Re: living together
why can't you people spot a troll???
Re: living together
There is some crazy infatuation with trolls in Life 1! :p
Re: living together
He doens't love you. If he did he would give you respect by marrying you. He's enjoying the way you love or care for him. You are just a toy for him. Don't ruin yourlife for someone who can't respect you. Aks him to marry you. If he doens't want then break this relationship. You can't drive a car without wheels. This weak relationship will lead to Hell on earth. There are enough good guys walking around.
Re: living together
Thankyou!
Re: living together
man i am totally confused now
I wasnt really planning to bare my soul here but I guess I need to vent it out somewhere. Basically I have been with this person for the last four years but yes it feels like forever! I havent moved in with him officially, but we have been living together since a year or so. Yes,yes,yes I'm aware its not right according to Islamic laws and I'm committing a horrible sin, though i'm not a religious person really. ( spiritual yes). I moved in for right reasons according to my gut, to make it easier for myself to care for him. Marriage wasnt a option back then, because he simply didnt want to marry at that time. And I never asked.
Now after one year, the person is getting married to someonelse. in 3 weeks. He's got a new house etc. So basically I would be living with him though he wont be around all the time anymore. (hehe) Maybe that would make some people here feel better. And, would that be a little more acceptable?
Re: living together
You have GOT to be kidding me! I hope this is all a joke :S
Otherwise, you basically opened a thread to ask us if there is any "personal" harm in living in a flat as a mistress to a man whose getting married to another woman. How can you as a woman do this to another woman? Firstly, NONE of you women should be with this man, he's not serious about anything and only wants the best of both worlds. Secondly, YES there is personal harm in this for you, for her and probably him as well. Anyway, this is what I deduced from what you have said thus far. So forgive me if I am mistaken
Nahi, it's not a joke at all. But apparently it sounds funny to some people. Or people just can't tell a joke from the truth nowadays! Anyways, yes that's the only thing which bothers me. I dont want to spend my life thinking that I'm constantly being a threat to his marriage. But it's really very very very difficult for me to let him go and so I made this decision.
Re: living together
okey lets put the islamicaly facts beside bcuz u said u rnt really religous..bt hv u ever thought about ur future??
Re: living together
Someday u hve to let him go...or he will leave you
Re: living together
No harm if he is your mehram , there is not even a sin in it.
You do not need a moulvi either , just two witnesses and qabool hay.
Whay marriage was not an option ? Did he abduct you and then you feel in love with him ? Stockholm Syndrome ?
May be he abducted her and she fell in love with him later. It is called Stockholm Syndrome , Petty Hurst case is very famous example.
Buddy you failed too. You were the first one to respond. 
I understand where you are comming from , you need some professional help with letting him go and get out of state of denial .
Re: living together
Hope you are not one of Bollywood writer looking for new movie plot where hero and heroine miss their bus and decide to walk 2000000000000000000000 miles. On the way they got hit by heavy rain (heavy rain like the one never seen since stone age). Then some how they found a barn and now they not only have to live together in there but also have to dry up the cloths 
unless this is the situation, I cant think of any that you HAVE to live without marriage.
PS: and If I am that hero, I’ll do 2 bool of Nikkah …u know …just in case …
Re: living together
So the guy would be living officially with his wife after he is married but will be coming to live with you on and off. Why would he be doing that?
Does he love you? If yes, why wouldn't he marry you? In this case, how can you ruin your life for such a guy?
If he doesn't love you, is he coming to live with you because you have forced him to? If this is the case, things won't go for long, he will eventually leave you with a shattered life.
You need to think practically keeping your emotions aside and then decide what is best for you. Leave the guy and his wife alone for a while. Just think for yourself and your future. You will get your response.
Re: living together
Is it ok to live with someone you love without being married to him? I'm aware that obviously religiously it would be a sin. But suppose there are no other options? Do you personally feel there is a harm in it?
Why not do nikkah and then live together ?
edit:
never mind i read other posts now.
Still doing nikkah is better than being a mistress
Re: living together
............. Whay marriage was not an option ? Did he abduct you and then you feel in love with him ? Stockholm Syndrome ?
May be he abducted her and she fell in love with him later. It is called Stockholm Syndrome , Petty Hurst case is very famous example.
............. .
I think it maybe,
Stalk-a-Man Syndrome. :D
OP is saying:
~Tou Jahan Jahan Chalay Gaa
Mera Saaya Saath Hoga
Re: living together
So the guy would be living officially with his wife after he is married but will be coming to live with you on and off. Why would he be doing that?
Does he love you? If yes, why wouldn't he marry you? In this case, how can you ruin your life for such a guy?
If he doesn't love you, is he coming to live with you because you have forced him to? If this is the case, things won't go for long, he will eventually leave you with a shattered life.
You need to think practically keeping your emotions aside and then decide what is best for you. Leave the guy and his wife alone for a while. Just think for yourself and your future. You will get your response.
