Okay ladies, I am asking for how your hubby was before and after marriage. How did your husband woo you, meaning get your heart and make you say yes? How did you guys act with each other and what things did he do for and with you before marriage and how is he now and how long have you been married? For some, your husband must have acted the same for quite some time but it eventually dulled and died down..come on, he can’t keep up the same lifestyle as he did before marrying you..unless hes the gem of the world..
Okay so my story. So, before marriage he used to email me all the time and call me and this was before me saying yes. We talked for hours and days before meeting. I said yes after he asked me privately in our garden. We both knew all along we were into each other and wanted to get married so it was no big surprise. He did not have a ring at the time and I didn’t care. After this he went back home to his home state where he lived and he called me almost everyday and emailed me. I would get random texts saying hi. He sent me a birthday card for my bday and even if I claimed I was busy he wouldn’t let me off the phone with him. I thought it was cute. Well, a year passed by and we set the wedding date. Then he used to call and tease me and say after marriage our kids will look like this and that and we’ll do that..
Now, after marriage..I hit the alarm clock and entered reality. We have been married 4 years. He took me out to lunch for my bdays but no gift. He gives me money and expects me to get my own gift. Last year he tells me the economy is bad and we are not doing anything for my bday so we just stayed home until his friend called and took us out..how nice He expects me to wake up super early and make chai and I don’t mind but he even begs on the weekends for chai like at 8:00 a.m. Hubby please! I work during the day and go to night school, give me some rest on weekend. He always tries to get me to make chai by saying no one makes it like me..Thats as cute as it gets. He comes home and wants dinner and watches the news and goes online and then wants to go to sleep. Its like he’s a robot now and doesn’t want to have those lively conversations he did before we tied the knot and that lead us into our first year of marriage. I love him none the less and hope to work this out with him I’A..Other than that hes very nice to me..provides me with shelter etc etc..Its just I would like more than that..I’m not asking for a diamond puhleaze! hehe but hes still the best!
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Other than that hes very nice to me..provides me with shelter etc etc..Its just I would like more than that..I'm not asking for a diamond puhleaze! hehe but hes still the best!
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Welcome to real life where love is more than singing songs, poems and getting gifts. Poor guy most probably "over did" before marriage (which is quite common) and now you expect the same from him when he have other gham-e-rozgaaar
My hubby has changed a lot over the years.. but i don't think it's completely all his fault in our scenario. i feel like I have stopped giving him all the attention and therefore he has pulled back as well. I would tell you the same thing I do with my hubby now. Even if we are exhausted we go out for either lunch or dinner once in a while and catch up. We talk, laugh and just have good time. We watch movies and just really spend time with each other. Sometimes little things can really help bring back the good times you have shared :)
Sometimes it helps to remember what you fell in love with in the first place.
Men are not very...perceptive. You need to show him what you want...do something nice for him and then see what happens. If he still doesnt get the hint, you need to step it up. Call me crazy but men are not great communicators so having a conversation will do nothing. He will think you're whining and complaining and then become numb to it.
Get your hair done...do something completely different. Start changing your style a little bit and update your wardrobe. Make him want to be romantic. Start taking care of yourself.
Confidence is attractive and so is a little bit of charisma.
Once I read a quote: Women marry men hoping they will change...men marry women hopng they wont. Have you changed at all? The way you treat him, talk to him, dress for him, look, etc.
One more thing...apparently they like being ignored. Weird hunh? I guess but it works! So, stop paying attention to him as much and more to yourself and what you want.
Yep, he overdid before marriage. Sounds like he was 'fresh' and not really knew women altogether. Or he was some kind of desperate. Now he is just satisfied of what he got.
If you do too much before marriage (both girl or man) you actually make your life difficult in coming years.
Still no big deal. Marrried life has ups and downs.
Do something different. Too much romantic act after four years of marriage is also not good. Kind of artificial.
Slowly change the environment. Never argue or complain.
Have light jokes and conversation and act sometimes goofy and girly.
Keep safe distance and tell him you are there if he needs you.
Maybe join him in his activities. (make sure he is not watching porn on internet..lol)
Ask him about his day and tell him about your day.
