^Nope it's not normal. Growing up, my dad would travel often...sometimes within the country, sometimes abroad. Due to his job, he even moved overseas for a few years...away from his family. He called my Mom practically every day....and if it wasn't possible to call...he'd email us and let us know when he'd call or where he can be reached....would visit us here several times during the year...would figure out ways for us to visit him. Bottom line is that he made an active effort, MashAllah. Your husband is not making the effort. And you guys are newly-weds...and at this stage there's usually a greater attachment/excitement.
^Nope it's not normal. Growing up, my dad would travel often...sometimes within the country, sometimes abroad. Due to his job, he even moved overseas for a few years...away from his family. He called my Mom practically every day....and if it wasn't possible to call...he'd email us and let us know when he'd call or where he can be reached....would visit us here several times during the year...would figure out ways for us to visit him. Bottom line is that he made an active effort, MashAllah. Your husband is not making the effort.** And you guys are newly-weds...and at this stage there's usually a greater attachment/excitement.**
waise I disagree with this part. I agree that there is excitement but the best "loves" I have seen are the mature relationships. My dad was the same :)
I guess it's a tossup between two evils. Both situations would be devastating. Which is the LESSER of two evils? That only she can decide ie the OP.
Look at the facts: He gave her evidence before the nikah that he cheated or talked to some girl in an unseemly manner. She chose to forgive him when she wasnt even married to him. Most wouldve told her at that point not to get married and I would have agreed them completely. But she knows him better and her situation better. If she chose forgiveness and another chance, there must have been reasons. Now she IS married to him (nikah) and he hasnt cheated on her. How can we honestly tell her not to give this Nikah more of a shot?
Dear OP,
Im glad your parents are involved in this so actively. If this is to be saved, perhaps that is the wakeup call he needs. Your dad will deal with him, and if he has any sense, your husband ie, he will realise the severity of the situation and mend his ways. I am really glad that you have your parents support, especially your dad's. I would say to let this be handled by them now. You have done your best, it's his move now.
Allah bless you and keep you safe and sound and Allah bring you out of this horrible situation in one way or the other and soothe your heartache. Ameen.
I am still here, still reading responses. My parents will support me no matter what. My father does not care a whit about what anyone thinks. As for my mother, even though she supports my decision, she still worries about 'log kiya kahain gay' and hence the whole 'you will not get married again' lectures. My dad had a talk with his mother and her words to my dad were 'ab main dekhon gi k rukhsati laiti bhi hoon k nahi'. Needless to say, my dad is extremely angry and does not wish to speak with them again. My husband did call my dad a couple of days ago but my dad was busy so told him to call back, which he never did. My parents have spoken with a lawyer but my mother still insists that we wait for at least another month to see what they will do. I have cut all contact with him. Sometimes I wish that he would call us and apologize and change his ways but in my heart I sort of know that it won't happen. My main concern was that I wasn't sure if it was normal behaviour in a long distance marriage. After doing a lot of thinking I feel that misunderstandings do occur when people live so far away from each other, but not taking time out for your partner, acting indifferent to them and instead giving all your attention to a third person is not a part of normal long distance marriage.
She can consider moving closer to him or perhaps takin a longer break to allow both of them some room to think. I still don't have high hopes for this marriage...as i just see it getting worse. Again, there's more than just the shady behavior. And his mother isn't helping matters...and her saying that she solves his marital issues for him...when he's not making much of an effort is disturbing. The final decision rests with the OP...hope whatever she decides will bring her peace.
...but there's a toxic brew of infidelity, immaturity, and indifference going on here"
Quoted with RV's assumed permission. The 1st two can happen when people are apart for extended time. But the indifference part and lack of remorse - cant get over that.
This relationship appears over unless the guy does a 180 degree about turn.
(RV, analogy with Sati Savitri does not apply - Savitriji's husband was a good man - a light aside from this intense discussion :))
Get wise, Ms. Velvet. You, GIDSA, Milly and I are ring-less, single players therefore we are not grounded in reality. Until we find unsuspecting victims to make the marry with, the maze of romantic codependency that ensures marital bliss will continue to elude us. Meanwhile I can’t even spell infidality.
Demi, how do we know he hasn't cheated on her.. everything points to the fact that he has the ability to cheat :(
I guess it's a tossup between two evils. Both situations would be devastating. Which is the LESSER of two evils? That only she can decide ie the OP.
Look at the facts: He gave her evidence before the nikah that he cheated or talked to some girl in an unseemly manner. She chose to forgive him when she wasnt even married to him. Most wouldve told her at that point not to get married and I would have agreed them completely. But she knows him better and her situation better. If she chose forgiveness and another chance, there must have been reasons. Now she IS married to him (nikah) and he hasnt cheated on her. How can we honestly tell her not to give this Nikah more of a shot?
Looking back at this old thread I wish to tell you all that most of you were right. This man married me for immigration. He didn't care a damn about me. He tried to threaten my parents into giving him money. He told them that he had nude photos of me that he woukd post online. Thank God my parents had the sense to ask me before giving him money. Needless to say, we not only took Khulla but my uncle taught him a painful lesson that I really hope he will always remember.
What was the painful lesson? You know so other GS members have some well thought up ways to get back at the immigration seeking excuse of a husband type guys.
Looking back at this old thread I wish to tell you all that most of you were right. This man married me for immigration. He didn't care a damn about me. He tried to threaten my parents into giving him money. He told them that he had nude photos of me that he woukd post online. Thank God my parents had the sense to ask me before giving him money. Needless to say, we not only took Khulla but my uncle taught him a painful lesson that I really hope he will always remember.
Wow, Im really sorry to hear that. You are really lucky to get this clear cut sign. Most people are stuck in limbo thinking maybe I'm wrong. Anyway I wish you all the best. Just curious, what lead to his threating you? Did you send khulla papers? I hope youfind someone better. Consider yourself lucky that you didnt bring him to the US and didnt introduce him to people here.
