IMHO LOVE is crap.... its your life you're talking about, you should make a decision about marriage with open eyes.... marry someone who fits your lifestyle, agar parents kay saath rakhna hai tau aisi larki sai shaadi karo, who's mature, has patience and is forgiving. If you are planning on living separately, then go for it.
Hm... u make great points MIA ... in general I tend to agree with you on a whole. However, I don't think love is crap .... people SHOULD make a decision about who they want their life partner to be with open eyes.... like you said. Whether this is arranged or not arranged. Do this first and then fall in love. Love comes when one is extremely compatible with another and there is a level of understanding between the two. And once there is love, there should be a deep level of mutual respect for the other. And the love and respect grows with each of those things (you fall in love more as the person respects you more, respect grows when love grows).
Mabey I am just too optimistic. But this has worked in my case :D
Hm... u make great points MIA ... in general I tend to agree with you on a whole. However, I don't think love is crap .... people SHOULD make a decision about who they want their life partner to be with open eyes.... like you said. Whether this is arranged or not arranged. Do this first and then fall in love. Love comes when one is extremely compatible with another and there is a level of understanding between the two. And once there is love, there should be a deep level of mutual respect for the other. And the love and respect grows with each of those things (you fall in love more as the person respects you more, respect grows when love grows).
Mabey I am just too optimistic. But this has worked in my case :D
MashaAllah lukcy you..... but you're talking about the love after marriage, no.... seriously, you can't know a person unless you live with them and how can you love a person when you don't even know them properly?
I still maintain kay yeh shaadi say pehlay ka love crap hi hota hai.... infatuation with looks mainly or the way a person talks, its all too superficial.
MashaAllah lukcy you..... but you're talking about the love after marriage, no.... seriously, you can't know a person unless you live with them and how can you love a person when you don't even know them properly?
I still maintain kay yeh shaadi say pehlay ka love crap hi hota hai.... infatuation with looks mainly or the way a person talks, its all too superficial.
Thank you MIA ... Allah has truly blessed me. I am not married yet though.. only engaged. But I also think my circumstances are bit odd - I live in a different state from my parents and instead live in the same city where my fiance and his family lives. Due to this, I have been exposed to him and his family more than a normal girl in my position probably is. We met extremely randomly.... just two strangers at the same place at the right time. We Dated for over two years.. but before the dating even began, we first got to know each other strictly as friends and REALLY made sure we were compatible. This was done without infatuation in our eyes and feelings of puppy luv.
It's a big deal when considering whether you want to emotionally involve yourself with someone. It should only be with the person you will marry in my opinion. This should be done very soch samaj se and rationally. When we took the next step of getting involved, we kept our parents in the know. No one forced us to get married or even engaged right away. We took our time getting to know each other... and yes - I know the argument exists that you don't "Truly" know a person until you live with them. This is the same argument white gori girlfriends make to me about why they should live with their significant other before getting married. But I always tell them no, If you take the proper time getting to know a person and see them in every kind of situation (this includes spending a few days at his families house and seeing what their ghar ka mahol is like)... then u are getting to know someone the best you can. And you can fall in love. I don't necessarily think they know what they are getting themselves into better than I can just because they live with there significant others and I dont.
When a long time like over 2 years has passed, life def has its ups and downs. Good times and bad times can come upon people. I have been through a lot with my fiance and I can truly say that his unwavering support, his constant sound advice, respect for me and my family, and our strong friendship does show me that love does exist. Not only has he shown these qualities to me ... but he has been amazing towards my family as well. Taken the time to get to know them and he truly respects and loves them. Same goes for me. But because I live near his family, it is easy to do this. It took more effort on his end to reach out to my family. And this was all done BEFORE we were engaged. Without any family pressure on either end - he asked for my hand in marriage. And my parents happily accepted and his parents were beyond thrilled.
This is just my story I know. I could seriously just be an oddity and you could be totally right MIA. This story also sheds light on why I still think there are good guys out there and chivalry does exist.... :D
by leaving his mom means deserting her, never speaking her, not supporting her (emotionally and financially), then hes a prick.
But by leaving his mother, meaning that he moves out of the home after marriage, but at the same time tending to his mother's needs (not necessarily demands and wants), then is he more of a man than the one that brings his new wife to his mother's home (yes, its will always be his mother's home) and allows them to bicker endlessly (if they do) for the rest of their lives.
By 'leaves his mum' do you mean a guy that effectively runs away with a girl or a guy who gets married and then gets his own place with his wife?
You can't say that every guy that leaves home is a prat - everyone in life does not face a bog standard set of problems. Circumstances vary. Who are we to judge?
Islamically, there is nothing wrong with a guy moving out of his parents house after marriage. Yes, it works for some people to live in but for others it causes a lot of problems that can easily be avoided.
When a man marries, he takes on the responsibility of caring for a wife, same as the wife takes on the responsibility of caring for her husband. You BOTH "leave" your mommies behind and move on to make your own lives. This does NOT mean that you no longer love your mother, it doesnt mean that you dont take care of her, visit her etc. It means that you become independent and leave the nest be it literally or figuratively.
A husband who looks to his mommy for each and every decision, who needs to talk to mommy before he makes any move in his life - is not a man. He's a boy with his mommy who provided a girly-toy for him to play house with.