I can sense my story sounds vague and funny at the same time over here but I guess I'm very uneasy talking about it. He's getting married in 3 weeks to someone he barely knows. He had to make the decision under alot of pressure, so we both decided that this would be the best way. I know things could go the other way, he could have taken a stand and could have married me etc. But he did not and I'm not going to punish the poor soul because for this mistake of his! That's just not an option. He needs me as much as I need him.
I'm trying to be very practical which is tough for me and that might be the reason why I wanted to know what random people would think about this whole situation. I have been cut off from everyone and the people I go along with at university have absolutely no idea what I'm going through. Anyways I thought knowing about your people's views would make it easier for me to imagine (prepare for) what kind of hardships I'll have to go through in future.
Re: living together
I'm trying to be very practical **which is tough for me and that might be the reason why I wanted to know what random people would think about this whole situation. I have been cut off from everyone and the people I go along with at university have absolutely no idea what I'm going through. Anyways I thought knowing about your people's views would make it easier for me to imagine (prepare for) **what kind of hardships I'll have to go through in future.
Initially I thought you were talking about living with a BF or fiance before marriage. But eventually through the posts, I realized you're referring to being a married man's "kept mistress". There is a HUGE difference b/t the two.
You want to be practical and you want to know about "hardships"? Well, here are a few things for you to think about:
1) Forget desi commnity, even in non-desi communities....being someone "kept mistress" is not accepted. You WILL be cut off from friends, co-workers, and I imagine from your family too as long as you choose to stay involved in this. You can NEVER discuss "the man you love" or the life you have with him openly with ANYONE. You will spend life hearing other women talk/brag about their husbands...their marriage...kids etc. You can never do that openly.
2) Do you ever plan on having children? If not then its not a concern. If you do...then what is your plan regarding that? How will you explain the situation to the kids? Do you think its fair to the kids to have a "part-time" father? Will he even acknowledge them in public? Your kids will also NEVER meet their grandparents and other extended family on their father's side.
3) You can think that he "loves" you all you want. But understand that once married, his wife and any children he has with her WILL become his #1 priority. Understand and accept this fact.....and be "ok" with it. That means when you're sick or need someone there on your side for whatever reason....you can NEVER be 100% sure that he'll be there. When you're 60 years old....and so is his wife.....guess who will he spend more time with. His wife's needs will always come before yours.
Basically, understand and realize that you are ALONE. You can NOT depend on his or expect anything from him. As his mistress, you are in no position to have any expectations. Yes he will see you when he wants to and when his schedule permits him. But that's all. Oh and IF you're selfish enough to actually have children in this situation.....understand the very high possibility that your kids will grow up to hate/resent you for involving them in such a messy/unstable situation.
Re: living together
I can sense my story sounds vague and funny at the same time over here but I guess I'm very uneasy talking about it. He's getting married in 3 weeks to someone he barely knows. He had to make the decision under alot of pressure, so we both decided that this would be the best way. I know things could go the other way, he could have taken a stand and could have married me etc. But he did not and I'm not going to punish the poor soul because for this mistake of his! That's just not an option. He needs me as much as I need him.
I'm trying to be very practical which is tough for me and that might be the reason why I wanted to know what random people would think about this whole situation. I have been cut off from everyone and the people I go along with at university have absolutely no idea what I'm going through. Anyways I thought knowing about your people's views would make it easier for me to imagine (prepare for) what kind of hardships I'll have to go through in future.
Since you are asking for honest opinion. I would give my honest opinion :
you need counseling and professional help. You are in deep depression because of this situation and you cannot think straight for yourself and your future.
You are too dependent on this guy who is a puppet in hands of others who could not take a stand for you in front of family . Believe me his family loves him more than you do and they would ultimately had to agree to his decision to marry you if he had taken a firm stand. A man is a man no pressure in the world can make him take irrational decisions unless he is deceiving your royally and still giving your stories.
Either he is has hypnotized you , or did a voodoo on you because you are going along with his convenient plan and cannot think for yourself and your future.
Jawani charr din key phir andharee raat , what will happen when you will not be as young as you are , you will not be as beautiful as you are .
I have seen many very beautiful girls turn into fat dames because of hypothyroidism. But since their husbands had that bond they are still living like queens in the convenience and comfort of their homes with their loving husbands and taking care of their beautiful kids . When you will need him in sickness and hardships , he will be in the lap of his wife and you will be miserable in some hospital or nursing home. Marriage creates a bond , physical intimacy does not.
Re: living together
I don't see any harm in two adults deciding to live together without being married. It's their life, and their decision. But in this situation it seems like you are getting screwed over big time. He has nothing to lose here, while you will lose your respect and dignity for having an affair with a married man.
Ask yourself, what are you getting out of this? Think long term - it may seem unbearable to lose this guy now, but you will be doing yourself a huge favor in the long run.
