Basically living with the mother in law after marriage is asking for difficult time.
Desi MILs, unless they're really forward thinking or deeni generally see their daughter in law as a competitor and want to give them the same experience they had when they first got married because they don't know any better. So even if they may not outright be controlling, you will get interfering comments, sometimes hurtful ones and your husband will end up in the middle, with no power to sort out the situation as he's stuck between the 2 most important women in his life, so even if he takes the right side, he'll still end up hurting someone he loves.
Your fiance at the end of the day needs to man up and learn to live away from home (this is the main reason desi guys bring their wives home in the US/UK, not because they have responsibilities as most parents are self sufficient unless they're ill but because the men have never lived away from home and are afraid), that's why when I get married, I'm looking for a man who's lived independently at university or at some other point in his life.
You need to be able to protect your awrah and modesty easily, if your living conditions cannot protect that and your fiance is not willing to take that into consideration then you may need to reconsider your engagement and your well within your rights to Islamically, because this may be the beginning of a lifetime of playing second fiddle to his parents...
u can feel as u wish...but u r not first one that i said this to u...in other posts sometimes ppl asked i said same reply...for ur concern i think tonight in Nikah & rukhsati i said same thing....
im not ashamed to say my country...there is nothing to shame as i love my land & my city over all world...but if u feel im not saying for any reason as i refer my country u can check other post i put that u will be sure
but abt its name...i already said u im caring my hubby request...dont know if u r married or not but for me marraige & respect is in all aspects of life even in such small issues if i said him ok ill not say i will never say & if i was minding to say anyhow i would take his yes then i would do same as i expect him to be with me
Pakistani women are brainwashed in similar fashion, my older relatives are always trying it on with me, but I was lucky my mother was born with common sense.
Afghani women have to deal with much worse so living with the mother in law is the least of their worries.
Pakistani women are brainwashed in similar fashion, my older relatives are always trying it on with me, but I was lucky my mother was born with common sense.
Afghani women have to deal with much worse so living with the mother in law is the least of their worries.
I swear in one her posts she said she's not Pakistani?
Basically living with the mother in law after marriage is asking for difficult time.
Desi MILs, unless they're really forward thinking or deeni generally see their daughter in law as a competitor and want to give them the same experience they had when they first got married because they don't know any better. So even if they may not outright be controlling, you will get interfering comments, sometimes hurtful ones and your husband will end up in the middle, with no power to sort out the situation as he's stuck between the 2 most important women in his life, so even if he takes the right side, he'll still end up hurting someone he loves.
You need to be able to protect your awrah and modesty easily, if your living conditions cannot protect that and your fiance is not willing to take that into consideration then you may need to reconsider your engagement and your well within your rights to Islamically, because this may be the beginning of a lifetime of playing second fiddle to his parents...
Is this really the norm? I mean do MIL's ever just accept their DIL as their daughter, without the bashing. I do understand the modesty thing, as if you will have BIL's etc that are non-mehram, you will have to be sort of on gaurd at all times, although as so many people live in this joint-family system, they must have found some sort of solution.
It does seem sensible of people to be thinking about their future living arrangements, but I feel that should there not be a bit of going as things take you, & working it out with your husband as things progress?
o dear serah & jolie...
anyway afghan girls has worser situation...so u should search more in world...
im also not pakistani i dont need to say lie where it doesnt need..jolie is right i said im not pakistani i also said abt my culture as example thats all...world is full of examples...
also my country name isnt issue here to refer or not ...
also if u cant care ur husbands words on small issues then how will u in big issues?
marriage all means caring & respect from both side ...its not all abt expections...i dont know u r married or not if u r may ur way of dealing with ur hubby is great now if not i feel its not good to make joke of hubby....
when u dont know me & my hubby never try to imagin how our relation r from which countries we r & how we compromise to eachother...
for u isnt matter to drink without hubby information but for me its matter even though from 2 far countries cuz he is respecting me same ....
u can see proves in all world...u will find girls r more caring even non-muslims....its cuz allah put more love & feeling in their heart ...
^ unfortunately Desis have had joint households doing this for hundreds of years, even before Islam, this tradition pre-dates it. Living with a non-mehrams is unfair on the wife and limits her freedom a lot, I wouldn't be suprised if it's forbidden for a husband to create a household for his wife that includes non-mehrams.
So although a lot of desis live in joint households, unfortunately many can't protect their modesty, don't bother or are undeducated and don't know any better, just go to any village in Pakistan... These joint household generally only work when women give up their Islamic and human rights...
