Re: Lesson One on How To Not Be a FOB: Use of “Dear”
Assumption alert… who said he was looking for a girl?
Re: Lesson One on How To Not Be a FOB: Use of “Dear”
:yukh: It just sounded sleazy coming from him. How many co-workers in Pakistan would he have called somehitng like dear? What is the urdu for dear anyway? See we don;t even have a word for dear which simply means it shouldn’t be used 
Our letters begin with mohtarram in lieu of dear and I am more than fine with anyone calling me mohtarma 
Oh and older british guys calling you dear is as endearing as an older desi uncle calling you beta. No problems with either.
Re: Lesson One on How To Not Be a FOB: Use of "Dear"
im afraid I havent read most of the replies...lack of time so I may be duplicating what someone else has said
"Dear" is used as a term of endearment especially if you dont know the persons name...
Re: Lesson One on How To Not Be a FOB: Use of “Dear”
When someone calls someone “dear”, does that person get turned on? Is calling “dear” a sexy/lusty thing?
Re: Lesson One on How To Not Be a FOB: Use of "Dear"
Captain seeing a womans face doesn;t turn every man in the world on either.
Re: Lesson One on How To Not Be a FOB: Use of “Dear”
Just because something sounded sleazy to your mind doesn’t mean that that person was in fact sleazy.
ok… let’s be a bit chilled and not get too serious…
Re: Lesson One on How To Not Be a FOB: Use of "Dear"
From this day on you will remind me of that guy, which won;t make a difference to you but to me? Oh dear!
Re: Lesson One on How To Not Be a FOB: Use of “Dear”
good point, so how does one know if someone calling a lady (or lad for that matter) “dear” is because s/he is turned on? only ‘tone’ I guess.
Re: Lesson One on How To Not Be a FOB: Use of "Dear"
Who said ppl say it to get turned on? Some sorry ppl they must be if they get turned on saying dear. Its not what the person addressing is feeling, its how the 'dear' makes the addressee feel.
Re: Lesson One on How To Not Be a FOB: Use of "Dear"
Well some people do say Dear, sweetie, etc. a form of eve-teasing (sp?). If they say "dear" to every woman in the office, it's understandable; but when they say it only to certain females, you know they're doing it on purpose. You can also infer it from the facial expression exactly how they mean "dear"
Re: Lesson One on How To Not Be a FOB: Use of "Dear"
Dear is a nice term to use, usually used when you;v forgotton someones name!
Here in the North, I get called "pet, petal, chickpea, flower, sunshine, chick, pumpkin, chuck, duckie" and the list is endless. I love the "chickpea" one the most though, sounds so cute. I went through a "chick" phase one myself actually. People found it annoying. :(
Re: Lesson One on How To Not Be a FOB: Use of “Dear”
and that depends on how sensitive the addressee is. if the addressee is prejudiced with a perverse superiority complex towards his own kind FOB, then perhaps she’ll feel uneasy with an otherwise innocuous term.
Re: Lesson One on How To Not Be a FOB: Use of "Dear"
Not at all. This has nothing to do with prejudice, atleast in my case. Any person who I barely know or am speaking to for the second time better not call me dear. That even applies to non-desis. But for desis, we all know its not a part of our custom or norms to address ppl u don;t know as 'dear' so if they are doing it , they are obviously going out of their way to incorporate it in their speech and that too while adding it on to urdu!!! The motive I don;t understand, but its certainy not something i can ever appreciate or get used to.
Re: Lesson One on How To Not Be a FOB: Use of "Dear"
The desi humour that disparages FOBs is certainly motivated by a double psychic complex: a feeling of superiority in relation to the FOBs and inferiority in relation to the goras. In fact, it just plays on and keeps alive the colonial stereotypes about South Asians as being a bunch of belching, awkward morons speaking English in ridiculous accents, and eating ****eloads of curry. But it just shows that there's no authenticity to the emotional expression of desis who disparage their own culture. They are in the words of V S Naipaul "mimic men": trying to ape the gora in all his ways but never actually getting there.
Re: Lesson One on How To Not Be a FOB: Use of "Dear"
You can refer to post#40.
You talk about disparaging the desi culture. You are missing the point. Unnesecarily referring to people as dear is not at all a part of our culture. We are only trying to save our culture if anything. Oh and having spent more than half my life in Pakistan I am a FOB and an an advocate of keeping alive OUR culture as opposed to switching to dear this and dear that as soon as one gets off the plane!.
Re: Lesson One on How To Not Be a FOB: Use of “Dear”
Who says there’s no word for it in Urdu?
There’s piyaara/piyaari, âziiz, chahiita, giraañ qadr, laaDla, laal, muSHfiq, pyaarey, qaHet 
Re: Lesson One on How To Not Be a FOB: Use of "Dear"
PCG....WHATS your problem? why you so bitter and cruel and mean???
I'd like to know what happened in the past in ur life that has made u such a person? why do u have such anger in you for humans? why cant you respect others for who they are? dont expect others to be like yourself....you make it out to be that ur the only perfect human being in the world....and there is something wrong with everyone else except for yourself. chill out :)
Re: Lesson One on How To Not Be a FOB: Use of "Dear"
Oh honey, I respect good people and people who don't screw around and most of all, people who show respect in the first place. ;)
"Dear" is not a respectful term, especially for our people who are told to hide behind burqas and hijabs and not work because God forbid some male talks to us at work.
Re: Lesson One on How To Not Be a FOB: Use of “Dear”
u shouldnt generalize 
everyone is different. I know some people who you call FOBs and they are not like that at all…they are even more open minded than us. it depends on the intention behind why some1 is using the word dear. I get called dear alot from various differnt people ranging from older people to my friends (who only say it in a sarcy way)…
Re: Lesson One on How To Not Be a FOB: Use of "Dear"
Impulse, my parents would be classified as FOBs, if we take FOBs to mean immigrants. And my father has never had the audacity to call any female "dear". He only uses terms of endearment for family girls, not ladies he works with.
I don't see how hard it is to speak in a socially respectful way. If you tell me its socially respectful to use "dear" in Pakistan, then I flat out wont believe you. You smile at a boy there, and you become a slut. A guy is seen talking to girls, and he's labeled as doing awaara gardi. And you think "dear" is considered friendly and respectful in that country?
Doubtful.
And its sure not appreciated in the States. Maybe its different in UK and in other countries, but I know for a fact that I will want a guy to sit on a vertically-positioned sharpened pencil if he calls me "dear" if he's not related to me.