X2, as Restless said, I have tried communicating this hundreds of times with him. I have tried explaining calmly, argued and even gotten really really mad at him but he just says sorry and everything goes back to the way it was.
do you see a problem with what you just wrote? thngs go back to normal because he says sorry and thats it.
hold him to his sorry, so he knows he cant just throw a sorry and get away with it and this is serious
and if that does not work, I would not go into some drawn out cat and mouse game of ignoring him etc
set a time limit, a few weeks a few months ...no more and then make a call whether there is enough of a sustained changed behavior or whether your expectations and his behavior dont matchup.
If he calls.....but refuses to have a mature discussion with you.....I'd seriously contemplate ending the rishta. It's hard to have a relationship let alone a marriage with someone that can't handle discussions. Give yourself a break to think about things.
Maybe stoppit is right, he really isn't going to change. He is the perfect man for me in every other way. My mom is so excited about planning the entire shaadi and his mom and his sisters are even more excited than my mom. His mom loves me and my mom loves him. Everything is simply perfect but it's just this one thing that is ruining everything. I really don't know whether I should stick to my words of 'permanent break', or at least go through with a temporary one just to see whether he will care enough to change? I am really starting to get confused now ...
well..... you cant have everything....its life
have some dignity & self respect and DO NOT call him for a while, no matter how important the reason
what's it like now for them? are they on the verge of a divorce, how is she coping with her husband treating her like that?
It did almost get to that point. He did some really disgraceful things as well that showed that she was hardly on the top of his list. Although I don't think her family really wanted her to get divorced, everyone was supportive of her making her own choice - she did have that option. But in the end he promised to change and they talked through some stuff and she decided to carry on. It's better but still, she's not completely happy, partly that she can't let go of the past and partly she's had to accept that's the way he is because he's just not going to change very much.
You are very much right. It was the same scenario with me. Back off for some days. And see the result.
Guys start you taking for granted if you are always in touch. Let them know You are not really dying....it is girlish love to keep away all the busy ness and wait for beloved for hours. and he ends up behaving so carelessly. I feel for you because I've been through the same. It is really annoying and hurting.
Good luck...
I did the same with my husband...he was living in another country after our marriage....When I didn't called him...he called me to ask where I am....A few times I didn't answered his calls...He was soo upset and worried that he called me late night coz he couldn't sleep....hahaha.....
If someone needs they'll find you....
IKSA…I used to get scared losing him in start. Now if he says " you are very this or that" I promptly say" go find one who is better or suitable for you" .Then hes like “OMG you are breaking up with me..NOooooo…i was just trying to tell you but forget that …you know how much I love You”
So its just like that…never give men the response they want. If he doesnt give You attention…“forget him” & he will never forget it.
Now I take my full sleep and tell him to do his work because I am sleepy and have a busy day tomorrow ( before that he was always like…listen am working..you keep on talking I’am listening) . so the complains I had now he is feeling the same way.
Yea mard hotay he aesay hain…dont give them importance if you want to be important for them
Thats just my experience. It may be different for other people…but thats the truth…You can only win a man…if you lose the fear of losing him
Spoko, you couldn't resist calling him 'a hundred times' again (important family matter or not) which shows how hard it is to change, and if it is hard for you to change then consider it even more so for him to change. You guys are stuck in an established pattern of behaviour.
So put the phone down or the bunny gets it! Sorry, was watching Con Air last night.
If he sent you flowers once in a blue moon at work or at home...that would just make your day wouldnt it? What if he sent you those flowers every single day and everytime there was a fight, his answer was flowers? You would start to get sick of the flowers and even resent them.
The point behind that vague example of mine is simply that he cannot miss you or even realize what you are to him...because you dont let him. Why would you call him 100 times? If its an important family matter, call once - MAYBE twice - and wait for him to call you back. If he calls too late, its his loss. If anyone asks you why you didnt tell him, you can say you called but never got a call back.
the only thing you should be doing everyday (beside fulfilling basic necessities) is offering your prayers five times a day. only ALLAH SWT responds to your calls and we human lack this divine virtue.
another advice i would give you is swtich off your cell phone or care not to pick your cell after 10 pm or 11 pm (unless you are a doc or work on a very important position that if you dont reply back it may effect lives of others)…cuz soon you will be having dark circles around your eyes and problems related to blood pressure. too much stress is not good for a woman, unless you dont want to look like a mother of this guy.
Because women always fall for these kind of scumbags... so men have stopped being gentlemen.
not all women are lucky enough to find the gentlemen. i seriously never used to be superstitous but now i do believe that all important luck plays a role in finding a good-hearted,decent,caring, respectful man
unfortunately some women are dealt a bad hand and have to somehow work with that or break it off and maybe face the possibility of living a life of solitude, which might not be bad.
hmmm thanks for all the feedback everyone. Zobia, he called me at 4 this morning but I turned off my phone without even opening my eyes. Later I switched the phone with my brother and no one ever calls my brother so I had no problem with getting calls all day and I got to use a better phone :D. He did call my home but I was at work then. He also left me a couple of msn messages but by the time I got to them he had already given up and gone to sleep. I left a reply to his messages saying ,'Sorry, I have been busy'. I am going to continue doing this for a few more days before I answer his call.
In long distance relationship this is prone to happen. Me and hubby had our nikah and both were in different countries and really struggled with communication. I was primarly calling him and emailing him most of the time and very seldom did he do it. So to get him on board I slowed down instead of completely stopping.. after a while he started sending me text messages every day in the morning or afternoon letting me know where he was occupied and why he couldn't talk with me.. We set a rule that we wanted our communication to never suffer so we let each other know every night how our day went and this way both parties were happy even if we couldn't talk every day. Try adapting a rule that works for both of you and both of you are happy with.. you have got to spend the rest of your life together so it's important to communicate well and have no negative feeling about each other.
( before that he was always like…listen am working..you keep on talking I’am listening) . so the complains I had now he is feeling the same way.