Wear nice perfume. If you two are alone, wear clothes which are 'attractive'.
Call him baby, dear, my love or such terms casually.
Try not to make him too proud of himself or go down to earth yourself either
Welcome to real life where love is more than singing songs, poems and getting gifts. Poor guy most probably "over did" before marriage (which is quite common) and now you expect the same from him when he have other gham-e-rozgaaar
For his last bday I made a cake and invited a few close friends and the year before I bought an icecream cake and invited friends and gave him a nice gift and card. I always do stuff for his bday..I'm not one of those girls who sits at home waiting for gifts. At this point I don't expect much b/c of the economy but he could have put some effort into stuff. He used to go out with friends before w got married and did wild and crazy stuff like skiing,hiking,biking etc but now he just wants to relax..I do everything for him..cook and clean and I try to wonder what I do to have him be like this but the case is some men tend to grow in to old age too quickly..he's had his share of fun in the apst and he justs wants to take it easy now but thats not fair to me as I love going out yet know my homely and financial duties
Yep, he overdid before marriage. Sounds like he was 'fresh' and not really knew women altogether. Or he was some kind of desperate. Now he is just satisfied of what he got.
If you do too much before marriage (both girl or man) you actually make your life difficult in coming years.
Still no big deal. Marrried life has ups and downs.
Do something different. Too much romantic act after four years of marriage is also not good. Kind of artificial.
Slowly change the environment. Never argue or complain.
Have light jokes and conversation and act sometimes goofy and girly.
Keep safe distance and tell him you are there if he needs you.
Maybe join him in his activities. (make sure he is not watching porn on internet..lol)
Ask him about his day and tell him about your day.
Wear nice perfume. If you two are alone, wear clothes which are 'attractive'.
Call him baby, dear, my love or such terms casually.
Try not to make him too proud of himself or go down to earth yourself either
etc. etc.
Thanks for all this advice diwana but believe it or not I do this all the time and he refuses to communicate with em well. He and I love to jo9ke around and when it comes to serious things we only discuss what is most necessary like bills, dinner etc.. but other than that we are okay but I know it can be better
As for what you said Reha, I have not changed much. I barely even gained weight like some women do after marriage..I only gained 5 while I know women like my sister and cousin to gain 10-20 lbs! The reason I have not gained weight is b/c I am crazily trying to look good for my husband whether it be in clothes and makeup or something of the sort. In this economy I can;t get my hair,nails, etc done b/c we are desperately trying to save money but other than that yea..
Thanks for all this advice diwana but believe it or not I do this all the time and he refuses to communicate with em well. He and I love to jo9ke around and when it comes to serious things we only discuss what is most necessary like bills, dinner etc.. but other than that we are okay but I know it can be better
Do you have kids? or are pregnant?
Think about your intimate time or relation, is it compatible?
Does he have finances on his mind?
Is his Job situation Ok?
Is he being bad outside?
Try inviting one day your good looking girl friends, see if he perks up! Then you will know he needs a spark, shock or ...;)
Find some common hobbies or even long walk together.
Only you can have better idea what could be wrong.
Many times it is just natural to slow down and being relaxed may help you if nothing else is problem.
Okay, so to answer you alls qs: no kids,yes some bills/debt pile up but we r paying them off slowly, doesn;t go out much besides work and occasional eating out,live in the city so hard for friends to travel down here plus they r too busy with work etc,I think he has just slowed down and wants to relax..I should give him his space and take it one day at a time and Cherry..its not much of a difference just 5 years..
He expects me to wake up super early and make chai and I don’t mind but he even begs on the weekends for chai like at 8:00 a.m. Hubby please! I work during the day and go to night school, give me some rest on weekend. He always tries to get me to make chai by saying no one makes it like me..Thats as cute as it gets. He comes home and wants dinner and watches the news and goes online and then wants to go to sleep. Its like he’s a robot now and doesn’t want to have those lively conversations he did before we tied the knot and that lead us into our first year of marriage. I love him none the less and hope to work this out with him I’A..Other than that hes very nice to me..provides me with shelter etc etc..Its just I would like more than that..I’m not asking for a diamond puhleaze! hehe but hes still the best!