara isi baat pay argument hua. I am seriously tired of this. I have told him so many times but he would just react with, ‘aren’t you my baby?’, or ‘I am sorry, you know how much I love you’, or ’ Tum choti choti baat pay lara mat karo’ … GRRRR, he has ruined my entire night for me because I was looking forward to sharing my day with him and he first told me ‘paanch min main call karta hoon’, phir 45 mins later I called again and he said, ‘abhi main msn pay 10 min main aata hoon’, and then he just left because his net was acting up. Can someone pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee tell me how to deal with this???
Re: Long distance?
oh spoko! I went through this exact same thing a few years back (Im now getting married to this guy InshAllah!)
The way that I dealt with it....because I was always the one calling first, I was waiting on MSN for hours, I was always texting....I used to get really hurt because it wasnt reciprocated. Then I realized, he doesnt appreciate me, because I am ALWAYS there....he doesnt get a chance to even miss me because I am always calling/texting/emailing/waiting on MSN. So I backed off. That doesnt mean I left him, that just means, I made myself less available. Instead of waiting on MSN for hours, I would go out, and then when he would call or text and ask me why I wasnt on line, I would tell him that I was out and couldnt come on line. I wouldnt make a big deal out of it (its hard to pretend like its not hurting you, but you have to back off for a while!), and I would do this often, so he would realize that "hey, this girl isnt waiting around for me, and if I want to be with her, I have to make the effort too, and chase her". Same thing with texting...I would wait for him to text me first (I stopped texting first), so that he would realize what it felt like when I had to wait for him. I would wait for him to call me first (and if he needed me to call him back because he didnt have credit or a calling card, then I would, but I wouldnt call first, until either he called, or asked me to call).
And trust me, this is not about playing games....this is about being less available, so that he is not taking you for granted. Just make yourself less available to him, so that he can realize that you are not sitting around waiting for him.
It worked for me within one week! Good luck!
Re: Long distance?
Stop calling him. Ask him to call you when he has time. You may not hear from him for a couple days, but if you stick to it, he will start calling you and will be interested in talking too.
Like saimab33 said, it is not about playing games. If you think about it, you ARE there every single night. He knows you'll be there whenever he wants to talk, he knows you'll be there even if he didn't want to talk. It is true that friends aren't around as much. So, don't be around that much. Take your mind off of him by getting yourself busy, share your day with a close friend or journal. Provide yourself with whatever it is you want him to provide to you - support, companionship, whatever it is.
Remember absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Re: Long distance?
Do exactly what saima said.
I know you miss him and everything and probably love him a lot but he it doesn't seem mutual. You're there all the time for him and he can basically pick and choose when he wants and when he doesn't.
"You never know how important something is until you lose it"
This applies to him to some extent. Make him do a little bit of work to get close to you. Make him call you first or email or whatever. When he has to work for it, only then will he become compassionate towards you.
Re: Long distance?
oh spoko! I went through this exact same thing a few years back (Im now getting married to this guy InshAllah!)
The way that I dealt with it....because I was always the one calling first, I was waiting on MSN for hours, I was always texting....I used to get really hurt because it wasnt reciprocated. Then I realized, he doesnt appreciate me, because I am ALWAYS there....he doesnt get a chance to even miss me because I am always calling/texting/emailing/waiting on MSN. So I backed off. That doesnt mean I left him, that just means, I made myself less available. Instead of waiting on MSN for hours, I would go out, and then when he would call or text and ask me why I wasnt on line, I would tell him that I was out and couldnt come on line. I wouldnt make a big deal out of it (its hard to pretend like its not hurting you, but you have to back off for a while!), and I would do this often, so he would realize that "hey, this girl isnt waiting around for me, and if I want to be with her, I have to make the effort too, and chase her". Same thing with texting...I would wait for him to text me first (I stopped texting first), so that he would realize what it felt like when I had to wait for him. I would wait for him to call me first (and if he needed me to call him back because he didnt have credit or a calling card, then I would, but I wouldnt call first, until either he called, or asked me to call).
And trust me, this is not about playing games....this is about being less available, so that he is not taking you for granted. Just make yourself less available to him, so that he can realize that you are not sitting around waiting for him.
It worked for me within one week! Good luck!
You are very much right. It was the same scenario with me. Back off for some days. And see the result.
Guys start you taking for granted if you are always in touch. Let them know You are not really dying....it is girlish love to keep away all the busy ness and wait for beloved for hours. and he ends up behaving so carelessly. I feel for you because I've been through the same. It is really annoying and hurting.
Good luck...
Re: Long distance?
Dump Him !
Re: Long distance?
