Re: living together
see no matter much women 'empower' themselves, it will still remain a man dominated world
Re: living together
you need to get the heck out of this situation now. There are so many things morally wrong with him. first and for most he wants to keep you on the side while he has a wife how do you know how many others he has on the side including you and his wife? If he truly loves you and cared he would have MARRIED YOU! he would have appreciated you and seen what you have done for him throughout the 4 year, but obviously he hasn't. Put yourself in his wife's shoes would you want your husband to have a thing on the side? i am sure you wouldn't. I am sure its easier said than done but its best to part ways now you don't want to be the other woman!
I wasnt really planning to bare my soul here but I guess I need to vent it out somewhere. Basically I have been with this person for the last four years but yes it feels like forever! I havent moved in with him officially, but we have been living together since a year or so. Yes,yes,yes I'm aware its not right according to Islamic laws and I'm committing a horrible sin, though i'm not a religious person really. ( spiritual yes). I moved in for right reasons according to my gut, to make it easier for myself to care for him. Marriage wasnt a option back then, because he simply didnt want to marry at that time. And I never asked.
Now after one year, the person is getting married to someonelse. in 3 weeks. He's got a new house etc. So basically I would be living with him though he wont be around all the time anymore. (hehe) Maybe that would make some people here feel better. And, would that be a little more acceptable?
Re: living together
well - if a guy lives with a girl for more then three years and does nothing .... Then in my dictionary He is either saint or impotent :)
Goal of my question was for OP to say YES and YES to both questions. That not only eliminates any shadow of doubt but add the umpteen amount of juiciness to this thread ..
allah samjha karain naa.
Yes and yes. And I am still head over heels in love with him! There's just this uneasy feeling that I might be hurting his wife indirectly.
Re: living together
Nahi, it's not a joke at all. But apparently it sounds funny to some people. Or people just can't tell a joke from the truth nowadays! Anyways, yes that's the only thing which bothers me. I dont want to spend my life thinking that I'm constantly being a threat to his marriage. But it's really very very very difficult for me to let him go and so I made this decision.
I can sense my story sounds vague and funny at the same time over here but I guess I'm very uneasy talking about it. He's getting married in 3 weeks to someone he barely knows. He had to make the decision under alot of pressure, so we both decided that this would be the best way. I know things could go the other way, he could have taken a stand and could have married me etc. But he did not and I'm not going to punish the poor soul because for this mistake of his! That's just not an option. He needs me as much as I need him.
I'm trying to be very practical which is tough for me and that might be the reason why I wanted to know what random people would think about this whole situation. I have been cut off from everyone and the people I go along with at university have absolutely no idea what I'm going through. Anyways I thought knowing about your people's views would make it easier for me to imagine (prepare for) what kind of hardships I'll have to go through in future.
The thing is, you're not looking at the bigger picture.
He may love you right now and could have been pressured to make this decision. He may actually cheat on his wife after he gets married to be with you because he cannot let you go.
BUT
What will happen on his wedding night? He will sleep with his wife...because if he doesn't that will lead to even bigger issues.
What will happen once his wife gets pregnant?
What will happen when he sees his child and realizes how his actions might impact his baby?
Will you be able to rid him of his guilt?
Eventually, he will choose his family...you are not a part of his family. He will have to choose his wife and kids...even if he isnt in love with his wife. Because it will be the right thing to do. Just like he made this decision, he will also make that decision.
Your love may be very pure and sincere and you don't mean to be a threat to his marriage...but the fact is you ARE a threat.
Just remember, the marriage contract is just a piece of paper but it is THE piece of paper that will determine the rest of his life AND your life.
And if he loves you so much, he can technically legalize this relationship by even marrying you as a second wife.
Re: living together
Is it ok to live with someone you love without being married to him? I'm aware that obviously religiously it would be a sin. But suppose there are no other options? Do you personally feel there is a harm in it?
So these were the kind of posts Janwar was talking about!
Re: living together
I really hope that OP will act on the advice given here. You are in a lot of trouble and this man is not being loyal or sincere to you at all. If to you, religion is not important, then atleast do this for your self respect. This man will leave you to be with his wife sooner or later, there is no doubt in that.
Do you have any trusted family members or friends who can help you out in such a situation? even if you don't. instead of moving in with him, disappear for a few days. Move away somewhere, take a vacation, take some time for yourself - there is so much fun and important stuff to do in this world than to be 'caring for a guy' who is a moron.
Maybe God wants to save you from something that is horrible for you not only in this life but in the hereafter too
:)
Re: living together
I really hope that OP will act on the advice given here. You are in a lot of trouble and this man is not being loyal or sincere to you at all. If to you, religion is not important, then atleast do this for your self respect. This man will leave you to be with his wife sooner or later, there is no doubt in that.
Do you have any trusted family members or friends who can help you out in such a situation? even if you don't. instead of moving in with him, disappear for a few days. Move away somewhere, take a vacation, take some time for yourself - there is so much fun and important stuff to do in this world than to be 'caring for a guy' who is a moron.
Maybe God wants to save you from something that is horrible for you not only in this life but in the hereafter too :)
How is he not being loyal to me? He talked to me about this decision of his life at every stage and still does. If I'd want to, I could force him not to get married to the other girl because we are really attached to eachother. The fact is that I wanted him to realize it himself and let him discover on his own that we could be soulmates too. It's been almost 5 years since we are together already! He didn't think about it and then things went really fast. Before he could handle it, he was in a very awkward situation. He's going through alot of trouble too, infact a little more than me. I will never leave him alone in this state and as much as I love him, I'll respect his relationship with his wife too.
