Living in a joint family in North America

Lifestyle Relationships
81

Re: Living in a joint family in North America

I suggest you go and read the meaning of the word 'most' before you give me any homework.

You do agree with the hadith of taking care of parents and you are going to agree that you can better take care of someone if you live with them than you would if you don't live with them. I guess that is sort of fair to say.

Just like you say that making your wife live with your parents is a big deal then under some circumstances making your husband move away from their parents is unacceptable as well. If you read OP's first thread, this was exactly the point that he can't afford to live outside at the moment.

I wasn't making any assumptions about anyones modesty. I was simply stating that MOST girls who even do hijaab they don't do it in front of their cousins who they grew up with and if the girl does not have issues with her cousins and stuff then it is kind of hypocritical to do hijaab in front of the guy's brother who might be really young too.

Like you said there are no hadiths on leaving you parents on their own and same goes for the girl's parents as well. If they are sick and can not take care of themselves then the same rules should be applied to them as well and there shouldn't be any discrimination in my opinion at least.

I am not saying I am in favour or against it. I know as a guy who just started his career, I can not afford it and in some cases (eg. parents being sick) I wouldn't want to either. As a husband I have obligations towards my wife for her privacy and providing a roof and I can easily do that by providing her a room where she can dress the way she wants and no one can come without knocking or even the basement till things get better or we have a better solution. The one thing people have to understand is that life is not gonna be given on a golden platter to them and somethings can wait a little like getting your own place.

82

Re: Living in a joint family in North America

Now you take a different tack, before you were attacking women who asked for modesty in their own homes as being hypocritical and going out partying and dancing.

And I don't know what kind of hijaab wearing girls you know but in my community if a girl wears hijaab that includes cousins whether or not they've known them their whole lives... and that's **most **of them.

And re read my post I said joint household are unacceptable, if the only reason you're forcing your wife to live in that arrangement is because you don't want to leave your parents on their own... or more likely you're too scared to move away from home.

If you don't have the money that tends to be a temporary arrangement, rather than a long term one.

83

Re: Living in a joint family in North America

^ I thought you were a girl for some reason. I see where you are coming from.

84

Re: Living in a joint family in North America

I wasn't attacking women or their modesty. I guess the kinds of hijabi girls that you know and the kind that I know are different and thats fine. We just know different kinds of people I guess.

If someone does a strict hijaab then I do agree that she would have serious issues in any kind of joint family system where there might be BIL.

I did re read your post and I do agree with you on that point so I am not entirely sure what the argument is there. I think if for some reason , be it financial or because of the parent's needs, a guy can't buy his own place then a girl shouldn't be calling off the wedding. I think most people just dismiss the idea without even giving it a shot and understanding the guy's position between his parents, his own situation and would be wife.

85

Re: Living in a joint family in North America

any particular reason why you guessed Afghanistan?

86

Re: Living in a joint family in North America

you are ***** ******

87

Re: Living in a joint family in North America

never ever dont insult any nation or group cuz always there r upper than u in world to laugh on u too
as i said above wat i saw in pakistan but im not coming & say words wats im not sure abt it & i cant judge them...but if u searched for humanity & knowledge & honor & values then Allah will be happy from u & for sure thats only reason to be higher...

simple respect ppl according allah respect cuz u never decided to where u will born...

88

Re: Living in a joint family in North America

Guys have position?? :eek: under which rock you have been living?? Guys don’t have ANY problems EVER…

Dude…i think you should stop wasting your energy like I did :D…
you can’t argue/logic your way out…you simply can not get your point across..don’t even bother about islam/logic/compromise…these words have very specific one sided meanings to ‘some people’

so just enjoy what i call the ‘self fulfilling prophecy’ of in-laws=EVIL

please have some :khumar:

Ladies..plz go on :khumar:

89

Re: Living in a joint family in North America

It’s not all about men. When your typical borderline gold diggers get too caught up in this ‘you are a husband, you must provide me with house, cars and buckets of gold’ rubbish become too egoistical and ashamed to ask for their parents help. My brother in law lived with us almost three year, my sister lived with his parents for couple of years. So no I don’t believe this BS that it’s impossible for men to consider living with his in-laws, a lot of it also depends on the attitude of the wife and his parents.

90

Re: Living in a joint family in North America

No, if you gonna keep taking digs at Pakistani culture and keep harping that you not a Pakistani and how things so nice and different in your country, we deserve to learn about the name of your country . Otherwise don't even bother drawing comparisons between Pakistani culture and your unknown country. Its so funny when it comes to just asking about to name name of your country, you are all oh I'm following my husband's orders, he told me to, I do whatever he tells me to do, I respect him, his words bla bla bla yet you have the nerve to dispute the idea of Pakistani girls living with in laws if the husband does ask his wife to live with his parents? Shouldn't you be making the same hippie talks of respecting and abiding by husband's wishes in that regard also? Is hypocrisy and double standards also part of your country's culture?

So please don't moan about Pakistani culture being all this or that because in our culture, just like you, girls do end up respecting their husband's desicion. Doesn't matter if they end up respecting something which in your country isn't worth respecting. So show some respect to our culture and don't dispute it on the basis of what goes on in your nameless country.