Have a little self request. Someone treats you like that and you are still hanging onto him? Dump his @$$.
Re: Long distance?
Have a little self request
self respect you mean? :) i dont think the guy intentionally hurts you, he might be unaware of how u're feeling, do try the saima xperiment!
Re: Long distance?
self respect you mean?
LOL! Yeah!
Re: Long distance?
No he doesn't intentionally does it. I never thought that I was making myself too available but that is right, I am always there. He could call me in the middle of the night and I would be there. I am going to back off for a little bit and see how it goes.
Thanks a bunch for all the advice :)
Re: Long distance?
Yes listening to people on GS is exactly the way to go about this. I have not read the posts so far and will not but I can tell you what they say:
- Dump him. He is a lousy person.
- Dump him. He is using you.
- Dump him. This relationship is not real.
If I missed anything its because it wasn't posted by a female.
Re: Long distance?
Yes listening to people on GS is exactly the way to go about this. I have not read the posts so far and will not but I can tell you what they say:
- Dump him. He is a lousy person.
- Dump him. He is using you.
- Dump him. This relationship is not real.
If I missed anything its because it wasn't posted by a female.
You missed almost everything that was posted! AND, it was all posted by girls!
You should go back and read it CM, you will be surprised!
Re: Long distance?
Looooooser…how could you just categorize it to GALS only. 
Re: Long distance?
It is like reading my own story. I have been through this for 3 whole years:( i know it sucks. Do you work somewhere? or are you a student? You wont believe in my case i wasnt even allowed to work or study and my fiance( now my husband) was in uk and still is. All i had to do was WAIT for him and the time difference made it even worse. He didnt allow me to work in offices though i am an engineer and didnt let me study further his excuse was that i should continue my studies abroad when we get married. I cant mention here how much i have suffered and sacrificed, not only for him but for his rude and heartless family too. It was so painful when he never treasured my goodness and i had to face all the harsh and rude statements given to me by his father and sister( because they think that i trapped their son as its a love marriage) in his absence. Then when we were talking on the phone or internet we were interrupted by his friends or his sleep and i had this feeling that i bored him. but I have recovered from that state gradually alhumdolilah. You only have to realize that you are worth some respect and value. He cant make you wait for hours . Just try and avoid him at the maximum. Make yourself unreachable for few days you guys aint nikkahfied right? thats a good point just make him feel the fear of losing you.Do not quarrel or make an argument stay patient and try to pretend as if you dont care either. And as someone said before in their posts that make yourself less available. You could spend whole night crying afterwards but you should hang up on him happily saying that you are sleepy or tired or busy. That makes a lot a lot of difference in a man's attitude.
Re: Long distance?
We talk over the phone everyday, even if it's just for five minutes,
That is your problem right there
every day? way too much, way too clingy and way too needy
talk a couple times a week, keep in touch wit small notes here and there
thats it.
Re: Long distance?
oh spoko! I went through this exact same thing a few years back (Im now getting married to this guy InshAllah!)
The way that I dealt with it....because I was always the one calling first, I was waiting on MSN for hours, I was always texting....I used to get really hurt because it wasnt reciprocated. Then I realized, he doesnt appreciate me, because I am ALWAYS there....he doesnt get a chance to even miss me because I am always calling/texting/emailing/waiting on MSN. So I backed off. That doesnt mean I left him, that just means, I made myself less available. Instead of waiting on MSN for hours, I would go out, and then when he would call or text and ask me why I wasnt on line, I would tell him that I was out and couldnt come on line. I wouldnt make a big deal out of it (its hard to pretend like its not hurting you, but you have to back off for a while!), and I would do this often, so he would realize that "hey, this girl isnt waiting around for me, and if I want to be with her, I have to make the effort too, and chase her". Same thing with texting...I would wait for him to text me first (I stopped texting first), so that he would realize what it felt like when I had to wait for him. I would wait for him to call me first (and if he needed me to call him back because he didnt have credit or a calling card, then I would, but I wouldnt call first, until either he called, or asked me to call).
And trust me, this is not about playing games....this is about being less available, so that he is not taking you for granted. Just make yourself less available to him, so that he can realize that you are not sitting around waiting for him.
It worked for me within one week! Good luck!
If you want to stick with the guy then do it as saimab33 said .. .. it will owkr believe me ..
On the other hand ..
LONG DISTANCE RELATION SUCKS .. .. I know my friend who is here in canada and he is engaged .. its been a year and he is being fed up reason the girl is not here with him. so now he prefer to spend time with his class fellows and love to talk to them .. .. some of them are singles and some are committed and he liks few of 'em .. .. and mostly if his fiancé call him .. he acts like the same .. 'caz he enjoy the real company more .. ..
