Re: Life after marriage
Sara i totally agree with you!
These days people have stopped putting in efforts in their marriages. they dont realize that they can have fun with each other then their own bunch of colleagues and others. Everything has a time of their own.
If hubby is always tired then it is jes wrong!! A girl deserves her time of life. and her time of enjoyment relaxation. I think at this point she needs to be independent and head a saloon lols.
OK...firstly, stop doing things only and only for him. the problem with many desi girls is...we make all these "sacrifices" or put in a lotta "effort" on things we THINK matter to the dudes...when they actually don't really care/notice these things. yes, its true, SOME guys do appreciate a girl who always does her makeup n smells like flowers 100% of the time but maybe your hubby isn't one of those guys. you will like your life alot more when you do things for yourself and enjoy activities regardless of his presence or not. when he sees you doing things your way and having fun, he will feel more attracted to you and want to join u in those activities. i mean, you prob. have a car and some excess time...just tell him casually that you wanna start being more active with the mosque events and from hereon you will go every friday at so n so time. go, make some friends, and tell him how much fun/exciting it is to meet all these new ppl who do this and that. guess what? he'll prob start going with you then.
i remember my phupho always used to say that the dumbest thing young girls do is refuse to eat w/o the husband when he's late from work. the prob with that is, that not only do you become angry or agitated for him being late, but also for keeping you hungry. its a self-imposed restriction/torture and i'm pretty sure the guy doesn't give a crap how hungry you remained for him when you start yelling at him for being late. a guy would prefer that you ate your dinner before he came home, and welcomed him with a smile whenever he did arrive. apply that rule to everything in life....you shouldn't make up stupid rules and put restrictions on yourself just cuz thats how its "supposed to be". just cuz u're married doesn't mean you can ONLY go hiking with the hubby. its OK to do it with other friends too.
the biggest change in me n hubby's relationship since marriage is our conversations. beforehand, we always used to have SOMETHING to discuss...no matter hwo long the phone call got. since we started living together...we're running out of topics to talk about. lol. at first it used to bother me...i tried filling in the silence with whatever crap topics of convos i could come up with. then i realized, that instead of trying extra hard and making myself look dumb, i should just accept that we are both naturally quiet/shy people and when you are living together there's not much to share since everything is happening in front of our eyes. so...now when we ARE a bit quiet i don't feel awkward. its just OK with both of us. and that actually allows us to have good, meaningful convos when we DO talk instead of me expecting him to discuss project runway and kardashian pregnancies with me.
Awesome advice.
Re: Life after marriage
my question:
why do girls (most of them) want to have all the lovey dovey stuff that happened prior or in the initial stages of being married? doesnt that get boring too?
another question:
what do u girls do to woo the guy? what is wrong with being flirtatious and benig different?
dont wait for them to do something... go get it
^helloooo.. do I have to repeat myself 1000 times? Women usually don't just sit there and hope for a bollywood marriage(which I am not striving for) or hope her husband will be the same romantic kinda guy like he was before the marriage. since being married I have always dressed up for hubby and made him breakfast,lunch,dinner and tons of other things. Such examples are buying him a bday gift first 3 years of our marriage and buying and baking a cake for his bdays and with a card too. What else do I do? Oh, the list goes oooon. I try and always start things to help us have fun like I bought a bored game and he said we'll play later and put it aside. I told him to go to the park with me and packed a nice lunch and he says we'll see. etc etc etc.. Nowadays I concentrate on studies and work and we have our everyday lovey dovey talk but no serious convos..This isn't normal I presume. Read my earlier post about me trying to get a hobby/do things on my own. I can volunteer and it may be fun but I have no time for that. I need rest on the weekends from my hard week plus I mainly study on the weekends..
Re: Life after marriage
^ its not necessary to have a serious conversation every day. just day to day stuff can be okay to talk about as well.
^ Sara..we don't even do that..thats why I am not happy..we only communicate about most necessary things only such as whats for dinner, paying bills, etc
Re: Life after marriage
I know this has been said to death, but I honestly think you need to get social. Yes, the masjid is far from you but find other ways of meeting people. Find the mosque website, perhaps from there you can contact someone and meet people. If not, if you say you work try and talk to some of the females you work with and perhaps connect with one or two and go out to lunch with them at work. Its not that hard. Find out what they like and try and have a genuine conversation about it and other things. Keep busy with these friends and you'll have fun in no time. Pick up a hobby, join a club at school if there is one. These are all things that will keep you happy and forget your problems with the hubby. In no time, your hubby will see how social and desired by others you are and he'll want to change for the better. Just try it. I know it can be frustrating having a friend who gets busy but make efforts to find others and they shall come to you :-)
Re: Life after marriage
Also if I may add...I admire how much you have done for your husband and good for you. Don't mind those making you feel bad for doing so but going forward just do the minimum, like cook and clean but then focus on your studies and making yourself happy with friends and a hobby. One thing I find very helpful right before bed is reading a good book. Go to a local library and get a library card if you already don't have one and get a few books to last you a while and read a few chapter in bed each night. Your hubby will see you busy doing something you enjoy instead of seeing you mope around or beg a conversation out of him. He'll naturally gravitate to you. It has worked for me and I was surprised as I looked through this one marriage book at a bookstore for the heck of it that it said those same things. It said to seem busy and have a social life and ignore your husband but don't rule out communication with him. Tell him your going out with friends, don't ask him. This will make you seem in control of your life and sociable and therefore desirable. Hope this helps. I can pm you if you need other suggestions. I miss your pms though, why did you stop? lol..work on it and you'll be fine!