I think meeting the family is massive deal and getting to know the in-laws, I have two Malaysian friends who have just married and int heir culture they have a long engagement period where they regularly visit the in-laws, Pakistanis just don't have this, so you can't take things as they come because you don't know anything until your married, unless your marrying a cousin and that has its own problems..
but i just wonder why u insulted afghan girls & mirpuri...i know afhanies but dont know who r mirpuries....
never ever say bad for any nation or city or population that u r not sure abt it...allah will ask us abt any word specially if we mean to laugh....
pakistan will be my second country as far as my hubby is from there...but if sonethings r not nice in pakistan...if many things r so far than simple country doesnt mean i would laugh on all ppl there...
many things i saw in pakistan from animals ride on street -till guys doing number 1 in streets to all ppl put any garbage into street but i never said pakistanies r this or that....cuz i know respected & well cultured ppl in pakistan...
just as far as i said in Nikah& Rukhsati thread pro is else where ...when we forgot islam & follow traditions...thats all dear
Sara I get what you are saying but what is the poor guy's fault in all this. I think you should dress up like a human being regardless. What happens in case someone drops by unannounced. You ask them to wait till you put proper clotehs on ?
See thats another thing, I don't think men can ever understand what it means to have that freedom to dress however you want** inside** your own house. Most of hte time, girls are brought up to cover up even inside the home, while guys have less rules regarding what to wear.
Plus, esp for girls who do hijab, if they had to live with their inlaws, they'd have to be in hijab all the time esp if they have brothers in law....guys never have to wear hijab, so of course most of htem aren't going to understand how its not fair to have to be in hijab even at home.
You guys can mock it and think we're being selfish but hey, lots of guys are selfish too.
I do see the giving up rights point, as it is true I do think this is what tends to happen. I think once people start living together, it is either a big clash, or people forget the SIL/BIL boundaries.
I do then suppose that some of it does need to be thought up before you move in. But will that not also depend on the level of conservativeness within the home, for example if your husband wants you to have your head covered infront of every non-mehram, or whether for you modest clothing is sufficient.
See thats another thing, I don't think men can ever understand what it means to have that freedom to dress however you want** inside** your own house. Most of hte time, girls are brought up to cover up even inside the home, while guys have less rules regarding what to wear.
Plus, esp for girls who do hijab, if they had to live with their inlaws, they'd have to be in hijab all the time esp if they have brothers in law....guys never have to wear hijab, so of course most of htem aren't going to understand how its not fair to have to be in hijab even at home.
You guys can mock it and think we're being selfish but hey, lots of guys are selfish too.
See Sara, I agree with what you say. In our household even the guys have certain restrictions to what we can wear and how to behave. But I do get your point about hijab and if the girl wears a hijab and is really strict about it even with her cousins and everyone then I do see the point.
You shouldn't have to wear Hijaab in your own home, the Prophet Muhammad (saw) never made any of his wives live with non-Mehrams. It's not being selfish, as a Muslim woman who is going to marry a Muslim man you have the right to protect your modesty.
You shouldn't have to wear Hijaab in your own home, the Prophet Muhammad (saw) never made any of his wives live with non-Mehrams. It's not being selfish, as a Muslim woman who is going to marry a Muslim man you have the right to protect your modesty.
You know sehrah for most of the girls this modesty crap comes out when you want a separate home but it goes out the window when it comes to the night out partying or dancing at weddings etc etc. As far as religion is concerned, you'll find a ton more hadis and quranic verses on how you should take care of your parents and not leave them than you would find on living alone.
You know sehrah for most of the girls this modesty crap comes out when you want a separate home but it goes out the window when it comes to the night out partying or dancing at weddings etc etc. As far as religion is concerned, you'll find a ton more hadis and quranic verses on how you should take care of your parents and not leave them than you would find on living alone.
You make the assumption that women who ask for modesty in their own homes, go out partying and dancing in front of men, interesting. Heres some homework for you; look up the word misogynist please.
There are tons of hadiths on respecting and caring for your parents, I agree. But this can occur without having to live with them, in fact the only reason you would need to live with your parents to care for them was if they were ill and dependent on you.
Making your wife live with brother in laws, cousins etc is unacceptable, if the only reason is you're leaving your parents on their own. I mean you havent moved to another country probably just a few minutes away.
There are no hadiths that say its forbidden to leave your parents in their own household and create your own household..