Re: Long distance?
Hahahah i have been going through this for TEN YEARS, net acting up, light chali jana, khandaan ki responsibility, traffic mein phas gaya, office se late aya, kal university ka project due hai, call me after sometime im wid frnds, brish horai hai to net nai chal raha, my laptop battery has died, my relative has died...trust me in my ten god dam years i have heard it all these lil quotes guys have tht they feed the gurls which u may know are a fact but u just wonder on his priority list why do u have to be the last all the time BUT at the same time i hv come to realise in this long long LONG time i hav been in a long distance tht if u know ur guy truly is ur perfect life partner thn all these things would be toooo tiny in front if the big picture. When i was going through my Long distance blues i got introduced to GS life1 and yahan ki roti dhoti larkiyon ko dekh kar i knew i have a gem with me and truly if u know tht he isnt lieing (and trust me a gurl always knows in her heart) thn maybe he is just like the other zillion guys on this planet who need a lil realization and how would tht happen...? for tht refer to yourself cuz u know wat tactic would work on ur guy the best though i like saima's advice too. NEVER FIGHT WITH HIM ON IT cuz jhgarey se they dunt hear us, our words dunt register in their mind.You fight the first time or the billionth time about the same thing it wouldnt matter its all the same!
My personal tactic is: Since i talk alottttt n he loves my chatter constantly so when he pulls a stunt like he says he'll call n 4gets instead jus goes to sleep, the next time i spk to him i talk to him civil but i get reallyyyyyyyy quiet..like talk to the point n he hatessss when i talk less cuz thn he feels its not the gurl he fell in love wid (or waeva he thinks :p) so he realises himself though time to time he needs to be kicked on his behind to remind!
Moral of the story: IF he is worth the effort, start polishing ur tactics!
Best of luck :)
Re: Long distance?
Hahahah i have been going through this for TEN YEARS, net acting up, light chali jana, khandaan ki responsibility, traffic mein phas gaya, office se late aya, kal university ka project due hai, call me after sometime im wid frnds, brish horai hai to net nai chal raha, my laptop battery has died, my relative has died...trust me in my ten god dam years i have heard it all these lil quotes guys have tht they feed the gurls which u may know are a fact but u just wonder on his priority list why do u have to be the last all the time BUT at the same time i hv come to realise in this long long LONG time i hav been in a long distance tht if u know ur guy truly is ur perfect life partner thn all these things would be toooo tiny in front if the big picture. When i was going through my Long distance blues i got introduced to GS life1 and yahan ki roti dhoti larkiyon ko dekh kar i knew i have a gem with me and truly if u know tht he isnt lieing (and trust me a gurl always knows in her heart) thn maybe he is just like the other zillion guys on this planet who need a lil realization and how would tht happen...? for tht refer to yourself cuz u know wat tactic would work on ur guy the best though i like saima's advice too. NEVER FIGHT WITH HIM ON IT cuz jhgarey se they dunt hear us, our words dunt register in their mind.You fight the first time or the billionth time about the same thing it wouldnt matter its all the same!
My personal tactic is: Since i talk alottttt n he loves my chatter constantly so when he pulls a stunt like he says he'll call n 4gets instead jus goes to sleep, the next time i spk to him i talk to him civil but i get reallyyyyyyyy quiet..like talk to the point n he hatessss when i talk less cuz thn he feels its not the gurl he fell in love wid (or waeva he thinks :p) so he realises himself though time to time he needs to be kicked on his behind to remind!
Moral of the story: IF he is worth the effort, start polishing ur tactics!
Best of luck :)
ooo really ... .. gullible .. :D
Re: Long distance?
lol I talk A LOT too. I am not clingy or anything, but I am definitely a chatterbox. I do go quiet sometimes and he would get all worried saying, 'tabeeyat theek hai?'. But this behaviour of his can't just go on forever, it has to stop and the sooner it does the better it will be. We haven't been 'nikahfied' yet but my parents are going to England in a couple of months and they will fix the date for nikah after that.
I am lucky to have him because he loves me like crazy and is very sincere and loyal to me. If I don't call him one day he will call just to ask if everything's ok. It's just his habit of constantly putting me on hold or making me wait for him and NOT calling or going to sleep in the middle of our conversation that annoys me. He takes me for granted because no matter what time of day it is, he knows I am always there to talk to him. If I don't pick up he calls my mom and she yells at me saying k phone kiyoon rakha hai jab uthana nahi hota. GRRRRR. I am just going to stop calling and act as if I am having too much fun to care about calling him. Hope that will make him realize ...
Re: Long distance?
why everyone's so called are in England????