There's this only uneasy feeling about me being the reason for insecurity or pain, and I just wish I could talk to the girl he's getting married to, just to make her understand that I'm no threat. :-(
Re: living together
How is he not being loyal to me? He talked to me about this decision of his life at every stage and still does. If I'd want to, I could force him not to get married to the other girl because we are really attached to eachother. The fact is that I wanted him to realize it himself and let him discover on his own that we could be soulmates too. It's been almost 5 years since we are together already! He didn't think about it and then things went really fast. Before he could handle it, he was in a very awkward situation. He's going through alot of trouble too, infact a little more than me. I will never leave him alone in this state and as much as I love him, I'll respect his relationship with his wife too.
There's this only uneasy feeling about me being the reason for insecurity or pain, and I just wish I could talk to the girl he's getting married to, just to make her understand that I'm no threat. :-(
Seriously you need professional help or you are on cloud nine. Life is not a Bollywood movie.
Re: living together
Seriously you need professional help or you are on cloud nine. Life is not a Bollywood movie.
My life is certainly not a Bollywood movie. I am all ready to embrace the harsh reality with open arms!
Re: living together
I think enough content of advice is generated by our valuable guppay and guppans. it is all upto on ripple to accept the long term reality of haram relationship with her bf.
Re: living together
My life is certainly not a Bollywood movie. I am all ready to embrace the harsh reality with open arms!
You are doing it to yourself. A normal person with normal emotions and feeling will be devastated and will be asking how to stop this wedding and how to win him over , but you are letting him go willingly, instead of asking is it fine to be a keep .
He is marrying someone and you are saying he has been loyal to you and you are OK with his decision. It is not normal behavior at all unless you consider you are a monk and care for happiness of others and believe in just giving but I see that you are not living in a monastery so you are not a monk.
Re: living together
You should be his 2nd wife.......everything will become legit...
Re: living together
How is he not being loyal to me? He talked to me about this decision of his life at every stage and still does. If I'd want to, I could force him not to get married to the other girl because we are really attached to eachother. The fact is that I wanted him to realize it himself and let him discover on his own that we could be soulmates too. It's been almost 5 years since we are together already! He didn't think about it and then things went really fast. Before he could handle it, he was in a very awkward situation. He's going through alot of trouble too, infact a little more than me. I will never leave him alone in this state and as much as I love him, I'll respect his relationship with his wife too.
There's this only uneasy feeling about me being the reason for insecurity or pain, and I just wish I could talk to the girl he's getting married to, just to make her understand that I'm no threat. :-(
Call me rude/blunt or whatever .. but these kind a relationships ruins the "happily married life" of families. its not about 2 persons now, its about 1 family. the woman he is gona "officially" married and then the kids as well .. :) .. I can name this relationship as well but let it be unsaid .. :)
on second note: since you are claiming that this guy has been loyal to you for 5 years and bla bla bla .. let me put money on this thing .. after 2-3 years thsi guy wudn't be loyal to you .. when he will realize that he can get "everything" from his wife, which is at home all the time and when he will have his lil kids around .. you will be just a TIMEPASS (which you are even now but you wun understand it). u wud def loose your self-respect infront of him and infront of the society. sooner or later, you are gona regret
Re: living together
I think I'm feeling even more miserable now. this didnt really help.
Re: living together
I think I'm feeling even more miserable now. this didnt really help.
We are all trying to help you, you have been saying all along that you are OK with him marrying someone else and will have no problem for being living as a mistress , what is bothering you now ?
Re: living together
girl, sometimes you got to be cruel to be kind and thats what i think we are trying to do here <3
Re: living together
We are all trying to help you, you have been saying all along that you are OK with him marrying someone else and will have no problem for being living as a mistress , what is bothering you now ?
That I could be a threat to his marriage! just thinking about it, makes me feel hell miserable!
Re: living together
I think I'm feeling even more miserable now. this didnt really help.
I don't understand what you were expecting when you posted.
*Please stay with him through this ordeal...it sounds like he is going through so much in life and if you leave him now it will ruin him completely. He needs you. Do not worry about his wife, she will understand when she meets you that you are no real threat to her. So what if her husband is in love with you? She won't fight for him, she will probably realize she stands no chance and leave quietly. After she has you over for dinner, a girls' night, hair braiding and kumbaya of course. Then, he will be free to marry you and you both will live happily ever after. *
Is that what you want to hear? You have no idea what you're up against...she is marrying this man...signing her life away to him. If you were my sister, I would have locked you in a room and thrown away the key...after I smacked you around a few times for even thinking of a married man.
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That I could be a threat to his marriage! just thinking about it, makes me feel hell miserable!
And the thought of him marrying someone else does not make you miserable ?
Re: living together
We are all trying to help you, you have been saying all along that you are OK with him marrying someone else and will have no problem for being living as a mistress , what is bothering you now ?
Guilt mirch bhai - Guilt of knowing that you are doing something morally wrong ( let us keep the religion aside for a mo ) ... so after a long day , when one sits in a dark corner of his/her room ... Then this guilt becomes a mirror , showing your real self to you and believe me it always shows a very hideous picture of your life ....
On a contrary - I still hope/pray that something good comes up for OP - if she is genuinely in this condition .... so she could live a better life then what she is presently living ...