Re: living together
Initially I thought you were talking about living with a BF or fiance before marriage. But eventually through the posts, I realized you're referring to being a married man's "kept mistress". There is a HUGE difference b/t the two.
You want to be practical and you want to know about "hardships"? Well, here are a few things for you to think about: 1) Forget desi commnity, even in non-desi communities....being someone "kept mistress" is not accepted. You WILL be cut off from friends, co-workers, and I imagine from your family too as long as you choose to stay involved in this. You can NEVER discuss "the man you love" or the life you have with him openly with ANYONE. You will spend life hearing other women talk/brag about their husbands...their marriage...kids etc. You can never do that openly.
2) Do you ever plan on having children? If not then its not a concern. If you do...then what is your plan regarding that? How will you explain the situation to the kids? Do you think its fair to the kids to have a "part-time" father? Will he even acknowledge them in public? Your kids will also NEVER meet their grandparents and other extended family on their father's side.
3) You can think that he "loves" you all you want. But understand that once married, his wife and any children he has with her WILL become his #1 priority. Understand and accept this fact.....and be "ok" with it. That means when you're sick or need someone there on your side for whatever reason....you can NEVER be 100% sure that he'll be there. When you're 60 years old....and so is his wife.....guess who will he spend more time with. His wife's needs will always come before yours.
Basically, understand and realize that you are ALONE. You can NOT depend on his or expect anything from him. As his mistress, you are in no position to have any expectations. Yes he will see you when he wants to and when his schedule permits him. But that's all. Oh and IF you're selfish enough to actually have children in this situation.....understand the very high possibility that your kids will grow up to hate/resent you for involving them in such a messy/unstable situation.
well said :)
and ripples these are just a few of the messy situations you might have to face ! And what's more...this offer of giving up everything to get this guys' love, affection, company and physical relationship doesnt come with ANY guarantee that this guy would still love you and would always keep coming around for you or won't leave you.
Do you really consider yourself to be this much worthless? (again assuming you aren't trolling around !)
Re: living together
i can see the ripples around here…4 pages already
Re: living together
Initially I thought you were talking about living with a BF or fiance before marriage. But eventually through the posts, I realized you're referring to being a married man's "kept mistress". There is a HUGE difference b/t the two.
You want to be practical and you want to know about "hardships"? Well, here are a few things for you to think about: 1) Forget desi commnity, even in non-desi communities....being someone "kept mistress" is not accepted. You WILL be cut off from friends, co-workers, and I imagine from your family too as long as you choose to stay involved in this. You can NEVER discuss "the man you love" or the life you have with him openly with ANYONE. You will spend life hearing other women talk/brag about their husbands...their marriage...kids etc. You can never do that openly.
2) Do you ever plan on having children? If not then its not a concern. If you do...then what is your plan regarding that? How will you explain the situation to the kids? Do you think its fair to the kids to have a "part-time" father? Will he even acknowledge them in public? Your kids will also NEVER meet their grandparents and other extended family on their father's side.
3) You can think that he "loves" you all you want. But understand that once married, his wife and any children he has with her WILL become his #1 priority. Understand and accept this fact.....and be "ok" with it. That means when you're sick or need someone there on your side for whatever reason....you can NEVER be 100% sure that he'll be there. When you're 60 years old....and so is his wife.....guess who will he spend more time with. His wife's needs will always come before yours.
Basically, understand and realize that you are ALONE. You can NOT depend on his or expect anything from him. As his mistress, you are in no position to have any expectations. Yes he will see you when he wants to and when his schedule permits him. But that's all. Oh and IF you're selfish enough to actually have children in this situation.....understand the very high possibility that your kids will grow up to hate/resent you for involving them in such a messy/unstable situation.
Since you are asking for honest opinion. I would give my honest opinion :
you need counseling and professional help. You are in deep depression because of this situation and you cannot think straight for yourself and your future.
You are too dependent on this guy who is a puppet in hands of others who could not take a stand for you in front of family . Believe me his family loves him more than you do and they would ultimately had to agree to his decision to marry you if he had taken a firm stand. A man is a man no pressure in the world can make him take irrational decisions unless he is deceiving your royally and still giving your stories.
Either he is has hypnotized you , or did a voodoo on you because you are going along with his convenient plan and cannot think for yourself and your future.
Jawani charr din key phir andharee raat , what will happen when you will not be as young as you are , you will not be as beautiful as you are .
I have seen many very beautiful girls turn into fat dames because of hypothyroidism. But since their husbands had that bond they are still living like queens in the convenience and comfort of their homes with their loving husbands and taking care of their beautiful kids . When you will need him in sickness and hardships , he will be in the lap of his wife and you will be miserable in some hospital or nursing home. Marriage creates a bond , physical intimacy does not.
I am completely agree with Paheli and Mirch Uncle.
Men never lose in such kind of relationship. You will regret whole life of being stupid because of your temporary lust, attraction, love, youth, hormones etc.