Re: Life after marriage
You'll be fine I'A...trust me. You mentioned financial trouble and if you save and slowly pay off bills you should be fine and I am sure your husbands attitude will change as well. He is too stressed to thionk of other things especially those that cost money but you told me you are saving and will have things paid off by end of year. Thats seems like a long time but I know you can do it. You seem like such a positive person or so I could tell from chatting with you. Keep your head up and you'll be finnnnnee.
I know this has been said to death, but I honestly think you need to get social. Yes, the masjid is far from you but find other ways of meeting people. Find the mosque website, perhaps from there you can contact someone and meet people. If not, if you say you work try and talk to some of the females you work with and perhaps connect with one or two and go out to lunch with them at work. Its not that hard. Find out what they like and try and have a genuine conversation about it and other things. Keep busy with these friends and you'll have fun in no time. Pick up a hobby, join a club at school if there is one. These are all things that will keep you happy and forget your problems with the hubby. In no time, your hubby will see how social and desired by others you are and he'll want to change for the better. Just try it. I know it can be frustrating having a friend who gets busy but make efforts to find others and they shall come to you :-)
You'll be fine I'A...trust me. You mentioned financial trouble and if you save and slowly pay off bills you should be fine and I am sure your husbands attitude will change as well. He is too stressed to thionk of other things especially those that cost money but you told me you are saving and will have things paid off by end of year. Thats seems like a long time but I know you can do it. You seem like such a positive person or so I could tell from chatting with you. Keep your head up and you'll be finnnnnee.
I'm so confused, Fanna who are you giving this advice too ???
Re: Life after marriage
^ me too.... this is wierd..
Re: Life after marriage
I am really baffled here....
Is fanna multi and/or fake story teller????
I had to read back pages to make sure...
Re: Life after marriage
Is fanna =pkgrl000 ?
Re: Life after marriage
lol, BUSTED
Re: Life after marriage
hahahahahahaha..I am dying laughing now!!! I can't believe my post above!! I forgot to say I was emailed this advice by a guppan..I was supposed to say a guppan pmd me this but I am not sure if I should say who unless she wants to be revealed. No, I don't have two nicks on here..don't have time for it!!!
how is it so unfair ... just** like you grls were planing on doing all these things after marriage **... the poor guy was planning on settling down after marriage so he doesn't have to do all that ... i think the only fair compromise will be some where half way
because sometimes they are not ALLOWED to do so before getting married. What many men dont realize is that the , as sbands, are often perceived to women as their "saviour", or their way to a better life (not so much financially but in terms of freedom). And this mentality is not their fault. Ill give you an example my cousin, livg back in Pak has always wante to travel. While her brothers were loowed to study overseas, she was always told "You can travel with your husand when you are married". She ned to do a two month internship in a diferent part of Pakistan and was told "When you get married bla bla bla...". Men take their freedom for granted. Anyhow, settling down after marriage does not have to include constantly sitting on your couch. It can include some traveling, even just a weekend away. Or sharing a hobby together. Being romantic and spontaneous Once in a while, all within financial means.
hahahahahahaha..I am dying laughing now!!! I can't believe my post above!! I forgot to say I was emailed this advice by a guppan..I was supposed to say a guppan pmd me this but I am not sure if I should say who unless she wants to be revealed. No, I don't have two nicks on here..don't have time for it!!!
How do you have so much time on your hands!!!
Re: Life after marriage
I have an office job with computer access..when I am on my hour lunch break I usually come on while eating my lunch at my desk. I also have gupshup on in the background sometimes..I say sometimes cuz I don't come on here everyday or regularly as you can tell by my posts. When the boss isn't looking I quickly add something to my own threads..I barely have time to read others but I do. Last week for 2 days I was home because I got sick and hubby thought it best for me to stay home..nothing serious..I think it was just food poising or something as I had an upset stomach..Right now I took my lunch break early as I came in earlier today than usual..I have about 45 minutes left. I m going to go now get off gs and respond to my fb messages I have neglected for a few days..after work I have night classes and when I get home I usually cook,clean,hangout what little time I have with my hubby so I come on rarely outside of office time..which sounds funny I know but I do go on here at home on weekends..okay so I am wasting my break now..my colleague is calling me to have lunch with her bye!
Re: Life after marriage
I hope everything goes well with you. I hope my fiance doesn't become like this after we're married.
because sometimes they are not ALLOWED to do so before getting married. What many men dont realize is that the , as sbands, are often perceived to women as their "saviour", or their way to a better life (not so much financially but in terms of freedom). And this mentality is not their fault. Ill give you an example my cousin, livg back in Pak has always wante to travel. While her brothers were loowed to study overseas, she was always told "You can travel with your husand when you are married". She ned to do a two month internship in a diferent part of Pakistan and was told "When you get married bla bla bla...". Men take their freedom for granted. Anyhow, settling down after marriage does not have to include constantly sitting on your couch. It can include some traveling, even just a weekend away. Or sharing a hobby together. Being romantic and spontaneous Once in a while, all within financial means.
Exactly! Many guys do not understand that for many girls, marriage is freedom, so they want to use that opportunity to get out and travel. Well said overall!